


Hiraeth

by Aeliia



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Fluff, Kaneki is distressed as always, M/M, Tsukiyama is a creeper, all they deserve is each other and happiness, help these poor bbys, hide is a ghoul, hidekane
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-08
Updated: 2015-07-06
Packaged: 2018-03-21 23:19:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 28
Words: 85,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3707219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aeliia/pseuds/Aeliia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Panic. That was the feeling that consumed Hide's mind while being held captive in a room for days. But being held against his will isn't his only problem; there's something different about his body, and he doesn't know what. After escaping and being reunited with his best friend after months of separation, he soon finds out what has changed. Now, Hide must adapt to this new lifestyle—or die trying.<br/>-----<br/>In which Hide is a ghoul, Kaneki worries, and the world as they know it is turned upside down.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ghoul

**Author's Note:**

> hello and welcome to my first multi-chapter fic in ages! I was actually feeling inspired to do something longer than a oneshot for once, and this idea has been sitting in my head a while. I hope to update every week, but chapters may come faster because I'm really feeling this one
> 
> most of my story names come from obscure words that no one knows so here's the definition of hiraeth:  
> a homesickness for a home you can't return to; homesickness mixed with grief and sadness over something lost; deep longing
> 
> so the idea was that, since Hide's a ghoul now, Kaneki feels like he's lost his home, because Hide reminded him of the life he once led as a human, and since Hide's been thrown into the ghoul world there's no one left that keeps that part of Kaneki alive and he longs for Hide to return back to normal (even though it's impossible).
> 
> without further ado, enjoy the story!

It had been a busy day at Anteiku. The workers were exhausted after the many hectic hours. In midst of the chaos, a customer had turned the channel on the TV to the news. It had been left on even after the shop closed, unnoticed by the weary workers.

A news anchor spoke, “ _And now, on a more local note, another student from Kamii University has disappeared. This is the second disappearance, and police are now investigating where the victim was last seen. His name has not been released, but it is known that he was working for the CCG. It is suspected that this disappearance is closely tied with the disappearance of the first student, Kaneki Ken, and that ghouls are involved. Investigators, though, say there have been no clues found as to where the victim may be_ …”

* * *

 

Hide awoke with a start. The first thing he noticed were the bright lights above him, effectively blinding his eyes. Squinting, he tried moving his arm to cover his face, but found that it wouldn’t move. Nothing would move. _Oh god,_ he thought. _I’ve been kidnapped. I’ve been kidnapped and I don’t even remember anything, oh my god._

Panic began to seize him, and he pressed against the restraints holding his limbs down. He thrashed, hitting his head on the cold, hard steel table he was lying on multiple times before subsiding. He sat still for a moment, regaining his breath before trying again. It was no use.

_What the hell should I do_?

 Just then, the door opened. Hide sat up as best he could to see a tall man with graying hair in a white lab coat stride in. “Ah, I see you’re awake,” the man said. “Let’s see how you’re doing.”

“What’s going on?” Hide asked, distressed. The man didn’t answer, and instead inserted a needle into his right arm. Hide flinched as blood was drawn into the tube. The man pulled it out and walked out of Hide’s sights, murmuring to himself as he did so. Thoroughly weirded out, Hide tried questioning him again. “Who are you? What did you do to me?”

The man stepped back into his view, a sinister smile plastered on his face, but said nothing. Then he left.

As the time passed, Hide grew more and more agitated. He wanted to know what was happening. He wanted to know what that creepy guy had done to him, and why he needed his blood. But even more so, after a whole day of lying awake on the hard table, he wanted to know why he didn’t feel even the slightest pang of hunger.

The man periodically came back, bringing him a glass of water each time. Despite Hide’s constant barrage of questions, he remained silent, not speaking single a word. After a day and a half, he finally responded.

“Can I have some food?” Hide asked when the man entered his room.

The man thought a moment before speaking. “I think you’ll find it to be to your disliking.”

“Please,” Hide pleaded. “I’ll take anything you have.”

“Are you hungry?”

“…No, but humans need food, man. It’s kind of a necessity.”

The man snorted. “Very well, then. I’ll bring you some _food_.”

He left and returned around half an hour later carrying a plate with a sandwich on it. It was pretty plain— ham, lettuce, cheese, and tomatoes—but Hide accepted it nonetheless. The man removed his restraints for the first time since he had awakened and let Hide stretch his sore limbs. It had never felt so good to move again.

Hide picked up the sandwich, the man’s watchful eyes on him. Then he took a bite.

It was like nothing he had ever tasted before. The bread was like a bland sponge, and the lettuce like chewy grass. The cheese had the texture of curdled clay and was definitely spoiled. The ham tasted putrid and tainted; the tomatoes like liquefied vomit. Hide spit it out immediately, and it took all of his effort not to vomit then and there.

“I told you it would be to your disliking,” the man stated simply, holding out a glass of water for him. Hide snatched it out of his hands and downed the entire thing before looking at him angrily.

“What the hell? Did you literally search for the most _disgusting_ ingredients you could find and slap them in between loafs of sponge?” he spat. In reply, the man picked up the abandoned sandwich, brought it to his mouth, and took a bite. Hide gagged in response, not wanting to think about the taste of the sandwich from hell.

The man took another bite as Hide cocked his head in confusion. “It’s not…bad to you?” he asked.

The man swallowed and smiled that creepy smile of his. “No, of course it isn’t. It’s only bad to you, Hideyoshi Nagachika.”

“But…” He didn’t understand. First, he wasn’t hungry, and then when he tried to eat something it was so disgusting he nearly threw up. It didn’t make any sense. “Please,” he said weakly, a pleading look in his eyes, “just tell me what’s going on. I deserve to know at least that, right? It’s obvious I’m not going anywhere soon, so what’s the harm in telling me?”

The man contemplated his words, scratching his chin as he did so. “You’ll find out soon enough,” was his answer. And then he was gone, taking the plate and glass with him. Hide briefly rejoiced at the fact that he had forgotten to put him back in restraints, but then realized he probably meant to leave him out. Maybe it was some sort of test to see if he’d try to escape.

Slowly, Hide swung his feet over the edge of the steel table, shivering when they came into contact with the cool floor. His feet were bare. All he had on was a hospital gown and boxers. He was thankful at least those had been left on. Tiptoeing to the door, he gradually twisted the doorknob, finding it unlocked. Strange; had it been unlocked the whole time? Well, it wasn’t like it mattered—he had been bound down to the table until a few minutes ago.

Hide hadn’t noticed it before, but his lower back hurt. Not only his lower back, though, but around his shoulders as well. Brushing it off, he quietly cracked open the door and peeked out.

It was a hallway. There was a numerous amount of doors on the wall opposite to him, and he looked left and right and saw even more doors. He didn’t know what could lie behind them, and he didn’t have any intention of finding out.  His mind was a twisting tornado of thoughts. Should he run for it? What if he got caught? But he couldn’t stay here forever, he had to get out. Was now the best time? Should he wait until later? What if the man had forgotten to lock it just this one time, and he would never have another chance? What would happen if he were caught?

Would he be…killed?

_No,_ he told himself. He obviously had some importance. From all the tests the man had run on him, Hide figured he was some sort of medical experiment. Maybe he had altered his digestive track. Maybe he had figured out how to stop humans from being hungry by making all food taste bad. It was probably the wrong conclusion, but it was all Hide could come up with for now.

After ruling out the possibility that he would be killed if he were found, he knew he had to make his decision. Someone could come at any time, and he might lose his opportunity to make a choice. Looking around one last time, Hide opened the door and stepped out into the open. He suddenly felt exposed and vulnerable, and he wished he knew what exactly was different about his body. He didn’t want to leave—or at least try to—without getting answers, but he had to.

His first step was tentative. Hide was cognizant of every little noise—the hum of machinery not far off, the noise of his heart pounding in his chest, the sound of his uneven breathing. He took another step, then another, and another. He walked quickly until he was at the end of the hallway. Carefully, he glanced around the corner. Seeing no one, he rounded it and took off in the direction the new hallway led him. It eventually expanded into a wider one. He took a few more turns and ended up in a large and spacious room. He vaguely wondered where the man was in this place, and if there were more people patrolling it. The answer had to be yes; the facility was too huge to be run by a one man show.

But, so far, he had run into no one. He hadn’t even _seen_ anyone, which made him suspicious. Part of his mind thought that maybe, just _maybe_ , this was what the man wanted. He wanted him to escape, to let his experiment roam free. Could he have put a tracking device in him? Hide tried dismissing the thought, but he couldn’t shake the feeling that his every move was being monitored, even though there was no one (that he knew of) around.

Hide turned his attention to the room. Bodies littered the floor and blood was splattered on the ground. It looked like a massacre. He didn’t want to know what had happened; all he knew was that his yearning to get out of there was increasing by the second.

He danced his way through the room, avoiding touching anything by hopping on one foot around the bodies. The bodies—they were more like carcasses when he got a closer look at them—were in midst of decay. The odor they put off was repugnant and foul. He stifled a gag, wondering why nobody had bothered to dispose of them already.

Wandering aimlessly, Hide begun to lose hope of ever finding a way out. A wave of despair washed over him. He contemplated trying to navigate back to his room, but he knew it was too late for that. He was completely and utterly lost with no way of finding his way back. So, he pressed on, going down hallway after hallway, entering room after room, his hope for escape deflating like a balloon losing helium.

Suddenly, there was the sound of movement from behind him. Hide, startled and afraid, bolted, making a dash for the end of the hallway he was in. Turning the corner, he stopped and caught his breath before peering down the hall he had come from. Detached voices began to speak.

“It’s no good, _monsieur,_ ” the first one said, “we’ve searched the place top to bottom. I’m afraid no one is here. It must have been abandoned after the raid. Shall we go back?” It was deep and elegant, like rich honey.

“No,” the second voice responded. Hide froze. Even though it was just one word spoken, he could recognize that voice in his sleep.

“Kaneki…” he whispered to himself.

“We’ll keep looking until we find him. Got it?”

The other sighed. Then, “Wait, _monsieur_ , I believe I smell something.” There was the sound of sniffing and then a long inhale. “Oh, yes, I do. But it’s not entirely human, nor is it entirely ghoul. This smell is… _tres bien!_ ”

Hide went rigid as the sound of hasty footsteps echoed off the walls, coming closer towards him. “Tsukiyama!” he heard who he believed to be Kaneki shout. And then he was there, looming over Hide like a giant. Grabbing him, the man—Tsukiyama—inhaled his scent and released him. Hide staggered backwards, trying to get away from the crazy purple-haired guy called Tsukiyama. He ended up falling on the ground. “ _Dolce_!” Tsukiyama exclaimed. “Please, give me your scent once more!”

“Tsukiyama, that’s—“

Kaneki stopped mid-sentence, having rounded the corner and spotting Hide. Yes, it was indeed him, but he looked completely different from the Kaneki Hide knew and loved. For starters, his hair was white, and his clothing was unlike anything Hide had ever seen on him before. That wasn’t to say it didn’t suit him, though. He was no longer the small, scrawny boy he used to be. While he still retained the same height, which wasn’t very big, he was muscular, and his face looked older and sharper and more refined. But his eyes were still the same; they still were filled with the same warmth and kindness as they were in the past when they met Hide’s own.

But just because this was a new Kaneki didn't mean that Hide would love him any less.

“Move,” Kaneki commanded harshly, shoving Tsukiyama out of the way. He bent down to be on Hide’s eye level, who was still on the ground. “No…No, no, no, no, _no_!”

Kaneki stood and kicked the wall as hard as he could, denting it. His breathing became unsteady and choppy, and he began to pace back and forth at a rapid speed. “I can’t believe this, I can’t believe I let this happen. I should have kept a closer watch, I should have been there, _I should have been there_!” He kicked it again.

“Kaneki, stop! You’re going to hurt yourself,” Hide said, getting to his feet and grabbing his best friend’s shoulders. Tsukiyama hung back, observing the two’s display. He licked his lips, eyeing Hide. Hide refocused his attention back on Kaneki. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

“I can’t let what’s happened to me happen to you. I can’t…”

“Kaneki!” Hide shouted, not caring if anyone else heard anymore. Kaneki looked at him abruptly, tears in his eyes. One eye had turned black and red—a ghoul’s eye. It had been as Hide suspected from the day Kaneki returned to school after the surgery; Kaneki was a ghoul. He was fine with this, of course. His best friend would remain his best friend no matter what. But what was causing him so much strife?

“You don’t know what’s happened to you, do you, _monsieur_?” Tsukiyama asked, stepping closer to Hide.

“No, I don’t,” he answered.

Kaneki looked at the floor and mumbled something incoherent. “Huh?” Hide asked.

“I said, you’re just like me now.” He looked Hide in the eyes. And then he said the words that would change his life forever.

“You’re a ghoul, Hide.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you liked this story so far, check out my other stories on fanfiction.net under Aeliia, and if you ever feel like talking, hit me up on tumblr! i'm tumblr user melonsempai.
> 
> thanks for reading!


	2. Release

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tsukiyama carries a mirror, Kaneki hates Kanou, and Hide is just relieved to be with his best friend again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> quick update!  
> help I've already written four chapters this is just too fun to write
> 
> this one is kinda short, so I'll get the third one up soon

“W-what?” Hide stuttered. “No, that’s—“

But it wasn’t impossible, because getting turned into a ghoul was exactly what had happened to Kaneki.

“See for yourself, _monsieur_ ,” Tsukiyama said, reaching into his pocket and pulling out a small mirror. Hide didn’t stop to wonder why a guy carried a mirror, instead taking it and shakily holding it up to his face. Slowly lowering it, he handed it back to Tsukiyama. He couldn’t believe it.

He was a ghoul.

His left eye was normal, but what was supposed to be white in his right eye was black and his iris was blood red. Hide slunk down on the ground again, defeated.

“I’m sorry, Hide. I…I was too late,” Kaneki murmured, placing his hands on his shoulders.

Hide saw his friend’s extreme distress and decided to do what he always did—try to lighten the mood. Looking up, he attempted to muster a grin on his face and said, “Hey, at least I won’t have to pay for food anymore. Do you even know how much the price has gone up for good quality ramen?”

Kaneki didn’t smile, so Hide gave up the nonchalant façade. Tsukiyama stood awkwardly to the side, obviously wanting to get closer to Hide to smell him again. Then, he stated, “ _Monsieur_ , I believe we should get going. It is obvious that this facility is still operational, no? It’s in our best interest that we avoid a confrontation.”

Not answering, Kaneki removed his hands from Hide’s shoulders and stood. Hide tried to ignore the tingling sensation left behind where his friend’s hands had been and followed suit, standing and brushing himself off. He heard the somewhat sickening sound of flesh tearing and turned and saw that Kaneki had brought out his kagune. The tentacle-like… _things_ seemed to move on their own, swaying back and forth.

Kaneki noticed Hide staring at them. “Just in case,” he stated. Hide nodded in reply. In the back of his mind, he wondered if he should try to activate _his_ kagune. He did have kagune now, right? “Don’t try,” Kaneki told him, somehow reading his thoughts. “I don’t want you to end up hurting yourself. It takes a while to learn how to control. I only fully learned after—never mind,” he muttered at the end.

Hide repressed a frown. He didn’t know what Kaneki had been through these past months, but he knew that it had been hard. What could have caused him so much pain and suffering that his hair turned completely white and his nails black? As much as he had hoped it was “just a phase” in which Kaneki had experimented with some hair dye and nail polish, Hide knew that wasn’t the case.

They began walking at a hurried pace. It was quiet for some time until Kaneki spoke up once again. “Have you seen anyone?” he asked Hide.

Shaking his head, Hide replied, “Only one man. My guess is he was the one who…” He hesitated, deciding how to word what he wanted to say. “Changed me,” he concluded.

“Kanou,” Kaneki grumbled. “That was the man who operated on me. This is his lab, where he turned even more people into half ghouls. The CCG raided this place, and I assumed it had been vacated after that. I guess Kanou didn’t have any other places to do his human experiments, so he had to come back.” Kaneki spat out the last few words, anger flashing in his usually calm eyes.

“There was this one huge room I went through, though,” Hide began. “There were dead bodies littered everywhere. They had been torn apart, and it didn’t look like it could have been done by any CCG weapon—not even by ghoul investigators. I don’t think they were the only ones that infiltrated.”

Hide had a strong feeling that Kaneki had come here at that time. Maybe even Tsukiyama. He had somehow known to come here to find Hide, and he at least seemed to know his way around.

Kaneki chose not to respond to Hide’s statement. “Through here,” he said, pointing at a wall that appeared to be made out of flesh. After continuing for a while longer, they finally reached another large room. It appeared to be the entrance room. A considerably sized steel door was on the opposite wall from which they had come in. “This was almost too easy,” Kaneki said, clearly suspicious. Hide was also concerned; he had expected his escape to be more… challenging? Dramatic? Well, he had been reunited with his best friend after not seeing him for months, so he supposed that counted for something.

They crossed the room. Hide questioned how they had gotten into the seemingly solid facility. Kaneki answered his question by grabbing the handle on the door and opening it without effort. It had been unlocked. “It’s almost like he wanted you to escape,” he said.

“It appears that way,” Tsukiyama said.

 Hide braced himself from what he would see outside. In his mind, he had pictured a whole squadron of lab coat-wearing men and women armed with destructive weapons. But there was nothing. The outside of the lab was lush with green life, an extreme contrast to the inside, which was all steel and machinery. It was surrounded by a forest. Flowers grew in numerous places, and birds chirped happily. It was a clear, sunny day. Not at all what he had been expecting.

Kaneki turned to Hide as they stepped outside, his expression that of utter relief. His kagune retracted back into his body. A small smile formed on his lips, something Hide had dearly missed. Hide felt himself smiling as well. Tears welled up in his eyes, and he wiped them away. He was just so overjoyed to be with his best friend again. “Let’s go home, Kaneki,” he said.

“Yeah,” Kaneki replied. “Let’s go home.”

* * *

 

Kanou watched as the group of three made their way through the many hallways and rooms of the facility. It had taken some effort to get the security system up and running again after a CCG worker had found the room and destroyed the control panel, which shut off all the cameras. Restoring them had been the right decision.

Kanou had planned the kidnapping after seeing how much Kaneki had blossomed. Sadly for Kaneki, he was going to be shown up by his latest creation. Or at least he hoped. Since he hadn’t expected Nagachika to try to break out so quickly—or that Kaneki would come to retrieve him—he hadn’t forced him to test his new abilities. It was a mystery whether or not both kakuhous would work efficiently; Nagachika had been the first to survive the surgery to become a hybrid half ghoul. If he went through experiences similar to Kaneki, he would most certainly transcend him. The only problem was creating those experiences.

The three found their way back to the entrance room. Kanou pushed a button to unlock the door for them, the same as he had done to let Kaneki and his acquaintance in. They walked across the room. Kaneki opened the door, and they left. Relocking the door behind them, Kanou stood and left the control room. A devious smile spread across his face. His experiment, he was certain, was a success. The only way to test his experiment was to release him into the outside world, where he would respond to his environment. Allowing him to think he had escaped on his own merit was part of the plan.

His devilish smile widened.

 _Hideyoshi Nagachika_ , _you won’t disappoint me_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so yeah, short chapter, but no worries! all I'll say about the next chapter is that you better be prepared for some hidekane..
> 
> thanks for reading! B)


	3. Hunger

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaneki is overprotective, Hide is hungry, and Touka ruins the moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> update!
> 
> big thanks to everyone who has commented so far, you guys keep me inspired! ^^

Hide took a sip of the coffee, relishing in the fact that he could at least still have that. The realization that he would never be able to eat at Big Girl again saddened him; how had Kaneki survived all this time without eating a hamburger?

“Kaneki…” he groaned. “I can’t do it. I can’t _not_ eat burgers, man!”

Kaneki chuckled. “I think you’ll find not being able to eat burgers will be the least of your problems,” he replied, stretching.

Hide sat up on the bed they both occupied. “Oh, yeah? What’s worse then?”

Kaneki gave him the ‘are you even serious right now’look. “Oh, I don’t know. Maybe the fact that you have to learn how to fight and you don’t have a muscle on your body?”

“That’s a complete lie!” Hide exclaimed, pulling up the sleeve of his shirt and flexing. “Look at this!”

“Mhmm, yeah,” his friend responded, going back to his book. He was rereading _The Black Goat’s Egg_ for probably the hundredth time. Hide had tried the book once, but he couldn’t get into it. He also didn’t see how Kaneki could ever reread something; Hide could never reread or re-watch anything without being completely bored to death.

He and Kaneki were almost complete opposites, but, as they say, opposites attract. Kaneki was a quiet, reserved book reader who only spoke when absolutely necessary or when he was with someone he was comfortable around. Hide was loud, outgoing, and had always been able to pick up on little things. He was very perceptive and intuitive—Kaneki, on the other hand, couldn’t pick up a hint even if it introduced itself and then slapped him in the face. Maybe he had lost some of his thickheaded-ness in the time they had been apart.

It had been a few days since Kaneki and Tsukiyama had found Hide in Kanou’s lab. Once they had made it to where the group was staying, Kaneki had explained everything to him—why he left, what happened afterwards, and where they were now. There were no clear plans for the future yet. They were “in between missions,” as he called it.

Hide had met Hinami and Banjou, finding that he enjoyed both of their companies. Tsukiyama, on the other hand, always seemed to stand a little too close for his liking. Even Kaneki, as oblivious as he was, saw that this bothered Hide to some extent, and had a talk with Tsukiyama. He backed off afterwards, but Hide could tell he was just waiting for his chance.

No progress on controlling his kakugan. It flared up at random times, even when he wasn’t hungry. Hide hadn’t exactly felt “ghoul hunger” yet. He was still adjusting to the idea that he _was_ a ghoul; he wasn’t entirely sure he was up for eating human meat yet.

Oh, god. He would have to eat human. The thought hit him like a brick, and his stomach churned. He wasn’t sure if he could do it. It was so disgusting to even think about. He decided to confront Kaneki on the matter.

“Yo, Kaneki,” Hide said. Kaneki looked up from his book. “How did you first eat…you know.” He cleared his throat awkwardly.

Kaneki sighed, creased the corner of the page he was on, and closed the book. “I had a feeling you’d ask,” he replied. “I was starving, but I refused to eat. It felt… _wrong_. But it was pure torture not eating. When I first found out Touka was a ghoul”—Touka, the name was familiar to Hide. It was one he hadn’t heard in a while. And then he remembered; Kaneki was referring to the female worker at Anteiku. Hide had his suspicions about her, and it looked like he had been right—“I was in a back alley. I had been enticed there by the smell of a corpse. I felt ashamed of myself, and I refused to eat it. But Touka shoved some of it in my mouth in an attempt to help me. I threw it up. After the fight with Nishio, though, they took us back to Anteiku and fed me in my sleep. I was mortified when I realized.”

“I don’t know if I can do it,” Hide spoke quietly.

Kaneki scooted closer and placed a hand lightly on his arm.  He tried to mollify Hide’s anxiety. “You don’t have to—for now. I know how to help you. The manager used to give me some sugar cubes to put in my coffee. They curb the hunger, but they don’t satisfy it. You can’t live off them forever.” His words were soft. Hide did felt slightly more relieved, but his nervousness still lingered in the back of his mind.

“When can we get some?” he questioned.

Kaneki hesitated. “We could go soon, if you’d like.”

Hide realized Kaneki wasn’t entirely comfortable going to Anteiku. “You don’t have to go if you don’t—“

“No, I’ll take you. I just haven’t been there in a while is all. I don’t want you to go anywhere without me—not to say that you can’t go places alone, but, I, err—“

Hide laughed boisterously. It was good to see Kaneki still cared about him. Kaneki blushed and smiled.

Hide had missed that so, so much.

* * *

 

“We’re off,” Kaneki said, stepping out the door of the apartment he and the rest of his group shared. Hide waved to the others and followed Kaneki out, closing the door behind him. They took a cab to the twentieth ward, where they got out a few blocks away from Anteiku. They walked the rest of the distance.

Opening the door to the coffee shop, Hide was greeted with a variety of pleasant smells. The sweet aroma of coffee in the air, the fresh scent of flowers in a vase on the counter, the delicious, enticing smell of human meat—

Hide felt his eye twitch and he quickly covered it. He had forgotten the eyepatch Kaneki had given him.

“Hide?” Kaneki questioned worriedly. Seeing what was wrong, he hurriedly ushered his friend behind the counter and up the stairs. Irimi, one of the workers, gave him a strange look as they rushed past her. “You left the eyepatch,” he said once they were safely up the stairs.

“Y-yeah, sorry. I kind of forgot to put it on,” Hide replied, biting his lips. A sudden, overwhelming pang of hunger hit his stomach. Doubling over, he sank to the ground at the top of the steps, curling up into fetal position. He groaned in agony.

“Manager?” Kaneki called, looking around. No response. “Hide, can you move?”

Hide shook his head weakly, clutching his stomach. It felt like a monster was trying to claw its way out of his body, and it wasn’t going away.

“Alright. I’m going to pick you up and put you on the couch, okay?” Kaneki stooped over and scooped Hide into his arms. Crossing the room, he placed him down lightly on the cushiony couch. The door to the changing room opened and there was a quick intake of breath.

 “…Kaneki?” It was Touka.  

Kaneki turned. “Touka,” he said. “I—“

“You _idiot_!” Touka stomped over to where he stood. She stopped in front of him, hands balled into fists. Hide watched the display through glassy eyes. “I can’t believe you, disappearing like that. I…I was worried about you.” Her tone softened, and she slowly unclenched her fists. “I’m glad to see you,” she added in a hushed voice.

Kaneki smiled. “I’m glad to see you too, Touka.” Then, his face hardened. “There’s a problem.”

Touka looked past Kaneki and at Hide. “What’s he doing here?” she questioned. Hide would have responded, but the pain was just beginning to subside and he didn’t want to do anything that would bring it back. So he sat motionlessly on the couch, letting Kaneki speak for him. It was quite ironic, really. Hide was usually the one speaking for Kaneki.

“Hide was turned into a ghoul. He needs food. I told him about the sugar cubes the manager used to give me, and he seemed okay with it. No human meat,” Kaneki answered.

Touka sighed and addressed Hide. “You’re only making this harder on yourself, you know.” Hide whimpered in reply. “If you would just eat meat, this would all go away.”

“Touka,” Kaneki warned.

She sighed again. “Fine, fine. I’ll go find the sugar cubes. I think I know where they are.”

Touka went to search for them, leaving Hide and Kaneki alone. Kaneki sat down and gently ran his hand through Hide’s hair, twisting the golden locks in between his fingers. Hide wondered if he noticed that it was softer now that it had grown out. When it was short, it was rough and spiky from the bleach he used on it. Kaneki had liked to tease him about it not even moving in the wind.

Hide was so caught up in thinking about Kaneki that he had almost forgotten the fire burning in his stomach. Finally, the sharp pains that had bombarded him were almost gone, leaving his stomach feeling empty and hollow. He nuzzled into Kaneki’s touch. Kaneki bent over and touched his forehead to Hide’s, intertwining his hand into his hair even more.

“I’m sorry, Hide.” Kaneki’s voice was low and quivering. “I’m sorry I let this happen to you.”

“It’s not your fault,” Hide whispered, opening his eyes. He had never wanted so much to press his lips to Kaneki’s. Kaneki’s eyes darted towards the door and then resettled back on Hide’s. Heart pounding, Hide leaned in, their lips brushing against each other’s gingerly. Kaneki’s lips were as soft as he had imagined them, and he wanted nothing more than to kiss him all—

“Got them,” Touka said as she unexpectedly reentered the room. Kaneki immediately pulled back and stood, flushing head to toe. Had she seen them? Touka walked over, carrying a tray on which three cups of coffee rested. The clear bag of brown sugar cubes was on the side. “Here.” She handed one to Hide, who sat up. “I already put three cubes in. Hopefully it’ll help.”

“T-thanks,” Hide sputtered, certain he was blushing as well. Touka tossed him the bag of sugar cubes and handed Kaneki the second cup coffee. Claiming the last for herself, Touka placed the tray on a nearby table and took Kaneki’s hastily vacated seat on the sofa. Hide took a sip of his coffee; it was like nothing he had ever tasted before. It was inexplicably better than any cup of coffee he had previously. His stomach growled.

“How is it?” Touka asked.

“Amazing,” Hide answered. “What’s in those cubes?”

“Probably best if you didn’t know,” Kaneki mumbled. Hide watched as he took a tentative sip of his coffee before sighing and setting it down on the table.

“I’m sorry, is it not to your liking, your highness?” Touka teased.

“No, I just didn’t want any.”

Shrugging, Touka began drinking hers. Hide downed the rest of his, relishing the burning in the back of his throat. Anything to distract him from the emptiness of his stomach was welcomed at this point.

“Your eye is back to normal,” Touka informed him. “You should get an eyepatch.”

“He has one, but he forgot to wear it. He also needs a mask,” Kaneki added. She nodded in agreement.

“But nobody’s after me yet, right? It seems like I wouldn’t need a mask already,” Hide replied. He didn’t want a mask. Not yet, at least. He felt like getting a mask was relinquishing his last bits of humanity. Wearing a mask would prove he was a ghoul. Hide knew he was, of course, but it didn’t feel like it. Well, it _hadn’t_ —until now. He had experienced the ravenous hunger of a ghoul, and it would only get worse if he didn’t eat.

“You need a mask,” Touka stated sternly, leaving no room for further argument. It was obvious his safety wasn’t up for discussion. Hide relented and nodded. “Do we even know what kind of kagune he has?” she asked Kaneki. Kaneki shrugged and shook his head.

“I told him not to try to bring it out yet,” he said. “He might hurt himself.”

 _Or someone else_ , Hide thought.

“Kaneki, you can’t shelter him like this. Hide’s a ghoul now; you said it yourself. He needs to learn how to defend himself. Not letting him activate his kagune isn’t helping that,” Touka argued.

“He won’t even be able to bring it out on command.”

“We’ll see. Hide”—she faced him—“come by tomorrow after closing hours. I’ll teach you the basics of fighting, and then we’ll try to test your kagune.”

“Touka.” Kaneki was visibly frustrated.

“Kaneki.” Touka met his challenging gaze.

Finally, Kaneki relented. “Fine.” He sighed and looked at Hide out of the corners of his eyes, concerned. “Just, go easy, okay?”

“Aw, Kaneki, there’s no need to be worried about me!” Hide exclaimed, grinning. “I’m sure it’ll be fine. I won’t even get a single scratch!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ofc we know Hide won't get a scratch, he'll get like a million. poor bby doesn't even know what's coming. also a round of applause for Touka who totally saw them and didn't even question it haha
> 
> Hide's kagune shall be revealed next chapter! writing it was rly fun and I hope you guys will actually be able to picture what it looks like, idk if my description is good enough or not but I guess we'll find out
> 
> thanks for reading! ^^


	4. Burden

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide is inexperienced at fighting and Touka doesn't let up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the time has finally come for Hide's kagune to be revealed! poor guy though, he doesn't deserve any of this sorry Hide

Hide had been correct to assume he wouldn’t get a single scratch—he had at least fifty by now, and the number was only growing.

Despite his complete lack of knowledge on fighting, Touka didn’t let up at all. She punched him, kicked him, and tossed him on the ground with no mercy, claiming experience was the best teacher. “T-Touka,” Hide panted. “I think I need—“

“No breaks!” Touka yelled, throwing a hard punch at his stomach. Hide attempted to dodge it, only to trip over a raised piece of concrete and fall over. Touka mounted herself on top of him, triumph on her face. Hide closed his eyes and waited for the punch, but it didn’t come. Instead, she got off him and helped him to his feet. Smirking, she crossed her arms. “See? That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

“Speak for yourself,” Hide mumbled, rubbing his bruised and throbbing face.

Touka tossed him an after-work out towel. Catching it, Hide wiped the sweat from his forehead. “We’ll go upstairs and rest a bit. After that, we’ll work on bringing out your kagune,” she stated. Hide nodded and followed her up the steel rungs that led outside.

Back inside Anteiku, which had been closed for an hour or so, Touka started up the coffee machines and brewed them some coffee. She threw in a couple sugar cubes in Hide’s. Thanking her, Hide took the cup and sipped it graciously, the flavorful taste of the coffee filling his mouth. They sat down at a nearby table. The shop was illuminated only by the lights behind the counter, leaving the rest in shadows. Like in the lab, Hide had the odd sense of being watched. He looked out the windows at the dark street, but there was nothing. Ignoring the feeling, he returned his attention to Touka, who was talking about blending in with the human world.

“Are you even listening?” she snapped.

“Of course, yeah!” Hide replied, plastering a smile on his face. “What were you saying?”

Touka narrowed her eyes in suspicion but continued anyways. “Interacting with humans is dangerous until you’ve perfected the art of acting like one. You’ll have to learn how to eat human food without vomiting, and you’ll have to make sure no one discovers your true identity. If someone does…” She pantomimed slicing her neck. “Understand?”

Hide’s smile wavered. Looking down at his coffee, he stared at the reflection looking back at him. The light only shone on half his face, the rest shrouded in darkness. “Yeah,” he said simply. “Got it.”

They remained in silence for quite some time until Touka finished her cup and got up. “Finished?” she asked him. Nodding, he handed her his cup and she went behind the counter and rinsed them out. Hide had only drank a quarter of his drink, but he had lost his wanting for it. “Alright,” she said when she was finished, “ready to test out your kagune?”

* * *

 

“Try harder! Come on, it’s not that difficult!”

“Says the person who’s been doing it all her life!”

“Just think about releasing the Rc cells and it’ll happen!”

Hide groaned, clenching his whole body. He was definitely not doing this right. How the hell did Touka bring hers out so easily?

“Stop tensing up like that,” she instructed, giving him a shove. Hide, not expecting the push, nearly toppled over. After regaining his balance, he put his hands on his knees, panting slightly.

“It’s no use. I can’t do it,” he said, catching his breath. “Kaneki was right. I’m not ready yet.”

“Kaneki,” Touka stated, “was just being overprotective. The sooner he accepts that you’re a ghoul like the rest of us, the easier it’ll be for him. For all of us,” she added at the end.

Hide sighed. “I’m doing something wrong, but I can’t figure out what.”

Touka shrugged. “Maybe you have to be in a life or death situation; that was the first time Kaneki’s kagune came out. He was protecting you from Nishio.”

“Maybe,” Hide replied. As much as he wanted to know how to use his kagune, he was reluctant to test that theory. “Let’s keep trying.”

Nothing worked. After wasting another half an hour, Touka decided to call it quits. “I’ve got school in the morning,” she told him. “Come by later and we can try again.” She climbed out, leaving Hide alone in the sewers. Hide collapsed on the ground, weary from the past few hours. He didn’t know how long he lied there, but, eventually, he decided he had to get going.

Kaneki had told him to call when they finished, but he didn’t want to disturb him in case he was sleeping or busy. His friend didn’t get much sleep these days, Hide noted. Maybe four or five hours a night max. Hopefully, he had gotten tired waiting up on him and went to sleep, but he doubted it. If there was one thing he knew about his best friend, it was that he was a worrywart.

Hide also didn’t know what to make of the kiss the previous day. Afterwards, he and Kaneki had carried on normally, but he could feel the lingering tension between them. He knew if Kaneki wanted to talk about it, he would. Hide never pushed him into discussing things he wasn’t ready to yet.

After ascending the steel rungs and climbing out of the sewer, Hide walked a few streets down, trying to get to the more crowded part of the twentieth ward where taxis would be. The dim lighting on the street provided little light, so Hide had to look down to make sure he wasn’t going to trip on anything. Suddenly, he was grabbed and pulled forcefully into a dark alleyway he had been passing by. “Wha—“

 _Wham_. Hide was face down on the ground after being hit in the face by a powerful punch. He was barraged by kick after kick, effectively knocking the breath out of him. Curling up into a ball, Hide could do nothing to stop whoever it was that was attacking him. Pain flared up in each spot he was kicked—his legs, his arm, his ribs, his stomach, everywhere.

The attacker grabbed him and heaved him to his feet before vigorously throwing him against the wall of one of the buildings. Hide bounced off of it painfully, crumpling to his knees. Looking up, he saw that his attacker had on a mask and a hood. It was almost indistinguishable in the darkness, but he thought he could make out the face of a rabbit.

“Fight,” a cold voice said. Hide’s foggy mind couldn’t tell if it were male or female. The screaming pain coming from everywhere in his body was almost unbearable. “Fight!” the voice repeated.

Hide opened his mouth to speak, but as he did, his head was slammed into the wall behind him, and all he could see were stars and more stars. Falling to the ground was the only thing he could do as spots danced in and out of his vision. Once again, he was yanked upwards to his feet by the person’s incredible strength. Through lidded eyes, Hide saw something that looked akin to wings forming behind the person. It was a ghoul.

“If you don’t fight, I’ll slice you to ribbons,” the ghoul hissed. Hide weakly lifted his trembling arms and attempted to hit the person, but his measly, feeble attack was blocked easily. “Not _good enough_!” Hide cried out in pain as three sharp shards of crystallized kagune dug into his skin.

“Please, stop…” Hide managed in between deep intakes of breath.

“How pathetic,” the ghoul sneered. “How can you ever face him again, knowing that you’re only a deplorable weakling who’s holding him back?”

“I’m not…He’s my best friend…” Somehow, Hide knew that the ghoul had been referring to Kaneki. It couldn’t be true, could it? Was he holding Kaneki back from achieving some goal he had in mind? Kaneki had said they were in between missions, but was that the actual truth? Had Hide being turned into a ghoul screw up his entire plan?

“He would be much better off if you died here. But you already know that, don’t you?”

“No…”

“Then prove your worth!”

Yelping as two more pieces of kagune pierced his body, Hide was able to wriggle out of his attacker’s grasp and stumble away, trying to get out of the alley. In a flash, the masked ghoul was in front of him. With one heavy kick, Hide was sent spiraling back into the alley. How did this person have such superhuman speed?

The thought of being a burden to Kaneki got him moving. “I’m not…weak!” Hide charged the ghoul head on, only to be knocked back with by an uppercut to the stomach. He could feel his body healing, mending what had been broken earlier. The cuts caused by the kagune weren’t, but Hide didn’t care. Quickly getting back to his feet, Hide charged again. He was knocked back once more, but that didn’t stop him. His movements were becoming faster, his body becoming numb to the pain.

As fast as Hide had become, the ghoul was even faster. In the back of his mind, Hide finally registered why he was facing an opponent with such speed and precision—he had an ukaku kagune. Touka had told him about each type; all their strengths, their weaknesses, and who they were trumped by. While the ukaku kagune was fast, the user had a limited amount of stamina while using it. Hide noticed the heavy rise and fall of the ghoul’s shoulders; he was reaching his limit.

 _If I can just outlast him_ , _I can win_ , Hide thought. But the real question was, how long could he last?

Running away was his best option. Turning around, Hide began to run deeper into the alleyway, where hardly any light was. The ghoul chased him, quickly gaining ground on him, not even using his kagune to get a speed boost. _Shit_ , Hide cursed to himself when he reached a dead end.

No, this was not good. This was not good at—

“I win.”

The ghoul was directly behind him, and before he knew it, Hide was smashed into the solid wall, and that was it. He dropped to the ground, unmoving. His vision faded in and out, and he was sure he was dying, sure that he would never get to see Kaneki’s smiling face again. He would never hear Kaneki’s adorable laugh or see him blush again. He hadn’t even gotten to tell Kaneki how he truly felt.

He couldn’t die here. He couldn’t die at the hands of some random ghoul on the street.

No, he _wouldn’t._

As the ghoul was walking away, something curled around his leg, snaking its way up his whole body. Looking back, he saw Hide, bloodied and bruised, crawling towards him using only his arms and sheer willpower and determination. The kakugan in his single eye had activated, visible even in the darkness, and there was something sticking out of where his tailbone should have been. It had the appearance of a long spinal cord, and it was the thing that was wrapping itself around the ghoul’s body.

Abruptly, Hide used his bikaku kagune to yank the ghoul off his feet before slamming him into both walls back and forth repeatedly. The ghoul cried out, the cry distinctly feminine, but Hide didn’t care if it were a girl anymore. He—she had attacked him, and now she had to pay.

Getting to his feet, Hide held the ghoul suspended in the air before he was showered with a rain of crystallized kagune spikes and was forced to drop her to bring his kagune back to protect himself. But he found he didn’t need it; something else had protected him.

“You’re kidding me,” the ghoul said, getting up and trying to steady her uneven breathing. “You’re a hybrid, just like Hinami.”

Hide felt the light weight on his shoulders and saw that he had subconsciously brought out another kagune. He had crystallized the Rc cells within it and shielded the front of his body.

“How do you know Hinami?” Hide questioned suspiciously, liquidating the Rc cells to reveal a pair of fiery dark red and purple wings. A ukaku kagune. The ghoul lifted her hand and took off her mask. Hide’s mouth opened in astonishment.

It was Touka.

“T-Touka? No way, I thought you were someone who was actually trying to kill me…” he said, falling to his knees in relief. Exhaustion had begun to overwhelm his system, and he didn’t have the energy to keep his kagune out. Slowly, the dual kagune retracted back into his body, leaving large holes in his clothes.

Touka sighed. “Was it not obvious that I _was_ trying to kill you? It was the only way to bring out your kagune—and it worked.”

Groaning, Hide fell over onto the ground, the numbness that had kept him from feeling the pain while fighting wearing off. The last thing he remembered was being hefted up; then he blacked out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so tell me what you guys think about Hide's kagune! if it's not clear what it's supposed to look like his tail is basically a flattened rectangular spinal cord, it's kind of a cross between the bin brothers' kagune and hinami's rinkaku kagune with the different segments of hers but the shape and general ability of theirs. and then of course his ukaku is just the standard wings except maybe a little darker than usual just to give it some flare
> 
> things are about to pick up in the next two to three chapters. after a little more character development there will be much in store B)
> 
> thanks for reading!


	5. Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaneki is distressed, Touka makes coffee, and Hide just wants his friend to be happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> once again, thanks to everyone who's been commenting! you guys are awesome and I love hearing what you have to say about the story, and I hope everyone's loved reading it as much as I've loved writing it!

“What the _hell_ happened?”

Kaneki stood over Hide’s resting body, mortified. He had _specifically_ told her to go easy on him.

“Relax,” Touka said, sighing. “I did what I had to do.” Well, she may have gone a little overboard _,_ she thought to herself. “We found out his kagune type. Or, more specifically, kagunes.”

Kaneki was fuming. Bending down, he lightly caressed Hide’s bruised face, ghosting his fingers over his closed, swollen eyes. He looked so peaceful when he slept—even with the marks of a brutal fight. “What kind is it?” Kaneki asked quietly.

“Bikaku and ukaku. He’s a hybrid, like Hinami. The bikaku kagune is flat and rectangular. It looks like a spine, and it’s good for wrapping around things,” she stated, remembering how it had coiled around her body before flinging her back and forth, slamming her into walls. “His ukaku kagune are wings that are a mixture of dark purple and red coloring. Pretty average.”

So, Kanou had gotten bored with creating normal half ghouls and decided to step it up a bit, experimenting to see if making a hybrid half ghoul was possible. Kaneki clenched his fists in anger. He was angry at Kanou for making Hide like this, angry at Touka for hurting him, and, most of all, angry at himself for not being there for his friend, whom he loved dearly.

How could he ever forgive himself? No matter how many times Hide said it wasn’t his fault, that he didn’t know why he was blaming himself, Kaneki still harbored hatred for himself. Wasn’t the whole purpose of getting stronger to achieve his goal of protecting everyone he cared about? He had failed that miserably, and he would never live it down. He needed to get even stronger.

And the kiss. Kaneki still felt heat rise to his face when he thought about it. He wanted to talk to Hide about it, but he wasn’t sure how to bring it up. _Hey, Hide. Remember that time when you kissed me? I think we should do that again._ But he wasn’t deserving of Hide’s love. He was a failure, and someone like Hide couldn’t love someone as impure as himself.

As if on cue, Hide’s eyelids fluttered opened, and he yawned. “Yo, Kaneki,” he said, attempting to smile as much as his aching face would let him.

“I’ll leave you guys alone,” Touka stated, leaving the room. Hide hoped she would come back with coffee; his head was groggy with drowsiness and pain.

Kaneki’s face softened. “Hey,” he said.

“I think I did pretty well last night!” _Aside from nearly being killed_ , Hide added in his mind.

“Good, because you’re never having another lesson with Touka again.”

“Kaaaneekiii,” Hide groaned. “I’m perfectly fine, see?”

Hide sat up much too quickly for his body. A sudden wave of nausea hit him like a brick, and leaned over the side of the bed and vomited. “Perfectly fine,” Kaneki echoed, a hint of sarcasm in his voice. “I don’t think you know what the definition of ‘fine’ is. You have a concussion. It’ll heal soon enough, but, until then, stay in bed. I’ll clean this up.”

“Sorry,” Hide mumbled. Kaneki assured him it was alright and got up to find some cleaning supplies. Hide sunk back down in the bed, waiting for the nausea to pass. Kaneki came back in a few minutes later and began cleaning the vomit off the floor. Gently peeling the covers back, Kaneki placed a cold washcloth on Hide’s forehead. Hide managed a small smile.

Touka came in later with freshly brewed coffee. While he wasn’t exactly in the mood for a drink anymore, Hide was in no place to refuse good quality coffee. He drank it with Kaneki’s help and felt the nausea begin to dissipate. “Better?” Kaneki asked. He nodded. “Okay. I’m going to talk to the manager. There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask him. I’ll come back when we’re finished.”

Hide nodded again. Kaneki gave Hide’s head a small pat before leaving. Touka stared blankly after him. “What time is it?” Hide asked, snapping her out of her daze.

“Almost time for my shift to start,” Touka answered, taking his now empty cup. “I need to get changed. Don’t get out of bed for another few hours,” she instructed him. Just as she was leaving, she stopped at the door. “And, Hide…I’m sorry. For being so rough with you. I just…”

“Ah, no worries! I forgive you, Touka. After all, it did end up helping me in the end, right?” Touka smiled, gave a slight nod, and left. Hide’s fake smile dropped. He should have guessed it earlier—she had feelings for Kaneki. Well, who wouldn’t? He was an amazingly kind, incredible person. But he couldn’t help but feel a twinge of jealousy. _Stop_ , he told himself. Kaneki wasn’t his; Touka deserved a chance too. If Kaneki wanted to be with her, then Hide would fully support them.

If it came to that, though, would he be able to let go of his feelings? Hide had loved Kaneki for as long as he could remember. Back when he had been a young and innocent child, he had thought of it simply as a friendly love. A bromance, you could call it. But he later learned that, in a friendly love, you didn’t want to run your hands over their body in a sensual way, exploring every bit of exposed skin you can find. You didn’t want to hold them closely and kiss them tenderly at night until daybreak, and you didn’t want to cuddle with them while they slept. Hide, while in his younger teens, had discovered that yes, he _did_ want to do all those things, and let go of the idea that his love for Kaneki was purely platonic.

While they had cuddled on multiple occasions when spending the night at each other’s houses, they had never done anything more until a couple days ago, and it had been so brief that Hide couldn’t tell if Kaneki had enjoyed it or not. He hadn’t pulled away in disgust—that was a good sign, at least.

He couldn’t keep Kaneki for himself like a person reserving a seat at a table; that would just be selfish. Deciding he should move on from the topic, Hide let his mind wander elsewhere. He thought about happier things, like playing video games with Kaneki at his house in high school. When they played Mario Kart—which was often, as it was one of the few games Kaneki was good at and enjoyed—Hide always chose rainbow road, but Kaneki was the one who won each time. Kaneki, who wasn’t very good at the majority of games Hide owned, had a strange talent for racing games.

Hide smiled to himself. Things were so much simpler back then. Looking back, it was amazing what he had considered to be “problems.” Now, he would gladly take on any amount of chores his parents could throw at him, or have to study for that big entrance exam. The problems of the past seemed so silly and irrelevant now.

Kaneki came back some time later. “How’d it go?” Hide questioned as his friend pulled up a chair to sit beside the bed.

“…He wants me to come back to Anteiku. I don’t know if I can.”

“Of course you can, Kaneki! It’s not like they wouldn’t welcome you back. Everyone here is your friend, right?”

Kaneki looked away. “It’s not that. I need to decide if it’ll…help me achieve my goal.”

Hide remembered what Touka had said to him while they were fighting. It had all been a ruse to get his kagune to come out, of course, but he couldn’t help but wonder if those words had a ring of truth to them. “ _How can you ever face him again, knowing that you’re only a deplorable weakling who’s holding him back?_ ”

Hide swallowed nervously. “Kaneki…I’m not holding you back or anything, right? From your goal, I mean.”

Kaneki gave him an incredulous look. “Who told you that?”

“No one, but—“

“Hide,” Kaneki stated, looking him in the eyes. “You’d never hold me back. If anything, you’re the reason I have to reach my goal. I have to protect you and Touka and Hinami and Banjou and all the others. I need to get stronger. Allying myself with the manager could help me.”

“Kaneki…” Hide knew his best friend was stretching himself too thin. He couldn’t save everyone; shouldn’t he of all people know that? But he didn’t voice his thoughts. “Well, if you think that’s a step in the right direction, man, go for it.” He grinned, and Kaneki smiled back at him.

“Thanks, Hide.” Kaneki brushed Hide’s fringe out of the way and placed a kiss on his forehead. Even a gesture as simple as that made Hide happy, as well as the fact that Kaneki didn’t think of him as a burden. Maybe things were going to turn around after all. Kaneki would return to Anteiku, Hide would learn how to blend in with humans, and they would all live out the rest of their lives together peacefully.

If only things were that simple.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> no there's not gonna be a love triangle or anything so don't worry about that haha
> 
> so this is where the story kinda gets back on the manga timeline. things will happen a little slower though because I think there was only like 2 days in between where Kaneki talked to the manager and when the anteiku raid started (correct me if I'm wrong), so I'm going to extend the time a bit just for the sake of the story
> 
> thanks for reading!


	6. Admittance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Touka hates men, Hide becomes Sonic, and Kaneki can't hold back anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy hehe

It was raining.

Hide’s mood was always dampened by the rain. Turning away from the window, Hide watched as Touka served a customer nearby to him his order. The customer thanked her and then said something else, to which she smiled shyly in response before moving away from the table. She sat down in the empty chair at Hide’s.

“Ugh, men are so annoying,” she stated, “and I have to be nice to every single one of them.” She looked out the window in annoyance.

Hide snickered. “Aw, come on. We’re not all that bad,” he said.

Touka glanced at him out of the corner of her visible eye. “Yeah, you’re right. Some of you are much worse than others.”

“Ouch! That really hurts, Touka!” A smile tugged at the corner of her mouth, but she quickly hid it. Hide could tell she harbored some guilt over what happened, but decided not to bring it up. He had healed and was now perfectly fine, and she would move on. After all, she had done worse to people.

Yes, most of the people here had done much, much worse to people. Hide hoped with all his heart that he would never have to harm another person. But, deep within his mind, he knew that hope was a lost cause. He was a ghoul, and ghouls hurt others so they could go on surviving. That was just how it was.

Why was he thinking so morbidly lately? It was the rain—it had to be the rain. It was the one thing that quelled his usual boisterous, jovial personality and made him introspective and dismal.

“You’re oddly quiet,” Touka commented.

“Oh, sorry,” Hide replied, coming out of his daze. “I was just lost in thought.”

She nodded. “I’ve always liked the rain. It feels like a new start, like I’m washing away all the bad things I’ve done since the last one. Then I do more bad things and wait for them to be washed away as well.” She paused and then added, “It’s the only way we keep ourselves going, convincing ourselves that the things we do aren’t bad, just necessary. But they feel bad, you know? Sometimes it feels like I’m a walking, talking sin. I hate it,” she finished quietly.

“The things ghouls have to do to in order to survive are wrong, yeah,” Hide stated, “but that doesn’t mean you should blame yourself for it. There has to be some reason ghouls exist other than to remind people to lock their doors at night, right?”

“But the thing is, none of us know that reason. We’re all still searching for it,” she replied blankly. Then she faced him and said, “And soon enough, you’ll be searching too.” With that, Touka stood, pushed in the chair, and walked away. Hide sighed.

He hated the rain.

* * *

 

Hide spent most of his days wandering around Anteiku, helping out as much as he could. He didn’t officially work there yet, but he did small odd jobs like fixing a broken coffee machine and sweeping the shop. While it wasn’t his first choice of things to do, he considered it repayment towards his fighting lessons with Touka.

Kaneki, despite having stated that he was finished training with her, relented and let them practice more—with him observing, of course. According to Touka, Hide was a much faster learner than Kaneki at fighting. This wasn’t a surprise; Kaneki’s past gentle and calm nature didn’t exactly make him a worthy fighting candidate.

At some point after Hide’s recovery—which hadn’t taken much longer than a few hours in bed—they went to see Uta about getting Hide a mask. “Hmm, how about a bird mask?” Uta had asked him. Hide was fine with that, as long as it wasn’t too bulky and he could breathe in it. It was to be ready in a few days.

Hide had also managed to bring out his kagune consciously—albeit with some struggle, but still, it was a start. “You’re doing pretty damn well,” Touka commented once while they practiced.

Grinning, Hide replied, “Thanks, Touka! You’re a good teacher.” That was the biggest compliment Hide had ever heard from her.

She straightened. “You think so?”

“Yeah!”

“I, uh, actually kind of want to be a teacher. A school teacher,” she said rather quietly, as if it were an embarrassing topic. “I don’t know, though. I feel like my temper’s too short.”

“I bet you could do anything you set your mind to, Touka.”

She smiled one of her rare, genuine smiles. “Thanks, Hide.”

After Hide had become as skilled as one could be after about a week of fighting lessons, they focused on fighting with his kagune. Hide was thankful Touka had a ukaku kagune; it seemed like it would be harder to get under control than his tail and he needed all the guidance he could get. “The key to fighting as an ukaku is speed. Our speed is our greatest weapon. Watch.” Touka activated her kagune, her wings spreading behind her. She took one step in Kaneki’s direction and then she was gone. Kaneki, who hadn’t expected to have a high-speed ghoul practically flying towards him, let out a noise of surprise and fell to the ground when Touka appeared in front of him and punched him in the stomach. “Except if I were really trying to hurt him,” Touka stated, “I would have crystallized my kagune and stabbed him.”

“You could at least warn me…” Kaneki grumbled, standing and brushing himself off. Touka shrugged. Hide chuckled to himself, eager to try.

His first few attempts to use his speed did not go well. He couldn’t control it at all, and he ended up smashing into the wall numerous times. “Is there no better place to do this?” Kaneki questioned as he hoisted Hide’s body off the ground and leaned it against the wall. Hide groaned, a splitting headache forming where he had hit his head.

“Unless you want him accidentally flying across the whole twentieth ward, no, there isn’t,” Touka stated, crossing her arms.

“We should Hide-proof this area, then.”

“And how do you suggest we do that?”

Their solution, while somewhat silly, proved to be effective. After a period of struggle, Kaneki and Touka managed to haul three mattresses off the beds in the upstairs of Anteiku down into the training area. Lining two side by side on the wall and placing the third on top, they formed an upright mattress pyramid that Hide could crash into without further injuring himself. “There,” Kaneki said once they were finished, “that should help.”

Hide, who had been recovering from hitting the wall too many times, got up and stretched. The one thing he liked about having the body of a ghoul was the regeneration. Once he felt as good as new, he tried controlling his speed once again, and, with the help of the mattress pyramid, finally got some hold on it.

“Alright, now try coming at me and doing one of the moves I taught you,” Touka said. Hide nodded. Backing up, he took a few steps forward, jumped, and then used his kagune for the speed boost. He flew at Touka at the fastest speed he had achieved yet, but he missed her. Suddenly, he was hurdling at an incredible speed towards the other wall.

In a flash, Hide brought out his other kagune. Wrapping it around a nearby concrete support column, he flung around it and then let go, flying in the other direction and heading directly for Touka. Touka had no time to dodge—Hide crashed into her at an unbelievable speed, sending them both sliding on the ground until they hit the mattress pyramid. Kaneki ran over to where they had ended up.

“Are you guys alright? Hey, talk to me!” he exclaimed fearfully, lifting Hide’s head. Hide moaned in pain and Kaneki sighed in relief. “Touka, can you hear me?” As gently as he could so as not to hurt him further, Kaneki rolled Hide’s body off of hers and lifted her head as well. She was unconscious.

“She must have hit her head when you two collided,” he stated. Hide hadn’t suffered as much damage because he didn’t hit the ground; he hit Touka, who hit the ground for him.

Kaneki told Hide that he was going to get someone to help and to stay put, which Hide found sort of funny because Kaneki actually thought he was going to move in the next hour. Hurriedly, his friend ascended the steel rungs that led to the outside and disappeared. Aching all over, Hide crawled over to Touka’s unconscious body and felt around for her pulse. To his relief, it was there. Well, it’s not like she could have died from that, but he was just making sure. Suddenly, she groaned; she had awakened.

 “H-hey,” Hide managed. Touka didn’t respond, nor did she move. Hide propped himself up against a mattress. “Sorry about that…I guess we’re even now.” He laughed and scratched the back of his neck nervously.

Touka, eyes opening, glanced at him. “Idiot…” she murmured and then closed them again. But the word wasn’t spoken harshly. Hide smiled sheepishly.

With his bikaku kagune, he could effectively latch onto upright objects and fling himself any direction in midair, giving him even more speed than he began with. He would have to learn how to do that _without_ barreling into things at top speeds. Hide couldn’t deny that he felt a sliver of pride at having done such an advanced move. Yes, he did end up on his ass afterwards, but still.

Kaneki returned within a few minutes, bringing a sullen looking man with light hair parted at the center with him. “She woke up,” Hide told them. “Then she dropped out again. I think.”

“I’m awake,” Touka grumbled, shifting. “Just waiting for the pounding in my skull to go away.”

“Yomo’s here. He’s going to pick you up and carry you out, okay?” Kaneki said. Hide was reminded of the once timid, kind, caring Kaneki. He was still all these things, just not to the degree he used to be.

Touka allowed herself to be hoisted up by the man, Yomo. He carefully draped her over his back and said, “Hold on.” Touka nodded against his thick overcoat, wrapping her arms and legs around his body. He carefully climbed out. 

“Can you stand, Hide?” Kaneki asked him once they were gone.

“Yep! I feel better already.”

His friend arched an eyebrow. “Stand then.”

Hide, dizzy, wobbled to his feet unsteadily and then fell against Kaneki, who caught him. “I guess not, haha…” Kaneki steadied him and then looked him over. Then, suddenly, he leaned closer and pressed a kiss to Hide’s cheek. Arms wrapping around Hide’s slightly larger body, Kaneki rested his head on Hide’s shoulder and lightly trailed kisses up his neck to his jaw.

Hide was caught off guard at this sudden display of affection, but he wasn’t questioning it at all. Doing the best he could to balance while Kaneki did this, he enveloped his friend in an embrace. Kaneki began sucking on a spot on his neck and Hide knew that was going to leave a mark but he didn’t care. “Kaneki…” he murmured in his ear. Kaneki pulled back from his neck, looking Hide in the eyes before unexpectedly capturing his lips with his own. This time, there was no one to interrupt them and the kiss quickly deepened, their mouths battling for dominance. Hide’s hands found Kaneki’s hips, pulling him closer. One of Kaneki’s hands sought its way into his messy blond hair, the other resting on his neck. All of the affections they had held for each other for so many years came pouring out into that single kiss.

Hide’s fingers played with the hem of Kaneki’s shirt before going under it with both his hands and rubbing his back. Finally, the kiss began to slow down into something less heated and desperate; it was now slow, deep, and tender. Hide was drowning in his love for Kaneki, and he wanted it to never end. Why had they waited so long to do this?

Finally, they pulled apart, both slightly out of breath. Kaneki no longer cared if he were a failure or too impure to love; maybe he was just being selfish, but he wanted— _needed_ Hide more than anything else in the world.

 “God, I love you, Kaneki,” Hide said. And now he knew that Kaneki loved him too; he didn’t even need to hear it said. The thought was almost too overwhelming for Hide’s already overwhelmed heart. Kaneki smiled, and it looked exactly like the one he wore in the past. A shy yet loving smile.  

Hide’s body suddenly remembered its dizziness and he swayed side to side, trying to stand up straight. “Here,” Kaneki said, bending down so Hide could get on his back like Yomo and Touka had done earlier. Hide climbed on and nuzzled into the back of his friend’s neck, his hair tickling his face. “Hold on tightly, okay?”

And Hide did. He held on as tightly as he could to Kaneki, promising to never, ever let him go again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so Hide is essentially sonic the hedgehog except ghoul version
> 
> to the person who asked in the comments how Hide was going to make up for the lack of stamina of a ukaku ghoul, here's your answer! Hide will be able to use his bikaku to swing around stuff and give him a lot more speed. if you've ever seen attack on titan or played the aot tribute game, his kagunes work sort of like the 3dmg. his tail can hook onto/wrap around things like the cables, while his wings are like the gas, and, like in the game, each time you hook onto something you swing and gain more momentum than before, which is essentially how his speed is gonna work! also how bout those hidekanes B)
> 
> thanks for reading!


	7. Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide makes bad coffee, Tsukiyama creeps to the max, and Touka and Kaneki argue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so I've officially decided that the update days for this fic will be thursday and sunday, so make sure to look for new chapters then! unfortunately, that schedule may be interrupted at some point in time because exams are coming up, which sucks unu
> 
> from here out for a few chapters, it's going to be following the manga timeline. I tried to change the wording up in Touka and Kaneki's conversation just so it wouldn't be like rereading the manga, but it still reflects the original.
> 
> as always, enjoy!

“So are we not going to talk about the fact that Hide could probably amount to be one of the fastest ghouls that’s ever lived?” Touka asked, taking a sip of her coffee that Hide had prepared for the four of them. She tried not to let her disgust at the horrible drink show. It was almost as bad as human food.

The others were barely managing to choke down theirs as well. “ _Monsieur_ , I think you should stick to sweeping for now,” Tsukiyama said, setting his cup down. Hide picked up his cup and took a sip. Yep, that was the last time he would ever make coffee for anyone.

Kaneki, sweet Kaneki, managed to finish the entire cup. “That was…certainly an interesting flavor it had,” he commented.

Hide laughed. “Okay, I get it. I suck at making coffee. I’ll never go near another coffee machine again.”

Kaneki chuckled. Tsukiyama nodded in agreement. “I’m afraid it’s for the best,” he said. He didn’t need Hide’s scent to be tainted with the foul odor of poorly made coffee.

Tsukiyama never thought he would move on from Kaneki’s scent. But Hide had something that Kaneki did not—he couldn’t identify it, but it was there. And it was enticing as _hell_.

 _Tread lightly, Tsukiyama Shuu_ , he told himself. _Don’t let this one slip away._

 His mistake with Kaneki was not acting soon enough. Yes, that had been it. And then he had spent months just waiting for the opportunity to get a long-awaited taste of his delicious meat—but now, he had set his eyes upon someone even more delicious. He wasn’t going to give up on his Kaneki-kun—no, never—but he wanted to get a taste of Hideyoshi Nagachika as well. He needed to form a plan.

“If he can just learn to manage your speed and use his other kagune in midair,” Touka explained, “then he can do it. He could go the fastest a ghoul has ever gone. Hell, he might have even done it yesterday.”

“Hmm, I’m not quite sure about that. From what you have told me, Nagachika is indeed fast, but let’s not get too naïve about his abilities,” Tsukiyama reasoned. “Let us not forget that the Owl, too, is an incredibly fast ghoul.”

Hide noticed Kaneki stiffen at the mention of the Owl. He had the feeling he knew something the others didn’t, but didn’t press. “I think Tsukiyama is right. I’ll have to keep practicing before I can really control it. I didn’t even think about it—it was like an impulse. I don’t even know where it came from,” Hide said.

“Instinct,” Touka stated.

“Yeah, maybe.”

They were all silent for a moment until Tsukiyama stood. “Well, I believe I’ll be heading out now. I made a promise to Hinami to take her out to lunch.” The others nodded. “ _Au revoir_.” With that, he left. Touka sighed in relief once he was gone.

“That guy gives me the creeps,” she stated, frowning. “How can you trust him, Kaneki?”

“It’s complicated,” his friend muttered in response. Hide had questioned that himself; Tsukiyama seemed too unpredictable to be reliable. He had only been around him a few times, but even in those short time periods, he was beginning to piece together the man’s personality. And he didn’t like it. Hide could tell he was hiding something, and he was going to find out what.

But that was for a later time. Right now, Hide had other things to worry about than a strange man with picky eating habits. Like using the bathroom, for example. “Man, I’ve gotta pee. I’ll be right back; don’t do anything fun without me!” Hide exclaimed, practically running out of the room. He ran down the hall, searching for that magic door. _Bathroom, bathroom_ , he chanted in his mind. Ah, there it was.

Twisting the doorknob, Hide found it to be locked. There was heavy breathing on the other side of the door, but whoever it was stopped at the sound of the doorknob being jiggled. The door opened a moment later. It was Tsukiyama. “Ah, Nagachika. Pardon me,” he said, sidestepping Hide and allowing him to enter the small restroom.

“Uh, hi. I’ll just, um, yeah.” Hide shut the door and locked it behind him, running a hand through his hair. Tsukiyama was definitely starting to creep him the hell out. What was up with that guy?

After doing his business, Hide washed his hands and went back to the room they had been occupying. Kaneki and Touka seemed to be in the middle of a serious conversation. While Hide didn’t normally snoop or eavesdrop, he couldn’t help but quietly sneak up to the door and listen.

“…told me to come back to Anteiku.” It was Kaneki speaking.

“Well, you kind of already are back,” Touka replied. Kaneki was silent. “What did you tell him?”

“I said I didn’t know. I need to figure out that if, by joining with the manager, I can get what I want.”

“And what exactly do you want?”

“I…want to protect everyone. I can’t lose anyone that’s important to me. I’ll protect Hinami, Banjou and his friends, Hide, and you, Touka. Everyone. That’s why I pulled out”—there was the sound of something cracking, it sounded like fingers—“any interfering _weeds_.”

Touka was silent for a moment before replying, “But who are you going to ‘pull out?’ Doves? Aogiri? Ghouls? Humans? Or are you going to ‘pull out’ all of them? You’re just throwing yourself in the middle of an endless cycle of bullshit. There’s no reason we have to be protected by _you._ You, who pretends to care about the wellbeing of others, but really, it’s all about yourself. You’re afraid of being alone. What you’re searching for is nothing more than self-satisfaction, and it makes me sick,” she spat. “It’s all so stupid.”

“You don’t know me better than myself, Touka.”

“Yeah, I think I do. Because you’re wrong.”

There was a sigh. “Well, that’s okay. As long as you’re never left alone.”

“Don’t _mock me_!” The sound of struggle arose from the room. Hide peeked in through the doorway and saw Touka trying to hit Kaneki, but he avoided every strike.

“Stop this, Touka.”

“Shut up! Don’t”— _punch_ —“determine by yourself that”— _kick_ —“I wouldn’t be fine alone! You’re acting like some kind of shitty, tragic hero who thinks he knows what’s best for everyone else. You can’t even protect yourself; how could you possibly protect others? Trash like you…trash like you should stay out of Anteiku!”

Hide watched, eyes wide, as Touka’s fist connected with Kaneki’s face, sending him flying against the wall. She marched over and stood above him in triumph before sinking to the floor, voice low. “Why did you have to change?” she whispered, the words barely audible to Hide. Abruptly, she stood and stomped out the door, walking past Hide without giving any recognition that she noticed him. Hide immediately rushed in and knelt beside Kaneki.

“Are you okay?” he asked softly. He knew he would recover from the punch, but it was the words he was more considered about.

“No,” Kaneki murmured, staring blankly at the ceiling. All this time, he thought he had been doing the right thing. He thought getting stronger to protect people was what he had to do. Now, in the blink of an eye, he saw how irrational, naïve, and childish his wish had been. Kaneki could do nothing as all his reasons for doing things crumbled before him.

The truth hurt.

Hide saw that his friend needed to be alone. Contrary to him, Kaneki didn’t prefer to work out his problems through discussion. Quiet introspection was how he solved things. “Okay. I’ll be in the other room if you need me,” Hide said. “If you do, just say so, okay? I’ll come.” Kaneki nodded, and he left.

Kaneki didn’t emerge from the room for a long time. Hide wondered if he should check on him, but decided against it. He had already done mor

* * *

e than enough spying on people for that day.

Touka had left the shop. Luckily, she didn’t have a shift that day, so Yoshimura, the manager, didn’t have to call in another worker to cover for her. He did question where she was, though, when he passed through the room that Hide occupied.

“I think she went to run an errand. School related, probably,” he lied. The manager smiled at him and nodded before going downstairs. Hide sighed and reclined further back on the couch he once had bad hunger pains on. He frowned when he remembered his hunger. Lately, the sugar cubes hadn’t been doing as well to curb it. It was only a matter of time before he had to eat something _else._

Finally, Kaneki wandered out, looking weary and solemn. “Hey,” Hide said. “Did you get it figured out?”

“Yeah,” he replied. “I know what I need to do now, and I need you to come with me to do it.”

* * *

 

“And that’s why I’m disbanding the group and going back,” Kaneki concluded to his group, who sat around him in their shared house. “I need to start anew. And…I know this sounds selfish, and it may just be my stubbornness talking, but I’d like you all to come with me. I’d like to still be with everyone. Is…that alright?”

Banjou sighed. “Kaneki, don’t say such foolish things. You saved my life—I’ll follow you wherever you choose to go.”

Banjou’s three friends, Jiro, Sante, and Ichimi, all agreed to go as well. “If you go back to the store, Big Brother, it would make me very happy,” Hinami said. She grabbed his hands in excitement. “I really agree with you going back to Anteiku!”

Kaneki smiled. “Thank you, Hinami.” Hide smiled as well.

Tsukiyama stepped forward, and Hinami released his hands. “Do you think I may be included in this family, Kaneki-kun?”

“…Tsukiyama, sorry. I can’t trust you after all.” Kaneki sighed. “But, you weren’t a bad comrade. If you would, please continue to lend me your strength.”

Tsukiyama looked overjoyed. Bowing, he exclaimed, “Of course, _monsieur_! _Rubato_!”

After the discussion, Hide and Kaneki made their way upstairs to where they slept. Hide’s futon lay on the ground in a mess—he never bothered to straighten it out. What was the point if you were just going to get back in it later?

They sat on the bed, Hide rubbing one of Kaneki’s hands thoughtfully. “So, did everything go as planned?” he asked.

“More or less,” he answered.

“Are we moving into Anteiku, then?”

“I don’t know yet.”

Kaneki was still figuring everything out. Hide recognized this and dropped the topic, instead opting to talk about how bad of a waiter he would be. “I’ll probably drop dishes left and right I’ll be so uncoordinated! How much do you want to bet that I’ll spill coffee on a customer in the first week? 1000 yen that I will.”

Kaneki laughed. “Are you trying to make me lose money? That’s a bet I won’t win. 2000 that you’ll spill coffee on a customer while simultaneously breaking a dish.”

“Now you’re just being cruel!” Hide begun to laugh as well, and soon enough, their laughter turned into howls, bringing both of them to the edge of tears. It hadn’t even been that funny, but that was the beauty of friendship. Sometimes, just watching another person laugh was enough to spark one’s own laughter. They laughed until Hinami knocked on their door, asking if everything were alright.

“We’re fine, we’re fine,” Hide, still trying to recover from the laughter attack, assured her when she opened it. “Kaneki’s just being stupid.” Hinami giggled and nodded before exiting the room.

For the next ten minutes, both of them were prone to bust out in a fit of giggles at anything the other said. Eventually, they calmed down, contentment on both their faces. Hide smiled. “You know, that’s the first time you’ve really laughed since I last saw you.”

Kaneki shrugged, but a small smile was in place on his face. “Yeah. I guess you’re right.”

“You should do more of it. Laughter _is_ the best medicine, after all.”

“If only we could laugh all of our problems away.” He sighed and fell back on the bed. Hide fell with him and put his arms around him. Kaneki's body may have been smaller in size, but not in muscle, he noted. Hide was astonished what months of constant fighting produced. Maybe he would be that strong someday.

“Yeah, if only.”

They stayed like that until they fell asleep. Hinami quietly shut the door all the way, smiling to herself as she walked back to her room.

She was glad her big brother was finally finding some happiness in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hinami probably started shipping them the moment she saw Hide lmao
> 
> thanks for reading!


	8. Incursion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaneki forgets what he's learned and Hide is stubborn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahh thank you guys so much for all the feedback, 200 kudos already! you guys are amazing
> 
> sadly all good things must come to an end for our bbys. it's time for the anteiku raid...

Hide was awakened by shaking. “Hide, wake up. We’re leaving.”

“Five more minutes,” he groaned groggily. He had fallen asleep on the bed while reading a book in the middle of the day. Kaneki continued to shake him until he cracked open a sleepy eye.

“Hide, this is important. Get up.” Kaneki’s voice had a sense of urgency.

Hide sat up and rubbed his eyes. “What’s going on?” he asked.

“The CCG. They’re moving in on Anteiku.”

* * *

 

The news was so sudden that it made Hide’s head spin as the group made their way to Anteiku. Just yesterday he and Kaneki were betting how badly Hide would do as a waiter; now, it seemed, they weren’t going to get to see who would win.

Yomo was already there, helping everyone move their things out. After Kaneki had heard the men discussing the attack at the coffee shop he had been in, Yomo was the first one he told. Touka and Kaneki passed each other wordlessly, Touka carrying a box of cups out. Her eyes were sad.

Why was this happening so abruptly? One day they had been fine, the next—this. Kaneki had been planning on returning to Anteiku, the rest would have followed, and everything would have been okay.

And then Hide remembered he was living in the world of ghouls, where nothing would ever be okay. Their position was constantly changing. Sometimes they were on the offense, sometimes they were on the defense. No matter what they were on, though, they were always in danger.

All of a sudden, the urge to break down hit Hide like a brick wall. He had only been involved with Anteiku for a few weeks and yet he felt extremely connected to it. He didn’t want to think about the shop being destroyed, or the people in it being hurt. Suddenly, he understood Kaneki’s wanting to become stronger to protect the things he cared about. While his wish had turned into somewhat of a delusion and he became misguided, Hide couldn’t help but wonder if he should try to achieve the same thing.

No, it wouldn’t do anyone any good. He thought back to what Touka had said to Kaneki. She worded it harshly, but she was right. Kaneki was a fragile, lonely boy who couldn’t stand the thought of losing something important to him. Hide had known this for all the time he had known Kaneki; it was just a part of him. It became especially worse, though, after his mother’s death. That had really hit him hard, and, unknowingly, he became progressively like her as the years went by.

Maybe the others couldn’t see it, but Hide could. Loneliness was inscribed onto Kaneki’s very being in permanent ink, and no amount of cleansing would make it go away. But that was okay, because it made Kaneki who he was. Even if he wasn’t the most jovial and lively person in the world, Hide loved him no matter what, and he vowed to make as much of that loneliness as he could disappear.

Nishio passed Hide and Kaneki while going down the stairs. “Hey, shitheads, listen to me,” he said to them. “…Don’t get hurt when this thing goes down.”

Normally, Hide would have grinned and teased him about his concern for them, but not that day. “Thanks. You too, Nishio.” Nishio grunted and nodded in response before continuing on his way down the steps.

The rooms were barren. Most of the furniture and objects that could be carried had already been moved. Only beds, sofas, and chairs remained. Hide and Kaneki scoured the rooms, making sure nothing of importance had been left behind. Finding nothing, they went back downstairs. Hide bid a silent goodbye to the upstairs of the shop, where he and Kaneki had shared their first kiss.

Irimi and Koma were cleaning the downstairs. “Any idea when the attack is coming?” Kaneki questioned them. Irimi shook her head, smiling slightly.

“No, but when it does, the shop will be sparkling clean,” she answered, then she returned to mopping.

The anxiety in the atmosphere was almost palpable. The impending attack loomed over them all, even if they hid it from one another. When was it coming? Hide almost wished it would just happen already; the waiting was killing him. Finally, they decided it was time to leave. Staying was only making it harder. Touka, forgetting her anger for a brief moment, approached them as they stepped out of the shop.

“Hey, don’t do anything stupid or rash.” She looked at Kaneki, who looked away. “Just…be safe and law low for a while, okay?”

“Okay, Touka. We’ll be safe. Same goes for you,” Hide replied. He nudged Kaneki to say something.

“Yeah,” was all he said. Touka rolled her eyes, turned, and began to walk to away when Kaneki turned and spoke, “Wait.” She stopped and looked back at him. He took a deep breath. “Touka, I’m sorry. You were right, I was afraid of being alone and I wanted to stop that at all costs. I didn’t stop to think how it would make other people feel, though, and I just want you to know that I truly am sorry.”

She turned away and sighed before mumbling under her breath, “Idiot, I can’t believe it took him this long to realize how stupid he was being…” Then she walked away. Kaneki smiled, thankful she had forgiven him. Well, at least to some degree. It was a start.

By now, the afternoon sky was beginning to fade into the darker colors of evening. Hide and Kaneki decided to wander around the town for the remainder of the day, reminiscing about the things they used to do together. “Kaneki, look! It’s Big Girl!” Hide exclaimed when they came upon the restaurant. They had shared so many good memories in that restaurant, like the time Kaneki asked for the rest of Hide’s burger and Hide accidentally tossed it into his water glass. Hide couldn’t stop laughing for minutes, while Kaneki embarrassingly tried to fish it out.

“You know, it’s sad really. It’s only been a few weeks and I’ve already forgotten what a burger tastes like.” Hide sighed, his happy smile turning into a sad one. Kaneki halted. “Huh? Why are you—“

“Hide, you’re my home. You have been, and you always will be,” Kaneki blurted out. “I thought you being turned into a ghoul would change you…I thought I was going to lose my best friend—the person I belonged to. I…I’m so glad you’re still you. I know _I’ve_ changed, so I shouldn’t even be saying this, but please allow me to be selfish one more time before I give it up. Please, Hide. Stay like you are. Forever.”

“I’ll always be me, no matter what, Kaneki. And you’re still you. There’ll always be a place for you in my heart, even if you decide to dye your hair purple and grow a mullet.” Hide laughed when he pictured Kaneki with a purple mullet. “Sorry, sorry,” he apologized when he saw the look Kaneki was giving him. But he couldn’t hold his glare for long—soon enough, his friend erupted into laughter as well. “But really, thank you, Kaneki. It means a lot,” Hide said when they composed themselves.

They began walking again, hand in hand, and Hide felt better than he had all day.

Kaneki decided they needed to check on the progress of Hide’s mask. He adjusted their course to Uta’s shop. “Ah, Nagachika,” Uta said when they walked in without even turning around. He was bent over a table working on something. “A pleasure to see you. And you too, Kaneki.”

“Hello, Uta,” Kaneki said. “Is Hide’s mask ready?”

“Yes, the mask is almost ready. If you could sit for a few minutes, I’ll have it done in no time.”

Fifteen minutes later, Uta brought out the finished mask and handed it to Hide. “Go on, try it. See how it fits.”

The mask, as Hide had requested, was breathable in. It was a half-mask, as Uta called it. Covering the top half of his face, it had a long nose that resembled a beak and was colored black everywhere except around the eyeholes, which were outlined in orange and gold. The colors around the eyes almost matched his hair, which he found pretty cool.

“I like it!” he told Uta. “Thanks, how much was it?” He was informed Touka had already paid the money for the mask. “Oh. Well, I’ll pay her back as soon as I get the chance.”

Thanking Uta, they left, Hide’s new mask tucked in his hoodie. It was a little uncomfortable, but he could deal with it until they went home. They continued walking, wanting to pretend everything was normal for as long as they could. But that time didn’t last long.

It was night now. They had just come out of a random shop near a large intersection when they heard it. “ _The twentieth ward is under a large-scale warning net. As of the moment, it is a restricted area, and all citizens must evacuate immediately_ ,” an overhead speaker on a building spoke, loud enough to be heard even the bustling crowd of people and traffic. “ _The target is a coffee shop within the twentieth ward. It is highly probable that it is a den for ghouls. There will be a large CCG movement into the twentieth ward. Repeat, the twentieth ward is under a large-scale warning net. All citizens must evacuate immediately…”_

Kaneki stood gaping. A sea of panic rose within Hide. He said he wanted it to begin already, but he hadn’t thought it would be so soon. Now that it had finally begun, he wanted nothing more than for it to have _not_ started.

Kaneki grabbed his hand. “Come on.”

They scaled a tall building in the process of being fled in the twentieth ward a few miles from Anteiku. The people coming out of it looked at them as if they were crazy for not running away, but didn’t stop to question them. Opening the unlocked door to the rooftop, Kaneki led them to the edge of the roof. A small column of smoke had begun to rise in the distance, presumably where Anteiku was. Hide sat down, figuring they’d be there for a while. Kaneki remained standing. They remained in silence for a while, until, suddenly, there were footsteps behind them, and then a voice spoke, “Are you going?”

Hide turned. It was Nishio.

“Nishio…” Kaneki said quietly.

“You two just can’t keep out of trouble, can you?” He sighed and then took a seat beside Hide. “Those Doves…it’s just some ghouls making coffee. Not that big of a deal. There’s probably hundreds of them down there.” He paused. “Funny how normalcy comes to a halt like this. Endings always come in the blink of an eye.”

Nishio continued to talk for some time about what the manager had said to him. Then, he stated, “Yomo’s probably gone to watch over Touka. She’s too unpredictable to be left alone. She’d probably be out there fighting now if he hadn’t gone.”

“…What are you going to do, Nishio?” Kaneki asked.

“I’m running away, of course. No point in letting old man and the others die in vain.” He stood. “But first, I’m going to meet Kimi one last time. I can’t leave without saying anything. It’d just be sad if she waited for me until she was an old hag. Aside from that…I need to be with such a good woman until the end.”

A breeze rustled Hide’s hair as he listened to their conversation and looked over the city. The view would have been beautiful if he hadn’t known what was ensuing so close to them.  

“Nishio…I shouldn’t have brought you into the shop.”

“Don’t say such stupid stuff now; it’ll only piss me off,” Nishio scoffed. After a moment, he added, “You don’t have to go, you know. There’s nothing wrong with living normally. You have people waiting for you.”

Kaneki hesitated before answering, looking at Hide. Hide looked back at him. _No, don’t do it. Don’t relapse, Kaneki, please._

“…I did my best with everyone, but, I think I need to try doing my best by myself just one more time,” he stated quietly.

Hide stood up. “Kaneki, there’s no need for you t—“

“ _I won’t let you go_.”

All three turned and saw Tsukiyama, who had somehow also found his way to where they were. The large man stepped closer to them. Kaneki placed himself in front of Hide. “I can’t hand over the two greatest gourmet dishes I’ve ever laid eyes on. If something happened to either of you…then all of my control would have been for nothing!”

“I know the dangers, Tsukiyama.”

“ _Then you’ll have to die right here_!”

In a flash, Tsukiyama brought out his kagune and charged them. Nishio pulled Hide out of the way while Kaneki dodged the attack. Tsukiyama yelled desperately for him not to go, for him to think about what he was doing as he slashed like a madman with his kagune. “Nothing can be done, can’t you see that?!” he screamed. “I won’t allow _anyone_ to get in my way of feasting on you and your friend, Kaneki-kun— _not even you_! _I WON’T ALLOW IT_!”

And, just like that, he collapsed, his large kagune retracting back into his body. Hide stood, too shocked to even move. His own kagune had come out on impulse, but seeing that Tsukiyama had given up the attack, he manually brought them back in. “Please, Kaneki-kun…” He was crying. Hide had never seen someone looked so dejected and torn apart. “The afterlife does not need another. Stay, _mon ami_ , please…”

Kaneki smiled softly. “Thank you for trying to stop me, Tsukiyama, but I don’t want to be unable to do anything.” He turned to Nishio. “Nishio, could you take Hide with you?”

“I—“

“No, Kaneki. I’m going with you,” Hide stated. There was no way he was letting Kaneki take on this big of a job alone. He was bound to get injured and no one would be there to help him. He had to go.

“Hide, please. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“If you’re going, I’m going. I don’t care how much you argue; that’s how it’s going to be.”

It had been a long time since Kaneki had seen his friend so serious, so stern. His austere manner was something he was going to have a hard time arguing against, but he was going to try anyways. Trying to appeal to Hide’s logical side, he stated, “Hide, you hardly have any fighting experience other than with Touka. You haven’t fought a real battle yet, and down there…it’s as real as it’s going to get,” he tried to explain, but Hide wasn’t having it.

“I’m a firm believer in learning on the job, Kaneki.” Damn his stubbornness. At this rate, Kaneki was going to get nowhere. He was at a crossroad: if he left now without saying anything further, Hide would just follow him, and he couldn’t trust that he wouldn’t break out of Nishio’s grasp if he somehow convinced the other ghoul to hold him down. But letting him go was a danger in itself. Not only could Hide wind up getting seriously wounded, but Kaneki could as well while trying to protect him. There was no telling what was going to happen down there.

If only Hide weren’t so loyal and protective. As much as he hated to do it, he finally told Hide that he could come—but on one condition. It was his last-ditch attempt to persuade him not to.

“You have to eat some meat if you’re going to come,” Kaneki stated. “It’d be bad for us both if you ran out of steam in the middle of a fight.”

Nishio nodded in agreement. “For once, he’s right. You need to build up some Rc cells before you can even _think_ about waltzing into the middle of a battlefield.”

Hide seemed a bit discouraged at that, but he nodded anyways. He was unable keep the grimace off his face, though, at the thought of having to eat some ‘real food.’ “Where will we even…?” And then he remembered that there would be plenty of fresh corpses for him to choose from, both ghoul and human alike.

_Oh, god._

Kaneki began walking towards the door that would lead them downwards. “Let’s go, there’s no more time to waste,” he stated. Hide followed, Nishio watching as they went.

“Idiots, all of them…” he murmured when the heavy door slowly shut behind them. “But I’ll never meet another pair like them again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!


	9. Stains

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide discovers what it truly is to be a ghoul.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> enjoy these precious bbys fighting together and wish me luck on my math eoc tomorrow  
> rip me

The two walked through the once familiar streets, now littered with bodies and painted in blood. Entrails spilled out of the ripped apart human corpses, most of which were missing a limb or two. The ghoul corpses were less decimated, but still, some were unrecognizable. Hide thought he saw a familiar face among a pile of dead CCG members, but it could have just been his mind playing a trick on him.

The sight was gruesome, and it made his stomach churn in disgust. Kaneki noticed how disturbed he was and touched his arm. “You don’t have to do this, you know,” he said through the fabric of his mask. “You can still turn back now.”

Hide swallowed, forcing the bile that had crept into his throat back down. “No, I’m still coming,” he replied sternly, albeit with less confidence than he had on the roof. He was determined to keep Kaneki safe.

They continued their search for a slightly better-looking body, or at least one that didn’t have organs spilling out of it. Finally, they came upon what appeared to be the most intact corpse they had seen yet. The cause of death was a blow to the chest. Gulping, Hide knelt down, unsure of how to begin. “How do I…?”

“It would make it easier to eat if what you wanted were separated from the body,” Kaneki explained. “And you should probably take your mask off.”

“Are some parts better than others?”

Kaneki scratched the back of his head sheepishly. “…I like the thighs the best. But let’s just get an arm, those are the easiest to break off.” Hide averted his eyes as his friend tore an arm off the body with his sharp claws. “Here.” He handed him it.

Taking it hesitantly, Hide took off his mask, laid it on the ground, and looked down at the severed arm. Blood dripped from where it had been forcibly ripped from the body. Looking once again at the corpse, he apologized to whoever it had been in his mind. And then he took a bite.

It was like nothing he had ever tasted before. An explosion of delicious flavor overwhelmed his taste buds and he took another bite, and another, and another. The arm was gone and he grabbed for another piece, tearing into the soft, delicate flesh of the body and scooping out a handful of muscle. Desperately, he shoved it into his mouth. Blood rushed out the fresh wounds on the body, which he lapped up eagerly before ripping another chunk out.

 _This_ was what it was to be a ghoul. This was the hunger and the satisfaction of a monster. Hide suddenly came back to his senses when this thought crossed his foggy mind and he collapsed to the ground, looking down at the stained pavement in shame. A hunk of meat slipped from his bloodied hands, landing beside him. The sweet taste of human flesh lingered in his mouth, and he blinked the tears that were threatening to spill out of his eyes away.

“I…I don’t want to eat anymore,” Hide whispered. Suddenly, he felt a hand on his back. Ever so slowly, Kaneki began to rub the tension out of his muscles. Hide allowed himself to fall completely on the pavement, curling up in a ball and covering his face in remorse.  

Kaneki recalled that those words had echoed his own at one point. He felt some guilt for forcing Hide to eat, but Kaneki had given him a choice, and this is what Hide had chosen.

All to help him.

“Hide…are you okay?” he asked gently. Hide shook his head no. But before he could say anything else, Kaneki whipped his head around at the sound of movement, and he saw four ghouls he didn’t recognize creeping towards him. “Stay back,” he commanded them, “or else.”

One cackled and nudged the other, who nodded. Then they charged.

“Hide, look out!” Kaneki yelled, kicking his friend out of the way before bringing out his kagune and intercepting the two ghouls who were attacking. The other two stayed back, watching the fight unfold. Hide quickly snapped out of his daze. Getting to his feet, he snatched his mask off the ground and put it on before lunging at one of the ghouls Kaneki was holding back. Tackling it, Hide began punching the ghoul in the face repeatedly with all his might.

The ghoul kicked him hard in the stomach, sending him reeling backwards before he fell over. They both got to their feet at the same time. Kaneki and the other were battling near them, Kaneki quickly gaining the upper hand. Determined to win, Hide brought out both his kagunes and ran at his opponent, who had brought out his own koukaku kagune. Dodging as the ghoul tried to stab him, he used his tail to grab the ghoul’s legs and pull them out from under it before using the sharp end to slice through its flesh. The ghoul groaned in agony as Hide’s kagune cut deeply into its thighs, almost to the bone. Hide didn’t realize it, but the other two ghouls were about to join the battle.

“Hide!”

Suddenly, Hide cried out in pain as something pierced his back, going straight through his body. It was pain like he had never felt before; it burned like a raging fire and he couldn’t think, couldn’t turn around to defend himself from another ghoul flying full-speed towards him. He was knocked over by the sheer force of wind the ukaku ghoul made when he flew past, the pain in his back intensifying after being impaled with numerous shards of kagune—if that were even possible.

And then Kaneki was there, engaging the rinkaku ghoul who had stabbed Hide, madness in his eyes. “ _Rot in hell_ ,” he said with an almost frightening calmness before penetrating the ghoul’s body with all six tentacles of his kagune. The ghoul hung limply from them as its body was lifted into the air before being slung away like a ragdoll. It hit the nearby wall of a building with a resounding _thud_.

The ukaku ghoul hovered above Hide’s body, oblivious to what had just happened. Its crystallized kagune was ready to finish him off when two tentacles tore through its stomach violently. Hide heard the sickening sound of ripping flesh as the ghoul was literally torn in half by Kaneki, who added more tentacles into its body and finally one in the head, finishing it off. Blood spilled onto Hide, who was doing his best not to moan in agony as his wound began to regenerate.

Kaneki stepped past Hide, approaching the ghoul whose legs were still healing. It tried to crawl away, but a tentacle latched on to one leg and pulled him back before hurling its body into the air, where he dangled upside down. “P-please…” it begged, “don’t do it! I—I didn’t hurt him, I swear!”

But the ghoul’s pleads were not heard, and Kaneki threw it against a wall with all his might. To make sure it was dead, he stabbed it through the head. And that was the end of it.

What happened to the ghoul Kaneki was battling with first? Hide cocked his head and got his answer; it was lying on the ground in a bloody heap, multiple stab wounds visible under the torn cloak. When he had gotten hurt, Kaneki had become serious.

His friend rushed over to where he was lying on the ground. “Hide, are you alright?” he questioned frantically.

“Y-yeah, it just hurts like a bitch,” Hide grunted, somehow managing a grin. “Sorry I couldn’t really be of much help…”

“It’s fine, just focus on healing.”

Nodding, Hide took a deep breath and let out a long, shaky sigh. The fire in his back and abdomen, where the kagune had pierced him all the way through, wasn’t subsiding. Kaneki looked around nervously, afraid more would appear. “I’m going to get us somewhere more hidden; I don’t like being out in the open like this. I’ll have to lift you, Hide.” Hide nodded once again. “Okay, bear with me.”

Carefully sliding one arm under Hide’s upper back and the other under his knees, Kaneki slowly lifted him. He carried him bridal style to a nearby alleyway before setting him down gently against the wall of a building. Hide wondered why he felt a sense of recognition in his surroundings before realizing that Kaneki had brought him—unknowingly—to the alley Touka had attacked him in.  

Kaneki sat with Hide as he healed, Hide resting his head on Kaneki’s shoulder while Kaneki ran a hand through his hair. Hide knew just how much he wanted to be out there fighting, but he stayed, and he couldn’t even begin to tell his friend how much that meant to him.

Anxiety had begun to form in the pit of Kaneki’s stomach. He was itching to get out there; he had to save Koma and Irimi before it was too late. Or maybe it already was.

 _No_ , he told himself, _you can’t allow yourself to think like that_.

He loved Hide with all his heart, but he couldn’t bear to be slowed down any longer. “Hide, we have to move. Are you healed enough?” he asked after a few more minutes.

Hide groaned when he tried to get up. “It still hurts, but I can deal with it,” he stated. “I know I’m holding you up, and I’m sorry. I just…” What had he come here to do with Kaneki anyways? Had he honestly thought he would need protecting? Unrest settled in his stomach; Kaneki would really be better off without him here. “You can leave me if you want to,” he said quietly.

Kaneki sighed. “You really are an idiot, aren’t you?”

Hide smiled. “Yeah, I guess I am sometimes.”

Kaneki helped him to his feet and they began to walk. It gradually became easier the farther they went. They then began to jog. It was still far too slow a pace for Kaneki’s liking, but it couldn’t be helped. He was thankful Hide had eaten quite the meal before getting hurt; it was speeding up the regeneration process at a noticeable rate. Even though it had been a kagune wound, it was healing nicely, as evident from Hide being able to go faster.

Finally, they were moving at a speed Kaneki was pleased with. They ran along the edge of the street, passing multiple fights between CCG members and ghouls of various allegiances. Hide didn’t question where they were going; he knew Kaneki had a plan in mind.

They came upon a large building, which Kaneki halted in front of. Flashes of light lit up the inside periodically, and maniacal laughter and shouting could be heard. Slipping in through the door, they went inside.

It ended up being Koma and an investigator battling. They had made it just in time; Koma had been blasted through the stomach by the manic investigator’s quinque and was in critical condition. Hide watched as Kaneki quickly and skillfully sliced the man’s quinque to pieces before rescuing Koma and sending him someplace safer. Then it was Irimi’s turn.

They made it to where Irimi was seemingly beaten. An investigator—Hide recognized him as Chuu Hachikawa, the man that always walked around the office with a collar pulled over his mouth—towered over her triumphantly, quinque ready to end her life. “Goodbye, dog,” he said cold-bloodedly, smirking.

Irimi narrowed her eyes and spat, “I will see you in hell.”

“A ghoul won’t have that kind of world.”

“Then, do humans have it?”

Kaneki, who had spoken, and Hide appeared behind the investigator, kagunes ready. Hachikawa turned in confusion and was on the ground in less than a second—Hide had flown by and sunk his tail into the man’s abdomen, slicing it open when he pulled it away in midair. Hachikawa grunted in pain as he curled into a ball and pressed his hands on the wound, trying to stop the bleeding. Kaneki stepped forward, crushed the man’s quinque with his kagune, and then turned to Irimi.

“Hachikawa!” one of his fellow investigators called out, rushing forward to help him. He dragged his body back to where the other investigators stood. Hide fell back when the two others shifted their quinques into attack position, determining how to handle the situation.

Irimi and Kaneki shortly argued about their joining the battle, but she finally gave in. Sighing, she said, “If you’re going to fight, here’s some advice.” After briefing them about each of their remaining three opponents, one who was fast and delivered accurate hits, one who was very active and alert, and another who she claimed to be powerful and difficult to handle. Then, she stated, “Be careful, you two.”

“Thank you,” Kaneki replied.

And then the clash begun.

All five of them rushed at the same time. Kaneki was as light on his feet as a bird, dancing around the three investigators gracefully and spinning in midair, using his kagune to attack while simultaneously using it to defend. Hide darted in and out of the battle, his speed increasing as he swung around nearby poles and buildings. Crystallizing his ukaku kagune, he shot a rapid fire round as he closed in on the small yet fast investigator who wasn’t quick enough to avoid his attack. Hide whizzed by him and skidded to a halt, but his momentum had been too much and he crashed into a building. Groaning, he looked up and saw the investigator collapse to the ground, blood gushing from various wounds he had made.

Kaneki was quickly gaining the upper hand against the other two investigators. In one fell sweep, he knocked both of them off their feet. “Step back,” the one Irimi had warned them to be most wary off commanded his fellow investigator. The man obliged, grabbing his fallen comrade and quickly retreating from the battle. Kaneki continued to bombard the one still standing with attacks, his kagune effectively deflecting the man’s quinque. Their weapons interlocked and they stood still for a moment, both struggling to gain the upper hand when finally the quinque broke into pieces with one final push from Kaneki’s kagune. The investigator was defeated.

Irimi began clapping slowly. Kaneki wasted no time in picking her up before looking at Hide and tilting his head in the direction he wanted to go in. Recovered from his crash, Hide quickly followed them as Kaneki scaled a building. Hide used his wings to launch himself upwards vertically and his tail to hook onto the side of the building. Swinging around, he gained momentum, released, and used another boost. His tail wrapped around the railing on the roof of the building and he swung over the edge. Then, he was flipping in midair and _oh shit_ he had no idea how to—

Falling onto the hard surface of the rooftop, Hide groaned in pain. “Ah, shit, that hurts…” he muttered, sitting up and rubbing his back. “And I was trying to look cool!”

Kaneki chuckled, placing Irimi down. She stood and brushed herself off. A member of her gang appeared seemingly out of thin air next to Hide, causing him to let out a gasp of surprise. The masked ghoul helped Hide up, all the while trying to conceal its laughter.

“Very funny, scare the guy who fell on his ass,” Hide said, grinning. The ghoul went to stand by Irimi.

 Kaneki faced Irimi and said, “You should find somewhere safe. I’m going to where Yoshimura is.”

Turning away and sighing in exasperation, she replied, “Whatever, do what you want. It’s all your fault the plan’s a mess.”

Shrugging and smiling sheepishly, Kaneki tried to seem innocent. “We can have everyone think of a new plan?” he asked. Hide would never have been able to say no to that face.

Irimi rolled her eyes before turning serious. “Yoshimura is battling the main force,” she told them. “It’s all special classes. They make even the strongest ghoul feel fear.”

The masked ghoul tapped Irimi’s hand before speaking in a hushed voice. “Route V14,” it said quickly, “let’s meet up there. Even if they know most of the path, they won’t be able to go that far.” Irimi nodded, and the ghoul dashed away. They were silent for a moment until Kaneki spoke again.

“I’m going. Hide”—his friend turned to him—“you shouldn’t go. I mean it this time. You did well in the previous fight, but…I can’t let you risk yourself like that. You’ve gotten stronger in just a few fights—that’s great, it really is! But you’re not ready for something like this. Do you…do you understand?”

Hide sighed, figuring something like this would be the case. “Yeah, I understand,” he said. A smile found its way onto his face. Kaneki looked incredibly relieved.

“Thank you, Hide. You should go with Irimi to find a safe place,” he instructed. “We’ll find each other later. I promise.”

“Okay, Kaneki.”

Kaneki hesitated before walking up to Hide and hugging him. He couldn’t bear to do anything more; if he did, it would just make it that much harder to leave. So, with that, he took off. Hide and Irimi watched him go. Then, stretching his muscles, Hide rekindled the Rc cells in his wings. “You’re not just going to sit back and relax while he’s out there, are you?” Irimi asked, sighing.

Hide smirked. “Like hell I would. You can find somewhere safe like he said to, right?”

“Yeah, whatever. I’m not the one you should be worrying about.”

His smirk widened. “Right.”

And then he took off after Kaneki.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!


	10. Reaper

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaneki loses himself and Hide does the seemingly impossible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my precious bbys you don't deserve anymore pain 
> 
> i'm sorry

Kaneki was hard to keep up with. He ran along the walls of buildings, jumping from one to the other. CCG workers below called to one another, shouting, “Stop its movement!” Others shouted back, “It’s too fast!”

Hide stayed a good distance behind him at all times, waiting for him to disappear behind a corner before jumping and flying the whole distance of the street. As fast as Kaneki was, Hide was even faster—which was a good thing. Hide may not have been as adept as Kaneki in maneuvering around, but his speed made up for it, as there was no need for him to run along the walls to avoid the CCG units. He could cover the distance of a road easily as long as there was something for his tail to grab onto.

As he raced past panicked CCG workers, he dug the sharp end of his tail into the side of a building, latching onto it, and halted. They were in a frenzy, and he wanted to know what they were about to do about the sudden appearance of a new ghoul. One worker carrying a radio was yelling frantically into his headset.

“This is an emergency situation! A mysterious ghoul has appeared in the second and third squad position! The main investigators are wounded! It’s heading for the main force!” Suddenly, he looked up and saw Hide, his jaw dropping. “And t-there’s another!” he shouted. Hide took that as his queue to leave and took off. As he flew away, he heard, “Block off all escape routes for ghouls!”

He continued following Kaneki, who had dropped to the ground and was now running on his feet to greet the main force. Hide darted across the street and paused when he reached the corner. Peering around it, Hide saw that Kaneki had stopped in the middle of the road.

A whole squad had been sent to meet them, and in front of it was none other than Amon Koutarou. Hide recognized the large man’s proud stance even from a distance away. During his time as an office assistant in the CCG, he had done a few of the more tedious parts of Amon’s job for him, like faxing paperwork to the higher-ups and occasionally getting him coffee. He had enjoyed working with him.

But now it was different. Hide had to forget the few brief yet enjoyable conversations he had with the man in the past. Now, he was the enemy. He was about to step out into the open and join Kaneki when his friend spoke. “Can you let me pass through?” he asked, voice low.

“Obviously not,” Amon scoffed.

Without warning, Kaneki jumped into the air and began running along the side of a building in an attempt to get around the squad. Amon shifted before launching his quinque with precise aim at him, who was forced to jump back when it hit the building merely inches away from him. Falling to the ground, he landed gracefully on his feet. Amon walked towards him, his quinque returning to him in the form of Rc cells. The blade reformed. He looked up at Kaneki.

“You always seem to appear in important situations, Eyepatch.” Gripping the handle of his reformed quinque, he broke it apart, severing it into two blades. “I wonder if you’re supposed to be our reaper,” he finished.

“Are you going to chase me even if I were to go around you or avoid you entirely?”

Amon didn’t answer.

Kaneki closed his eyes and lowered his head. “Fine then. I understand.” His demeanor darkened and his kagune shot out of his back. Hide bit his lip. Should he go out there? No, a serious battle was about to happen; he would only get in the way. As much as he didn’t want Kaneki to take Amon on alone, he knew he had to let it happen. It was strange—they seemed to know each other. Perhaps they had encountered before.

“I do not wish to kill you,” Kaneki stated. Amon glared at him before he continued, “If you would, may I ask your name?”

Gritting his teeth, Amon scowled. “You ghoul bastard, don’t screw with me. The only place you’re going is Cochlea. Hear me…” He positioned himself into a battle stance. “ _My name is Amon Koutarou_!”

“…Then here I come, Amon.”

They both charged at the same time. Hide watched in awe as they clashed. Amon was faring well against Kaneki—they seemed to be evenly matched. But, slowly, Kaneki began gaining the upper hand, pushing Amon back. The rest of the men in his squad fell back with him, not wanting to get caught in the battle.

Abruptly, Amon was knocked down by one of tentacles of Kaneki’s kagune, his quinque breaking in half. Hide was sure Kaneki had won, when the sound of a car made them all turn their heads. It drifted to a stop and out jumped a man clad in a white lab coat carrying two briefcases. “Investigator Amon! Here, take this!” Tossing the briefcases at the fallen investigator, he got back on the car and shouted before driving away, “I just finished it! One of them is meant for a special class investigator. It’s a reserve prototype, but I’m giving it to you!”

Amon grabbed and opened the briefcases. A rush of Rc cells came out as he stood, which surrounded his body. They coated him before hardening, creating an impenetrable-looking armor. A quinque he could attack with formed in his hands, its appearance fearsome and deadly. It was an upgrade of his previous one.

A light drizzle began. Steam rose off the hot armor that now enveloped Amon’s body entirely as the drops hit it. Kaneki recognized the armor from his fight with a different investigator. _No matter_ , he thought. _I’ll just break that lance and then the armor next…_

Amon took a heavy step forward, the ground breaking where he stepped. The armor must have been incredibly heavy, Hide noted. How the hell was he going to move around in it?

Then, in a flash, Amon was right there in front of Kaneki. Swinging his quinque, he smashed it into Kaneki’s body, sending him flying backwards in a spiral. “Kaneki!” Hide clamped a hand over his mouth as soon as the name left his lips, hoping no one had heard him. But they didn’t. The sound of the increasing rain drummed out anything but the clinking of Amon’s immense armor as he took more steps forward. Kaneki hit the ground multiple times before skidding to a stop. Slowly, he rose, swaying side to side as his kagune formed into something Hide had never seen before. His leather mask was covered with a mask made by his kagune that looked akin to Hide’s own, except the nose was much longer. Kaneki’s kagune became more rigid and angular, the ends sharpening to thin yet deadly points. Amon gripped his quinque tightly before rushing forward to meet the newly transformed Kaneki.

Kaneki darted away, Amon hot on his trail. Hide followed them as well, throwing caution to the wind. He didn’t care if he were spotted anymore; he was going to be there if things went sour. The battle moved from street to street, with Kaneki travelling and Amon following. Catching up, Amon swung his quinque, which collided with Kaneki’s kagune. They battled back and forth, screaming at the top of their lungs. Then, they lunged at each other at the same time in midair and, as fast as lightning, Kaneki sliced through Amon’s arm, cutting it cleanly off. It fell to the ground, and so did Amon.

Kaneki landed on his feet, an insane grin spreading on his face. Hide exhaled in relief, but the victory was cut short. With the last of his strength, Amon hurled his quinque, and it shredded through Kaneki’s body like it was made of paper, taking out a large chunk of the side of his abdomen and waist. Kaneki yelled in pain and collapsed to the ground, clutching the wound that didn’t seem to be healing.

It was then that Hide rushed out of his hiding place behind an arch on the street and ran over. “Kaneki! Hey, man, talk to me!” he shouted. Eyes glassy, Kaneki rolled over. Hide knew they had to get someplace hidden. “This is going to hurt like hell,” he said before picking his friend up, who moaned in agony, and looking around. A nearby manhole that would lead into the sewer appeared to be the most promising nearby hiding place. Heading over to it, Hide took one last look at the bleeding Amon before descending with Kaneki.

The water in the sewer was murky and foul. Hide’s feet splashed in it as he walked. He tried to keep the splashing to a minimum; he didn’t know if there was a possibility of Kaneki’s wound getting infected by it. Maybe ghouls didn’t get infections—he had no idea. Kaneki mumbled things under his breath as they went, his voice crazed. “ _Meat…no, no, Amon, don’t die…manager…kill someone…eat…protect…pluck…mine…mine_! _Stopitstopitstopitstopitstopit_!”

Kaneki began to wiggle out of Hide’s grasp, who, out of surprise, dropped him. “Kaneki!” Hide shouted, but his friend didn’t hear him. He was bent over, hands clutching his head and screaming nonsensical things.

“ _IT’S MINE! GIVE IT TO ME! NO, NO, GET AWAY FROM ME! GETOUTGETOUTGETOUTGETOUT! YOU’RE GONNA DIE LIKE THIS! MY BODY IS MINE, GET OUT!”_

Ripping off his mask, Kaneki’s kagune burst from his body, forcing Hide to scramble backwards before slipping and falling in the filthy water. He stared in fear as Kaneki continued screaming in agony. Seeing him like that was more painful than any wound Hide had gotten that night.

Finally, his kagune retracted into his body, and Kaneki collapsed in the water, hands still clamped on his head. “Kaneki…” Hide murmured, inching closer to him. Kaneki turned. A new mask had formed on his face, this one covering it entirely and even more frightening than the last. “It’s okay, I’m here. Everything is going to be okay. All this time…you’ve been suffering so much. I didn’t realize how bad it was, and I’m sorry.” Hide was now face to face with him. Putting his arms out, Hide pulled Kaneki into an embrace. “Let’s just go home already,” he whispered.

The mask on Kaneki’s face began to crumble. Hide clutched him tightly, as if afraid he were going to disappear. Kaneki’s arms hung limply and he began to slip from the hold. He had worn himself out. Taking a closer look at the wound in his side, Hide grit his teeth. He needed to do something, and fast. He remembered how Irimi and her gang were going to rendezvous at route V14. That was probably the escape route. But hadn’t the CCG called for all escape routes to be blocked off earlier? A sudden sense of dread came over him when he realized V14 would probably be blocked off as well. He didn’t even know how to get there.

With each step as they wandered the underground sewers, Kaneki leaning on Hide for support, they unknowingly came closer and closer to V14. With each step, Hide felt himself slowly wilt a little more on the inside. With each step, he regretted everything he had ever done to that point, from stealing that one kid's pencil in fourth grade to not letting Kaneki go to the battlefield alone. Maybe if he had stayed behind, just maybe they wouldn’t be in the situation they were in now.

No, this wouldn’t have changed. The only possible escape still would have been V14, so, if Hide hadn’t come, Kaneki would still have to face whatever was lying in wait for them there, but alone. If they weren’t going to make it through this, at least they were going to die together. But Hide would have liked to die together in a different circumstance. He would have liked to grow old with Kaneki, to drink coffee with him every morning even as old men, to climb into the same bed together every night, to die peacefully beside each other, their souls having slipped from their bodies in their sleep.

Dreams never came true, though. Hide should have learned that by now, but he had refused to believe it.

Kaneki suddenly slipped from his support and fell into the water in a heap. “Kaneki! Are you alright?” Hide asked frantically, lifting his friend by the arms. Kaneki’s eyes were half-lidded, his breathing slowing. _Shit_ , was all Hide could think before picking him up and increasing his pace to a jog. He rounded corner after corner, desperately looking for a way out.

Kaneki’s arms and legs swayed side to side as he was carried, head bobbing up and down with each increasingly frantic step Hide took. And then Hide halted and peeked around one particular corner. In the middle of what had to be at least a hundred dead bodies in a large open area, Kishou Arima stood, quinque in hand. A sign on a column behind him read V14. Hide gasped in surprise before stumbling away from the room entrance.

So, it wasn’t a squad waiting for them, but something far, far worse. It was hard to imagine that their deaths were already that close. A frenzied laugh escaped his lips. It was suddenly all so simple. The lives they had been leading up to this point were all for naught; they were just for Arima to further strengthen his record, nothing more. All the hardships, the joy, the laughter, the despair, the confusion, the regret—it all led up to this point, and it made Hide laugh. How hadn’t he realized it before? They were just pawns on a much larger chess board, larger than either of them could ever imagine. If the head of the CCG was the king, then Arima was the queen, the most powerful piece on the board.  

There was no other escape. They would have to go through V14.

And that meant they were certainly going to die.

Kaneki didn’t realize it; he was too wounded and delirious with hunger and pain. But Hide did. While working for the CCG, Hide had caught a glimpse of Arima a couple times in the building. Kishou Arima was the definition of stone cold. His focused, unwavering eyes were always observing his surroundings, and his efficiency in exterminating ghouls was top class.

How in the hell was Hide supposed to get them out? He couldn’t even fight for more than a few minutes without needing rescuing for God’s sake, and now he was having to figure out a way to beat the best ghoul investigator to ever walk the planet at his own game. Meanwhile, he had Kaneki with him, who was in desperate need of help. It seemed hopeless.

But there had to be a way. Hide thought back to a time long forgotten—middle school. He had been in the chess club. Unsurprisingly, he was very good at the game. His analytical mind had been able to calculate and predict the moves of his opponent, and he was well-versed in strategies. Hide had even won the local chess tournament against the other schools by taking the queen of his opponent with a single pawn. After that, his defenses had crumbled, allowing Hide to swoop in and capture the king, winning the game.

Even though it was a completely different situation, if he could take a queen with a pawn then, who’s to say who couldn’t now?

Hide’s mind went into overdrive, imagining all possible situations and outcomes. Charging in was idiotic, sneaking around him was bound to fail. Catching him by surprise could work, but he wanted to avoid a confrontation as much as possible. And then there was Kaneki to factor in. How was he going to sneak a half-unconscious ghoul past the CCG’s reaper?

Head reeling, Hide fell back against the wall. Kaneki mumbled something that he couldn’t hear. “Can you say that again, Kaneki?” Hide asked as quietly as possible.  

“Speed…” Kaneki breathed, voice barely audible. He was bordering the line of unconsciousness.

His speed. It was time to test how fast he could really go, huh? The question was: would he be fast enough to escape Arima Kishou's wrath?

It seemed like the only idea that held any chance of working. As slim as that chance was, it was a chance, and that was enough for Hide. The only problem was getting the momentum he would need.

Hide decided the best way to gain momentum was to swing from the overhead piping and concrete support beams in the sewers. He would need to backtrack so that when he entered the room, he would be going at his maximum speed, which—hopefully—would be too fast for even Arima to hit him. Picking up Kaneki, he slipped away silently from the entrance before running, retracing his steps leading up to the open area. Once they were a good distance away, which was at least a quarter of a mile, he held Kaneki tightly against his chest and readied himself.

Bringing out his kagunes, Hide ran forward before jumping into the air and taking off. With each grab and swing of his tail, he picked up more and more speed. It was evident that the added weight of another body was slowing him down, but it wasn’t doing too much damage. He was already going at a speed that was hard to control.

 Racing through the tunnels, Hide was practically flying. If he had passed anything, it would have only seen him as a blur before he was gone. As his speed picked up with each corner he flew around, so did his heart. They were nearing V14 and he was going so fast he couldn’t control it anymore and he thought he could feel Kaneki slipping and—

Suddenly, they burst into the open area. Hide was out of control, and he could only hope they were heading for the tunnel on the other side when, all of a sudden, time slowed down. He was passing Arima, and they were only inches from one another. If he had been anymore to the right, they would have collided. Hide cocked his head and Arima was staring right at him, eyes boring into his own beneath his mask, and then he was gone, flying down the V14 tunnel and making one last turn before making contact with the ground. Jaw clenched, Hide dug his tail into the concrete as he skidded on his feet before losing his balance and falling to his knees, the momentum still pushing him forward. His tail dug up large pieces of concrete as he desperately tried to slow them.

Finally, he slowed to a stop, the acceleration running out. There was a long trench of upturned concrete behind him thanks to his tail, which he retracted, along with his wings. Hide’s knees and lower legs burned painfully from the slide, the skin probably shredded. Thankfully, he had managed to hold on to Kaneki through the whole ordeal, who had slipped into unconsciousness.

 There was no time to process the full amount of pain he was feeling. Hide stood wobbly, avoiding looking at his legs, with Kaneki still in his arms. He made his way down the rest of the tunnel, extremely grateful it had been as long as it was or they would have both been pancakes on a wall. 

After turning a corner, Hide spotted a door on the right wall about thirty feet away. Stumbling towards it, he found it was unlocked and went in. It was filled with piping and smelled even more putrid than the tunnels, but it would do. He had no idea what its purpose was. Setting Kaneki down was the first thing he did; his weight had become unbearable. He then collapsed beside him, exhausted.

His mind was almost too drained to comprehend the fact that he had just escaped the CCG’s reaper. Given, he hadn’t actually fought him, but still. It was a pretty big accomplishment for him. He had managed to save both his and Kaneki’s life.

 Shit—Kaneki.

“Kaneki?” Hide asked, nudging his friend. Kaneki remained motionless.

_Oh, no._

Relief was replaced with panic. Kaneki needed food, and he needed it _now_. If he weren’t already dead, that was. Without hesitation, Hide bit into his own arm, ripping a large chunk of meat out of it. Blood poured from the wound as he spit out the wad of meat into one of his hands, pulled Kaneki closer, and opened his mouth with his other hand.

_Sorry, Kaneki. This is going to be pretty disgusting._

After biting off and feeding Kaneki as many pieces of flesh as he could handle, Hide sat back against the wall and surveyed the damage. Both his arms and legs, thanks to earlier, were torn up and hurt like hell. Kaneki didn’t stir, but, ever so slowly, a bit of color returned to his face. Relieved, Hide closed his eyes and let his body begin to heal.

The thought crossed his mind that Arima might be searching for them. For some reason, though, he had a feeling they were safe. For now, at least. No doubt after this thing had finished, there would be a search squad looking for them.

But until that time came, they would rest, waiting for their wounds to recover. Out of pure exhaustion, Hide closed his eyes and leaned his head on Kaneki’s shoulder. Soon enough, he fell into a dreamless sleep.

Kaneki awoke from unconsciousness a few minutes later. The first thing he felt was the slight burning sensation of his wound healing, the second was the weight of something on his right side. Cocking his head, he saw Hide, fast asleep, on his shoulder. He couldn’t remember what happened earlier—it was all one big blur. But, somehow, Hide had managed to save him. He knew at least that much.

“Thank you, Hide…” he murmured and kissed the top of Hide’s head.

For once, Kaneki was glad his friend was so stubborn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it was a bit of a challenge coming up with a way for them to survive arima, but I think this works! so now that we're pretty much past where the manga ends, I get to delve into my own plot line yay
> 
> I can't say for sure but I think we have around 12-15 chapters left? maybe, we'll just see how many chapters it takes to cover what i'm thinking of doing (it might end up being a little more because i always end up drawing things out lmao)
> 
> feedback is always appreciated! as always, thanks for reading!


	11. Reconcile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide and Kaneki make it out, and Touka expresses her true feelings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> writing this made me kind of sad lmao there are many tears in this chapter (good thing Kaneki is always there for his bffs)
> 
> also Hide and Kaneki sure do carry each other a lot oops

When Hide awoke, he was perplexed as to why his body was swaying side to side. It was then that he realized he was being carried, and when his eyes adjusted to the semidarkness of the sewer, he looked up and saw Kaneki. An overwhelming wave of relief washed over him. He’d made it. He was going to be okay.

Kaneki noticed Hide had awoken when he shifted in his arms. “Hey,” he said softly, smiling.

“Hey.” Hide returned his gentle smile. “How long have you been carrying me?”

Shrugging, Kaneki replied, “Maybe half an hour or so. I figured we might as well get a head start on getting out of here.”

“Does that mean you’re not going to go meet the main force?”

The smile slowly fell. “It’s too late. It’s probably over by now.” His gaze was distant.

“I’m sorry, Kaneki,” Hide said sincerely. “I know you wanted to help. Here—let me walk.” Kaneki complied and put him down, and he stretched before continuing. “I wanted to help too, but sometimes…things just aren’t meant to work out. We’re lucky we even made it out alive, considering the fact that we had to go through Arima.”

“Arima?” Kaneki questioned.

“Yeah, to get into route V14—the one I suppose we’re still in now—we had to pass him. I have to say, it was probably the most stressful thing I’ve ever done in my life. Even more stressful than exam week!” Hide laughed in an attempt to lighten the mood.

Kaneki stared in disbelief. “You… _passed_ Arima? Does that mean you fought him?”

“Hell no, man! I _literally_ passed him. I would have lasted ten seconds tops in a fight.”

The disbelief was slowly replaced with a slight smirks “Give yourself some credit, Hide. You would have at least lasted eleven seconds. No more, no less.”

There it was; that was the Kaneki Ken Hide knew and loved. “Like you could do any better,” he teased.

“Hmm, I bet I could last fifteen seconds.”

“No way, you would not last four seconds longer than me!”

“How many then?”

“Like one and a half.”

“Maybe we should find him and test this theory—starting with you.”

“That’s cruel, Kaneki!”

“I’m just joking.” Kaneki nudged Hide’s shoulder with his own before taking Hide’s hand and interlacing his fingers with his. “I’m glad you’re okay,” he said, voice suddenly becoming serious. “I…I don’t know what I would have done if something happened to you. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.”

“Things are going to happen, Kaneki,” Hide replied, using all the gentleness in his voice he could muster. “I know your greatest fear is being alone. After your mom died, I watched you become more and more lonely. I didn’t know what to do back then, but now I do. Just know that I’ll always be here for you, Kaneki, even if something happens to me. People live on in your heart—the only way they’re truly gone is if you give up on the memories you created with them. Trying to protect everyone is tearing you apart. You’re hurting so much on the inside; I can see it. I’ve always been able to see it.”

“…I’m just like my mom, aren’t I?”

Hide gave him a melancholy smile. “That’s not a bad thing, though. Your mom was a caring and devoted person. She just…took on more than she could handle. I don’t want that to happen to you.”

It obviously already had, but there was no changing that. The only thing that could change was the future, and Hide fully intended to reroute Kaneki onto a path of self-recovery. There was no doubt his friend was permanently altered, but, together, they could still salvage what remained of his past self. He knew this was what Kaneki wanted, and he wasn’t denying that he wanted it to. This Kaneki was always in pain, always having to make the tough decision, and it was slowly shattering his sanity. It hurt Hide more than he could describe.

Kaneki stopped walking. “Hide…I don’t want to be like this anymore,” he said quietly, voicing what Hide already knew.

“I know you don’t, Kaneki.”

No more words were exchanged. But that was okay, because Hide knew exactly what Kaneki was thinking and feeling. Stepping closer, he embraced him, pulling his friend as close to his body as he could be. Kaneki hugged him back with all his might. They stood like that for a while before Kaneki pulled away and looked Hide in the eyes before leaning in and kissing him. Hide responded tenderly, making the kiss slow and deep. After they broke apart, he brought their foreheads together, touching his to Kaneki’s. It was a simple yet sweet gesture that set both of them at ease even more.

“We should probably get moving,” Kaneki murmured.

“I really don’t want to move.”

“Hide, in case you haven’t noticed, we’re standing in the middle of the sewers after an all-out CCG attack.”

“Do you ever get that thing where you stand in one spot for a while and you don’t want to move because it’s really comfortable? That’s what it’s like right now, and it’s like a five times in a lifetime kind of thing because who the hell gets comfortable while standing? So I want to make it last as long as possible,” Hide replied. Kaneki chuckled before pushing him, causing Hide to stagger backwards.

“I guess the laws of motion are true, then. An object at rest will remain at rest unless acted upon by an unbalanced force,” Kaneki said, stifling a laugh. “That perfectly describes every college student to ever walk the face of the planet.”

“More like, a student at rest will remain at rest unless overwhelmed by an unnecessary amount of homework and tests, often resulting in lots of tears and late night coffee breaks,” Hide said, laughing as well. “I had my fair share of late night coffee breaks. What was the latest you ever stayed up studying?”

They began walking again. “I can’t remember. Maybe three or four?” Kaneki answered.

“Three or four? Laaame. Try two all-nighters!”

“H-hey! I probably pulled one at one point.”

“Yeah, but did you pull multiple ones?”

“I don’t know?”

“Aha! I’ve won, then!”

“This isn’t a competition…”

After walking for what seemed like an eternity, they finally spotted a ladder on the side of the wall. “There,” Kaneki stated, pointing to it. Climbing up, Kaneki pushed the manhole cover off and lifted himself out, Hide following. The sky was dark, only small bits of moonlight escaping from behind the overhead clouds. They had come out in the middle of an empty street.

“This isn’t the twentieth ward, is it?” Hide questioned.

Shaking his head, Kaneki replied, “No, we’re somewhere else. I don’t like it, though; it’s too vacant.” He was right. All the lights of the shops were off, and the single car parked on the side of the street was empty. Hide frowned; he didn’t like the look of the situation either.

“Let’s keep moving,” he suggested. Kaneki nodded in agreement. They began walking, keeping close to the side of the road.

From a nearby building, unnoticed by both, two figures looked upon them. Twiddling the hem of its cloak, one grinned. “He’s doing quite well, Kanou. Don’t you think?”

The other figure, Kanou, smiled. “Yes, he is. He’s progressing quite impressively.”

“Mhm, much faster than the other one. Can we use him yet?”

 “Patience, now. He needs more time, and there needs to be more variables. Are you able to arrange that?”

It giggled. “Of course. Shall we commence the next phase?”

“Yes, that would be favorable.”

“Then we’ll start right away.” Standing, the figure stretched before disappearing into the darkness, leaving Kanou alone. Kanou continued observing his two test subjects for a while longer before turning away. Things were surely going to get more interesting from there out. Nagachika may have passed initiation and the first phase, but Kanou was eager to see how he would fare in the next. Oh, yes; it would definitely be interesting.

* * *

 

Hide was thankful the cab driver didn’t question their ragged appearance, though he didn’t miss the puzzled look at Kaneki’s outfit—his battle suit. But the driver didn’t need to know that.

“Where are you heading?” the driver inquired, putting the cab into gear and slowly easing away from the curb. Pedestrians milled about this area, but there weren’t as many as usual. Probably inside, scared the battle in the twentieth ward, which was over by now, would move towards them.

Kaneki and Hide exchanged glances. Where exactly _were_ they heading? Almost hesitantly, Kaneki told the driver an address. After they were on the road, Hide whispered into Kaneki’s ear, “Whose address was that?”

“Touka’s,” he answered, shifting in his seat nervously. “I hope she’ll let us in.”

There was more to that statement than what the words stated. Hide found that Kaneki often did that—embedded deeper meanings in what he said. He knew his friend was anxious to make sure she was still, well, _alive_. Hide was sure she was. After all, Yomo had gone over there to secure her.

Sometime later, the cab pulled up beside a small apartment complex. It was at that point Hide realized they had no money.

He nudged Kaneki and said intelligently, “Uhh…” Kaneki’s eyes went wide when he also realized the predicament they had landed themselves in, and he looked to Hide for help. Hide laughed nervously and scratched the back of his neck before stating quickly to the driver, “We don’t have any money.”

The cab driver sighed. “Just get out, I don’t have time for this.”

“Our friend lives here, we can come back and pay,” Kaneki interjected.

The driver eyed them suspiciously. “Fine. Just be quick.”

They scrambled out the back of the car. “Which one is Touka’s?” Hide asked, jittery.

“I think it’s on the third level.” Hurriedly, they ascended a nearby staircase up to the third floor. Kaneki thought he remembered the apartment number. Finding the door, he knocked. It opened a moment later and, before Hide could blink, Kaneki was yanked inside and the door was shut. Surprised, he looked over the railing and back at the cab, motioning with his hands for him to stay. The driver inside rolled his eyes.

He went up to the door. Before he could knock, it opened and revealed Yomo, who held a very shocked Kaneki. “Inside,” he stated in a monotonous voice.

“W-wait!” Hide was pulled in by the larger man, who then threw them both on the couch in the middle of the small room inside. “We need money for the cab,” he stated as the door was closed once again. A hint of annoyance flashed across Yomo’s face before he went outside and—presumably—paid the cab. Coming back in, he shut the door with an obvious finality, locking it behind him.

Yomo said nothing to them when he passed. Hide had somewhat expected a lecture, but he wasn’t very surprised when there wasn’t one; Yomo didn’t seem like the type to scold verbally. Instead, he admonished them with his eyes as he sat down across from them in a chair. Hide and Kaneki exchanged glances once again.

After a moment, Kaneki questioned where Touka was and, as if on cue, Touka appeared out of a hallway and strode into the room. She gave them one look before rolling her eyes and turning away. But her frustration got the best of her and she turned back around and began to chide them.

“You idiots,” Touka spat. “If you had gotten killed, all of their sacrifice would have been for nothing. I wanted to go, but I didn’t. You don’t even know how much I wanted to be there—I’ve known them almost my whole l-life…” Tears filled her eyes as she stuttered. Biting her lips, she looked elsewhere and quickly rubbed them away before facing them again. Taking a shaky breath, she continued, “I don’t know what we would have done if we lost you too.”

“Touka…” Hide began, but he didn’t know what to say. Kaneki lowered his head.

“…Promise me you’re never going to do something that stupid again, okay?” she finished.

Kaneki stood suddenly, everyone’s eyes on him as crossed the room to where Touka stood. Their eyes locked and Touka’s lips began quivering. Kaneki couldn’t tell which emotion she was feeling more—anger, sadness, or relief. Stepping closer, he put his arms around her and hugged her tightly. Touka collapsed in his arms and began quietly sobbing against his chest. No matter how much she hid her true emotions behind anger, they had to come out at some point, and now was that point. Kaneki whispered shushing sounds and rubbed her back comfortingly. In turn, Touka gripped his shirt with white knuckles, her head buried in the side of Kaneki’s neck as her body wracked in continuous crying.

Hide watched the display of emotion and felt tears prick at the corner of his own eyes. If he thought he was hurting, Touka’s pain must have been unimaginable. To lose her family like that—it had to be beyond excruciating. And now, they had gone and risked their lives as well, and they had nearly lost them. Or at least Kaneki had. What would Touka have done if Kaneki died?

What would _he_ have done if Kaneki died?

It was all too much.

Tears began to fall from his eyes as well and he tried to wipe them away, but they kept coming. Yomo looked on the scene with discomfort before standing and exiting the room, leaving them to express their emotions freely. Hide, whose crying was then noticed by Kaneki, quickly tried to stop. Kaneki already had his hands full with Touka; he didn’t need Hide to break down then as well.

Hide had always been the stronger one in their relationship. He had always chased away the bullies and comforted Kaneki afterwards, he had always let Kaneki cry on him, and he had always kept in his own sadness for the both of them. But as Kaneki brought Touka over to the couch and wrapped his arms around both of them, Hide realized he wasn’t the strong one anymore. Now, it was Kaneki who was taking care of _him_.

Touka and Hide both snuggled closer to Kaneki. Touka’s crying had stopped, while Hide’s was more quiet whimpering and sniffing. Kaneki rubbed both their heads, caressing their hair in a soothing fashion. A single tear slipped from one of his eyes, but he didn’t let either one see it.

After a while, Touka shifted, moving out of Kaneki’s hold and standing. “Thanks,” she mumbled before meandering away quickly. While she was slightly embarrassed, it was a relief to let everything out she’d had bottled up. Touka couldn’t deny she’d enjoyed Kaneki’s kind touch, but she knew who he had feelings for. As hard as it was, she had accepted the fact that Hide and Kaneki were soul mates, and that was okay.

She was going to be okay.

With his other arm freed, Kaneki wrapped it around Hide. Hide relaxed even further and sighed against his friend’s neck. Kaneki ran a hand through his hair and pressed a kiss on the top of his head. “Are you okay, Hide?” he questioned.

“Yeah,” Hide answered, “just had a moment.” He shot Kaneki a smile—albeit weak—to let him know he was better. Hide had never been one to be hit with sudden strong emotions other than excitement or worry, but that was only on occasions. He got excited over little things that seemed insignificant to others because he appreciated every bit of happiness in life. His positive demeanor and optimism could be described as contagious, and he liked to make others feel happy as well. But, sometimes, lurking beneath his jovial exterior was anxiety he’d become quite adept at hiding. While he treasured the little things in life, he also worried over them as well. Insignificant details sometimes bothered him, and he had the tendency to worry too much. None of this ever showed on the outside, though, unless he was alone. When he was alone, he didn’t have to worry about keeping up appearances when he felt that way.

But he had never been overcome by a sadness quite like the one he had when he imagined Kaneki dying. It had suddenly felt like his mind had been blocked in by brick walls and he became trapped inside of it, unable to escape the horrible, haunting thoughts. Kaneki continued running his hand through Hide’s hair, even though his breakdown was over.

He couldn’t ever let Kaneki die.

And to do that, he needed to become stronger.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mama Kaneki must protect his young am I right ahaha  
> I'm so into this story that I'm 7 chapters ahead in writing but so behind on editing OTL
> 
> thanks for reading!


	12. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Touka channels her anger into aggression and Hide tries to help her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> omg you guys are so great like??? 300 kudos and 4000 hits! I couldn't be more thankful to everyone who's reading this story, you guys make my day every time I see how much you're enjoying the fic and just
> 
> you're all amazing and I love each and every one of you

It had been nearly two months since the raid on Anteiku. Hide and Kaneki, along with Hinami, Banjou, and his friends, had been staying in their shared home for that period of time. At first, it had just been Hide and Kaneki, but the group decided to regroup there one night and found them playing a card game with each other on the kitchen table. Playing games took the edge off of things; it helped to calm everyone’s anxious minds. They tried to do it as often as they could, which was pretty often. It’s not like anyone had anywhere to be. 

Tsukiyama’s whereabouts were still unknown.

Kaneki, for a period of time, seemed lost. Hide found himself bringing his friend back to reality more and more often, and frankly, it was starting to worry him. He was afraid Kaneki was going to relapse once again, and Hide promised himself not to let that happen.

One good thing that he noticed, though, was that he was getting more sleep lately, which was definitely a sign of improvement. For a while after the attack, Kaneki hardly slept, and when he did, he tossed and turned, plagued by constant nightmares. Hide had been awoken in the middle of the night on multiple occasions—all of which Kaneki apologized for later—by his bedmate’s thrashing. He would then spend up to an hour consoling him until they both fell back asleep, and the cycle would repeat. But, thankfully, the nightmares seemed to dissipate with time, as he stopped flailing in his sleep and the bags under his eyes slowly disappeared. Hide hadn’t been awakened in over two and a half weeks.

Consistent training continued to help his body get into shape. Hide nearly cried with joy when he took his shirt off one day and, for the first time, noticed the outline of abs on his stomach. He immediately showed them to Kaneki, who in turn took off his shirt and revealed his extremely toned body. “Well, we can’t all be as perfect as _you_ , Kaneki,” Hide teased.

No matter how much he teased, though, he couldn’t deny that Kaneki’s body was a definite turn on. And Kaneki freaking knew it.

Pushing thoughts of a shirtless Kaneki out of his mind, Hide focused on preparing coffee for everyone that morning. Normally, Kaneki would do it, but he was still sleeping, and Hide felt no obligation to wake him from his much needed rest. They’d used all their good quality coffee, so he was forced to brew instant. Not that he would have gone for the good stuff anyways—there was no doubt that he sucked at making it. Instant was more his style.

After the coffee was made, he made his way to the small sitting area and handed a cup to Hinami and Banjou, who occupied it. Sitting down, he sipped from his own cup, noting the huge difference between his and Kaneki’s coffee. Nonetheless, Hinami and Banjou drank it with no complaints.

“Hide-onii-san,” Hinami began, her tone more solemn and lacking its usual peppiness. She set down her coffee. “When are things going to go back to normal?”

Hide offered her a small smile. “I don’t know, Hinami. All we can do is hope for the best.” He sighed into his cup before placing it down on the table in between the two couches.

“How’s Kaneki doing?” Banjou asked.

“I can tell he’s getting better,” Hide replied. “He’s getting more sleep and isn’t spacing out as much.”

“Ah, that’s good to hear. I was worried about him.”

“Yeah, we all were.” _We all still are,_ Hide finished in his mind.

It was then that Kaneki appeared in the sitting room. “Morning, everyone,” he said as he entered. Stretching, he ran a hand through his messy hair and took a seat next to Hide. “Did you make coffee?” he asked him.

“Yep! You want some?”

Kaneki smiled. “Yeah, that would be nice.”

Hide got up to fetch Kaneki a cup. Upon return, he saw that Kaneki went to stand next to Hinami, helping her read a word in the book she’d been engrossed in for the past few days. Hide tapped his shoulder and handed him his coffee when he turned around. “Thanks, Hide,” he said. “You got it, Hinami?”

“Mhmm,” she replied, nodding.

Kaneki took a sip of the coffee and went to sit back down. He nursed it for a while before drinking it again and then quickly downing the rest. The good news—Hide was definitely improving his coffee-making skills. The bad news—it still sucked. But he drank it anyways, as Hinami and Banjou did earlier.

Kaneki was beginning to feel better lately. He had fallen into a sort of depression he thought he would never come out of after the attack on Anteiku. Thankfully, he’d been wrong. He could tell that every day he felt a little stronger, a little more focused. He was glad Hide had been there for him; without him, he didn’t know if he could have pulled himself out.

He wanted to show Hide how much he truly meant to him.

* * *

 

The name of the mysterious ghoul dropped off the mouths of practically everyone in the CCG. Conversations about it were hushed, as if it were some secret matter. But it wasn’t, because everyone knew.

A ghoul had somehow managed to slip past Arima Kishou.

The tale became more falsified as it passed on. Some said Arima managed to land a hit on it; others said it managed to land a hit on Arima. Some even went so far as to say they battled and it barely managed to escape alive. But all spoke of its undeniably incredible speed.

“Did you hear of that one ghoul? You know, the one that got past Arima.”

“I don’t believe that. It has to be made up, right?”

“No, it’s true! I heard from a higher-up what Arima told the chairman himself.”

“Well, what happened then?”

“They said it just flew right past him. No hits or anything. It was there and then it was gone.”

“So it was too fast for even Arima to hit?”

“Apparently so. I’ve also heard that it was carrying another ghoul with it. Don’t know if that’s true yet, though, so you didn’t hear it from me.”

“I just can’t believe something actually got passed him. Well, they have to have named it by now, right? What are they calling it?”

“Flyer.”

* * *

 

It was late. Hide had left the house some time ago. He wasn’t sure how long he had been walking aimlessly around the streets of Tokyo, but he knew it had been at least over an hour and a half. He probably needed to head back soon so the others wouldn’t worry; even though he took frequent walks like this, everyone was still on edge, and the last thing he wanted to do was stir up the group over something as trivial as coming home late.

Funny, it was Hinami who usually scolded people. Hide hadn’t thought she was the type at first, but he later found that she had strong maternal instincts—much like Kaneki when it came to his close friends. Hide concluded that, after losing her mother, she had to become her own and then gradually became everyone else’s. He didn’t mind, though. He liked having someone looking after him, even if it _were_ someone around six years younger.

Turning around, he began to head back home. He readjusted his eye patch—he’d finally remembered to wear it—as he waded through the sea of people on the sidewalk, faintly hungry.

Their food reserve had been destroyed along with Anteiku, which meant they had to hunt. Hide was extremely grateful Kaneki didn’t ask him to go with him when he went; he wasn’t and probably never would be up to killing humans. He could tell Kaneki hated it as well, but he was the only one that could do it. Banjou and his friends couldn’t fight well, Hinami was too young, and Hide couldn’t bring himself to. So, every now and then, Kaneki went out with an empty body bag and came back with a full one.

Hide noticed a trend in who he brought back. They were usually older people, never young. Most of the time they were sickly looking, even. Kaneki didn’t want to end the life of someone who was just getting on their feet or who may have had a family who depended on them. Elders would be missed, of course, but, in his eyes, it was better to take the life of someone who had already lived the majority of theirs.

That didn’t make it right, though. Hide still felt extremely guilty after each small meal he had to keep himself going. He’d depleted his sugar cube supply entirely, and since there was no place to get anymore, he was forced to eat meat from there out.

He was ashamed to admit that it was getting easier, even if he did feel a pang of guilt afterwards.

Hide continued walking. Night had fallen at some point. He made it into the less crowded area and knew he was getting closer to home. Suddenly, he heard a voice from close by.

“Go to hell, where you belong.”

Even though it was spoken lowly, Hide’s enhanced hearing was able to pick it up. He backtracked to an alleyway he passed a few seconds before and peeked into it. Darkness shrouded whatever was in it. Hide cautiously crept closer as his eyes adjusted to the inky blackness. Two figures came into focus.

One figure was standing over the other, who was lying motionless on the ground. The person standing wore a rabbit mask and a hood, and a briefcase was next to the still body. Hide knew instantly who it was.

“Hey!” he said as quietly as he could, approaching Touka cautiously. Touka turned in surprise at the sound of his voice. Upon seeing him, she took off. “Wait!” he called after her. Hide gave chase, bringing out his kagunes and following her through the alleyways between the buildings. It was a narrow space that gave little room for him to swing, so he mainly relied on his wings to keep him going. Soon enough, after a few turns, he caught up to her and tackled her in midair, sending them both falling to the ground.

“What the hell?” she snapped, ripping off her mask and revealing her face, which was contorted in anger. “Get lost!”

“I just want to know what you’re doing, Touka. Killing investigators would draw attention to us, wouldn’t it?” Hide replied evenly.

“Yeah, well, those bastards need to pay for what they did.”

He sighed. “I don’t really know what you’re trying to accomplish.”

“You don’t need to know.”

So this was her outlet. While Kaneki became depressed after the attack, Touka became angry and restless. The Touka from when they’d visited her house had completely disappeared; instead of expressing her emotions from there out, she was distant and cold, rarely seeing anybody except Yomo, who checked up on her whether she liked it or not. Yomo she couldn’t control, but she had become skilled at avoiding Kaneki and Hide when they went to see her.

“Touka, listen to me,” Hide said, voice strained. “You’re putting everyone in danger by doing this. They’ll send more investigators out here—you know that, so why are you doing this? It’s not helping anyone, and it’s certainly not helping you. You have to let go of your anger. What happened, happened. There’s nothing we can do to change it now.”

“Do you _ever_ shut up?”

Hide winced at her words, but he continued on. “Killing people isn’t going to solve anything, it’s just going to make it wor—“

“Do you think I don’t know what I’m doing?” Touka snapped. “I don’t give a shit anymore, okay? I have nothing. I tried to play human, I tried to blend in, and look where it got me. This is what happens to ghouls who think they’re actually worth something. I was going to go to university, I was going to _do_ something with my pathetic life, but my only chance was ripped out of my hands. You can’t _possibly_ begin to understand, got it? You’ve been human. You got to live the life that I never did. So you can shut the hell up about what I’m doing, because you don’t and never will get it. I’ll kill as many people as I want because that’s who I am. I’m a fucking monster.”

Hide frowned. “You’re not a monster, Touka; you shouldn’t think that way of yourself. And you’re right—I don’t understand. But I think you shouldn’t end more lives just because you’re angry, okay? You should channel your anger into something different.”

“Oh, yeah? Like what?”

“Err…” He scratched his cheek. “Board games?”

“Fucking idiot,” she mumbled under her breath.

“No, I’m serious! It really helps. We’ve been playing them a lot. It helps to take your mind off of things for a little while.”

Her face softened for a split second before hardening again. Hide could tell she was in deep emotional strife. He wanted to help her, he really did, but he couldn’t when she wasn’t willing to be helped.  “Thanks, but no thanks,” she replied. “Now leave before I make you regret ever following me.”

“Alright, I’m going.” He paused before adding, “You should really stop by soon. Even if he doesn’t say it, Kaneki is worried about you, you know.”

Touka turned away from him and ran off. Sighing, Hide rubbed the back of his neck before finding his way out of the alleyway and beginning to head home again. He hated seeing Touka like this. He was convinced she would cool down soon, though. She would finally realize that channeling her anger into killing people—even if they were investigators, who had killed many of them—wasn’t helping, and then she would come to them. Maybe he should talk to Yomo about keeping a closer eye on her.

When he finally arrived home, Hinami and Kaneki were waiting in the sitting area waiting for him. “There you are, Hide-onii-san!” Hinami exclaimed when he opened the door and entered the house. “We were worried about you!” She ran up to give him a hug. Hide smiled and rubbed her head.

Kaneki stood and walked over to him. Hinami stepped back as Kaneki wrapped his arms around Hide and murmured in his ear, “I’m glad you’re safe.”

“Yeah.” Hide hugged him back, taking in a deep breath and inhaling his scent. He’d just showered, and he smelled clean and wonderful.

“I’ll tell everyone you’re back,” Hinami said before leaving the room. Hide and Kaneki didn’t move. Eventually, they pulled apart and both leaned in and began kissing gently. Kaneki’s tongue glided over Hide’s bottom lip, who gladly introduced his own into the mix. Pulling Hide closer, Kaneki ran his hands up and down his hips. Hide pulled back.

“Maybe we should take this somewhere else,” he breathed, flushed. Kaneki was red as well, and Hide couldn’t remember a time when he looked as captivating and alluring as he did then.

“Let’s go,” Kaneki said, grabbing his hand and leading him to their bedroom. Hide didn’t need to be told twice. He followed him eagerly, all the while thinking how funny it was how tightly Kaneki was gripping his hand. It’s not like he was going anywhere but with him.

As soon as they shut the door and locked it behind them, their lips immediately found their way to each other’s once more. They hastily removed their shirts and moved backwards towards the bed. Hide sighed in pleasure when Kaneki began kissing and sucking on his neck, but he couldn’t contain a small gasp when he sucked on his collarbone. Kaneki made his way back up, trailing kisses as he went before their lips locked once more.

They fell back on the bed, Kaneki on top. In one swift maneuver, Hide flipped them, grinning when he saw Kaneki’s unimpressed face. “I can’t let you do allthe work, Kaneki,” he declared, smile widening, as he leaned down and nibbling on his ear. Shifting, Hide pressed his crotch against Kaneki’s and began to move, eliciting a moan from the other. Kaneki took hold of his hips with his hands as he did this, gripping them tightly.

“You know, we might as well get rid of those pesky things,” Hide practically purred into the other boy’s ear, motioning to his pants. Kaneki quickly obliged and pulled them off of Hide’s body before reaching for his own and doing the same. The underwear soon followed.

Despite his earlier confrontation with Touka, Hide would later say that was nothing short of one of the best nights of his life. When he awoke in the morning with Kaneki in his arms, his heart filled with nothing short of pure joy that he wanted to never go away. It was truly amazing just how happy one person out of seven billion could make him.

But, like everything, something had to go wrong.

On the news that very morning, it was announced that the CCG was on the lookout for the two ghouls who had gotten past Arima Kishou.

Hide, now known as Flyer, was the target of a manhunt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so in an effort to keep this fic t-rated, there probably won't be any full on smut scenes unless you guys really want one, otherwise they'll mostly be like this
> 
> thanks for reading!


	13. Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide runs into some familiar faces and Kaneki has a nightmare.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> time for the new arc! originally, this arc was actually going to go a completely different way, but I decided I liked this better so here we are

“So, Flyer, huh?”

It was now late morning, and Kaneki and Hide decided to head to a coffee shop to talk about their options over quality coffee. Hide shrugged in response to Kaneki’s words, leaning his head against his propped up hand. That was what the CCG had called him, but they hadn’t identified the other ghoul—Kaneki—whom he had been carrying. Fortunately, in the split second glance he got of them as they flew by, Arima hadn’t been able to see Kaneki’s mask and label him as Centipede. Being connected to such a well-known and powerful ghoul would only make the CCG want to catch Hide more, so he was thankful his accomplice hadn’t been identified.

“Kind of suits you,” Kaneki said, taking a sip of his coffee.

“What makes you say that?” Hide questioned.

 “When we were kids, you had a lot of energy,” he explained. “You were literally the definition of bouncing off the walls—especially when you ate that one cereal, what was it? I don’t even know anymore, but it gave you a sugar rush like nothing else.” Kaneki chuckled as he spoke, a fond look on his face.

“Oh, I remember that! It was that American cereal they brought over here…Fruit Loops, right? I could never get enough of that stuff.” He laughed, remembering how excited he would get when his parents actually let him have a bowl of the sugary nightmare. Sipping his coffee, he leaned back in his chair, putting his arms behind his head. He was trying to seem nonchalant about the fact that he was on the radar now, but, in actuality, it made him rather nervous. He could tell Kaneki felt unease as well, but didn’t mention it.

Kaneki took another drink from his cup before saying, “I remember that one tim—“

“Hey, is that Nagachika? Guys, look, it is!”

Suddenly, a group of three guys appeared out of thin air next to their table, eyes wide and gaping at Hide. Unfortunately, Hide recognized them immediately. They were from his political science class in Kamii.

Shit—he had forgotten all about school.

“U-uh, hey,” Hide stammered, cursing himself for stuttering. He shot Kaneki a look of distress, who was glancing from him to the group of boys and then back to him nervously. “How are ya guys?” he asked with feigned happiness.

“We should be asking _you_ that question. We heard you went missing!” one exclaimed far too loudly for both Hide and Kaneki’s liking.

“Yeah, but really he’s just been playing hooky,” another said, snickering.

Hide put his hands up, grinning. “You got me.”

“Can we get the autograph of the guy who dropped off the face of the planet?” the third asked. “You _are_ a celebrity now, after all.”

“Celebrity?” Kaneki questioned. It was then that the group noticed him.

Turning to Kaneki, one replied, “Yeah, man! The whole campus has been talking about him! It’s like that other guy who went missing—who was it again?”

“I think his name was Kanechi or Kabeki or something. Nobody really knew him.”

Kaneki seemed to shrink at the words. Hide instantly felt a pang of annoyance and wanted these guys to leave as fast as possible. He fake laughed. “Ah, sorry, I don’t have a pen on me. Maybe next time.”

“You’re like a ghost, dude—I don’t know if there’s even gonna _be_ a next time!”

Hide shrugged, a mischievous smile still plastered on his face.

“Are you coming back to class anytime soon, or are you going to keep playing hooky?”

“That’s for me to know, and for you to find out,” he said. “Do me a favor—don’t tell anyone you saw me. I kind of like the idea of being a ghost celebrity.”

They all laughed. “Will do, man. Well, when you do decide to come back, you’re gonna have a lot of makeup work. Catch you later!” The three waved goodbye and exited the shop. Hide exhaled a breath of air he didn’t know he had been holding. Kaneki did the same. They sat in silence for a moment, both of them not knowing what to say or do.

Finally, Kaneki spoke. “We have to do something about them,” he said in a low, serious tone. “It won’t be good if they go spreading around that you’re not gone. It’ll raise too many questions, and eventually someone from the CCG will hear about it and then they’ll start searching for youspecifically instead of Flyer and if they catch you they’ll ask you where you’ve be—“

“I know, Kaneki. I know,” Hide said calmly, touching his friend’s shoulder in an effort to appease his stress. Kaneki looked him in the eyes solemnly, and Hide knew what he was thinking. “We can’t kill them,” he stated. “It’s not their fault they saw me; they shouldn’t have to pay like that. It’s wrong.”

But, really, was there any other way to guarantee their safety? They said they wouldn’t tell anyone, but how long could they keep that promise? Not long, probably. Kaneki continued looking at him, their eyes locked in a staring match. Finally, his friend looked away. “I don’t want to have to kill them, Hide, but we can’t risk something like this. We can’t…” He trailed off for a moment before taking a deep breath and continuing. “I know it’s wrong. But there’s no other way, unless you can think of something.”

“I can. I’ll think of something, I guarantee you.”

* * *

 

Hide couldn’t think of something.

As good as he was at analyzing situations and coming up with solutions, he was drawing a blank on this one. Nothing he thought of fully guaranteed that they would be in the clear except the obvious one—murder. But he didn’t know if he could bring himself to do it.

He spent the rest of the night as he lied in bed beside Kaneki thinking of other possible ways. Torture them into keeping quiet? They could still talk at some point and they wouldn’t even know. Attach wires to their clothes secretly? Besides the obvious problem of obtaining and actually _putting_ wires on them—which Hide had accomplished before on a much more dangerous target, but still, it was a piece of work—that would only work for a day unless they never changed clothing. And what good would that do anyways? Catching them in the act of saying it wouldn’t stop the spread.

Once it was obvious that there truly was only one solution, Hide began going over numerous scenarios of how it could transpire. A quick, painless death was the best option. They could catch them by surprise somewhere. Just a few hits would get the job done, and then Hide would watch the blood drain from their bodies while quaking in remorse over what he had just done, and he knew he would never be able to forgive himself for the rest of his pathetic life that he lived out as a murderer.

No, he couldn’t do it.

“Kaneki,” Hide mumbled, shaking his friend awake.

Kaneki groaned. Rubbing his eyes sleepily, he rolled over and said, “What is it, Hide?”

“I can’t do it. I can’t kill them.”

Kaneki frowned. “Hey, there’s no need to cry,” he said gently. “You don’t have to do it, Hide. I’ll do it.” Kaneki pulled Hide close to him, combing his fingers through his tangled hair. Hide hadn’t realized it, but a few tears had managed to slip from his eyes. Kaneki wiped them away with his other hand before placing it on the small of Hide’s back. “I’ll do it,” he repeated.

Kaneki did not want to do it. Honestly, the last thing he wanted to do was kill three normal, innocent college students just because they had been at the wrong place at the wrong time. Even if they had made him feel sort of bad, they didn’t deserve to die for it. But their safety came first. He had to do what he had to do, and that was eliminate any threats.

The horrible and twisted thing was that he wanted Hide to come. He didn’t want to carry out horrendous deeds alone anymore. He would never ask this of him, though; it was far too selfish of him to ask Hide to _kill_ someone with him just because he was feeling guilty about it.

He’d suggested it, after all.

As he lulled Hide to sleep, Kaneki felt a tear slide down his own cheek. Soon enough, though, sleep overcame him as well, and he slipped into the world of nightmares.

* * *

 

It was dark. Everything around him was hot and he couldn’t move, couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think. All he could do was watch as his mom toppled out of her chair and onto the floor before she began to crawl towards him. “Be the person who gets hurt, instead of hurting others,” she whispered into Kaneki’s ear, her breath hotter than fire. Yet it was cold, numbingly so. Everything was so hot it was cold.

“You never learn do you,” another voice said. Kaneki turned and saw Rize, a smirk on her lips. “Just give up. You’re weak, you’re worthless, and you don’t deserve him. All you deserve is a place in eternal hell—if someone like you even has that.”

“Stop,” Kaneki mumbled.

His mother vanished. Rize floated around to the front of him, leaning dangerously close to his face. “Just die already, Ken,” she hissed. Shoving him backwards, she laughed as he toppled over. Kaneki closed his eyes, knowing who was coming next. He heard the sound of something scraping across a floor before he was jerked upwards and thrown into the chair. Shackles appeared around his ankles and wrists, restraining him to it.

“What’s one thousand minus seven?” Yamori asked, smiling deviously.

“Nine-hundred ninety-three,” Kaneki whispered. He didn’t cry out as the pliers began to rip his toes off painfully, nor when they did the same to his fingers. He hardly even flinched as the centipede was put into his ear because it had happened so, so many times before. He kept counting as Yamori laughed maniacally, and even though it didn’t hurt he found his body lurching against his will in the restraints because he just wanted it to _stop_.

“Please…” he said as tears spilled from his eyes. He shut them, wishing he would just die already.

And then there was a ray of hope.

“Kaneki.”

Kaneki’s eyes shot open at the familiar voice he’d never heard in his dreams before. Slowly opening his eyes, he saw that he was no longer in the chair anymore. Yamori was gone, and in his place was Hide—kind, loving, amazing Hide.

“Hide…” Kaneki said, reaching out to him. Hide smiled and took his hand, pulling him into an embrace.

“I’m here for you, Kaneki,” he said gently.

“…Thank you, Hide.”

“Will you tell me what’s wrong?”

“I…” Kaneki stopped and pulled away from his friend. “I can’t.”

Hide’s expression was a mixture of confusion and concern. “Why not?” he questioned.

“Because you’ll hate me,” Kaneki murmured, looking away.

“Kaneki, I could never hate you.” Looking up, Kaneki met Hide’s warm, brown eyes. A light that looked like sunshine shone from behind him, making him appear as if he were glowing. Or maybe he was. Hide stepped forward to hug him again, but Kaneki stepped back.

“Please, Hide,” he pleaded.

Hide sighed. “Kaneki, you’re never going to get better at this rate. You have to open up to me sometime, okay? If you can’t do it here, at least try to do it in real life.”

“That doesn’t sound any better.”

He smiled softly. “I was always the more irrational one out of the two of us, wasn’t I?”

“Yeah,” Kaneki replied, the smallest of smiles finding its way onto his face, “you were.”

* * *

 

Kaneki awoke in the morning, the real Hide in his arms. Before his mind screamed at him otherwise, he decided to wake him up and tell him everything that was wrong. “Kaneki?” Hide mumbled drowsily as Kaneki lightly shook him awake.

“Hide, I need to tell you something.”

The talk went much better than expected. By much better, it meant that Kaneki managed not to burst into tears throughout the conversation and that Hide managed not to crush him in his extremely tight hug after it was over. Hide looked utterly relieved when he finally told him everything on his mind.

“I was really worried, you know,” he stated. “I thought you were getting better, and I didn’t want you to fall back into how you were.”

“I’m sorry for making you worry,” Kaneki said.

They were quiet for a moment until Hide spoke again. “I’ll help you…take care of them,” he said quietly. “It’s not fair for you to have to do that yourself. I’m sorry, I should have realized the stress it was putting on you.”

Kaneki bit his bottom lip. “It’s okay, I can do it.”

“No, you can’t, Kaneki. I was being unfair to ask you to do it all yourself.” Hide then realized it was _he_ who might have almost accidentally caused Kaneki’s relapse. If that had happened…

 _But it didn’t_ , a voice in his head reminded him. _Just be thankful Kaneki was strong enough to work through your mistakes and move on._

“I’ll go with you, and we’ll do it together.”

Kaneki was hesitant to agree, but he finally relented. “Okay. We’ll go tonight—together.”

“Together,” Hide echoed.

There was nothing like murdering with your best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to make this group of guys the two people Hide spent time with from the supernatural club from chapter one of the third tg novel but I couldn't find it to remember their names?? and I literally spent so much time searching ugh so we have them. if anyone can find it and tell me the names and which one is the boy and which is the girl that would be awesome I may change it to that (or I'll be lazy and give up like I usually do lmao)
> 
> thanks for reading!


	14. Flyer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide and Kaneki run into some unexpected trouble while executing their plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> praise the lord it’s finally exam week. I can’t wait for summer so I can waste away on my couch writing hidekane fanfics help

Hide couldn’t tell what was louder—the sound of their steps on the concrete or the pounding of his heart in his chest. Their steps weren’t even loud; it just sounded like it. Every little noise they made as they followed their targets home was as loud as a train to Hide’s ears.

As luck would have it, all three of them lived in the same apartment complex. Or, at least, that’s what it was looking like. Hide and Kaneki had been following them since their political science class let out just before the sun began setting. None of them had any other classes afterwards, so they began to head home, unaware of what was going to happen to them.

The three boys chatted happily as they walked towards the station. Once they were there, they paid their fares and got on the subway. Thankfully, Hide had enough spare change to cover his and Kaneki’s tickets, and they made it on just as the train departed.

It was crowded. Hide began to feel somewhat claustrophobic as he was pressed against random strangers, and he clutched the messenger bag slung over his shoulder that contained their masks. And then he saw one of the last people he wanted to see.

Akira Mado, an investigator he had worked with while in the CCG, stood dangerously close to them, looking around. Hide quickly ducked his head and looked away to avoid her spotting him. “Kaneki,” he whispered, nudging his friend beside him and pointing discreetly to Akira. Her briefcase was on the ground beside her, meaning she was armed and ready for a fight. He swallowed nervously.

 Kaneki saw who he was pointing at and frowned. He wasn’t worried about getting in a fight with the investigator, but more about her seeing Hide. It seemed he knew her. “Keep your head down,” he mumbled, looking away as well.

The train came to a stop for the umpteenth time. It was then that Hide noticed that the three boys were getting off. “Shit,” he said, grabbing Kaneki’s wrist and pushing his way through the sea of people to get off with them. He was so caught up in the moment of the pursuit that he forgot about staying hidden from Akira, who watched with trained eyes as they hastily hurried off the subway. She raised her eyebrows; something was wrong with those two. Picking up her briefcase, she got off as well, keeping a distance behind the two who seemed to be following a group of three.

There was something faintly familiar about one of them. She couldn’t be sure until she saw his face, but she was almost certain that was Hideyoshi Nagachika, the office helper who had gone missing months ago. His golden blond hair was hard to forget. But, the question was, who was he with?

Kaneki had the feeling they were being followed. He tilted his head to the side ever so slightly and caught a glimpse of the woman on the train Hide noticed behind them. Great, they had attracted her attention. The last thing they needed was a ghoul investigator following them around. “We need to lose her,” Kaneki said to Hide without turning his head. Hide nodded subtly in agreement. “Let’s split up. I’ll fight her while you go ahead and capture them.”

“You would be better at subduing them without making as much of a scene,” Hide reasoned. “I can fight her.”

“…Alright,” Kaneki agreed.

They ascended the steps out of the station. Outside was a surprisingly uncrowded street. That was good. Akira quickened her pace as they disappeared from her view. By the time she got to the top of the steps, Nagachika—she was going to call him that until she knew otherwise—and his companion had stopped. Slowly, Nagachika reached into his bag, pulled out something she couldn’t see, and handed it to the other, who took it and put it on. He then put something on himself.

Turning around, the two of them stood and faced her. So she had been right all along—they were ghouls. But then she realized just who it was she was facing.

It was Eyepatch, who was now better known as Centipede. Nagachika’s mask resembled a bird. She was unsure of his alias. Perhaps he was new on the radar and they didn’t have a name for him yet. But the question was—how? If he were with Centipede, though, she had to assume he was dangerous. Clicking open her briefcase, she drew out her whip-like quinque. Nagachika passed off the bag to his companion, who took it and slung it over his shoulders.

“Now,” Kaneki said.

As fast as lightning, Hide flew towards Akira. Kaneki took off after the group of boys, who had just rounded a corner on to another street. A woman began to scream loudly. “A ghoul! It’s a ghoul!” Panic instantly erupted among the pedestrians milling about, who ran this way and that. Being caught in the middle of a fight between a ghoul and an investigator had apparently _not_ been on their agenda.

 “Leave!” Akira yelled to shouting onlookers as she clashed with Hide.

Hide hooked onto a nearby buildings and gained momentum before launching himself at Akira. Akira had little time to move before her stomach was sliced with his tail, narrowly missing her chest. A round of crystallized kagune shots from his wings had managed to cut her in multiple places as well. Grunting, she staggered backwards as she used her quinque to wrap around Hide, who had landed ungracefully and wasn’t expecting her to retaliate so quickly. With a strength he didn’t know she possessed, she dragged him backwards towards her, the quinque constricting and cutting into his body painfully.

Akira upturned the end of the whip and activated the other half of the quinque, which was a sharp koukaku dagger. With all her might, she hurled it downwards at his head. Hide’s tail rose promptly to guard his face, knocking the quinque away and barely managing to block what would have been a fatal hit. Crystallizing his kagune, he shot another round at her. She jumped backwards, grabbed her quinque, and tried to block it. Unfortunately, her quinque wasn’t suited for being on the defense as much as offense, and she was cut even more.

Akira wiped away blood from a gash on her face. Her abdomen and the other places on her body stung from where they had been cut, but none of them seemed to be too deep, so she ignored them, one thought running through his head repeatedly.

She had to get to that group of boys.

But how the hell was she supposed to get there before Centipede? She wouldn’t—that was the obvious answer. So she decided to do the next best thing.

As she and Nagachika caught their breaths, Akira fumbled with her phone in her pocket, pushing the call button on the first speed dial number she saw, which, thankfully, happened to be the office.

“ _This is the Commission of Counter Ghoul’s main office, how may I—_ “

“Send ghoul investigators to outside the subway station in the fourteenth war—“

Hide’s eyes widened as she realized she was calling for reinforcements. Quickly rising, he shot his tail out at her in an arch. Akira was forced to drop to her knees to avoid it, causing her to hiss in pain from the cut on her abdomen. It looked like it was deeper than she had previously thought. Coming back around, Hide swept her off her feet, and she fell on the ground. The phone clattered out of her hand and onto the concrete. Hide felt a pang of guilt as he pierced it with the end of his tail, rendering the phone unusable. But it was too late; reinforcements would probably find them soon.

Akira stood, gripping the end of her quinque tightly with one hand and covering her stomach with the other. Blood had soaked through her shirt. “Tell me, Hideyoshi Nagachika,” she said shakily, a small grin finding its way onto her lips. “How was a human like you turned into a monster?”

Hide tensed.

She knew.

Of course she knew. Akira was incredibly intelligent and had an intuition much like Hide’s own. There was no getting past the simple facts that it would have been crazy for her not to have realized. Still, he didn’t answer her, not wanting his voice to completely give him away. Even though her hunch was right, she still had to prove it, and she hadn’t. Not yet, at least.

They walked around each other in a circle, neither engaging but ready to if the other made a move. “There’s no point in playing this little game anymore,” she stated. “Give it up, Nagachika. I know it’s you.”

“And what if it is me?” Hide asked. “It doesn’t make a difference who your opponent is.”

Akira smiled slyly. “But it does in this situation. Now that I’m positive it’s you, I won’t let them kill you. We’ll need you for questioning; you have valuable information the CCG could definitely use to its advantage—for starters, like how you became a ghoul.”

“Sorry, Akira-san. It was nice working with you before, but things are different now. I’m not going to answer any questions.”

“Maybe you’ll answer to them, then.”

Hide turned and saw a CCG vehicle coming towards them. Shit, he had taken too long. Facing Akira once more, he said quietly, “I hope you can forgive me, Akira-san.”

He jumped. Using his wings for a boost, he latched onto a street lamp and swung around it, shooting across the street and making onlookers gawk as he dug his tail into a concrete building and shot up into the air. He had so much momentum that he was able to run up the side of the large building. Backflipping off, he descended to the earth with a speed so great it was frightening. Akira watched with wide eyes as Nagachika became a blur of color in the air. The doors on the vehicle opened and four investigators came out, but they immediately stopped, dumbfounded.

“It’s Flyer!” one shouted. “Mado, get out of there!”

But it was too late. Akira began running as fast as she could with her injury when Hide, just before he hit the ground, swung around a street pole and swooped down low, drilling his tail into her abdomen. He skidded to a stop. Placing his hands on the ground to balance himself, he watched as Akira fell to the ground, unmoving.

“ _Investigator Mado_!”

Hide felt a sinister grin spread across his face. He had taken down an investigator—and a well-known one at that. But that wasn’t why he was so excited. No—it was ripping cleanly through someone’s flesh that had exhilarated him so much, and he wanted to do it over and over and over again. Right then, he wanted nothing more than to tear into Akira’s body as the life drained out of her and suck up all the delicious juices that came out, bite into her flesh and tear off the muscle right down to the bone and—

“Take it down!”

Something pierced Hide’s back. Hide turned and saw three investigators charging at him, the fourth carrying Akira back to the vehicle. What had hit him was a round from a ukaku quinque wielded by one of the investigators.

“Don’t play with me,” he snarled at them, barraging them with crystallized kagune. One staggered backwards as he was hit and fell to the ground. The other two pushed forward. “I said, _don’t play with me_!”

Using all his power, Hide launched himself vertically into the air before spinning and raining down kagune shards on the investigators. Falling to the ground, he flew at one of the investigators, the acceleration from the fall giving him speed. Suddenly, he realized what he was doing was wrong.

Why the hell was he about to kill these people?

Hide yelled in surprise when he collided with the investigator he had been aiming for. They both ended up tumbling on the ground before coming to a stop. The man lifted his head dizzily before putting it back down again, while Hide instantly got up. “I’m so sorry,” he mumbled before he took off running. With his wings, he was able to dart away from the scene without anyone being able to follow.

Hide didn’t take off his mask as he ran through the swarm of people on the busier streets. Most screamed and made way for him, making his escape all the easier. Fortunately, none dared to follow when he entered an alleyway and began travelling in between the buildings. Suddenly, he came to a halt as the realization of what just happened hit him.

Akira was going to die. There was no way she could survive a blow to the stomach like that. Only if she made it to a hospital within minutes would she have a chance. Hide felt like laughing and crying simultaneously. Slowly, he sank to the ground and began rocking back and forth. His mind felt like a tangled ball of string that he couldn’t unwind, and it was driving him insane. What he had done was insane.

He was insane.

Tears leaked from his eyes as he looked up at the darkening sky. “Someone, please…help me.”

* * *

 

Kaneki worried if he’d made the wrong decision allowing Hide to stay behind and fight, but tried not to think about it too much. If things got bad, Hide could always flee. Trying to push it out of his mind, he focused on keeping up with the group of three. They didn’t stay on the uncrowded street for long. He quickly took off his mask when they entered an area with more people. Much to Kaneki’s relief, though, they soon turned on to a back street like they ones he’d been following them on before. The street they were now walking down brought up unpleasant memories; it reminded him of the one he had thought he was walking Rize home on.

After he was certain no one else was around, Kaneki stepped out of the shadows and walked quickly behind them. Putting on his mask once more and bringing out his kagune, he grabbed each of their arms with a tentacle and yanked them back. All three shouted in surprise as they stumbled backwards and fell onto the ground. Looking up, they saw Kaneki looming over them.

“W-whoa! Hey, chill!” one said. Then, he saw just what it was that had grabbed him, his eyes widening in terror. “What the hell are you?!”

“Oh my god,” another one whispered, pure fear in his shaky voice. “We’re going to die. You’re going to kill us, aren’t you?”

Kaneki didn’t answer. Instead, he pointed to a nearby dark alleyway and nudged his head in that direction, telling them to go in it. The three obliged without any words. The fear and tension lingering in the air was almost palpable. Kaneki hoped Hide came soon so they could get this over with already.

“Sit,” he instructed. They sat. Kaneki kept his kagune trained on the three of them in case any of them got any ideas, but it didn’t look like there was any need for that. They were all quaking in fear, disbelief on their faces.

Seconds turned into minutes, and minutes into more minutes. A feeling of nervousness settled in Kaneki’s stomach, and he began pacing in worry. “Uh, are you okay?” one of them worked up the courage to ask.

Kaneki halted his pacing before looking at him and softly shaking his head. Then he resumed his nervous habit. What was taking Hide so long?

He couldn’t have been killed, could he?

 _Stop it, you can’t think like that_ , Kaneki told himself. But as more minutes passed, his thoughts became more and more depressing. They were probably hauling him off to a lab in the CCG right now to run experiments on him, or maybe they were torturing him for information. That couldn’t possibly happen within a twenty minute time frame, but his mind had lost all rational.

There was the sound of footsteps off to their left, and Kaneki’s head instantly turned towards the source. Out of the darkness of the alleyway stumbled Hide.

“H—“

Kaneki caught himself just as he was about to say his name. Hide looked up. Beneath his mask, his eyes looked somber and depressed, almost as if he had given up on life itself. Kaneki rushed forward and put a tentative hand on his shoulder, leaning close to his ear so the others couldn’t hear before asking, “Are you okay?” Hide shook his head no and brushed his hand away. Kaneki furrowed his brows in confusion. He didn’t appear to have any physical wounds. Aside from some cuts in his back that were in the process of healing, he was alright.

It was then he knew that Akira was most likely dead. Hide had killed her. That hadn’t been part of the plan, but something—like her recognizing him—must have forced him to do it.

“Are you going to kill us?” one of the boys questioned quietly.

Hide and Kaneki looked at each other, exchanging solemn glances. They had a silent conversation with their eyes. Finally, Kaneki faced them and answered, “No, we’re not.”

“Thank god,” he breathed.

“But you have to promise one thing.” All three looked at him, pleading looks in their eyes. “You can never tell anyone that you saw Nagachika Hideyoshi. He’s…getting a fresh start, and he doesn’t want anyone he used to know to find him. In fact, he’s moving.”

“To where?”

Kaneki sighed in annoyance. “That’s none of your concern. What your concern is, though, is not speaking about this to anyone. And if you do, we know where to find you.”

“O-okay, right. We won’t tell anyone. Ever.”

“Good.” He paused, thinking of what to say. “…Have a good night,” he concluded.

“Wait, we’re free to go?”

“Yeah. Just remember what I said.”

All three nodded briskly before scampering off, walking vigorously out of the alleyway before taking off towards the more crowded part of Tokyo, where they hoped they wouldn’t be ambushed again. Kaneki turned towards Hide once they disappeared from sight.

Hide didn’t care about precautions at this point; all he knew was that he didn’t want to take any more lives. He felt ashamed of what he’d done, but even more ashamed of how he felt after doing it. For a moment, he had _enjoyed_ hurting others.

That was a feeling he never wanted to experience again.

“Hey,” Kaneki said softly. Hide cast his gaze towards the ground. “I know what you did must have been extremely hard for you. I’m sorry you were put in a position that required you to do that. Hide, please look at me.”

Hide slowly looked up and met his friend’s grey eyes. He felt as though Kaneki were staring deep into his soul, and he wanted it to stop.

_Don’t look at me, please. I’m a monster._

He’d said he wanted to get stronger, but if this was what strength were, Hide wished for nothing more than to be weak again. And yet he was thankful for this disgusting, abhorrent strength because without it, he would be the dead one. Hide finally wholly understood the saying “kill or be killed.” Everyone knew what it meant, but no one really experienced what it was like to make the decision to end a life.

When he was younger, Hide wanted to live in the world of fantasy. He wished for awesome powers that would enable him to do amazing, heroic feats, and he desired a mission to save the world. Now, he had those powers—except he wasn’t using them for good. He had become the monster his younger self had so wished to vanquish.

“Let’s go home, Hide,” Kaneki whispered.

They took off their masks and stuffed them into the bag still slung over Kaneki’s shoulder. Walking through the alleyways, they came upon the crowded street, where multiple CCG vans were parked. CCG workers ran amuck, looking for the ghoul who had caused so much havoc. But they were looking for a ghost.

Hide and Kaneki got home with no trouble and went directly to bed when they got there. Needless to say, Hide did not sleep.

* * *

 

Her eyelids fluttered open and she saw the blinding white of a sterile hospital room. A faint beeping noise sounded to her left; a heart monitor. Shifting her arm, she found that various IVs were attached to it and a drip on the vein in her hand. There was a painful throbbing in her side that hurt when she tried to move.

Akira Mado, alive, took a deep breath in.

And then she began plotting her next move.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Akira is now going to be a major character in this story bc I love her so much and bc couldn’t bear to kill her off and truly make our precious Hide a murderer ahaha. it’s always kind of scary delving into your own plot lines because sometimes it feels like they’re not good enough or you execute them wrong?? idk I think this one will be pretty good (hopefully), definitely going to have some twists!
> 
> also yeah this might end up being more than 25 chapters whoops
> 
> thanks for reading!


	15. Proposition

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide is caught off guard by someone he never expected to see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapters like these are when I’m glad I have two parents in the medical field who don’t question why I need to know how doctors would fix someone with a chunk torn out of their side lmao

Akira was never one to beat around the bush, so she told the nurse one thing and one thing only.

“I want to get out of this damn hospital.”

“Ah, well, you see…” The nurse trailed off, and Akira sighed. Yes, she knew her wounds were going to take more than just a few days to heal, and no, she didn’t care. All she was concerned about was what she was going to do about Nagachika—even though she felt utterly terrible.

The nurse changed her colostomy bag, gave her medicine, and asked if she needed anything. Akira said no, so she bowed and left, leaving her alone with her thoughts.

In the hours in which she was awake, Akira planned what she was going to do once she was out of the hospital, which she was hoping was soon. She’d gotten extremely lucky. It was been touch and go for a while, the surgeon said, but she hung on. The kagune pierced her side and took a chunk out, narrowly missing her kidney but shredding part of her large intestine. She received vascular surgery, as she had almost bled out before reaching the hospital because some blood vessels were hit. She also had to get a colectomy and a colostomy, in which part of her damaged colon was removed and the rest was diverted to an opening in her abdomen that allowed waste to leave her body since it could no longer go the normal route.

She’d have to properly thank Nagachika for that if she ever saw him again.

After fixing her insides, the doctors closed the large wound as best as they could and informed her that it would take about two weeks for her to be discharged. The first few days were misery. She felt like vomiting much of the time and could hardly stomach anything. Slowly, it began to get better, though it was still rather disgusting to see what should be inside her body on the outside. She tried not to look at that stupid bag more than she had to.

When she wasn’t thinking about what she was going to do or wondering if she should ask for the bag to be changed—it always looked too full for her liking, even though there usually wasn’t much in it—Akira tried to eat, took her medicine, saw a few visitors, and read the books and did the work they left with her. It was mainly the higher-ups checking up on her to see when she would be ready to return to work. She was as eager as they were for her to leave.

Finally, she settled on a plan she deemed worthy of taking to the higher-ups.

Nagachika would be best used as a resource for the CCG, she concluded. That fact was apparent. With his strength and perceptive nature, he could rival a First Class investigator. And, if Nagachika really _were_ the infamous Flyer—and all signs said yes, he was—then the amounts of information the CCG could get from him were endless. Nagachika had been human; there was no question about that. He was as human as anyone could possibly be. So how had he gone from just a normal person to a well-known ghoul practically overnight?

Killing him would be such a waste. More than likely, Nagachika knew valuable information the CCG would love to get their hands on. Perhaps he even knew how one was turned into a ghoul or if there were a way to reverse it. She wondered, given the opportunity, would he return to being human?

Unanswered questions raced through Akira’s mind. She needed to write them down. Grabbing the notepad and pen left for her in case of something like this, she began jotting down every question she could think of. She then numbered them from most relevant to least relevant and the order in which she would ask them if she ever got the chance.

Nagachika Hideyoshi could be the CCG’s biggest breakthrough in a while. The only problem was the matter of getting people to cooperate with her idea.

It was a longshot. There had never been in ghouls employed in the Commission of Counter Ghoul, but that didn’t mean anything. The rules of the game were constantly being changed and modified—who’s to say she couldn’t change them herself? Fighting fire with fire would be an interesting new tactic, particularly with such a strong flame.

With enough persuasion, Akira had a feeling Nagachika would rejoin them. When he;d worked at the CCG before, he, from what she observed, enjoyed it, though she didn’t know if he had varying degrees of peppiness that indicated what he was feeling—the boy was the personification of sunshine. Or at least he had been. If she could offer something of great enough interest to him, he might just go for it. That was to say if he weren’t already bogged down in the world of ghouls.

What could convince a ghoul to join the CCG? Protection, for one thing. The CCG would pardon him of any crimes committed against humanity and no longer pursue him. Money was also a factor, and the chance to live like a human again. Working out the food situation would be somewhat difficult, but she was sure they could find a way to make it work. Perhaps there were something else he desired that could be given to him.

Now for the higher-ups. Obviously, Nagachika would make an excellent investigator; that was a given. But that wasn’t all they needed to hear. They needed to know that while he had the abilities and strength of a ghoul, he also retained the mind and heart of a human. There had to be, at the very minimum, a ninety percent chance he wouldn’tturn on them, that he wouldn’t use this opportunity to get into the main office and go on a killing rampage. But Akira knew how she could begin to disprove that.

The four investigators who had been called as the first wave of reinforcements had visited her a day or two ago. They told her what happened after she was hit and dragged into the vehicle and taken to the hospital. Apparently, Flyer quickly gained the upper hand against them, and it seemed like they were going to be killed when, all of a sudden, he stopped attacking and apologized before running off.

“What exactly did he say?” Akira asked.

The investigator Nagachika collided with scratched the back of his head. “I was pretty dizzy at the time, but I’m certain he said ‘I’m so sorry,’” he told her. She was instantly reminded of what Nagachika had said to her before attacking.

“ _I hope you can forgive me, Akira-san_.”

It was evident he still retained the heart and mind of a human. While it was true he could be prone to losing control, that was something they would just have to deal with if the situation ever arose.

For Nagachika’s sake, she sincerely hoped it wouldn’t.

But then there was the fact that his final attack had obviously been meant to kill her would be brought up. She would argue that dealing a lethal blow to her wasn’t out of spite, but out of haste and defense. Unfortunately, what he’d been so antsy to do would contradict his retaining the heart of a human as well, but Akira believed he hadn’t done it. She knew Nagachika wouldn’t mindlessly kill innocents without reason. Those boys must have held some importance to him and Centipede.

She needed to find them and confirm her suspicions.

* * *

Three weeks later, Akira was back at work. The doctors told her to take it easy for a while, which meant no fighting. That was fine; she planned for her confrontation with Nagachika to be nonviolent—hopefully. Approaching him calmly, she figured, would increase the chances of him joining the CCG. They also told her not to return to work for at least another two or three weeks, but she ignored that piece of advice. She had a job to do, and she would be careful.

She had spoken with both the chairman of the CCG and Arima about her idea. After revealing who Flyer really was, she laid out the foundation of her thoughts. Washuu thought of it as unusual and nonconventional. Nonetheless, after talking it over with Arima and other higher-ups, they decided to let her proceed with her goal of convincing Nagachika to rejoin the CCG. There would be some things he would have to do before actually joining again, of course, but they first needed his consent to do so. While some disagreed, they were overruled by Washuu.

And that was how Akira ended up at the door of Kita Akihiro, one of the three boys Nagachika and Centipede had been pursuing. It took a bit of work to find him, but Akira’s relentless nature proved useful. Knocking on the door, she stepped back. This was the moment of truth; if he were alive, she could confirm Nagachika and Centipede had spared them and weren’t heartless killers.

The door opened a moment later.

“Hi, how may I help you?” Kita asked politely.

Akira smiled. “My name is Akira Mado. I’m a ghoul investigator following up on a recent incident involving two ghouls. You were one of three targets. I was hoping I could have a moment to talk to you.”

“U-uh, sure.” Kita moved back from the door, allowing Akira to enter. The apartment was above the standards of the usual college boy’s. Most things were tucked away neatly, though some soda cans and bags of chips were on the floor near the couch. Kita kicked them away as he led Akira to sit down. He took a seat on the sofa while she sat in a nearby chair.

“Kita, do you know why you were targeted?” she asked him.

Kita hesitated before shaking his head.

“I’m going to say this one time and one time only,” Akira stated. “Please be completely honest. What you say to me is confidential; the only others who I would be obligated to tell are those working on this investigation with me. Now, let’s try that again. Do you know why you were targeted by the ghouls known as Flyer and Centipede?”

“I—I can’t say.”

“Can you not say because you’ve been told not to?”

He nodded.

So they had confronted and threatened them. “Kita,” she said as softly as possible, “if you tell me what’s going on, I can place you under watch. You’ll be guaranteed protection until this is over. As long as you’re under that protection, no harm will come to you. I need to know what you know. You three who were targeted are a crucial part of this investigation. Do you understand?”

“I understand,” he murmured. Taking a deep breath, he began. “I don’t know what exactly they wanted with us. They told us not to tell anyone we saw this one guy. He was a classmate of ours that went missing months ago, and we ran into him at a coffee shop a few weeks back.”

“And this person’s name is?”

“Nagachika Hideyoshi.”

She wrote down everything he said word for word and checked to make sure the recording device in her pocket was working. “Please, continue,” she instructed him when she was finished.

“They said he wanted to start over. He was moving and didn’t want anyone to know what happened to him.”

“Who said this specifically?”

“The one who took us by surprise. He had white hair and a freaky looking mask.”

“Centipede,” Akira stated. “Can you go over the details of how he ‘took you all by surprise’?”

 “Y-yeah. I was walking home with Koji and Masato when this… _thing_ grabbed us and pulled us backwards, and we fell on the ground. Centipede—that’s right, right?” Akira nodded. He continued, “Centipede made us go into an alleyway, where we waited for fifteen—no, twenty—minutes. I didn’t know what he was waiting for. Then another one showed up and I asked if they were going to kill us. Centipede said no.”

“What did Centipede do during the time you waited for twenty minutes?”

“He…seemed nervous. Agitated, even. He couldn’t stop pacing back and forth and he looked extremely tense. When the other one showed up, he stepped close to him and said something into his ear I couldn’t hear. Then the other one shook his head and brushed him off.”

So her assumption that Centipede and Nagachika were close was correct. Those twenty minutes were when she was battling him; Centipede knew this and showed signs of distress when he took longer than necessary. How could Nagachika get so close to such a powerful ghoul in a short amount of time? The answer was simple; they knew each other before he was turned into a ghoul.

She thought back to a similar case. A literature student disappeared from the same university many months before Nagachika’s disappearance. Could Kaneki Ken, the mysterious boy who had received an organ transplant after a strange incident and later vanished, be connected to him somehow?

“Before his disappearance, was Nagachika close to anyone?” Akira asked, pen ready.

“Hmm…I think I sort of remember someone who he was with a lot. I didn’t know him personally, but I knew he had lots of friends on campus. He was involved in a lot of activities and stuff, which I guess is where he got them and how people knew of him.”

“What did this person look like? Is the name Kaneki Ken associated with Nagachika in any way?”

“The first person who disappeared? Ah—wait! I remember, the path to one of my classes overlapped with his. Kaneki’s, I mean. He was kind of small and had black hair. He started wearing an eyepatch at some point, too, which I found kind of odd. I saw him with Nagachika a few times when I passed him.”

Akira finished writing down what he said and stood. “Thank you. That’ll be all, Kita. Your information was indeed very valuable. I’ll see to it that you and the two others are placed under protection immediately.” Hopefully, they wouldn’t even need it.

“Thank you,” Kita replied, breathing a sigh of relief.

“Only one more thing. Where was the coffee shop you saw Nagachika in?”

“…I think it was a place in the eleventh ward. Sorry, I can’t remember the exact name of it. I remember it was near that new flower shop that opened up around there, though.”

Nodding, Akira made her way to the door. “Once again, thank you. The CCG will contact you soon regarding the watch,” she said.

“Okay. Have a nice day,” Kita said as she opened the door and stepped out of his apartment. Giving a small wave, she walked off. Kita waved back before going inside and making sure any way something could possibly get into his apartment was locked.

He really hoped he hadn’t just killed them all.

* * *

 Akira sat in the same seat located in the back corner of the coffee shop for nearly two hours every morning. She had been doing this a little over a week. While it clearly wasn’t the most effective strategy for finding Nagachika, it was the only one she had thus far. It’s not like she could take a stroll around Tokyo and magically run into him. The odds of that were probably around winning the lottery.

Despite having to look up from her work every five minutes to see if he had somehow waltzed in without her noticing, she quite enjoyed the serene environment. It made paperwork a hell of a lot less tedious. While it was still a bother, at least she could do it in a comfy, quaint shop while sipping excellent coffee.

On one fateful morning, Akira looked up and instantly set down her cup, the coffee in it sloshing over the sides and onto a rather important piece of paper, but she would deal with that later.

Hideyoshi Nagachika, back turned to her and looking out the window, was sitting on the other side of the shop.

Calmly, she tucked the paperwork into her bag and took one last sip of her coffee before abandoning it to go over to his table. Crossing the shop, Akira stood behind Nagachika for a moment, seeing if he would notice her.

The look on his face when he turned around could only be described as pure shock. His brown eyes widened to a startling size and he opened and closed his mouth multiple times before asking, “…How?”

“It turns out the human body is more resilient than you would think, Nagachika,” Akira replied. She motioned towards the empty seat. “May I?”

“Err, um…” His eyes narrowed in confusion and he cocked his head. “Shouldn’t you be attacking me or something?”

Akira sat down and folded her hands in her lap. “I haven’t been searching for you to pick a fight.” She left out the part that fighting could literally tear her open. “I would like to offer you a proposition.”

Hide's demeanor changed from surprised to suspicious in an instant. “A proposition?” he asked skeptically.

“Yes. I would like for you to come work for the CCG again.”

“Akira-san, I liked working for it when I did, but…I can’t now. That’s fairly obvious,” he mumbled at the end.

“Have you killed anyone?”

“Apparently not.”

“Would you say that while you have the abilities of a ghoul, you have retained the heart and mind of a human?”

“To say the least.”

“Do you think you would make a good investigator?”

“…I would like to think so.”

“Congratulations,” she said, “you’re eligible for the job of a ghoul investigator.”

“I can’t do it,” Hide replied sternly.

There was no way he could—not after all the friends and allies he’d made as a ghoul. He couldn’t be forced to hunt them down and exterminate them, and for what purpose? Take Hinami for example; Hide was certain she had never hurt someone on purpose, and if she had, it was most likely out of self-defense. And Banjou and the others, they weren’t bad ghouls either.

He didn’t want to have to hurt any of them.

They sat in silence, staring into each other’s eyes. Akira’s were cold and calculating. Hide’s were firm and unwavering. “At least let me explain to you what you would receive in return for becoming an investigator,” Akira said at last. She went on to list off all the things he would get. Money. The chance to live like a human again. But, most important of all, protection.

“Who would this protection extend to?” Hide questioned. “If it’s just me, that’s not good enough.”

“Who else did you have in mind? Is it perhaps Kaneki Ken, better known as Centipede?”

Hide immediately stiffened. _That certainly took him by surprise_ , Akira thought, a sly smirk tugging at her lips.

There was no point in denying it, Hide concluded. No matter what he said, Akira wouldn’t be convinced Kaneki was anyone other than the infamous Centipede. Much like himself, she was too stubborn to be wavered. “…How did you know?” he asked in a low voice.

“It was easy to put together once all the pieces were in front of me,” she answered simply. She didn’t specify exactly how she’d gotten those pieces, but Hide had a feeling he knew who she had gone to.

“You talked to them, didn’t you?”

“I don’t know who you’re talking about.”

“Akira-san, I haven’t played ignorant with you, so I would like to ask you to do the same for me.”

Akira narrowed her eyes in annoyance. Part of protection included not speaking of those being protected—especially to the person who might be trying to harm them. “I’m afraid I don’t understand,” she lied evenly.

“The thr—“

“Nagachika, how I obtained my information isn’t relevant right now. What _is_ relevant is whether or not you’re going to rejoin the CCG,” she interjected.

Hide sighed and leaned back in his chair. “I have some conditions of my own.”

“Proceed.”

He figured the higher he aimed for, the more likely he was to get what he actually wanted. “Kaneki Ken will be pardoned of all his crimes and Centipede will be taken off the wanted list. Along with me, he’ll be protected, and he’ll also be offered to become an investigator.” He wanted to list so many more things, like abandoning the hunt for Rabbit and getting the funds to open a new coffee shop. But he didn’t, because then it would be apparent that he was involved with Anteiku and Rabbit and many others, and if he accepted her offer, there was no doubt he would be forced to reveal all the secrets he had learned while living in the world of ghouls. He wanted to safeguard and keep as many of those as he could—at least the ones that wouldn’t get people killed.

“You ask for a lot, Nagachika,” Akira sighed. “I’m not sure if all of that will be able to be done. Guaranteeing that an SS rated ghoul can be excused of his crimes is a lie. I can’t say anything yet. I’ll have to speak with the director first. But I take it you’re interested?”

Hide gave a small nod, feeling guilt rise within him. He felt as if he were betraying those he was close to now. Probably because he was. But the opportunity to live like a human again—it was extremely enticing. Before he made any decision, he had to talk to Kaneki and, later on, the others about it. Only then would he move forward. “That doesn’t mean I’m agreeing,” he said, making sure they were on the same page. Akira nodded in acknowledgement before picking up her bag and standing.

“Thank you for finally showing up, Nagachika. Now I don’t have to sit here for hours every morning. Although, I do enjoy this shop,” she stated, looking around. She faced him once more. “Take a week to consider the offer. I’ll need that much time and perhaps more to get a definite answer from the higher-ups. We’ll meet here in exactly one week at the same time.”

“Wait,” he said to her as she was about to walk out the door. Akira looked back at him, eyebrows raised. “…I’m sorry about hurting you. I’m…I’m glad you’re alright. Really. How did they fix the injury so well?” He couldn’t help but notice how relatively…fine she looked. It was as if nothing had even happened.

“Well, let’s just say my waste now exits my body in a rather disgusting fashion, so I’ll spare you the details. I accept your apology. Until next time.” She gave him a small smile and left. Hide exhaled a breath he didn’t know he had been holding.

What was he going to do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!


	16. Torrent

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Touka comes to terms with her anger, Hide tells the others of Akira’s deal, and Kaneki makes a difficult decision.

It ended up being that Touka was not okay.

She had let her anger and bitterness get the best of her once again. Sighing, she rinsed the blood off her hands in her sink and then washed her face. Maybe Hide was right. Owning them at board games _did_ sound like a stress reliever. If there was one thing she was good at, it was any games.

To give herself a little more time to cool off, she would visit them in a few days. Right then, all she wanted to do was collapse in exhaustion. That last Dove she fought had been a tougher opponent than she’d expected.

Yeah, a few games were what she needed. Everything would slowly go back to normal.

She hoped.

* * *

 

Tsukiyama stared blankly into the crackling fire. It had been going nonstop for days now, tended by his many servants. A plate of exquisitely cut meat laid untouched on the table beside him. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d eaten. Not that he cared. There was no point in living if his Kaneki-kun were dead. Perhaps Nagachika had survived, but the odds were unlikely. If Kaneki were dead, Nagachika was too.

A servant entered the large, lavish, dimly lit living room. The only source of light was the fire Tsukiyama refused to pry his eyes from. Seeing the forgotten meal beside his chair, he sighed. “Master, it pains me to see you in such a state. You must eat,” he said, voice strained. He was very distressed over his master’s refusal to every meal they offered him.

“A wilting rose will never bloom again, Kanae. Please, leave me be,” Tsukiyama murmured.

“This is unacceptable,” the servant, Kanae, stated. “Are you not even going to go out and see if he is truly dead? There is always the possibility he survived.”

“I do not wish to further my strife by knowing. This pain is already too great. _Afflito_!” he exclaimed, holding back a sob.

“I will search for him, Master, if that is what you wish.” Kanae lifted the plate from its place on the table and went to the kitchen, where he dumped the meat in the trash. Even if he had the motivation to eat later, Tsukiyama would never touch something more than a few hours old.

Going to the foyer in the front of the house, Kanae put on his coat. “I will return shortly, Master. _Abschied_ ,” he said, not bothering to speak up because he knew Tsukiyama wasn’t listening anyways. He adjusted his attire, opened the door, and stepped out, ready to find the one and only Kaneki Ken his master was so keen on mourning.

* * *

 

“She wants you to rejoin the CCG?”

Kaneki stared at Hide, astonishment on his face. Hide had just explained to him that Akira had, in fact, survived, and then restated all she said. Upon hearing she was alive, Kaneki let out a small sigh of relief in spite of their new, troublesome situation. He didn’t want Hide to carry the burden of being a murderer.

But this proposition Akira had made—it was almost preposterous. A ghoul joining the ranks of the CCG. The idea was practically laughable. Yet Kaneki found himself believing it more and more with every word Hide spoke.

“Yeah, but the craziest part is, she knows who you are, Kaneki. She figured it out somehow,” Hide stated. Kaneki was about to say something when he continued, “Her knowing can either go two ways. One, she convinces the higher-ups to let you join the CCG as well and they take you off the wanted list. Or two, the higher-ups aren’t convinced and they then know your name and face and the hunt continues. Let’s hope for the former.”

“Hide, there’s no way I would ever be allowed to become an investigator. I’m an SS rated ghoul.” He didn’t add that he didn’t even know if he wanted to, even if it meant not being searched for anymore.

To Kaneki, joining the organization that had hunted his friends for all their lives, that had torn families apart, that had ruined so many things they had going for them…he wasn’t sure he could do it. It felt _wrong_. It was nothing short of complete betrayal. But if Hide joined and he didn’t, there was no way they would be able to keep living like they were. And even though he didn’t want to betray those who were close to him, he found himself wanting to live like a human once more. He really, _really_ just wanted to be normal once more.

It was all too much.

Hide knew his friend was being overwhelmed with conflicting emotions. “Hey, buddy,” he said, putting a hand on Kaneki’s shoulder. “It’s fine, you don’t have to decide now. We still have a few days before I’m supposed to meet with her again.” Kaneki nodded. Hide regretted procrastinating telling him—he should have given him the full week to decide. But he’d been conflicted himself, so he figured he should solve his own inner turmoil before passing it on to Kaneki.

Kaneki stared out the window of their bedroom. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. “Come in,” Hide told whoever was outside. Hinami opened the door.

“Touka-onee-chan is here!” she exclaimed happily. Hide and Kaneki exchanged glances.

“Okay, we’ll be right out,” Hide said, flashing her a grin. Hinami nodded and went off to a different part of the house, presumably where Touka was. “Great timing, huh?” he said to Kaneki, his grin becoming a weary smile.  

Kaneki was silent for a moment before he spoke in a low voice, “We could run away, you know. We could move to a different part of the country. Hell, we could get _out_ of the country. Anywhere, I don’t care. We could start over new, just like what we told those classmates of yours. You, me, Touka, Hinami, Banjou—everyone.”

Hide sighed. “I wish we could, Kaneki. Even if we could, I don’t know if I’d want to. I’m pretty sure most of my college credits aren’t transferable.” He chuckled in an attempt to lighten the mood.

Kaneki looked at him, his expression unreadable. “You’re planning on going back to school?” he asked.

“…I was hoping that after this was all over, I’d be able to go back and finish what I’d started, I guess.”

All this time, Hide had forgotten about the simple joys of living like a human. He had been fearing for his life for so many months, there was hardly any time to reminiscence about the good old days. Sometimes, memories of eating burgers and playing video games with Kaneki came up, but he quickly pushed them away. They caused more pain and remorse now than happiness.

But now that he’d been offered to go back to his old life—well, not exactly, but it was the closest he could get—he had never wanted more to be just another normal, insignificant human. Even if it meant crossing his ghoul friends. Yes, he knew it seemed selfish, but after giving it much thought, he was certain he could keep them safe from within the CCG just as well as he could on the outside. When he worked there before, he managed to subtly throw them off Kaneki’s trail multiple times. He could do that with Touka and the others too. As long as they didn’t torture him for everything he knew, it would be fine.

“Hey, idiots, what’s taking so long?”

Hide turned and saw Touka in the doorway, arms crossed. She wore her standard shorts, boots, and jacket. “Oh, hey, Touka!” He grinned and hopped off the bed before walking over to her. “Sorry, we kind of got lost in thought.” He laughed.

“Well, get un-lost, because we’re about to play Bullshit,” she said. She looked past Hide and at Kaneki, who was still staring out the window. Lowering her voice, she asked, “Is he alright?”

Hide nodded before turning to his friend. “Kaneki, you want to come play a card game with us?”

Kaneki was brought out of his reverie and looked at Hide and Touka. How long had she been in the room? “Yeah, I’ll be there in a second. You guys go ahead and start without me.”

Touka was about to protest when Hide quickly said, “Okay, we’ll be in the front room when you’re ready.”

As they walked to the front room in silence, Touka looked at Hide out of the corner of her eyes. He appeared lost in thought. Almost pensive. She slowed to a stop, and Hide looked back at her questioningly. “What’s up?” he inquired.

Touka swallowed her pride. “I’m sorry about the other day,” she spoke. “You were right; I was channeling my anger the wrong way. I’m ready to turn over a new leaf, I guess. I want things to get back to how they were. I know it’ll never be the same, but we can try to make it as close as we can.” She looked away in embarrassment when she was finished.

Hide felt his heart shatter into pieces. After he told her what he was about to, she would never forgive him. He was jeopardizing the normalcy she so desired—and right after she’d apologized, too. But it was better to tell her now than to wait. “Touka,” he began, hesitant. Was this really the right thing to do? Before he decided not to, he continued, “I was offered to join the CCG as an investigator.”

A flurry of emotions crossed Touka’s face. “Huh?” was all she could say.

Hide then delved into an explanation. He told her what happened with Akira, the offer she’d made, and his counteroffer. To Touka, it felt like a hard punch in the stomach that knocked all her breath out—except she couldn’t get it back. With each sentence he spoke, more and more disbelief rose within her. Yet she couldn’t bring herself to feel angry. Hide was a human at heart; he’d been a human for all his life, save for the past few months. Touka understood his wanting to go back to living that way. Hell, she’d probably take it too if it meant guaranteed protection. Blaming him of betrayal wasn’t fair to Hide, nor Kaneki, if he chose to go as well.

He wanted out, and he’d found a way to do it. Who was she to take away his chance at a better life?

“Are you mad?” Hide asked quietly once he was finished. Touka shook her head no.

“I’m just surprised, is all,” she answered. She was also a little disheartened and sad, but she didn’t mention that. “But I’m not mad. If this is what you think is right, then you should do it. You’re a human in a ghoul’s body, Hide. You don’t belong in the world of ghouls; you belong with humans. Since I’ll never be able to live like a normal human, maybe you can live like one for me, and I’ll try to be satisfied with that.” She wouldn’t be satisfied, of course—all she had ever wanted to do was go to a university and do something with her life, but it was evident that the universe wasn’t on her side. But it was for Hide, so at least one of them was going to live how he wished. “There is one thing I’d like to ask you to do, though.”

“What’s that?”

“Just don’t rat us out or anything. When they ask you for what you know, say you never found out the identities of any other ghouls besides Kaneki because that was who you spent all your time with. They haven’t seen Kaneki fighting with any other ghouls, so he can say that too.”

“Don’t worry, I have no intentions of endangering any of you. If I thought joining would put you guys in harm’s way, I wouldn’t,” Hide replied, expression serious. Touka nodded and managed a smile.

“Ready to play?” she asked.

“Don’t think you’ll win; no one can out-bullshit the master bullshitter,” he said, grinning. “I’ll have you know that at least three fourths of my essays in school were bullshit—and I still got As and Bs on them.”

“Yeah, well, try bullshitting _every_ essay. I suck at writing, but I somehow pull through each time,” Touka said as they commenced walking to the front room once more. Kaneki watched them go from around the corner, having heard every word of their talk. He was glad he did; it set his mind at ease slightly. Maybe they wouldn’t feel like they were betraying them after all.

Maybe it was okay for him to pursue what he wanted as well.

Just maybe.

* * *

 

It ended up being Hinami who was the master bullshitter. She had an unwavering poker face like no other. Kaneki always touched his chin or scratched his cheek when he bluffed, and Touka was just obvious. Hide was good at sneaking in cards, but he was too confident at calling out others and ended up getting the pile almost every game they played.

As Touka waved goodbye to them and left for her apartment, she realized Hide was right—games were a welcome distraction from their crappy lives. She would have to come over more often and play.

Would she still be able to see Hide and Kaneki if they ended up joining the CCG? Perhaps after some amount of time went by. She and the others would keep their distance for a while until their every move wasn’t being observed anymore. Then they could meet up for coffee or something.

Things were definitely going to change. While this wasn’t the normal she’d been hoping for, perhaps they could make it work. After all, that was what being a ghoul was about; making things work.

And if anyone could make something work, it was Hideyoshi Nagachika.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let’s just pretend that they play bs in japan lmao (every country should have that game, it’s amazing)
> 
> thanks for reading!


	17. Ardor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide gets tipsy and Kaneki handles it just how he should.

Hide opened the door to the shop and inhaled the familiar, welcoming smell of freshly grinded beans and coffee. He spotted Akira, arms folded in her lap, at the same table they spoke at last time. Walking up to it, he took a seat.

“Hello, Nagachika,” she said as he sat down.

“Hello, Akira-san,” he replied. “How have you been?”

She tucked a loose lock of hair behind her ear. “Let’s skip the niceties. I know you must be anxious to hear what I have to say.”

Hide nodded in agreement; on the way over here, he hadn’t been anxious at all. But now that he was finally here, facing the single person who held their futures in the palm of her hand, nervousness flared up in his stomach. “You’re right about that.”

Akira took a sip of her coffee and set it down before speaking. “You and Kaneki have been deemed eligible for the job.”

Hide could’ve cried in relief right then and there. That meant they were safe now, right? He surely hoped so.

“Don’t get too excited yet; you still have to go to through the interview process. You’ll both be speaking with the director and other higher-ups. Arima Kishou will be among them. They’ll determine if you’ll actually be allowed to have it. If you get it, then you’ll be sent to the research facility and looked at before you can start. Is this acceptable?”

While he wasn’t sure about how Kaneki would feel about being experimented on—frankly, he wasn’t liking the idea much either—he understood that it was a necessary part of working there. The whole idea of bringing two humans-turned-ghouls on board was to research them and use them for the CCG’s benefit. They would have to accept the fact that they were basically going to be reduced to mere lab rats for some time.

If it guaranteed their safety, though, it would be worth it.

“I accept,” Hide said firmly. “But there is one thing; if we’re not given the jobs, what will happen to us?”

Akira’s gaze softened. “Unfortunately, that’s not my decision, so I can’t tell you anything for sure.” She paused to take a drink. “I want to make sure you understand this deal, though, so I’ll tell you what I think would happen without sugarcoating it. You would be apprehended and experimented on against your will, most likely. They’d keep you in the research facility and, when they had no further use for you, put both of you into Cochlea. This is if they believed you wouldn’t be able to function properly as a ghoul investigator.”

“And what do you think is the probability of something like this occurring?”

“…The odds are more in your favor than Kaneki’s by far.”

Hide looked out the window of the shop, watching the bustling street life outside. If they did this, they could be walking into a death trap. But if they didn’t, the CCG would find them, and they’d be dealing with investigators on a daily basis.

“Quite the predicament you both have landed yourself in,” Akira said, a weary smile on her face. “I believe in your ability to convince them you’re still human, Nagachika. I can’t be sure, however, of Kaneki’s. He has done some…questionable things, if you will.”

“Kaneki is just as much human as I am,” Hide argued, turning his head to look at her.

She shrugged. “I’m not the one you should be trying to convince. Save it for the interview, which is set for three days from now at noon. You’ll go to the front of the CCG main office building, where a squad will escort you inside.”

“A squad?”

“They’re going to take as many precautions as they can. After all, you two are high rated ghouls.”

“…What’s my ranking?” Hide knew Kaneki was an SS, but he didn’t know his.

“You, Flyer, are an S ranked ghoul at the moment, due to your speed and ‘accomplishment’ of getting past Arima.”

“It seems like they’d give me a lower one, since I’m relatively new on the radar.”

“Let’s just say, you gave them quite the scare by being able to bypass Arima. Your battle abilities are nothing to be laughed at, either. Assigning a higher rank also motivates investigators to exterminate you, so there’s also that. Getting a promotion sometimes gets in the way of logic and reason,” she explained.

Something beeped in her jacket pocket. Akira pulled out her phone and looked at the email notification. “Oh, sorry about your phone,” Hide said, scratching his cheek sheepishly. She seemed to have gotten a new one, as there was no way the other could have been repaired.

Akira put the device back in her pocket. “I had an upgrade anyways.” Standing, she took one more sip of her coffee before pushing in her chair. “Three days from now at noon; remember that. I wish you the best of luck.” Then she left. Hide sighed and left soon after as well.

He met up with Kaneki in the nearby bookstore he’d left him in. “How’d it go?” Kaneki asked, unable to hide his anxiousness.

Hide shrugged. “We may or may not be unwillingly experimented on and thrown into Cochlea if they don’t like us,” he replied.

Kaneki wasn’t amused. “And if they do like us?”

“Then we’ll be willingly experimented on and become investigators.”

“So we’re going to be experimented on either way?”

“Yeah. I’m sorry, Kaneki. I wish there were a way around it, but I don’t think there is. The main reason they’re letting us join is to research artificial ghouls and then use them to their advantage.”

Kaneki swallowed and nodded. He had agreed to this fully knowing there might be some things they had to do he wouldn’t like. It would be illogical for the CCG _not_ to open them up and see what made them tick. Being made into lab specimen was part of the proposition, it seemed.

“Our interviews are three days from now at noon,” Hide told him. “That’s when they’ll decide whether or not we can become investigators.”

Nodding once again, Kaneki asked if he had any money to buy a book. Hide forked over some yen he’d brought to buy a coffee, which he had forgotten about getting once he and Akira began conversing. They paid for the book and left, heading for home.

Everything would hinge on those interviews. In the upcoming days, they prepared for them as best they could, asking each other questions that would likely be presented to them while there. After they covered nearly everything they could think of, they figured they would be asked where they had been hiding out all this time and decided it was best to find a place that seemed convincing.

“Where’re we going to find a place like that?” Hide questioned.

Kaneki closed his book and set it aside. “I think I know someone who can help.”

* * *

 

“Ohh, what a surprise. It’s been a while, Kaneki-kun!”

Itori greeted Kaneki by throwing her arm around his shoulder and ushering him into the bar, all the while saying how different he looked. Hide followed them in, unsure of what to make of this enthusiastic, bubbly woman.

“Hello, Itori. We were hoping you could help us out with something,” Kaneki said as she sat him down on a barstool next to her.

“Of course! But only after you introduce me to your friend there,” Itori replied, pointing at Hide as he sat down next to Kaneki.

“That’s Hide,” he stated simply.

“Hide-kun! What a lovely name. Let me get you two boys some drinks.” She called over the bartender. A moment later, two glasses of clear red liquid were set in front of them. Itori sipped from her own glass, an amused look on her face as she watched them both take tentative sips. Hide found the taste of the strange drink bitter yet good. It was strong like alcohol, but it didn’t taste like it. He decided he probably didn’t want to know what it was.

Kaneki set his down. “Itori, we—“

“Ah, we can get to what you want later. Let’s chat for a bit, shall we? It’s been too long, Kaneki-kun!”

Sighing, Kaneki stole a glance at Hide, who grinned and shrugged, taking another sip of the drink. “Okay,” he finally said. Itori looked at him hopefully, and Kaneki felt himself slowly begin to die inside. She expected him to initiate a stimulating conversation. Boy, was she in for the disappointment for her life. He coughed awkwardly. Hide began to snicker.

“Your struggle is so funny, man,” he said to Kaneki. For some reason, his head felt… _bubbly_. That was the only word he could think to describe it—mostly because he was having a hard time thinking at that moment. “Just talk about the weather or something!” Kaneki facepalmed, face heating up.

Hide gulped down another drink of the liquid and turned to Itori. “He was never the talkative type. I’ve always said enough for the both of us!”

“Oh, is that so?” she asked, chuckling while swirling the red liquid around in her glass. “That’s okay, Kaneki-kun! Believe it or not, I was socially awkward at one point too!” She patted Kaneki hard on the back, who jumped in startle. She laughed loudly, earning her looks from nearby customers.

Kaneki was about to protest that he was in fact _not_ socially awkward when he remembered that yeah, he kind of was. If this situation didn’t prove that, he didn’t know what would. Hide, though, was having himself a grand old time and quickly struck up conversation with Itori.

One and a half glasses of whatever the hell that liquid was later, Hide felt better than he had in a long time. His words were slurred and his brain was foggy. He became highly tangential; he couldn’t keep on one topic for more than a few sentences at a time without delving into another. Itori was highly entertained by his drunken state. “Kaneki-kun, you should bring this one by more often!” she exclaimed, laughing. It was obvious she was getting a little tipsy too, but she definitely wasn’t as bad as Hide, who couldn’t hold his liquor at all. He had to get what he wanted out of her before she got too drunk.

“Itori, do you know of any places a ghoul could have been hiding out in for a few months?” he asked, quickly grabbing Hide’s drink away from him before he could ingest any more of it. Hide whined in protest and grabbed for it, but Kaneki moved it out of his reach.

“Hiding out? Hmm…have you checked the twenty-fourth ward? There’s this place that was raided by the CCG or something sometime back…might wanna check there. Some abandoned apartment complex.”

“I live in an apartment complex!” Hide said excitedly.

“Hide, no you don’t. Come on, let’s go,” Kaneki said, getting off the barstool before tugging on his friend’s sleeve to get him to stand. It ended up being getting him to stand wasn’t the problem—Hide _couldn’t_ stand without nearly falling over. Sighing, Kaneki steadied him and acted as his support by draping one of Hide’s arm over his shoulders. “Do you know where this apartment complex is?” he asked Itori, who was giggling at the show they were putting on.

“My drink!” Hide cried when he saw the abandoned glass of liquid on the counter. “Kaaanekiii, let me have it!”

“Hide, you’re drunk.”

“I’m not drunk how dare you who do you think you are I’m the soberest person in this room! Where the hell are we again?”

Well, Kaneki knew not to ever make the mistake of taking Hide to a bar again.

“Mmm…let me think…somewhere near another bar there. You can ask around and find it,” Itori answered after a moment of thinking. “Just mention my name at the bar; they’ll help you out then.”

“Oh, great. Just what we need. Another bar,” he muttered. Gesturing to the glass she was holding, he questioned, “What’s in that drink anyways?”

“Something we ghouls can digest. Don’t really know, don’t really care. We can drink it and that’s all that matters.” She smirked before asking the bartender for another drink. “I typically prefer a straight shot of blood, though. It’s both delicious and you don’t have to stop after two or three. Or, in his case”—she gestured to Hide—“one and a half.”

“He should have stopped after one sip,” Kaneki sighed. “Thank you, Itori. We’ll be going now.”

She hummed happily in response. “It’s been a pleasure seeing you again, Kaneki-kun! And it was nice meeting you too, Hide-kun.”

Hide grinned and shot finger guns at her, and Kaneki had never felt the urge to get the hell out of somewhere more than he did then. They stumbled out the bar and made their way out of the building it was located in. Hide rambled on about random things as they went. While Kaneki was slightly amused, he hoped his drunkenness would ware off soon—they did have to go to the twenty-fourth ward, after all, a place infested with bloodthirsty ghouls.

He decided it was in both of their best interests if he dropped Hide off at home. “You’ll thank me for it later, Hide,” he said as he tucked him into bed. As he stood to leave, he felt a tug on his sleeve. Looking back, he saw Hide looking up at him. His face was red and his lips were parted. His breathing was heavy.

“Don’t go,” he murmured. It was the first time he’d said anything quietly while drunk. Kaneki had to look away; Hide looked too enticing right then, and he knew if he kept staring at him he would ultimately begin making out with him. Not like that wasn’t appealing to Kaneki, but he _did_ have something to do, after all. Something that would ensure the safety of them and their friends.

But then again, he did have all night. A little while wouldn’t hurt, right?

“Kaneki,” Hide whispered.

And that was it.

Kaneki relented and let himself be pulled down by Hide, their lips meeting in a fury of longing. Throwing the covers away, Kaneki got on top of him. He propped himself up on his elbows and kissed Hide hard. Hide wrapped his arms around his neck and entangled his fingers in his hair, and Kaneki wanted nothing more than to melt into him right then and there. He pulled back just so he could look at him. The look in Hide’s eyes wasn’t that of drunkenness or lust—it was love in its purest, rawest form.

Kaneki couldn’t even begin to explain how undeserving he was of Hideyoshi Nagachika.

Half an hour later, Kaneki was very reluctant to leave. But he had to find what Itori told them about. Throwing on his shirt and pants, he tousled his hair into a somewhat normal-looking state. Hide watched as he did this, smiling to himself. The lingering effects of the drink had worn off around the time they got home. Then, a sudden wave of desire for pleasure hit him, and _boy_ had Kaneki delivered.

“I’m off,” Kaneki said, going over to the bed and kissing Hide goodbye. Hide held him there for a moment, cupping his face with his hands before they broke apart.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you?” he asked softly.

“Yeah, you should stay here and rest,” Kaneki replied, caressing his cheek with the back of his hand. Hide leaned into the touch.

“Alright,” he finally agreed. “I’ll stay. Just be safe, okay, Kaneki?”

Kaneki brushed his bangs away and pressed a kiss to his forehead before standing. “I will. Don’t wait up for me, it might take a little bit to find this place.”

Hide nodded. Kaneki gave him a warm smile before he turned off the lights and left. Sighing, Hide fell back into the bed and drew the covers over him, attempting to sleep. If their plan went sour, at least they had gotten the chance to show how much they loved each other one last time. With thoughts of Kaneki in mind, Hide fell into a deep sleep, not waking even when said boy slipped into the bed some few hours later.

“Goodnight, Hide,” Kaneki whispered before falling asleep as well.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> petition for everyone to get drunk and just be happy for one night of their miserable lives OTL
> 
> thanks for reading!


	18. Consultation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaneki does not enjoy interviews.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not sure how I feel about the way this chapter is written?? idk I just feel like it could have been worded better in some places. well, anyways, the long-awaited interviews commence!

In the morning, Kaneki explained to Hide what happened when he went out to look for the abandoned apartment complex. After asking multiple sketchy strangers for directions, he finally found the bar Itori mentioned and asked if they knew where the apartment complex victim of a CCG attack was. The bartender told him right away when he said Itori sent him. He found it quickly and proceeded to scout out an empty room. Lots of ghouls lingered there, but none of them did anything more than stare nastily at him. Finding an unlocked one on the fourth floor, he went inside and made it look like they’d been living there for quite some time.

“I set out blankets, pillows, and left the backpack I took there,” he said as he sipped his daily cup of coffee. “All in all, it looks pretty convincing.”

The interview was the next day. Hide, as good as he was at hiding his nervousness, wasn’t able to conceal it this time. It was obvious Kaneki was on edge as well.

Hinami sat down with them on the sofa. “Will Kaneki-onii-san and Hide-onii-san be okay?” she asked, looking down at her own cup. Sometime after his talk with Touka, Hide told the rest of the group what they were planning to do. Thankfully, they seemed to understand.

“Of course, Hinami! Don’t you worry about us,” Hide said, grinning and patting her head. “Your big brothers are strong, you hear?”

Hinami returned his smile. “Will we still be able to see each other?”

At that, Hide faltered. His smile became sad. “I’m sure we will eventually. We can’t for a while, though. It would endanger you all too much.”

She nodded. Hinami couldn’t deny that she felt sad they were leaving, but she was happy for them at the same time. She understood the opportunity they’d been presented. “Okay,” she said, doing her best to keep a happy expression on her face.

“Be safe when you do this, Kaneki,” Banjou said, entering the room. “And you too, Hide.”

“Thank you. We will,” Kaneki replied.

There was a knock on the door a couple minutes later. Hinami opened it to reveal Touka, who greeted them and stepped inside. “If you two are going through with this,” she said, “I have to at least beat you in cards before I don’t have the chance to.”

Much to her dismay, Touka wasn’t able to beat either one of them until their final game, when she finally claimed victory. “Yes!” she exclaimed, throwing down the rest of her hand. “Now I can die in peace knowing I wasn’t beaten by a bunch of losers who keep getting lucky.”

Hide grinned. “It’s not luck, Touka. What I have is pure skill.”

Lie—all of Hide’s wins had been pure luck.

“Keep telling yourself that,” she replied, rolling her eyes albeit smiling.

Touka stayed over the rest of the day. Most of it was spent lounging around. Kaneki and Hide went over the questions they’d come up with once more, but ultimately ended up deciding it was better not to think about it right then. That day was about spending what little time they had left with their friends and each other.

After a while, Kaneki eventually retreated to their room, where he lost himself in a novel. Distractions were extremely welcome at this point; it was getting harder and harder to keep his anxiety at bay. He didn’t want the others to see how much he was really stressing over it—especially Hinami. If it failed, he wasn’t sure how she would be able to cope.

Touka would be devastated as well, but he knew she would be able to move on. While it would hurt her greatly, she’d push through and—hopefully—come out okay on the other side. He hoped Banjou and the others would fare without him. He was sure that, with Touka’s help, they would be able to get on their feet. Maybe they could even help begin to get funding for a new shop.

Hide and Touka waltzed into the room together sometime later. “Hey,” Touka said, walking up to Kaneki and lightly putting a hand on his shoulder. “You okay?”

Kaneki sighed and set aside his book, looking up at them. Hide offered him a melancholy smile while Touka stared intently at him. “Yeah, I’m okay,” he answered. “It’s you and the others I’m worried about. Are you’re going to be alright?”

“Of course, you moron. Yomo and I will look after them. Don’t worry about them right now. You should be more worried about yourselves,” Touka huffed, putting her hands on her hips.

Kaneki smiled. “Thank you, Touka. Really. I know this must be hard for y—“

“Save it,” she interjected. “Enough with the sappy stuff. Let’s just enjoy the time we all have left together.” He nodded and rose from the bed. Suddenly, Touka pulled both Kaneki and Hide into an embrace. Wrapping her arms around both of them, she murmured, “Be careful, and stay safe.”

They hugged her back and promised they would.

The day came to an end too quickly for everyone’s liking. Touka, who ended up staying the night, crashed on the couch in the front room, while everyone else slept in their respective spots. Kaneki and Hide both laid awake for quite some time, neither speaking but aware the other wasn’t asleep. Ultimately, they moved closer together, Kaneki tucking his head in the crook of Hide’s neck while Hide wrapped his arms around him and intertwined their legs. They eventually fell asleep like that, and when the morning came, they were ready to face whatever the day was going to throw at them.

* * *

 

The CCG main office was much bigger than any of the district offices. As promised, there was a squad of ready investigators awaiting their arrival. Akira wasn’t among them. Kaneki and Hide allowed themselves to be led into the building. All of the onlooking workers stood to the side, making way for them as they moved towards the elevator. Murmurs followed them. Hide tried to tune them out as best as he could, but some were hard to ignore.

“There he is—that’s the one. How dare he show his ugly face in here.”

“What the hell are the higher-ups thinking? This is insane!”

“The second they go crazy, I’m out of here.”

“They’re letting two ghouls just waltz in here? Who do the higher-ups think they are?”

“That Mado woman needs to be fired. She’s going to get us all killed. She must have inherited her father’s craziness.”

The investigators escorting them were more forceful than they needed to be. They practically shoved them into the elevator when Hide and Kaneki would’ve been perfectly fine simply walking into it. It’s not like they were convicts or something. But, then again, Hide understood their anger. He and Kaneki had hurt investigators—their colleagues—in the recent past. A little animosity was warranted.

The ride upwards felt slower than any Hide had ever been on. Finally, the elevator dingedand came to a stop, letting them out on the top floor. Hide and Kaneki were ushered out into a small room that looked like a waiting area. Seats lined both walls. They were sat down one seat apart from each other, an investigator in between and on either side of them. The three other investigators sat across from them, steely eyes focused.

The sliding doors opened a moment later, revealing Yoshitoki Washuu, the Bureau Director. “Nagachika Hideyoshi,” he said, addressing Hide, “your interview will now commence.” He turned and disappeared into the other room.

Two investigators stood and followed Hide into the room, leaving Kaneki with the other four. Kaneki shifted uncomfortably. He’d thought they were going to interview them at the same time; he hadn’t expected to be separated. While he wasn’t worried so much about Hide as he was himself, he hoped he would do alright.

The minutes passed slowly. Kaneki felt himself growing increasingly restless and impatient. The investigators with him seemed to be feeling antsy as well. One kept checking his phone. Another fiddled with the latch on her suitcase. They were probably hoping he’d try to make a move just so they could do something.

Kaneki listened hard to try to hear what was going on within the room, but he could only make out mumbles that made no sense. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the doors opened once again. Hide walked out, flanked by the two investigators who had gone in with him. He met Kaneki’s eyes and tried to give him a reassuring smile. He was shaking slightly.

Yoshitoki Washuu came out once more as Hide sat down.  He trained his eyes on Kaneki before stating, “Kaneki Ken, your interview will now commence.”

Kaneki nodded, stood, and walkd after him as he went back in the other room. Three investigators followed him in. He quickly stole a glance back at Hide, who gave him a small thumbs up. One of the investigators beside him glared at him.

The extravagant room was excessively large for all the furniture that was in it, which wasn’t much. A large chair in line with the entrance was near the back wall, and a man with long white hair and a beard sat in it. There were eight other chairs distributed evenly on both sides of him, in which seven people sat. The one on the right of the center chair was empty; it was probably for Yoshitoki Washuu. The one on the left was occupied by Arima, signifying his importance.

The black and white checkered floor was beginning to make Kaneki’s head spin slightly, so he kept his eyes trained ahead on the man in the large chair. Even from a distance away, he radiated power. All eyes were on Kaneki as he was led to the seat about twenty feet away from the line of chairs. Sitting down, two of his escorts took their places on either side of him, while the remaining one stood behind the seat.

Once Yoshitoki took his rightful place, the man in the middle spoke. “Kaneki Ken,” he stated, voice booming. The acoustics in the huge room were incredible. “I am Tsuneyoshi Washuu, chairman of the Commission of Counter Ghoul. Your evaluation will now begin. Everything you say and do will be recorded from now on.” He narrowed his eyes before telling him, “Choose your words carefully; this will determine whether or not you will be allowed to become a ghoul investigator.”

 _And whether or not I’ll be allowed to live,_ Kaneki finished in his mind. He was about to begin wondering how Hide had done when one of the people sitting shuffled his papers and stood.

“Kaneki Ken, do you fully admit to being the ghoul both known as Eyepatch and Centipede?” he questioned.

“Yes,” Kaneki answered, trying to steady his wavering voice.

“I will now read out a list of all known crimes committed by the Centipede ghoul recorded by the CCG.”

The list seemed endless. Kaneki felt himself growing smaller with each wrongdoing listed. “Do you acknowledge committing these crimes?” he concluded. Kaneki replied yes, he did.

“During the CCG raid on the coffee shop, Anteiku, in the twentieth ward, is it correct you were involved in a battle with First Class Investigator Amon Koutarou?”

“Yes.”

The next question hit him like a brick wall.

"Did you kill First Class Investigator Amon Koutarou?”

“…No.” He really hoped he hadn’t.

“Are you aware that his body is missing and he has been presumed dead?”

Kaneki’s eyes widened. “N-no, I…” The scrawling of pens on paper as he stuttered was the only thing he heard. “I didn’t kill him. I didn’t—I couldn’t have. I didn’t want to kill him…”

“So you are pleading that you fought him, but you did not kill him. You were the final ghoul Amon Koutarou was assigned to confront. His radio cut out in the middle of the battle. Can you explained what happened in this battle?”

So they were trying to gather as much information about missing investigators as they could. Taking a deep breath, Kaneki began, “I came upon the squad and Amon and I engaged in battle. I didn’t want to kill him, so I broke his quinque in an effort to get past him. But then someone in a car drove by and delivered him two other suitcases. One was armor, the other looked like an upgraded version of the quinque I had broken. He became much more powerful after that.

“I tried to lose him by running around different streets. He followed me. We fought more and I sliced off his arm with my kagune, but he threw his quinque at me and it pierced my stomach. I remember not being able to heal, and then someone—Hide—picked me up. I can’t recall anything afterwards. But I didn’t kill him,” he concluded, hoping that if Amon had bled out, he wouldn’t be faulted. The odds of that were low, though; something else had to have gotten him. Bodies didn’t vanish into thin air, and they had been in a pretty open space where, if he _had_ bled out, someone would’ve been able to find him.

The questioner waited for the sound of writing to cease before he continued. “What is your relationship with Nagachika Hideyoshi?”

Kaneki bit his lip. There was no way in hell he was admitting to these guys that he and Hide were _a lot_ more than friends. He would keep it at the friend part. But would telling them they were in a relationship increase their chances of not being locked up forever? What if they had asked this same question to Hide and their stories didn’t line up? “I’ve known Hide since I was a kid,” he said. "He was my best friend. He was always there for me, always picking me up. He still is. I trusted him to speak my mind for me. I didn’t really have any other friends as I grew up, but that was alright. Hide was all I needed.”

“When you discovered he had been turned into a ghoul, what was your reaction?”

He hesitated. “I was…worried. Scared, even. I didn’t want him to have to go through what I’d been through.”

“And what exactly have you been through?”

Oh, boy. This was going to take some time. Kaneki decided to start from the top, recounting from when he was attacked by Rize all the way up to the point they were at now, making sure to leave out any details concerning Touka, Hinami, and the others. He eloquently spun a tale of how he’d been kidnapped by Yamori—or Jason, as they knew him—when he was out walking around one night. He told them of his ten day torture and how that changed him. He explained how he resolved to get stronger, how his goal had consumed him, and how Hide helped bring him back.

“You claimed you heard ‘Rize.’ Who is Rize?”

“She was known as the Binge Eater.”

The others began whispering to each other. “Quiet,” the chairman ordered, and they ceased talking.

“Is she still alive?”

“…No. She was being kept at Kanou’s lab, and he was making other half ghouls with her. But she was killed during it.” Lie; Yomo still had her locked up, but he wasn’t about to tell them that.

“Was Nagachika Hideyoshi one of the half ghouls made by her organs?”

“No, he would have my kagune if he were. He was probably made with two different ghouls, but there’s no way to know who.”

After telling what felt like his whole life story—which it wasn’t, it was only really about a little more than a year of his life—Kaneki thought they’d have everything they needed. The person questioning him nodded at his final answer and sat down. Then another stood and took over the interview. Well, they called it an interview, but it was really more of an inquisition.

“Have you ever lost control of yourself?” the new interrogator asked.

Kaneki rubbed his chin. “Only when I’m starving,” he answered.

“And what happens?”

“I…” There was no use in lying. They’d seen what he’d done and just how powerful he was when he was crazed. “I hurt people. It doesn’t matter who they are, I hurt them. It’s horrible and I hate it, because the ones I’m trying to protect ultimately get hurt, even if it’s not directly by me. I can’t stop myself. Only when other people remind me what I am is when I gain control again.”

“And what are you?”

Kaneki looked the chairman directly in his eyes as he spoke his next words.

 “I’m a human.”

The chairman raised his eyebrows, amused. Before the interrogator could ask his next question, Kaneki continued. “I’m just as human as any of you. What happened to me was a tragedy, and I can’t change it. But that doesn’t mean I can’t live normally. I can control it. I _will_ control it. If you give me— _us_ —a chance, I promise you, it will be the best decision you’ve ever made. I know I’ve…I’ve done things in the past. If you decide I’m unusable, at least take Hide. He’s hardworking, intuitive, perceptive, and the kindest, most caring person you’ll ever meet. If he isn’t human, then no one is.”

“You consider yourself human? You—a creature who kills and eats people?” the chairman questioned.

Kaneki nodded, never breaking eye contact. “My body may not be that of a human’s, but my mind is. I’ve never once harmed anyone for fun; that would be inexcusable. Humans turned into ghouls—we’re the bridge between the worlds. Ghouls and humans both misunderstand each other. Humans hunt down ghouls, who kill because they have to survive. Most don’t even want to hurt others, but they have to eat. Most ghouls that kill humans out of spite kill them because their friends and family suffered the same fate. This endless cycle of hate will never be broken unless something changes. While I’m not going to deny that there are some insane, sadistic ghouls out there that need to be eliminated, not all of them are like that.

“If the cycle is ever going to be broken, there has to be a change made. No change comes without risk, though. Hide and I are the risks you’ll be taking. By allowing us to join the CCG, you’ll be potentially endangering your workers. I understand your wariness. But I can guarantee you that Hide and I, while we may be ghouls, would never hurt anyone here on purpose. If it’s me you’re worried about, Hide can keep me under control.” Kaneki felt slightly embarrassed as he said the last part, but it was true.

After that, the questions became more general, like what were his strengths and weaknesses and where did he see himself in a few years. Kaneki had enough dark humor to want to reply “Hopefully not in Cochlea.” But he didn’t, for fear it would be taken the wrong way. So, instead, he answered that he would like to perhaps become a mentor to investigators in training if they accepted him. As predicted, they also asked where they’d been living for the past months. Kaneki told them they had been camping in the apartment complex the CCG had raided sometime back in the twenty-fourth ward. They didn’t question what room, though, leading Kaneki to hope his answer was believable enough.

Eventually, the chairman rose from his seat and walked over to where Kaneki sat. Kaneki sat as still as possible, keeping his eyes trained ahead, as he looked him over. He jumped in surprise when the man put a large hand on his shoulder. The chairman stood there for a moment before he retracted his hand and went back to his chair. “Kaneki Ken, you are dismissed to go to the research facility,” he stated. “The interview is now over.”

The recorders capped their pens and shuffled their papers.  Kaneki remained seated, not knowing what to do, as the eight people walked past him and out the door. He made eye contact with Arima, who gave him a small nod. While he wasn’t exactly sure what that meant, it couldn’t be bad to have the strongest investigator in the CCG nod at you.

“Let’s go,” the investigator on his right side said to him, motioning for him to stand. Kaneki gladly obliged, eager to stretch his limbs. They led him out the door. He stole one final glance at the chairman upon exiting the room. He couldn’t tell, but beneath his beard, Kaneki thought the tiniest of smiles rested upon his lips.

The first thing he noticed in the waiting room was that Hide was no longer there. “Where’s Hide?” he asked almost frantically as a wave of panic hit him.

“He was taken to the research facility already,” one of the investigators replied. “We’ll be escorting you there as well.”

Kaneki nodded, taking a deep breath to calm himself. Hide was okay—for now. Surely if they didn’t accept them, they would let them see each other one last time before being locked away in Cochlea forever. They had to; it would be cruel to not.

He hoped everything would work out.

* * *

 

The research facility was large and rather intimidating. Hide took a deep breath before entering with his three escorts. He hoped Kaneki was doing alright in questioning. He felt like he’d done fairly well. He hoped this wouldn’t end up like high school; back then, more often than not, he was certain he’d aced a test and ended up getting a B or C. Understanding the chapter perfectly throughout the entirety of it led him to believe he would do well on the test, but that was never the case. He was simply not a good test-taker.

There was no one in the spacious entrance room, save for the receptionist. He and the investigators crossed the room and signed in. “I have a memo from the central office,” the receptionist said. Reading off a paper, she told them, “Nagachika Hideyoshi is to be seen in laboratory 224. Investigators are to stay with him while being examined. If a situation arises, Nagachika will be subdued and the examination will then continue. I’ll show you to the lab.”

The receptionist stood and ushered for them to follow her, her heels clacking on the hard floor as they walked. The many halls of the facility they went through were long and wide, and they all looked the same. Doors with numbers lined the sides of the walls—entrances to labs. It reminded Hide very much of Kanou’s own facility, and he shuddered involuntarily, not eager for what was to come.

Finally, they stopped before a door numbered 224. The receptionist scanned a key card and the door unlocked and opened, revealing a large lab room. In the middle of it was an operation table, which was surrounded by people in white coats. The receptionist left. Hide felt a sudden sense of dread come over him.

“Please sit down on the operation table,” one of the scientists instructed him. Hesitant, Hide stepped into the room and walked over to the table before hoisting himself up onto it. “Remove your shirt and pants.”

Taking off his clothes in front of random people was _definitely_ noton Hide’s to do list for that day. Complying grudgingly, he handed his clothes to the man, who pulled a bag out of his coat and sealed them in it. He then placed it on a nearby table. The others stood by, waiting for their instructions.

“I’m Doctor Chigyou, head researcher of the CCG Laboratory Division,” the man, Doctor Chigyou, said. It was then that Hide recognized him; he’d been the one to give Amon new quinques during his fight with Kaneki. “We are going to be inspecting your body. If you do not comply at any given point in time, we have orders to subdue you. It’s in your best interest to not fight.” Hide nodded even though he would never try anything. “Please lie down now.”

As he laid flat on the operation table, the others began to move about, getting their tools ready. Hide winced as a needle was stuck into a vein in his arm. A mask was then placed over his mouth and nose. “Inhale,” one of the scientists told him. He took in a deep breath, feeling an unfamiliar tingling sensation in his nose and mouth as he did. They were giving him some sort of gas. Within a minute, Hide’s mind was fuzzy and his thoughts were clogged. He couldn’t move, couldn’t think. All he could keep doing was breathing the special gas as sedatives and Rc suppressants coursed through his bloodstream.  

The last thing he saw before he slipped into unconsciousness was Doctor Chigyou standing over him, scalpel ready to cut open his newest specimen.

And then the world went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!


	19. Interim

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Word of the CCG's decision finally arrives.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> my new estimate for how long this fic is 28 chapters (maybe 29 if I can't squeeze in everything I want to at the end), so we're looking at around 5 more weeks of updates! man I'm sad I love all of you guys so much, thank you so, so much for all of your support and encouragement, it means a lot!

To say that he liked laboratories would be a lie. In fact, Kaneki couldn’t think of anything he disliked more.

Rubbing his sore lower back, where they’d cut into to look at his kakuhou, he sighed. At least it was over. He was grateful they’d at least had the decency to put him to sleep before slicing his body open like they were carving up meat. An involuntary shudder ran through his body.

Hide—where was Hide? He hadn’t seen him since after he finished his interview. How long had it been since then, anyways? As he and his escorts made their way back to the entrance hall of the facility, he wondered just how much time had passed. He got his answer when he saw the clear night sky outside the large building.

“How long did that take?” he asked, turning to one of the investigators.

He looked down at his watch. “Seven hours and thirty two minutes precisely.”

 _Geez_ , _I must have been pretty interesting_ ,Kaneki mused.

They got into the car they’d taken over to the facility. The one he had spoken to got into the driver’s seat, while Kaneki was squished in between the other two in the backseat. Was all this really necessary? If he were going to attack them, he would have done so already. Orders were orders, though, he supposed.

The car ride to wherever the hell they were going next was silent, save for the hum of the engine and the sound of the wheels on the pavement. Kaneki finally managed to muster the courage to question what was happening next. Nobody replied. He exhaled in exasperation, slightly irritated. He was tired of not knowing what was going to come, but he didn’t press.

The car pulled up to a building that looked like an apartment complex. They parked, got out, and went inside the building. “Kaneki Ken,” one of the investigators told the receptionist behind the front desk.

The receptionist looked at Kaneki. “This is him?” he questioned, eyebrows raised. The investigators nodded, and he smiled in amusement. “You don’t seem so fearsome for an SS rated ghoul.”

Kaneki said nothing, unsure whether or not he was trying to provoke him. If he were, he wasn’t going to get a response. The receptionist shrugged it off and pulled up something on his computer. “Kaneki Ken, assigned to room 104 with Nagachika Hideyoshi,” he stated.

A sudden wave of relief ran through his body. Kaneki could have cried with joy at the fact that he and Hide were being allowed to stay together. Had Akira pulled some strings?

The receptionist passed out three keys to the investigators and told them where the room was. Thanking him, Kaneki’s escorts led the way to the room. Kaneki felt his heart rate speed up as they neared closer to it. Room 98, room 100, room 102, and there it was.

Room 104.  

One of the investigators that went into the interview with Hide stood guard outside the room. He moved out of the way when one of Kaneki’s escorts stepped forward to unlock the door, and they went inside. They were greeted with the sound of a television playing in a different room. Then, there was the sound of footsteps approaching them.

Hide appeared from behind a corner, and his eyes widened. “Kaneki?” he said, as if he didn’t believe it.

Kaneki smiled wearily. “Hey, Hide,” he said.

Hide broke into a grin. “We did it, buddy.”

“It’s still being decided whether or not you’ll be joining,” one of the investigators reminded them.

“Party pooper,” Kaneki heard Hide mumble.

The one who’d spoken explained to them the situation. “You’ll be staying here until the outcome is decided. What will happen then is dependent on the outcome. You will both go back to the research facility every day for more inspection, escorted by six investigators at a time. Investigators will be posted outside the door and inside the house until further notice. Do you understand?”

Kaneki and Hide nodded.

“You are not allowed to leave this apartment unescorted, but you may walk about it freely,” he finished.

“C’mon, Kaneki, I’ll show you to your room,” Hide said, grabbing his arm. He led him away from the small entrance room, through the living room—where a very exhausted looking investigator sat barely paying any attention to the TV—and then into what Kaneki presumed was his assigned bedroom. A bed was in the center of the wall to their left. A table with a chair was placed in one of the corners of the room, and a small television was positioned on a short bookshelf so that it could be seen while in the bed.

“At least they’re not treating us like prisoners—yet,” Kaneki noted. Hide nodded in agreement.

“The apartment’s pretty nice. Though I’m not looking forward to being locked in it for days with our only escape being the research facility,” Hide sighed.

“Do you think there’s cameras around?”

Hide shrugged. “Doubtful. In the public areas, yes, but not in the apartments. Since it’s a CCG owned floor of apartments, there could be, but I’m betting there aren’t.”

Closing the sliding door, Kaneki stepped closer to Hide and put his arms around his neck. “Then I can do this, right?” he murmured in his ear before tugging his shirt down and placing light kisses on his collarbone before making his way up to his jawline.

“Ah, Kaneki, there may not be cameras, but there _are_ other people in the apartment…” Hide reminded him as quietly as he could. Despite that, he wrapped his arms around Kaneki’s body and lowered his head on to his shoulder. Kaneki stopped and looked at him.

“Hide, what’s wrong?” he whispered, concerned. Hide shook his head, a wistful smile making its way onto his face.

“I just hope everything turns out alright.”

Kaneki couldn’t agree more. He rubbed Hide’s upper back soothingly. “Yeah,” he agreed.

“I love you, Kaneki.”

“I love you too, Hide.”

* * *

 

As promised, they went to the research facility every day for many hours at a time. Kaneki was thankful he didn’t have to be awake for most of it; it made the time pass faster. Although they _were_ cutting open his body while he was asleep, so that was a downside. Every time he was roused from his unconsciousness, a new spot on his body would hurt and stay sore for the rest of the day.

Gradually, he became used to this new routine they had fallen into. Wake up, read books supplied by the investigators, watch the news, go to the facility, and come back home and sleep once the experimenting was over for that day. He missed sharing a bed with Hide, even if he did hog the covers most nights. The monotonous, ever-repeating cycle did nothing to calm his anxiety of what was to come. Even after a week, there was still no news as to whether or not they’d be allowed to join the CCG.

Then, finally, there was.

Hide heard the knock on the door one night after coming back from the facility. Cocking his head, he saw that Kaneki was already fast asleep on his bed. He’d taken to camping in Kaneki’s room most nights, only leaving when he was too tired to continuously run his fingers through Kaneki’s hair. He also watched TV in there because his own TV was crap—at least, that’s what he let the investigators believe.

Knowing one of their watchmen would answer it, he took his time getting up from his spot on the side of the bed, stretched, and slid the door open. He made his way to the front room and peered around the corner to see who it was. Sure enough, the two investigators stationed there that night had already answered it. They were talking quietly.

“May I speak to them? I have some news I’m sure they’ve been eager to hear,” Hide heard a familiar voice say. As he realized who the voice belonged to, his heart skipped a beat.

Akira was here, and she’d brought news.

The two investigators stepped out of the way and allowed Akira, still dressed in her work clothes despite the late hour, to enter the apartment. A small, tired smile found its way onto her face when she saw Hide, and she nodded at him in acknowledgement.

“Should I get Kaneki?” Hide asked.

“Yes, that would be favorable,” she replied. She turned and addressed the investigators as Hide scrambled back to the bedroom to rouse the other boy. “I’ve also been sent to dismiss you. The chairman thanks you for your work, even if it were rather tedious.”

The two investigators nodded and went to gather their things. “We better get a sizable bonus,” one huffed to the other as they left the apartment. “Those two did nothing all day but what we asked them to. I thought we would have to subdue them at least once—that would for sure have earned us all promotions.” The other grunted in agreement. Akira closed the door behind them.

Hide reappeared with a groggy Kaneki in tow. “What’s going on?” he asked, rubbing his bleary eyes tiredly. When they focused on Akira, he straightened. “Where are the investigators?”

“They’ve been dismissed; you two no longer need a watch,” she answered. She then pulled out two sheets of paper from her bag and handed them to Hide and Kaneki, who accepted them questioningly. “Kaneki Ken and Nagachika Hideyoshi, you are hereby now Rank Three ghoul investigators. You are officially the first ghouls to join the Commission of Counter Ghoul. You will be working under my command.” She paused before adding, “Congratulations, you two.”

“We made it?” Hide asked in disbelief. Akira nodded and referred them to the papers.

“Those explain everything. For your sake, I’ll go over them with you now to spare you the reading. Shall we sit somewhere?”

They moved to the living room, where she began her explanation. They were to learn to use quinques for battle purposes. The use of their kagunes was prohibited unless the situation were dire, and if they lost control, they would be exterminated like any other ghoul if they could not be calmed down. They would serve to assist Akira, who had gotten promoted to a Rank One investigator in order to manage them, in her investigations, and would follow the orders she gave them. Food would be supplied to them once a month. It would be given to them from a man named Doctor Shiba, who would monitor their Rc cell levels and perform routine checkups on them. They would also report to the research facility periodically, but, for now, they’d gotten all they needed from them.

“All we need now is your signature on the papers, which state everything I’ve just said and guarantee you’ve been informed of the risks,” Akira concluded, handing them pens. Kaneki and Hide both signed their names with shaky hands on the blank lines at the bottom of their respective pages before handing them back to Akira. She took them and placed them back in her bag before smiling her signature small smile.

“Welcome to the CCG, boys.”

* * *

 

They reported to the CCG Academy the next morning with Akira to begin their quinque training. Hide, for no particular reason, felt confident he’d be able to use one fairly well. As they pulled up to the building, he felt excitement bubble within him. They were really doing this. This was really happening.

Their lives were going to get back on track.

The inside of the building was large and grand. Students a little older than them milled about the hallways, most of them carrying textbooks and some even briefcases. Akira led the way to the training room, which was (thankfully) empty. If he ended up sucking, Hide wanted to prevent as many people from seeing his failures as possible.

A table lined with quinques was placed on the back wall. “You’ll choose from the quinques on the table,” Akira explained as they crossed the huge room. “Even though Rank Three investigators have never been allowed to use a quinque before, the CCG is doing quite a few things that have never been done in the past. They want you to not have to use your kagune in a fight as soon as possible.”

Hide and Kaneki walked up and down the length of the table, carefully inspecting the weapons. They were somewhat smaller than the ones Hide had seen higher ranked investigators carrying. He picked up a bikaku quinque and twisted it in his hands, looking it over. It resembled Akira’s own. Stepping away from the table, he swung it, watching as the whip searched for something to grab onto. Finding nothing, it retracted backwards and back into ready position. It didn’t feel right, so he placed it back on the table and moved on.

Next, he came upon a rinkaku quinque. It was thick and shaped like a curved sword. Taking it in his hands, he aimed it away from the table and pressed the button on the side. Suddenly, a long tentacle shot out of it, and he yelped and dropped it in surprise. He heard Kaneki chuckle a few feet away. Akira suppressed a smile.

“I meant to do that,” he announced proudly, picking the weapon back up and retracting it. He then moved to the middle of the room and began to practice attacking. The weight felt right in his hands and the attacks didn’t have to be as precise as the whip’s to actually land a hit. He liked it. Kaneki joined him in testing out the quinque he’d picked for himself. It was a koukaku with a long, tapered blade.

“There’s another advantage about you two beings ghouls,” Akira stated, walking over to them as they practiced. Hide and Kaneki turned to listen to her. “We don’t have to pay for practice dummies you destroy.”

Hide furrowed his brows in confusion. “We’re not going to use dummies?”

“Not when you have each other to spar against. During quinque training, I permit you to use your kagune against each other for learning purposes only. Experience is the best teacher, after all. Kaneki, you’ll go first. Lay your quinque down. Nagachika, prepare yourself.”

Kaneki reluctantly complied and set his weapon down where it wouldn’t get damaged. “I’ll go easy, okay, Hide?” he said.

Hide grinned, gripping the end of his weapon tightly before getting into an attack position. “Aw, give me a break, Kaneki. I can handle whatever you have to throw at me!”

Akira stepped back as Kaneki’s kagune burst forth from his body. Her hands found the small tranquilizer tucked away into her jacket pocket, which she was ordered to carry wherever she went with them in case a situation arose.

She had never seen the kagune of Centipede up close and personal before. No—it wasn’t Centipede’s kagune. Kaneki was a half-kakuja, and thus had a different kagune when he activated it. This was his normal version—the one that came out when he was stable. Any sign of his kakuja and she would tranquilize him immediately.

“Ready, Hide?” he asked.

Hide smirked. “As ready as I’ll ever be.”

Kaneki ran at him. Though four tentacles protruded from his lower back, he only used one. The other three hung back. Hide slashed with his sword-like quinque, deflecting the kagune every time it came within striking distance. “C’mon, Kaneki! At least put some effort into it!” he shouted as he twisted the handle on his weapon, causing it to eject the tentacle. It pierced Kaneki’s kagune. Hide pulled it out, causing the kagune to be cut in half, before he swung it at his friend, who was forced to jump back in order not to be sliced in half by the tentacle. Akira raised an eyebrow, impressed at his immediate aptitude with the quinque.

Hide advanced on Kaneki, slashing back and forth. Kaneki decided to step up his game; Hide obviously wanted a challenge. Ducking out of the way of the quinque, he rolled on the ground and used two tentacles of his kagune to grab Hide’s weapon in midair, effectively stopping his attacks.

“Press the button on the side,” Akira instructed.

Hide found the button and jabbed it, and another tentacle shot forth from the already protruding one. Kaneki darted out of the way as it headed towards him, releasing the quinque. Hide attacked once again. He wasn’t sure how he did it, but he made the tentacles wrap around each other, giving them even more striking power. It hit the wall next to Kaneki’s side, punching a hole into it. “Sorry,” he said to Akira, grinning sheepishly.

She shrugged. “It happens a lot. They have to redo the walls pretty often. I think that’s enough for now, though. You did well.”

Hide beamed at her praise, restoring the quinque back into its original blade form. Seeing the fight was over, Kaneki retracted his kagune as well and went to join Hide and Akira, who were talking about how he could improve.

“Moving around more will help,” Akira explained. “If you keep on your feet, you can get more openings to attack.” Hide nodded. “How do you think he did, Kaneki?” she asked, looking at him.

“Pretty well,” Kaneki answered. “Though I think he’d be very dead if I had been serious.”

“Oh, yeah? Well, let’s see how you do, then,” Hide said, placing his quinque on the ground. If he had to pick one word to describe how he was feeling at that moment, it was fiery. He could do this. He would prove to the CCG that they made the right choice by letting them join.

Kaneki accepted his challenge. “Let’s see, then.” Picking up his own quinque, he sliced the air a couple times, signaling he was ready. Hide looked to Akira, awaiting approval. She nodded and stepped back. His smirk grew, and he turned back to Kaneki.

“Here I come!”

Kaneki had no time to react as Hide darted past him. When had he activated his kagune? He could only watch as Hide flew around the room. Doing his best to keep up, he got into striking position. Then he ran into the obvious problem—how was he going to defend himself without hurting Hide? His sharp quinque was sure to do some damage if he hit him in the wrong spot.

“Akir—“

Hide flew past him and swept him off his feet when he wasn’t paying attention. Kaneki scrambled back up as something wrapped around his leg. Gripping his quinque, he jabbed it into Hide’s tail, but he pulled it back before he could manage to slice it off. It was much harder to chop off a kagune other than a rinkaku.

Hide shot a quick round of crystallized kagune at him. Kaneki pressed a button on the quinque and the weapon fanned out, providing him a shield. Once the round was over, he put it back into attack mode and advanced on Hide.

Hide used his wings to combat Kaneki’s jabs. Kaneki skillfully avoided any maneuver his tail made until he finally caught him off guard and grabbed the arm holding the quinque. Jerking it to the right, he caused Kaneki to become off-balance and fall over. He then stabbed his tail into the ground a few feet away from Kaneki’s head.

“Looks like I win, buddy,” he said, grinning in triumph. He extended a hand to help his friend up. Kaneki rolled his eyes and took it. He smiled at how ecstatic Hide was that he’d beaten him.

“Good work, you two,” Akira told them. “Keep practicing individually a while longer.”

As they continued practicing, she jotted down notes. As their supervisor, she was required to do weekly reports on how they were progressing, if anything happened, and anything worth noting. She figured it was worth putting down that Hide fought better than Kaneki with a quinque. Granted, Kaneki might not have picked one perfectly suited to tastes—she might instruct him to try out some more later on—but it was fairly obvious Hide had more aptitude towards quinques than him.

Kaneki was much more proficient with his kagune, though. Even though Hide was skilled with it as well, Kaneki was like no other when it came to his ghoul weapon. Sadly, his trump card couldn’t be used unless he was seriously in danger, so he would have to learn how to fare with a quinque.

As the days went by, Kaneki improved, much to her relief. By the time they were two weeks into their training, he was able to combat against Hide, even with his speed, fairly well. Hide also made progress; he appeared to be a fast learner. Her notebook was filled with notes ranging from their overall improvement down to what mood they appeared to be in at any given point in time. After all, they were the subjects of a very important study. Learning what made them tick was a crucial part of understanding them, and Akira found out in almost no time what it was.

 What made them tick was each other.

Akira had never been a sappy person, but she’d never seen a bond quite like the one between Hide and Kaneki. It was as if they were in a symbiotic relationship; they depended entirely upon one another for survival. This wasn’t shown on the outside, of course. It took some reading in between the lines to see just how deeply they cared for each other, and how nothing would ever be able to break that bond forged from true love and affection.

She rolled her eyes at what lengths they went to conceal their true relationship from her—of course she knew they were head over heels for each other. Her intuition had told her that from the very start, and seeing them interact, even in nonromantic situations, confirmed it. But she didn’t write it down. There was something that nagged her in the back of her mind every time she picked up her pen meaning to make it known. Even if it were her job to record everything she observed about them, something like that wasn’t her choice to disclose.

For the first time in her life, the intelligent, high-achieving Akira played ignorant.

She couldn’t deny she rather enjoyed having them as subordinates. Hide was jovial and lively yet efficient, and while he _did_ annoy her on some occasions, his positive traits outweighed the negatives, which were few. Kaneki was much quieter and reserved, but he cared deeply for things and performed to the best of his potential. All in all, the two balanced each other out, making them an able pair.

She was going to train them to be fine investigators.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> perhaps Arima put in a good word or two for Kaneki?? we may never know  
> (maybe his dad-like instincts are acting up already)
> 
> thanks for reading!


	20. Seizure

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaneki is hungry, Akira creates an awkward situation, and Kanou makes his move.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mama Akira knows all hehe

Kaneki awoke to a feeling in his stomach he’d hoped he would never have to feel again.

Stumbling out of bed, he fell to the ground, arms clutching his abdomen tightly. It hurt like _hell_. The horrible pain began to spread throughout his body, and he slammed his fists on the floor as hard as he could repeatedly, hoping to distract himself from the white-hot fire raging within his very being. His head began to pound, spots swimming in and out of his vision. Only one thought ran through his mind.

Meat.

Kaneki gasped, releasing a breath of air he didn’t know he’d been holding. Saliva trickled out of the corner of his mouth and down his chin. He had to find food. He had to find food or this hunger was going to consume him, was going to turn him into a ravenous beast incapable of coherent thoughts. He had to find some.

And he knew where some was.

Hide stirred, opening his eyes at the sound of movement above him. “…Kaneki?” he said, seeing Kaneki hovering above him. At first, he didn’t register what was wrong, but when a large drop of saliva fell onto his face and he saw that Kaneki’s kakugan was activated, his system instantly went into alarm mode. But he forced himself to stay calm. “Hey, buddy, are you alright? Okay, I need you to get off me so I can call Akira, and she’ll bring you some food. Kaneki, you have to let go now.”

Kaneki was gripping Hide’s shoulders with all his might, causing Hide’s body to tense in pain. “ _Meat…food_!” he exclaimed. “ _I need it! Give it to me!_ _Just one bite, just one bite…_ ”

Suddenly, a bloodcurdling scream tore itself from Kaneki’s throat and he fell back, clutching his head before bringing his face extremely close to Hide’s. For the first time in his life, Hide was honestly _scared_ of Kaneki. He was scared of what he could and might do.

Kaneki opened his mouth and Hide was sure that was it, he was a goner because he couldn’t bring himself to hurt his best friend. He squeezed his eyes shut. The sound of teeth ripping through flesh made him cringe, but he was perplexed as to why he didn’t feel any pain. He opened his eyes. Kaneki had bitten into his own arm and torn off a chunk. He begun to chew it, a pained expression on his face. While his kakugan was still activated, his eyes had lost their glassy, leering look.

Hide, dumbfounded, could do nothing but watch as Kaneki swallowed and lowered his head. He was shaking. “Hide…I’m so sorry,” he whispered. Hide snapped out of his daze and pulled his friend close to him, embracing the other boy. Kaneki sobbed quietly against his shoulder as his wound healed.

“It’s okay, Kaneki, it’s okay,” he repeated, running his hands through Kaneki’s tangled hair. Kaneki’s breathing was heavy, his chest heaving up and down. “I’m going to call Akira now, okay?”

 Kaneki nodded into Hide’s shoulder, and Hide reached for his phone on the nightstand and dialed Akira’s number. Would she even be up at this time? He sure hoped so. It dialed four times, and Hide was about to give up hope when she finally picked up.

“ _Akira Mado speaking._ ”

“Akira-san, we need your help.”

* * *

 

Akira was over in twenty minutes. Kaneki, thankfully, had managed to hold out by camping out in the bathroom, refusing to even look at Hide lest he tempt his hunger once again. Akira entered the bathroom, briefcase in hand, and tossed Kaneki a package of meat before quickly stepping out. Closing the door, she turned to Hide.

“We’ll have to increase his dosage of Rc suppressents in order to prevent something like this from happening again,” she said. “I’ll file a form for Doctor Shiba. In the meantime, Kaneki will stay home from work until he’s feeling better, and you and I will go to the office. Get dressed,” she instructed, obviously unimpressed with Hide’s current attire, which consisted of boxers and a t-shirt. Was she really blaming him for not remembering to get properly dressed after something like that had happened?

Once she left the room, Hide put on one of his new button down shirts and slacks, adding a tie and a belt to finish it off. When he was finished, he knocked softly on the bathroom door. “Kaneki, Akira and I are going to work. Will you be okay?” he asked. Honestly, the last thing he wanted to do then was leave Kaneki alone, but he _did_ have a job and Kaneki typically preferred to be alone after incidents. But he couldn’t leave him alone for too long—that was when the self-loathing tendencies began to take their toll.

Receiving no response, he opened the door slightly and peeked in. Kaneki sat propped against the counter, head tucked in between his knees. The package Akira brought was now empty, blood staining the insides of it and the corners of Kaneki’s mouth. Hide squatted down beside his friend. Pressing a kiss to his head, he said, “If you need me, don’t hesitate to call, even if you think I’m busy. I’m never busy enough to not talk to you,” he murmured against Kaneki’s head. After a moment, he felt Kaneki give a small nod. That was good enough for him. He kissed him once again, stood, and left, closing the door quietly behind him.

Akira said nothing during the car ride. Hide rested his head against the window, gazing at the urban scenery as it passed. They pulled into the CCG parking lot. “How’s your hunger?” she finally inquired as they parked.

“Fine, I guess.”

“…We’ll up your dosage as well for precautionary purposes.”

They went inside and to their office. Akira sighed as she sat down and began to file a report of what happened. Often, her coworkers asked how she was doing and what it was like having ghoul subordinates. She always answered the same thing; she was fine and they were as normal and human as they rest of them. What Hide had described on the phone, though, were not qualities of a normal human, and a sliver of doubt entered her mind. She’d been convinced this was a good idea, that it would only serve to better the CCG. But what if Kaneki and Hide ultimately ended up being uncontrollable? She wasn’t worried about Hide so much as Kaneki, whose past suffering obviously put a great mental strain on him and thus would cause him to be more prone to losing himself.

Some hitches were to be expected, she told herself as she finished the report. Everyone knew this wouldn’t go perfectly smooth. In fact, most had been patiently waiting for them to slip up. Maybe she would be able to convince the higher-ups that it wasn’t Kaneki’s fault, that they hadn’t put him on enough suppressants and that he may need to be fed more than once a month. After all, he _had_ been made a ghoul with the infamous Binge Eater’s kakuhou; that could be contributing to it. Feeding him more regularly would require obtaining more meat, of course. It wasn’t the easiest of tasks, but she was sure it could be done.

Sending the document to Bureau Director Washuu, who she was to tell about any problems concerning Hide and Kaneki, she went to check on Hide. He sat at his desk with his head in his hands, unmoving. There was only one thing typed in the incident description box of the report.

_Please don’t hurt him._

“Hide,” she said as softly as she could. He turned and looked at her, his usual lively brown eyes dull and tired. “People are expecting this. They’re not going to exterminate you over one little thing. It was fortunate you weren’t hurt. If you tell them what you told me—that you managed to help him regain control of himself—it will prove that you’re capable of controlling him, even in a starved state. Kaneki will be fine.”

After taking a moment to contemplate her words, he sighed and nodded. Akira left him alone to his thoughts and went to fetch an office assistant to get her coffee. She really needed it that morning.

No matter how much she tried to push the thought out of her head, Akira couldn’t help but wonder how Amon would handle all of this.

She missed him. She really, really did. She missed his intense thinking face when he was putting together the puzzle pieces of an investigation, she missed his reaction to spicy foods, and she missed his determination to be the best he could be. In order to keep her feelings at bay, she’d crushed the small hope that he and Takizawa were still alive. While she may not have shown it, she also cared for Takizawa deeply. She’d thought of him as a younger brother and hadn’t wanted to lose him.

But that was the business of an investigator. Losing things—whether it be limbs, the lives of friends, or your own life—was just a part of the job, and there was no circumventing that simple yet saddening fact.

Akira called for another coffee.

* * *

 

Hide said goodnight to Akira and entered the apartment, kicking off his shoes before heading towards the sound of the television. Kaneki occupied the couch in the living room and was watching the news. Hide plopped down beside him and groaned. “So much paperwork,” he complained, letting his head fall on Kaneki’s lap. “Being in between cases sucks.”

A small smile graced Kaneki’s lips, and he lightly rested a hand on Hide’s head. After Akira deemed them good enough at using their quinques, they stopped going to the Academy every day to practice, which freed up their morning and afternoon hours. Now, that time was used at the office, where they slaved over mountains of paperwork and sorted through information. Akira informed them they were going to be assigned a case soon, though, which they were both looking forward to. Kaneki agreed—office work sucked.

“How was your day?” he asked. Hide replied with a prolonged moan of misery. Kaneki chuckled. “Paperwork may not be fun, but it’s not _that_ bad.”

Hide sat up and gave him an unimpressed look. “Maybe not to you; you can sit in one spot for days reading a book. I like to be moving, and paperwork doesn’t exactly require mobility. Thus, it sucks.”

Kaneki shrugged and refocused his eyes on the news as Hide fell back into his lap. “ _Recent reports have shown that ghoul activity has decreased greatly in many wards. This may be due to the fact that the CCG has assigned more investigators to patrol the areas. In the twentieth ward, the ghoul known as Rabbit has not appeared in over a month…_ ”

“Hey, Kaneki.” Kaneki looked down at the boy in his lap. “Do you think we should visit them soon?”

“…I don’t know. It may not be safe yet.”

“That’s true. They could be tracking us or something. I wouldn’t put it past them—I would do it.”

“Maybe in a month or so we can.”

Kaneki couldn’t deny that he missed his friends. It had been a hard decision deciding whether to leave them or not in order to pursue life as a human—one he’d contemplated for a long time before making up his mind. He had ultimately decided Hide’s happiness was top priority, which was the final factor in his decision. He didn’t regret leaving, but he wished he could see them.

If only they could have joined the CCG as well.

Silence fell over them, the only sound being the background music in commercials that flashed on and off the TV. The moment Kaneki opened his mouth, Hide knew what he was going to say.

“It’s fine, Kaneki,” Hide said before he could even utter a word of apology for that morning.

Kaneki shook his head. “No, it’s not. I could have hurt you, Hide. I could have—“

Hide sat up and captured Kaneki’s lips with his own, cupping his face delicately with his hands. They remained like that for a moment before he pulled back and smiled softly at him. “I don’t care that you could have hurt me. You didn’t. You never would, and you never will. Please don’t beat yourself up over this, okay? It’s not your fault.” Kaneki opened his mouth to reply when Hide made a noise and held up his hand for him to stop. “Is what you’re about to say going to make you feel better or worse?” he asked.

Kaneki rolled his eyes and smiled before taking Hide’s lips in between his own once more. “Thank you,” he said once they broke apart. Hide beamed and nuzzled his head into the crook of his friend’s shoulder, snuggling close to him. Tired of the news, Kaneki changed the channel until he found something worth watching. Nothing good was on, though, so he eventually turned the device off and flung the remote away.

He smiled to himself. That was something he’d always liked to do. While living with his aunt, he couldn’t take one step out of line. But when she wasn’t watching, he took guilty pleasure in doing precisely what she told him not to, and throwing the remote was one of those things. He never knew why it bothered her so much when he did it—everyone else in the house did too. It was only him that she ever called out.

That was how it had been. His aunt, despite all his mother, her sister, had done for her, treated Kaneki like he was nothing more than a mere pest. Kaneki was slightly embarrassed to admit she had been the reason his self-esteem was so low back then. It still wasn’t the highest it could be, but it was nowhere near as low when he was younger.

Hide was the only thing that kept him going back then. Hell, Hide was the only thing that kept him going _now_. How had he managed to stay away from him for so long? The thought of being separated now for even a few days distressed him greatly. It was the same as how it had been back then; Kaneki depended on Hide to keep his spirits up. Without him, his life would be much bleaker, dismal, and depressing.

Kaneki caressed Hide’s cheek tenderly. His soft breaths and hair tickled Kaneki’s neck. He shifted Hide in his arms before lifting and carrying him to his room. Laying him down lightly on the bed, he tucked the covers over Hide’s body and pressed a kiss to his forehead before turning to leave. As he did, he felt a tug on his sleeve.

“Kaneki,” Hide murmured, “please stay.”

“…Hide, I—“

The look in Hide’s eyes cut him off. Kaneki hesitated before climbing in with him. Hide made room for him before wrapping his arms around Kaneki’s body. Kaneki couldn’t even begin to believe how trusting Hide was of him even after the incident that morning. It seemed like Hide trusted him more than Kaneki trusted himself. Smiling, Kaneki looked in his friend’s warm brown eyes that shone even in the darkness. “Goodnight, Hide,” he whispered.

“Goodnight, Kaneki.”

* * *

 

They met with Akira the next morning in the coffee shop in the eleventh ward to discuss what was going to happen next. “Our case assignment was pushed back. We’re being assigned to a mission,” she explained to them. “The CCG is going back to raid Kanou’s lab, and we’re in one of the two units. Kaneki, you’re assigned to the second squad. Your objective will be to find any clues as to what they’re doing within the laboratory. That means you’ll be going into the deepest part of the facility. Hide, you and I have been placed in the third rear squad to provide support in case the leading squads are overwhelmed.”

“Akira-san, what about your injury?” Hide questioned.

She waved her hand dismissively. “I’ll be fine. What the doctors don’t know won’t kill them.”

“When is this taking place?” Kaneki asked.

“Two weeks from now.”

Hide swallowed nervously. The last place he wanted to go back to Kanou’s lab, but it looked like he had no choice. “Ah, I need to use the bathroom,” he said, standing.

Akira watched as he strode over to the restroom, jiggled the handle, and then nearly fell into the person who came out just as he tried to open it. She raised her eyebrows in amusement. How was _that_ guy a ghoul? If there were anything she’d learned from her time spent with her two subordinates, it was that ghouls were much more complicated than they took them to be. They had always been told they were sadistic, heartless, monstrous creatures who killed only for fun and enjoyed doing so. But Hide and Kaneki blew that statement out the window.

It was time to learn a little more about how they thought.

“Kaneki,” she said, turning to him as he took a sip of coffee. “What’s it like being romantically involved with Hide?”

Kaneki nearly spat out his drink. Steadying his hand, he set it down on the table with all the calm he could muster—which wasn’t much, considering he was having an internal panic attack right about then. “I, uh, erm…could you repeat that?” Of course, his voice just had to crack right then.

“I asked you what it was like being romantically involved with Hide.”

“Err, well”—he coughed into his sleeve awkwardly—“we’re not really like that, we’re just friends. Yeah.” Kaneki could feel his face growing redder by the millisecond. How could she ask that so calmly as if it were nothing? Did she have no social graces? Unfortunately, the answer to that question was obvious. Painfully so.

Akira uncapped her pen and began writing discreetly on her notepad under the table. _Appears to be in denial_ , she wrote. “This is for the study on ghouls, so I’ll have to ask you to answer truthfully,” she said, looking up from her writing.

Kaneki took a deep breath and brought his hands up to cover his flustered face. Denying it obviously wasn’t working. Exhaling shakily, he gave her the most pleading look he had ever given anyone in his life. She raised her eyebrows, awaiting his answer, and he hid his face again. “Fine,” he mumbled into his hands. “Yes, we’re… _romantically involved_. What’s it like? I don’t know—nice? It’s not something you can describe.”

Akira nodded at his words, jotting them down. “Are ghouls capable of feeling love or do they reproduce out of necessity? And if it is out of love, is it just simply physical-based attraction?”

“W-wait, are you writing this down?” Kaneki stammered, noticing the notepad and pen she held under the table.

“What kind of investigator would I be if I didn’t write down everything I learned?”

“Fair enough,” he sighed. To answer her question, he thought back to those he’d known at Anteiku. Both Nishiki and Yoshimura fell in love with humans and did everything in their ability to protect them. If that didn’t prove ghouls were capable of truly loving, he didn’t know what did. “They do feel love. Most of them are just like you and me. Ghouls and humans aren’t so different, in all honesty. It’s just the diets that make interacting troublesome.” Once she finished recording his answer, he asked tentatively, “…Does this mean everyone is going to find out about… _us_?”

Akira capped her pen and shook her head. “Unless you want to make it public, you’re under no obligations to do so, and I won’t force you to.”

Kaneki breathed a breath of relief at her words. “So we can still be…romantically involved in secret?” God, why was that so embarrassing to ask? This definitely wouldn’t have been this hard if it were someone, _anyone_ else. The way Akira’s expression never changed, even while talking about something like this, just wasn’t working for him.

“It doesn’t really matter what you do as long as it doesn’t affect work,” she said with a slight smile. What the hell was she implying? Kaneki had never wanted to die of embarrassment more than then. There had been a lot of embarrassing moments in his life he wished he could forget, but this was definitely the cherry on top of a pile of shit.

Hide decided to reappear at that moment. “I’m back! What did I miss?” he asked as he sat back down, feigning calm.

“We were just leaving,” Akira replied, whisking away Hide’s coffee and drinking the rest. She crinkled her nose at the bitterness of it but finished it anyways.

Hide’s face was priceless. “Akira-san!” he exclaimed, reaching for the cup. She handed it back to him, but it was empty. He looked down dejectedly at the table. “That was good coffee, too…” Kaneki couldn’t help but chuckle.

Akira smiled as she stood. For some reason, these two were growing on her rather quickly. Even though she didn’t show it, she felt quite fond of them.

She hoped their first assignment would go well.

* * *

 

Kanou paced back and forth in frustration. Phase two had been going so well, but that damned investigator just _had_ to survive. Now, a variable he never expected had come into play. His two precious test subjects, his _ghoul_ test subjects—granted, ghouls who had once been human, but they were still the creatures the CCG sought to eradicate—had joined the very association hunting them.

“Eto,” he said, turning to his companion, who sat beside him spinning in a chair. “It’s time to separate them.”

Eto giggled in glee. “Does that mean I can have fun now?”

Kanou smiled. “Why yes, it does.”

* * *

 

Hide stirred in his sleep. Opening his eyes, he saw something looming over him. A single red eye gleamed in the darkness beneath its bandaged face. Just as he was about to shout, the… _thing_ shoved something into his mouth, and he gagged. It was a kagune, and it was practically tearing the inside of his face apart.

“Come quietly now,” it cooed, voice eerily childlike. “We wouldn’t want to cause trouble, would we?” Hide shook his head no, stealing a glance at the sleeping form of Kaneki beside him and silently praying he woke up. But he didn’t, because Hide’s luck had never been very strong.

He was lifted into the air quietly by the creature’s kagune. It was impossible to tell what kind it was in the darkness. Not like that mattered, though. He desperately wanted to fight as it carried him out and away from the apartment, but every time he attempted to bring his kagune out, the ghoul seemed to know and its own would tighten, constricting him to the point where it was hard to breathe. At this rate, if he kept trying, all the air would be forcibly squeezed out of his lungs and he would never see the light of day again.

Maybe he wouldn’t even if he didn’t die right then, anyways.

The ghoul grinned beneath its bandages. “We’re going somewhere you’re going to like, Nagachika Hideyoshi.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhh I'm falling behind in writing and I only have 2 more chapters to go OTL when will my motivation return from the war
> 
> thanks for reading!


	21. Unravel

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hide discovers his personal hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hnngh sorry I missed the update date I was 100% convinced yesterday was Wednesday OTL  
> but, nevertheless, here we are! I'm not really sure about how I feel about this chapter?? just in general how it's written I felt was a little off but idk. enjoy Hide's torture hehe

Hide did not like where they went.

But he especially did not like the first face he saw upon arrival to said place.

“Hello, Nagachika Hideyoshi,” Kanou purred. “Welcome back. Good work, Eto.”

Eto, the ghoul who had carried him there, giggled and spun around in a circle happily. She still held Hide tightly with her kagune.

“You know where to take him.”

She squealed in delight. “We’re going to have _fun_!” she exclaimed to Hide. Skipping away from the front room of the facility, she made her way through the twisting and turning halls of the lab, heading for somewhere Hide knew he would dislike even more than the facility as a whole.

Entering a large room, Eto flung him against the back wall with almost little effort. The air was knocked out of Hide’s lungs as he hit it, and he sunk to the ground before standing shakily. His limbs were numb from not getting enough oxygen to them—a result of the constriction. But he had to fight. He had to escape.

Bringing out his kagunes, he flew at Eto, simultaneously firing a round and using his tail to wrap around her body. “Uh oh,” she said. Hide was sure she had her.

And then she disappeared from his grasp.

“Wha—“

Multiple kagunes pierced him from behind, causing him to cry out and fall over, clutching at where they came through his body. It was a frightening sight to see something that entered his body from behind sticking out the front. His lungs gasped for air as his body tried to heal with the kagunes still in.

“Since Yamori’s gone, I have to do the dirty work now,” Eto said, her voice losing its childlike tone from before. “Now be a good boy and behave.”

She retracted the kagunes with a sickening sound as they rubbed painfully against his insides. Hide coughed up blood, staining the ground below him red. The pain was so excruciating that he was sure he was going to pass out at any second, and he was awaiting that second very hopefully. But it never came. Instead, he was forced to endure the grueling, unbearable pain as he was dragged towards a large, bolted down chair in the middle of the room.

“To make this experiment as similar to its predecessor as possible, we’ve devised an situation alike to the one the other went through.” Eto’s voice tinged with gleeful malice. “Unfortunately, not everything is the same. It’ll produce different results—but that’s no matter as long as you help us achieve our goal.”

Hide wanted to ask what their goal was, but he didn’t have the strength to while his life was literally bleeding out of him. She tossed him carelessly into the chair. Despite her small size, she had incredible strength, and her kagune was like no other Hide had ever seen before. If anything, it made her all the more fearsome. “Sit there and heal,” she commanded him. Hide happily obliged, trying to steady his breathing as much as he could.

He watched as Eto wheeled over a cart on which various tools and needles rested upon. “What are you going to do to me?” he managed to choke out, voice strained.

Eto lifted a needle with a bandaged hand and turned it in her fingers. She then faced Hide. Hide didn’t need to see the horrible, malicious smirk on her face underneath the bandages—he could feel it.

“I’m going to break your mind, of course!”

* * *

 

Hide screamed, writhing in agony as the kagune pierced his body once, twice, three, four, five times. Over and over and over and over, again and again and again. Eto laughed mirthlessly as she did this. “Imagine, this was your precious Kaneki just months ago!” she exclaimed, her laughter increasing.

Hide didn’t even register her words. He could only repeat one thing in his mind.

_Kill me._

It hurt. _God,_ it hurt. How had Kaneki survived this for ten days? It had only been three and he felt close to breaking already. Eto was ruthless. She barely gave him any time to recover, and when she did, she constantly reminded him of how Kaneki had gone through the same thing. Imagining his kind, gentle Kaneki going through this hurt him almost as much as the torture itself.

“What’s one thousand minus seven?” she asked, cruelness woven into each word she spoke.

Hide shook his head in response, earning him a stab to the side. He cried out in pain and doubled over as much as he could while restrained to the chair. He’d heard that question too many times before.

“ _I said, what’s one thousand minus seven_?”

Eto’s kagune dripped with blood. She didn’t even want to use the tools provided to her; torturing him with her own devices was what she seemed to enjoy most. She raised it, ready to pierce him again. And then he spoke.

“N-nine hundred ninty-three,” he whispered, tears sliding down his face. Eto grinned and then turned to the untouched tools on the cart.

“Hmm…might as well use some of these.” Picking up a pair of pliers, she snapped them together twice before taking Hide’s hand, gently rubbing his fingers. “These are the hands you touch him with, right? _Right_? Do you get as much of a thrill from it as I get from doing this? Well, _do you_?!”

In one swift movement, Eto chopped his index finger off with the pliers. Hide’s throat was raw from screaming, but he continued to do so anyways. His middle finger went next, then his ring, pinky, and finally his thumb. She did the same to the other hand and to his feet as well. It was the first time she had done it with something other than her kagune. Hide continued counting backwards, a raw, bloodcurdling scream erupting from his throat with every piece of his body that was ripped off.  

The only thing he could think of was how much he wanted to die.

“Oops, you’ve lost a lot of blood,” Eto noted when she was finished, seeing that the holes made from her kagune earlier and his fingers and toes weren’t healing properly. “I’ll go fetch Kanou, and he’ll fix you right up!” Skipping away, she left Hide alone to his thoughts in that dreaded chair. He would have welcomed the moment of peace if it hadn’t been for the agonizing pain _everywhere_ in his body. Then, he heard the voice he’d so longed to hear.

“Are you really going to take this?”

Hide looked up and saw Kaneki standing before him. He could hardly believe it. “Kaneki…” he murmured, trying to reach out to him, but he was still shackled. “Hey, buddy. Could you help me out?” He tried to stifle a weak laugh, but it turned into a ravenous cough, and he was forced to spit out a mouthful of blood onto the already stained floor.

“There’s no one who can help you, Hide.” Hide watched as Kaneki walked behind him and placed a hand on his shoulder, gripping it too tightly for his liking. “Except for you,” he finished.

“I…I can’t.”

“You can’t now, of course. You’re too weak as it is. If you want to protect everyone, you have to get stronger—or else they’re going to break you like a toy.”

This wasn’t the Kaneki Hide knew. Turning away from him, Hide spat, “They’re not going to break me.”

Kaneki raised his eyebrows and laughed joylessly. “Perhaps they won’t. But there is someone else who will.”

Kaneki took his face in his hands and turned it to the side, where someone else stood. It was Hide, but it wasn’t _Hide_. Or was it?

“It’s your fault this happened to Kaneki,” he hissed. “If only you had told them all sooner, your best friend would have been spared from this pain and suffering. And now it’s happening to you, and it’s all your fault. You’re worthless, you’re scum, you don’t deserve anyone. You pushed him to go on that date with Rize, and look what happened.”

This projection of himself that was speaking—it was one fabricated from the deepest thoughts in the back of his mind that he never shared with anyone, not even Kaneki. He would never let him know he blamed himself for everything that had happened to him. Maybe this illusionwas actually the real him, one woven from the threads of hate and self-loath.

 Kaneki squatted down in front of Hide. “All this time, you’ve been hurting me. You get yourself kidnapped not once, but _twice_ —and by the same person, too. You’re truly the perfect definition of a foolish, delusional idiot. Thinking you can protect me—it’s downright laughable.”

“It’s not laughable,” Hide muttered. He felt overcome with despair. Even though this Kaneki wasn’t real, even though he knew the real Kaneki would never think or act this way, he couldn’t help but be extremely hurt by his words.

“Then how will you make it so that it’s not laughable?”

“I—“

Hide was leeched from his thoughts at the sound of someone entering the room. Kaneki’s illusion, along with his own, evaporated into thin air. Eto trailed behind Kanou as he wheeled a hospital transfusion stand towards him on which multiple bags of blood hung upon. He also carried a package of what Hide could only hope to be food. While eating would help his healing abilities, it would also help Eto toy with him longer since she wouldn’t be forced to stop when he needed to regenerate greatly. But, at the rate they were going at, he would die if he didn’t heal faster. It was truly a lose-lose situation.

Kanou inserted the IV into the vein in his arm and began the transfusion. Unwrapping the package and holding it in front of his mouth, he commanded him to eat it. “And if I don’t?” Hide asked, managing a weak smirk. He was trying his best to appear strong, to let them know they hadn’t won yet.

He wasn’t going to break. He had to prove he could protect Kaneki.

Kanou raised his eyebrows at his question. “I had expected you to give in already, Nagachika,” he admitted. “I mistook you for possessing a weak mind. But, now I see that I was incorrect. That’s no matter, though. You’ll get there soon enough. Now eat.”

Hide complied and began to take small bites of the meat as Kanou continued holding it in front of his face for him. It tasted utterly horrible, like it was rotten. Why did flesh suddenly taste so terrible all of a sudden? He hated to admit it, but human meat was delicious. What made this different?

“Let me try,” Eto said, taking the hunk of flesh into her own hands before shoving it down Hide’s throat. Gagging, Hide’s body tried to throw it back up as it was forcibly crammed into his body, but Eto persisted, half her arm in his mouth as she pushed it down. “There!” she said happily when Hide finally managed to swallow. She removed her arm from his mouth and wiped off the various bodily fluids on it on Hide, who hissed in pain when she touched his healing wounds.

“Why are you doing this to me?” he asked once he was sure he wouldn’t vomit if he spoke.

Kanou smiled slyly, watching as the blood from the bags entered his body through the IV tube. “To get results, of course,” he answered simply. “Uncontrolled variables proved to be troublesome, so we had to take matters into our own hands. We need your for our purpose, after all. Your regeneration is splendid, by the way. Even for someone lacking a rinkaku kagune. Simply remarkable.” He then pulled out a notepad and pen and examined Hide’s wounds, watching as they slowly closed as his newly-ingested food was processed within his digestive system. Scribbling down some notes, he tucked it back into his lab coat.

“Let him rest for a while, Eto. We have other work to do. Inform one of the attendants to stop the transfusion in an hour. He should be fine by then,” Kanou stated. Eto nodded and presumably went to find an attendant. Kanou waited until she was gone before he turned and addressed Hide once again, voice low. “You will break, Nagachika Hideyoshi. You will break.”

With that, he left, leaving Hide alone. Food had helped to clear his foggy, deranged mind, and he could now think properly. The hot burning sensation of pain was still there, but it gradually began to lessen as his body repaired itself. For the first time in his life, he was extremely grateful Kaneki was nowhere in sight. He never thought he’d think those words, but he couldn’t deal with a sadistic, cruel illusion right then. All he wished for was sleep.

Ultimately, he got his wish. Hide nodded off some time later after his wounds finished regenerating and he was okay again. It was the only sleep he had gotten in days. He didn’t even stir when the attendant removed the IV from his arm and wheeled the transfusion stand away, shutting the door loudly behind him.

But those short hours of peace didn’t last long, and Hide almost wished he hadn’t slept through them just so he could have cherished them. When he awoke, he was being carried away from that horrible room, and for a split second, he allowed a sliver of hope to enter his mind. Maybe they were setting him free. Maybe they had gotten what they needed.

Sadly, that sliver of wishful hope was crushed when he was brought into another room, this one much darker than the first. Lined up against the walls were large glass containers filled with liquid—but that wasn’t the only thing in them. Illuminated by the dim lighting above the containers, bodies floated within them, bound by various tubing. A sudden shiver ran down Hide’s spine.

 _They’re going to put me in one of those damn things_ , he thought. _They’re going to lock me away until they have a use for me. Great._

But thankfully—he wasn’t sure that was the right word—that wasn’t what his captors had in mind for him. Instead, Eto, still carrying him, brought him over to something in the middle of the room he had been too distracted by the encased bodies to notice. It was an operation table. A bright light that glinted off the metal restraints shown down on it, and there was something placed above it that looked akin to a showerhead.

That was when Hide began to panic.  

He had heard about this kind of torture, but it couldn’t possibly work, could it? What damage could water drops do? Eto dropped him, and he landed on the ground with a grunt of pain. “On the table,” Kanou, who was standing by said object, instructed him.

Should he make a break for it? The door was still open—he could make it. But when he tried to bring out his kagunes, nothing happened. They must have given him more Rc suppressants when he was asleep. They had probably been in the blood transfusion. Hide could do nothing but comply, not in the mood to be speared by Eto. Maybe the pain while on the table would distract him from what was to come, though.

Trudging over to the table, he couldn’t help but let his eyes wander the room, looking at all the bodies. Suddenly, he caught sight of one that made him stop in his tracks.

Within a container in the far right corner was Amon Koutarou.

Hide didn’t know how he recognized him, but he knew for a fact that was definitely the missing investigator. If he were here, then others had to be too, right? But what had they done to him?

Was he a ghoul now too?

Eto pushed him harshly from behind. “Table,” she hissed in his ear, prodding him with her sharp kagune. Getting the message, Hide climbed on it and reluctantly allowed himself to be strapped down.

“What you’re about to experience,” Kanou told him as he bound his torso to the table, “is called Chinese water torture. It pushes the victim’s mind to the brink. I would have liked to test your physical limits a while longer and see if that had any effect on your mind, but there’s no use in waiting.”

His head, along with the rest of his body, was bound as well, preventing him from avoiding the soon-to-come drops of water. The only things that could move were his fingers and toes. He waggled them, hoping that was something that could keep him sane. It hadn’t even begun and he was already nervous. His mind kept drifting back to Amon, floating seemingly lifelessly in that glass encasement. If he ever got out of here, his first order of business would be to hug Kaneki and never let him go. His second would be to tell Akira about Amon and any other possible investigators being held here.

Kanou and Eto made their way to the exit. Before closing the door, Kanou said, “Enjoy, Nagachika. And when you’re ready to give yourself to us wholly and serve our purpose, just call and this will all be over.”

Hide looked up, squinting to make out the first drop of many forming above him. It hit his forehead and rolled off the side of his face.

It was going to be a long several hours.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so regarding the Chinese water torture, I did some research to see if it had actually been proven to work, and Mythbusters (pretty sure everyone knows who they are) did an episode on it so I watched that as well. it looked pretty legit tbh. the person they did it on was strapped to a table for 2 hours and had a breakdown and they had to stop the experiment, so I'm just going to assume it works for the sake of the story
> 
> thanks for reading!


	22. Trepidation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaneki is worried and Hide undergoes water torture.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> poor Kaneki

Kaneki didn’t have a panic attack when he realized Hide was missing. He had more like five or six.

At first, when he woke up, he simply thought Hide had awakened before him. It wasn’t an uncommon occurrence; Hide was actually an early bird. Seeing he wasn’t anywhere in the house, though, he decided to call him on the CCG-issued cellphones they’d received some time back. No answer. He tried one more time with the same outcome.

It wasn’t like Hide to disappear randomly like this. If anything, he would have left a note—probably one with a bunch of hearts all over it. Kaneki searched frantically for anything of the sort but came up empty-handed. A wave of panic coursed through his body. _Calm down, you’re probably overreacting_. _Maybe he went to work early or something and didn’t have time to write a note. Or return your call. Or maybe he’s out shopping and he didn’t hear his phone. That has to be it._

And then he noticed the front door. The lock and handle were both busted. By what, he had no idea. But that didn’t matter.

Something happened in the middle of the night that he didn’t know about.

Rushing to pick up his phone again, he dialed Akira’s number, his hands shaking as he pressed the buttons as hard as he could. It was too slow, she was too slow. Why the hell wasn’t she picking up?

Finally, her voice came through the other end. “ _Akira Mado speaking_.”

“He’s gone,” Kaneki breathed, the words tumbling from his mouth. “He’s gone he’s gone he’s gone and I don’t know what to do _I don’t know what to do._ ”

“ _Slow down. What’s going on_?”

He took a deep breath, his next words like poison in his mouth.

“Someone took Hide.”

* * *

 

Kaneki and Akira sat in front of Bureau Director Yoshitoki Washuu. Akira explained to him what Kaneki had managed to relay to her—which wasn’t a lot, as he was too panic-stricken to say much—and waited for his response. After a moment of contemplating, he sighed in annoyance.

“I can’t believe this,” he grumbled. “A twenty year old half-ghoul trained in combat that’s supposed to be the CCG’s new weapon. Kidnapped. It’s utterly ridiculous. Are you sure you have your facts straight?” he asked Kaneki with raised eyebrows.

“I really hope not.”

Kaneki had never wanted to be more wrong than he did then. He wanted to badly for Hide to burst into the room, laughing as he told them it was just a little prank to scare them. And then Kaneki would whack him for being so stupid and for making them worry and then hug him right afterwards.

But that wasn’t what happened. Instead, Akira and Yoshitoki continued discussing their options. They suspected it was Kanou or, more accurately, one of his subordinates, who took him. “Who do we know that could be powerful enough to subdue someone with Hide’s abilities? At the very least, if he couldn’t fight, he could have at least ran,” Yoshitoki sighed.

 _No_ , Kaneki said in his mind, _you can’t run from some of them. There’s true monsters out there, and there’s no escaping when they set their sights on you._

“Perhaps he was scared to use his kagune,” Akira replied.

Yoshitoki took a sip of his coffee. “Well, he didn’t have any other weapon, did he? I would say that qualifies as a dire situation in which the use of a kagune is allowed.”

Akira nodded in agreement. “The most likely case is he was surprised and overwhelmed by his opponent’s—or multiple opponents’—power,” she stated matter-of-factly. “And since we know Kanou is affiliated with Aogiri Tree, it’s most likely someone from there who kidnapped him. Let’s bring up the roster of known ghouls connected with Aogiri.”

Yoshitoki went into the data system and brought up the list for everyone to see. Kaneki recognized a few of the names that popped up. He did his best to remember the kagunes of those he recognized. Black Rabbit was one of them. That was Ayato, Touka’s brother. He had a ukaku kagune like her, so he couldn’t have done it unless he had an accomplice or he would have run out of steam. It had to be someone who could carry someone a long distance while somehow restricting their movements.

“Wait,” Kaneki said, halting the scroll down the list. He pointed at the most infamous name in the CCG.

“I have a feeling it’s the one.”

“And what would the most powerful ghoul in Tokyo want with Nagachika?” Yoshitoki questioned.

The pieces were all falling together. The Owl, who was affiliated with Aogiri Tree and most likely Kanou, would be able to subdue Hide with ease and carry him a long distance away—probably straight back to Kanou’s lab, where he had been turned into a ghoul. Perhaps Kanou needed to do more experimenting.

“He’s probably being held in Kanou’s lab,” Kaneki said. “Owl and Kanou must be cooperating. Kanou once told me he had a goal to achieve, and working with Aogiri was how he was going to do it. Owl has to be high up the ranks of Aogiri, so we can conclude they’re working together. Thus, Owl easily kidnapped Hide and brought him back to the still-active lab. But, if they know Hide and I are working for the CCG now, they have to be expecting another attack soon. They would know we told everything we knew, which includes how Hide was turned into a ghoul there. We’ll probably encounter heavy resistance when we attack.”

Akira and Yoshitoki looked at each other. “It’s not impossible,” Akira finally concluded.

Yoshitoki nodded. “I’ll inform the units of what we may encounter there. We should also discuss assembling an Owl combatant squad. In two weeks, we should be ready.”

“No, we have to go as soon as possible. Hide—he could be in serious danger,” Kaneki argued, voice tight. To convince them, he would have to prove that rescuing Hide as soon as possible was in their best interests. “After all, you wouldn’t want to lose one of us, isn’t that right? We’re valuable, and the CCG needs our help. You have a shortage of investigators that are both able and willing to fight Owl. Hide and I would be an enormous help to that effort. If we prioritize rescuing him, he can help us fight.” Of course, Hide helping them fight Owl relied on the fact that he was still in one piece by the time they got there.

Yoshitoki sighed. “I hear your concerns, Rank Three Kaneki, but we need the two weeks. It takes time to organize a large assault force. Part of it is already organized, yes, but the remaining will have to be. This includes assigning positions to each and every individual, collecting all the wills, making sure everyone is armed—you understand the gist of it. It just can’t be done in any shorter amount of time.”

“And I say it can. I believe, with everyone working on it, that it could be done in less than a week. Tell the organizers to work nonstop on assembling the squads. Collect the wills a few days earlier. Inform everyone that it’s of utmost importance. This is Owl we’re talking about, the ghoul the CCG has been waiting so patiently to eradicate. Now you have your chance again. Don’t you think that would motivate people, knowing they’re organizing one of the most important assaults in CCG history?” Kaneki reasoned.

“We don’t even know for sure if Owl is there. If it isn’t and we have everyone working overtime for nothing, organizing such a big assault for nothing, there’s going to be a lot of complaints to deal with.”

“…I’ll go myself, then. If you aren’t going to do anything, I’ll take matters into my own hands. You can say you didn’t know, and I’ll accept full responsibility for my actions. Whatever punishment you give me I’ll take, but Hide _will_ be rescued.”

Yoshitoki studied Kaneki, looking him over carefully. “I can’t believe I’m going to listen to a Rank Three investigator,” he finally sighed. “We can try to get it done in a week, but there’re no promises. I’ll see what I can do. If it cannot be done”—he looked at Kaneki sternly—“do not go. That’s a direct order, and the consequences will be severe if you decide to disobey.”

Severe or not, if they couldn’t mobilize any faster, Kaneki was going. There was no doubt in his mind something horrible was going to happen to Hide if he didn’t. He said nothing in response.

“Kaneki,” Akira stated, voice serious, “I don’t believe you understand what will happen if you go. You would be acting openly insubordinately. The CCG will mark that as a strike against you, and yours and Hide’s strikes count twice as much as anyone else’s. You would prove to be uncontrollable, thus resulting in countermeasures taken against you. I can’t say for sure what those countermeasures would be, but I guarantee they wouldn’t be in your favor. As your superiors, it’s in your best interest to listen to us.”

“…I understand.”

“Rank One Mado, may I speak to you privately?” Yoshitoki asked quietly. “Rank Three Kaneki, you’re dismissed.”

Kaneki stood and excused himself, closing the door quietly behind him. Sighing, he sunk down into a nearby chair and put his head in his hands.

This was just fucking great.

* * *

 

At first, the drops had just been annoying. It was like being poked by a bothersome younger relative in the forehead every two seconds or so. But, with time, Hide’s anxiety levels began to rise. It began to feel more than annoying. By two hours or so in, he felt thoroughly unsettled. The drops continued to fall.

By three and a half hours, his breathing was heavy. His chest rose up and down quickly, trying to get enough air to his constricted lungs. It wasn’t so much the water as the restraints that bothered him. He couldn’t explain exactly what it felt like. The best description he could come up with was that feeling of going somewhere but never getting there, causing immense frustration, anxiety, and restlessness. As a child, that would happen to him often, and he always stamped his feet and cried out of irritation when it did. That was exactly what Hide felt like doing then. He wanted to move so badly, to spend this pent up energy fueled by anxiety, but he couldn’t.

And it was killing him.

* * *

 

Seven hours in. Someone was screaming and it wouldn’t stop, wouldn’t quiet and it made Hide want to die. It was then he realized that _he_ was the one screaming, but he didn’t know how to cease it.

So he kept screaming.

* * *

 

All was quiet. Hide was motionless on the table, eyes glazed over. The only sound was the steady _drip drip drip_ of water onto his forehead. He didn’t even know how to think. He no longer had the ability to form a cohesive thought. He was lucky his body had involuntary functions that continued even when he was no longer quite there or else he would have ceased breathing a long time ago. He didn’t even notice when the drops stopped falling, nor when the door opened and someone stepped in and began undoing his restraints.

“…ready…join us…” a voice faraway said. Hide’s head lolled to the side, finally free of the bindings that kept it in the same position for God knows how long. His limbs dangled freely as he was lifted into the air and taken off the table, and his unfocused eyes finally settled on the person before him, but Hide’s cloudy brain still couldn’t recognize who it was.

“…take him…room…can recover…answer…wakes up…”

Hide’s eyelids closed and he drifted into blissful unconsciousness.

* * *

 

Kaneki tossed aside his book, unable to concentrate on reading. The words were smudges of ink that danced around the paper, and he found himself having to read paragraphs multiple times over. His mind kept wandering to how Hide was doing. If only there were something that could distract him permanently.

It had been three days since Hide’s disappearance. He found himself pacing nervously around the apartment quite often, waiting for word of the attack date. Finally, he received a call from the Bureau Director.

“ _Rank Three Kaneki_ ,” Yoshitoki said before Kaneki could ask anything once he picked up the phone, “ _the date has been set. It will happen five days from now, which is six days sooner than the original date. I had to pull some strings, but we eventually sorted everything out. There’s both an Owl elimination squad and a Nagachika rescue squad._ _And before you can ask, you’re in neither_ _one of them_.”

Kaneki frowned at not having been put in the squad searching for Hide, but he put his protests aside. He didn’t want to push his luck with Yoshitoki—not after he had managed to get the date moved. He was thankful there would be a squad looking for his best friend, even if he wasn’t in it. “Am I still in the one I was assigned to before?”

“ _Yes. You’ll still be with the second squad. Your objective is to find the deepest part of the research facility and see what you can discover. The first squad will take out any enemies you may encounter. Do not engage anything unless necessary. Your squad is not for eradication purposes; it consists of only two other investigators besides yourself. The rest are from the research facility, who are able to examine what you may find. Rank Three Kaneki, your personal job within this squad is to keep the research facility members safe. Did you understand?_ ”

“Yes,” Kaneki answered. “I understand my task.”

“ _Alright. Report to the lobby of the CCG main office five days from now at eleven o’clock in the morning. That’s where you’ll sign in so we know who participates in the attack. It’s also where you’ll get your gear. The departure for the lab will be soon at noon. Best of luck to you._ ”

The line went dead. Kaneki set down his phone and breathed a sigh of relief.

_Please Hide, just hold out a little while longer. I promise we're coming to rescue you._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hell yeah you got this Hide fight the power (but stay alive while doing so)
> 
> I'm slowly making progress on writing chapter 27 but it's hard h e l p
> 
> thanks for reading!


	23. Assistance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaneki makes a risky move, Touka sasses the help, and Hide refuses to break.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you asked me what my favorite chapter to write was in the entire story this would probably be it just because Touka is a sass queen and Kanae literally cannot deal
> 
> aLSO I FINALLY BROKE MY WRITER'S BLOCK BLESS THE LORD

They kept feeding him and feeding him, giving him more and more food each time he managed to choke down what had been set in front of him before. The taste of rotten flesh lingered in his mouth for hours even after a feeding session. They were forcing him to eat ghoul meat in order to get stronger so they could use him to the best of his abilities.

Hide’s stomach felt like it was about to burst. But he kept going as Eto giggled and set more of the horrid meat in front of him. He had to keep up appearances. He had to make it seem like his mind was broken, or they would keep torturing him. And if they did that, they might just actually break it.

Three days of physical torture, nine hours of mental. That was what he’d been subjected to so far, and he had no desire to increase those numbers. When he awoke after slipping into unconsciousness after the water torture, Kanou asked if he were ready to join their cause. Hell no, was what he wanted to say. He wanted to tell them off, tell them that he was going to fight no matter what. But instead, he simply nodded mindlessly.

He had almost been driven to the brink of insanity. The constant dripping of the water on his forehead, the bindings that kept him from thrashing—it had almost been too much. But unconsciousness hit him right when it needed to, and it spared him, allowing him to rest his foggy mind and begin recovery. For a day or two afterwards, he was still a little out of it, but it gradually improved.

How long had it been now, anyways? Six days? Seven? He didn’t even know anymore. Time was just a number now. It meant nothing. All that mattered was deceiving them into thinking he’d cracked and surviving another day, which meant he had to show absolutely no signs of opposition to anything they did. This would have been fine if not for Eto. Occasionally, when Kanou was off somewhere else, she would find her way into the room he was being kept in and torment him.

“We were always watching, you know,” she said, skipping merrily around the chair in the middle of the room. Hide was lying down on the bed, facing the wall. This room was sort of like a prison cell—the bed on which he was lying was small and hard, and there was a toilet that whoever kept this place clean had been neglecting to scrub for ages. And then there was the chair in the middle of the room. What purpose that stupid little chair served, he had no clue. But he refused to sit in it. “You and Kaneki put on quite the show at times.”

He didn’t respond.

“The shows were especially good at night. How pointless all that pleasure is now.” Hide felt her ghost a hand over his hips and shoulders, and he willed himself not to shudder. She laughed and pulled back, spinning around in a circle. “Do you wish he were coming? Does it hurt knowing they all abandoned you?”

Once again, Hide didn’t reply. Suddenly, an acute pain in his abdomen made him groan in distress. She’d pierced him with her kagune again. “N-no,” he stammered, gritting his teeth. “I don’t care about any of them anymore. Just use me and be done with me.”

Something tickled the back of his neck before it slowly began to dig into his skin. He hissed in pain as the sharp kagune was inserted into his body. He was hit by a sudden wave of panic; was she seriously about to _kill_ him? Did she not know that the neck was a pretty vital part of the body?

Hide was about to voice this before everything in his body pulled out, leaving fresh wounds. Then, suddenly, Eto speared him in multiple places and flung him around the room, her laughter echoing off the walls as he collided with them repeatedly. He could do nothing but hope he didn’t get brain damage as his head hit the hard surface over and over again until she finally stopped and dropped him. He fell to the floor like a limp ragdoll. With great struggle, he picked himself up and began crawling on all fours back to the bed, which he couldn’t climb into.

“I’ll help you!” she exclaimed cheerily, kicking him upwards with all her strength—which was an _extremely_ large amount. Hide was sent flying up until he hit the steel ceiling with a resounding _thud_ and fell back to the ground, leaving a dent where he’d hit. Thankfully, he landed on the bed. Not like it did much to cushion his fall, though. It was practically as hard as they ground. He collapsed on it, the pain overwhelmingly unbearable. The meal he’d eaten recently refused to stay down any longer, and he vomited on both the bed and ground.

“Hmm, that won’t do,” Eto said. “I’ll have to tell Kanou you were disobedient and didn’t digest all your food.”

“Why?” he choked out when there was nothing left for him to throw up, hoping she understood what he meant. He wanted to know why she kept torturing him even though he was supposedly on their side.

“Mm…because I want to!” she answered. “Now, be a good boy while I’m gone!”

She then left, slamming the heavy door shut behind her. Hide could only hope she was going to find someone who could clean up the mess, but he knew she wasn’t. She and Kanou would let him wallow around in his own vomit and blood for days if they could. He tried to scoot as far away as possible from the red pile of upchucked meat and fluids, but to no avail. The bed was too small. Reluctantly, he slid off the end of it and slowly made his way to the chair, his wounds throbbing in pain with every step he took.

Sitting down, the burning sensation of regeneration began. He only thought of one thing.

Kaneki.

* * *

 

Kaneki was on edge as he approached Touka’s door. He really hoped the CCG wasn’t still watching him. Knocking, he took a step back and waited for an answer. “Coming!” Touka yelled from inside. It opened a moment later.

The last person Touka expected to see outside her apartment was Kaneki. “K-Kaneki?” she stammered, confused. She thought she wouldn’t be seeing him for months—not that she wasn’t glad to see him, but still. Wasn’t this risking a lot for both him and her? “Get inside, hurry.” He happily obliged.

“Is everything alright?” she questioned once he settled in. Kaneki sighed and shook his head no.

“That’s why I came today. Kanou took Hide.”

Well, that was very straight to the point, Touka noted. And then what he’d just stated dawned on her, and she looked at him with concern. “Do you know if he’s okay?”

Kaneki looked away, a painful look on his face. “We can only hope,” he said quietly. “But that’s what I’m here about. The CCG is launching an offensive against Kanou’s lab the day after tomorrow, and, if you can, I’d like you to help find Hide in the mess. They have a search squad for him, but…it’s better safe than sorry. I trust you would do a better job than a bunch of investigators who don’t care about him.”

“This feels like déjà vu,” she sighed. “Only months ago were we in the same situation with you.”

“Is that a yes?”

“…Alright, I’ll help. But going in alone would practically be suicide. I need to take in more.” The problem was, where was she going to find people willing to help? She knew Banjou, Hinami, and the others would be more than happy to oblige, but she didn’t want to endanger them; they weren’t exactly the best fighters. Nishiki had completely dropped off the radar after the Anteiku raid, so he was out of the question. What about Tsukiyama? What the hell was he up to these days? “The day after tomorrow, right?”

“Yeah,” Kaneki confirmed. “Thank you, Touka. I really appreciate it. I promise, I’ll pay you back somehow if you manage to find him.”

“Hmm…how about donating part of your paycheck to the new shop Yomo and I are going to open?”

“You’re reopening Anteiku?”

“Something like that, yeah.”

Kaneki smiled an endearing smile. “I may just do that then.”

Touka shooed him out soon afterwards, claiming she had to get busy right away if the attack were two days from then. “It really was nice seeing you, Touka,” Kaneki admitted. “I miss you and the others.”

“Then stop by again sometime. And make sure Hide comes along too after we rescue him, and I’ll beat both your asses in a new game I found,” she replied, smirking.

“You have my word.” With that, he gave a small wave and left, and she shut the door. Sliding down onto the ground, she dropped her head in between her knees. She hadn’t realized how much she missed them until now. For the past month and a half, she had ignored the weighing sadness in her heart at not being able to see her two close friends. But seeing Kaneki made her remember it, and it came back with a vengeance.

Touka was startled out of her thoughts when there was another knock on the door. She thought perhaps Kaneki had left something—though she didn’t think he’d brought anything besides himself. Standing, she opened the door, revealing a slim young man with purple hair and a rose in his breast pocket.

“Are you being serious right now?” she asked out loud, looking this obvious Tsukiyama-wanna-be over. He _had_ to be one of his servants. No one willingly dressed like that besides Tsukiyama. “Poor guy. Does he make all of his employees mock his dress?”

“Silence! Do not talk about my master that way!” he exclaimed. Yep, she’d guessed right. “I am Kanae von Rosewald, servant of Tsukiyama Shuu. I noticed a certain white-haired boy leave your apartment. Does that person happen to be named Kaneki Ken?”

“And what’s in it for me if I tell you?”

Kanae stepped closer to her, standing over her menacingly. “If you tell me, then I won’t have to kill you,” he said in a low voice that was supposed to be threatening.

Touka laughed and crossed her arms. “As if you could, servant boy. I suggest you tell me what you want before I dirty your suit and send you home crying to Tsukiyama.”

Visible anger flashed across Kanae’s face, but he took a deep breath calmly took a step away, clenching his fists behind his back. This girl was absolutely _infuriating_. How had his master ever cooperated with someone so repugnant? “I have been searching for my master’s most precious person. You see, he has fallen into a pit of depression so deep, not even I can pull him out. Only seeing his beloved Kaneki will cure him. I have been searching day and night for him, and if that is he, I would be ever so grateful if you would tell me so.” He said the last part with gritted teeth, as if the words hurt him as they left his mouth.

Touka immediately recognized this as an opportunity to get Tsukiyama on board for the rescue mission. “Let’s say this; I have something I need to get done and I need other people’s help to do it. If Tsukiyama agrees to help me, then I guarantee he’ll see his ‘beloved Kaneki’ again as soon as it’s over. Hell, he might even see him while it’s happening.”

Kanae eyed her suspiciously. “And what is it that you require assistance with?”

Touka smirked. “That’s for me to know, and for Tsukiyama to find out.”

And that was how she ended up at the Tsukiyama residence half an hour later. As they pulled up to the manor, Touka couldn’t help but stare at the sheer size of it. She knew Tsukiyama was rich, but damn—he was _loaded._

The chauffeur that had driven Kanae to Touka’s apartment complex after he somehow managed to obtain her information pulled into the driveway, where many other expensive-looking cars resided. Kanae and Touka exited the vehicle, Kanae leading the way through the front door and then the many rooms and halls of the huge house. “He didn’t leave his bed again…” Kanae mumbled when they came upon the dark, empty living room.  

They ascended a flight of stairs and made their way down multiple halls until Kanae halted in front of a large ornate door. He knocked twice and called, “Master? Are you awake? I’ve brought someone to see you.”

There was the sound of hurried shuffling and then the door flew open. Tsukiyama stood panting in front of them, his usually neat hair a mess and his clothing wrinkled. He was noticeably thinner than when Touka had last seen him. His eyes fell when he saw that his visitor wasn’t Kaneki. “Kirishima-san,” he said, voice weary and lifeless, “I welcome you to my manor.”

“Uh, thanks,” Touka replied as he stepped out of the way for them to enter his room. A bed bigger than anyone ever needed was against the back wall, the sheets and covers rumpled profusely. She hadn’t believed Kanae when he said Tsukiyama hadn’t left his bed again, but it was becoming quite apparent that statement was true. The draperies on each window were drawn shut, allowing only slivers of light to enter. Picture frames containing stunning pieces of artwork had been ripped from the walls and tossed in a pile in a corner haphazardly. How long had the once proud ghoul been like this?

Touka took a seat on a nearby couch. Its outside and its cushions were a blood-red velvet, giving it a sense of elegance. Kanae sat down in a lavish chair next to it while Tsukiyama occupied a chair that faced them both. A fancy carved table was in the middle of the seating arrangement. “I sense you haven’t come here to chat amicably,” Tsukiyama said to Touka.

Touka shook her head. “Tsukiyama, I have a proposition for you. How would you like to see Kaneki again”—Tsukiyama’s spiritless eyes immediately lit up—“in exchange for your participation in a rescue mission?”

“You _dummes Mädchen_!” Kanae exclaimed fervently. “Can you not see my master is not able to fight? He has barely gotten out of bed for weeks and you ask of him to join a rescue mission? Lies and slander!”

Tsukiyama paid no heed to his outraged servant, instead leaning closer to Touka. The dead, inanimate eyes she’d first seen had been replaced by ones more vibrant and intrigued. She’d piqued his interest alright. “Kirishima-san, what you’re saying is that my dear Kaneki-kun has indeed survived, and if I join this rescue mission, I will see him again?”

“Yep. And bring your servant on the mission too. We need the extra help.”

 Kanae was fuming. “ _Empörung_! Master, I cannot spend another second with this…this…” He made a wild hand gesture to express the words he couldn’t seem to find.

Tsukiyama slammed his hands on the table before him. “I accept! _Très bien_!” he bellowed. Kanae stared at him, mouth agape. The incredulous look on his face made Touka snicker. He quickly turned and glared at her, shooting daggers with his eyes. She put a hand over her mouth to muffle her laughs.

“Kanae, bring me the best dish you can find. Tonight, I feast! And later, I will be rewarded with what I have sought after all this time—my sweet Kaneki-kun,” Tsukiyama sang. “Kirishima-san, for bringing this opportunity about me, I must insist you stay for dinner. It will do you no good to charge into battle on an empty stomach. When is this rescue mission taking place, and who are we rescuing?”

“Two days,” Touka answered. “And it’s Hide. Kaneki and the CCG believe Kanou took him. They’re attacking his lab again, and Kaneki asked me to help find Hide in the chaos.”

Tsukiyama perked up at Hide’s name. “Nagachika survived as well? _Eccellente_! This does indeed call for a celebration, yes, Kanae?”

Kanae managed a smile. “Of course, Master,” he said through clenched teeth. Touka felt oddly proud of annoying the guy to the extent she had. “I shall tell the kitchen right away.”

He hurried out, mumbling words of anger and frustration to the rose in his breast pocket as he went. What a weirdo.

Suddenly, Tsukiyama clapped his hands together, startling Touka. “You must tell me of what has happened these months I’ve been away from my Kaneki-kun,” he declared.

“Er, well…”

* * *

 

Dinner went surprisingly well. After Tsukiyama recovered from his shock at hearing Kaneki and Hide joined the CCG, he became quite pleasant for the rest of the evening. Kanae seemed to have cooled off by the time they were called to the table as well, as he sat down across from Touka calmly when Tsukiyama, who sat at the head of the table, instructed him to. Touka and Kanae were both placed on either side of him, while the rest of the household members were free to sit where they wanted to.

The food, of course, was a delicious quality. While Touka enjoyed it, she would never go to the extent of hunting exquisite food as Tsukiyama did. Or used to, anyways. As long as it was obtained in the most humane way possible, she was fine with any food, really.

She listened in on some of the servants’ conversations. “It’s the first time he’s eaten such a meal in so long,” one said quietly. Another agreed and said she was happy he was finally coming around, that it wasn’t good for him to linger over a meal for so long. She returned her attention to her plate after that comment.

Tsukiyama personally escorted her to a car, where an awaiting chauffeur sat in the driver’s seat. “I will bring Kanae and meet with you at your residence at precisely noon the day after tomorrow,” he said to her through the window as she fastened her seatbelt. “Is that acceptable?”

“Yeah, that’s fine. And bring two cars just in case we have too many people for one.” Seeing as she had only recruited Tsukiyama and Kanae at the moment, she didn’t know if that would be the case, but she hoped so.

" _C_ _'est vrai_ , I shall. Until then, farewell, Kirishima-san.”

The car peeled out of the driveway. Tsukiyama waved to her as they drove away. She managed a small, awkward wave back.

It was dark now. Even though she knew she needed to be sleeping soon, Touka craved some coffee. Knowing she had no more left at home, she asked the chauffeur somewhat guiltily to pull over next to a convenience store. The fancy car looked extraordinarily out of place next to the rather small and dinky store.

Walking in, she headed straight for the aisle with the coffee. It was when she got to it that she stopped in surprise.

“Nishiki?”

Nishiki, who was browsing the many brands of instant coffee, turned around, an annoyed look spreading across his face.

“Dammit, and I was hoping I’d never have to see your shitty face again…” he mumbled as she approached him, rolling his eyes.

“What was that, damn Nishiki?” Touka growled, grabbing his shirt collar. _Calm down_ , _this isn’t exactly the way to convince someone to go on a possible suicide mission to save someone he barely even likes,_ she told herself and then released it.

“Tch, brat,” Nishiki grumbled, smoothing his shirt. “So much for being in hiding.”

“You know, hiding doesn’t mean you can’t at least stop by every once in a while.”

He smirked. “Oh? Do you miss me?” he teased. “I _did_ break up with Kimi to keep her safe, but it’s not like you’d ever have a chance with me.”

Touka rolled her eyes in response, not bothering to rebuttal. “Listen, Nishiki, I need your help,” she began. Keeping her voice as low as possible so any other shoppers wouldn’t hear, she explained to him Hide’s current situation and what was about to happen at Kanou’s lab.

When she was finished, all Nishiki had to say was, “So they actually survived, huh? They’re like protagonists of a manga or something, geez.”

Touka was about to tell him that he shouldn’t be joking around about this, but then she remembered who she was dealing with and let it go. “Will you help?”

Nishiki picked two containers of instant coffee off the shelf before them. “I don’t think you know the definition of being in hiding,” he finally said. “My answer is no. I’m not risking being discovered and taken out by some lowlife CCG investigator.”

“Nishi—“

“Touka.” He turned and faced her, expression serious. “I don’t want to be involved in anything concerning Anteiku anymore. It almost got all of us killed, alright? I have a life to live. You may want to throw away yours, but I don’t. Got that?”

Her expression darkened. “No. What I’ve _got_ is that you’re a coward. All you care about is yourself. I have a life to live too, you know,” Touka spat back. She grabbed the first container of coffee she could and stormed away from him before looking over her shoulder and saying, “If you decide you actually want to be useful for once, come find me before we leave.” She then told him her apartment complex’s address and room number before paying for her coffee and leaving.

Nishiki watched her go before deciding he wasn’t in the mood to stay up any longer and replaced the two containers of coffee on the shelf. Then he left.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> translations courtesy of google translate:  
> dummes Mädchen- foolish/stupid girl  
> Empörung- outrage  
> C'est vrai- indeed
> 
> I literally love sassy Touka so much it hurts. I rly wish Kanae was in more of the story bc he’s probably my favorite character to write just bc he’s so…himself. idk lmao
> 
> thanks for reading!


	24. Strike

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The CGG moves in.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and the attack begins! dun dun dun

There was constant movement and quiet conversation outside his room. Hide didn’t know what was happening, but it didn’t sound good. For the people who kidnapped him, at least. Maybe it was good for him. Could an attack be coming? Was the CCG sending people to rescue him?

He could only hope.

* * *

 

“Kaneki!”

Kaneki turned and saw Hide speeding towards him. He gasped in surprise as they collided, and Hide spun them around in a circle before clamping his hands down on Kaneki’s shoulders to steady them. Dull gray eyes met lively brown, and his friend exclaimed, “You have to cheer up! Rabbits get lonely when they die, you know!”

Kaneki smiled wearily. “You’re not a rabbit, Hide.”

“Well, I’m still your friend and you have to get better sometime, so I’m going to help you whether you like it or not!”

It had been weeks since his mom died. Kaneki was living with his aunt, who paid him almost no attention. And when she did, it was only to scold or scorn him. He didn’t understand why she acted the way she did towards him—his mom had supported her for years. _She’s probably still grieving, like me,_ he convinced himself. _It’ll get better. She’s just sad._

Hide began to drag him to the park they frequented. Albeit reluctant, Kaneki gave in and followed him. All he really wanted to do was go home, curl up, and read. Reading was his only escape; it was his outlet for sadness. By losing himself in a book, he forgot about his grievances and everything happening in his increasingly troubling life. Was a ten-year-old supposed to feel like this? All of the children he read about were so happy. He wanted to be like them, too.

They climbed the piece of playground equipment they’d sat on so many times before. A comfortable silence fell over them as they stared off into the distance, watching the sun slowly set. Kaneki couldn’t help but steal a glance out of the corner of his eyes at Hide. In the radiant glow of orange and yellow, his hair greatly resembled the raging ball of fire in the evening sky. It mesmerized him, so he kept staring.

“Kaneki?” Hide questioned, noticing his gaze was cast on him. Kaneki blinked and quickly looked away.

“Sorry,” he murmured.

“What are you sorry for?”

“I…I don’t know.” It was then Kaneki realized a few tears had managed to escape his eyes, and he wiped them away before Hide could see. But he saw anyways. Scooting closer to Kaneki, Hide wrapped his arms around him and pulled him against him. Kaneki buried his face in Hide’s shirt and began to cry quietly. Hide sat still as he did this, letting him get out his tears.

After a while, Kaneki’s sobs quieted, but he remained in Hide’s arms. “I’m here for you, Kaneki,” Hide said, his voice quiet and gentle. Kaneki nodded against his chest. “I’ll always be here, no matter what. I’ll never leave, because that’s what best friends do. They stay together. Will you stay with me too?”

Kaneki looked up and met his friend’s eyes. He nodded. “I want to stay with you too.”

“I don’t like seeing you sad. I like it when you’re happy. Will you try to cheer up, even if it’s just a little?”

Kaneki managed a small smile. “I’ll try.” Hide grinned in response and hugged him tightly, squeezing the air out of him but Kaneki couldn’t care less, and he hugged back with just as much enthusiasm. Thanks to Hide, for the first time in weeks, his sadness had been temporarily lifted.

It was then Kaneki realized Hide truly was the light in his life.

* * *

 

The CCG main office surged with people in battle gear. Kaneki looked around for Akira, hoping to find her in the crowd. He knew what he was supposed to be doing—checking in and getting his uniform—but he wanted to clarify everything was still proceeding as planned. Walking up to the receptionist, he stated his name. The receptionist wrote it down and directed him to where everyone was being fitted with gear.

“You’ll report to Parking lot B. Your squad is in truck six,” the receptionist stated. Kaneki nodded, made a mental note of what he’d just been told, and followed the instructions on where to go to get suited up.

In full battle gear and carrying a briefcase, for the first time, Kaneki truly felt like a full-fledged member of the CCG. Even though he worked in the office regularly and had duties like everyone else, he was treated differently—despite the orders for him to be treated like a human. He didn’t blame them, though. He _was_ different. He was the very thing these people hated; of course it would take time for them to adjust to the idea of a ghoul being within their ranks. But, even so, it was a relief to finally be blending in with the crowd, the same as everyone else. In this hectic situation, he was just another face.

There was a tap on his shoulder. Kaneki turned around and saw Akira, who was also ready for combat. “You should report to your station,” she told him. “Do you know where to go?”

“Parking lot B, truck six,” he answered. “I’m not exactly sure where that is, though.”

Akira checked her watch. “I have time to show you. Follow me.”

She led him to where he was supposed to be. There were numerous trucks with open backs waiting to be boarded. People milled about, some checking their equipment, some looking around aimlessly. “Be safe, Kaneki,” Akira said.

Kaneki nodded. “You too.” She nodded back and left for her own post, leaving him with the other members of his squad, who were all standing in front of truck six.

One approached him. “You must be Kaneki, right?” he asked. He answered yes. “I’m Shizuka Kazuki, the head researcher on this team. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you. I’ve heard a lot about the infamous half-ghoul Centipede.”

So much for treating him like a human. “I don’t go by that,” he stated coldly. “I would prefer for you to call me by my name.”

Shizuka regarded him with distaste. “Alright, _Kaneki-kun_ ,” he spat, his demeanor changing from friendly to venomous. He took a step closer to Kaneki. “I don’t know how I feel about a ghoul being assigned to be my protector, so listen well. If you make one false move, I’ll report it to the chairman himself, and he’ll take countermeasures. Do you understand?”

 _Not if you don’t die first_ , Kaneki wanted to retort. Instead, he gripped his briefcase tightly and nodded. Shizuka looked pleased that his threat had been received. He walked away, confidence in his step and a smug look on his face. Kaneki wished for nothing more than for that obnoxious sneer to be wiped away—preferably by his fist. But he told himself to calm down, that getting angry at him wouldn’t solve anything. That was how his old self would have reacted, and that was how he needed to react now.

Breathing a sigh, he went to lean against the truck. Soon enough, they were called to board. Kaneki picked up his briefcase, ascended the ramp leading into the vehicle, and moved to the front, where he sat with his back against the wall and arms folded over his knees. A young woman that looked only a little older than him plopped herself down next to him. She tapped her briefcase anxiously and kept brushing strands of hair out of her face.

 She tossed him a nervous smile when she noticed him staring. “This isn’t my first mission, but as you can tell, I’m a bit of a nervous wreck, so sorry if I throw up on you during the ride,” she said, laughing. She shifted her briefcase in her lap, clutching it tightly. “I always get jittery as hell before these things.”

Kaneki chuckled. So this was one of the two other investigators assigned to their squad. He was thankful at least one person here wasn’t looking at him like he was a monster. Maybe she didn’t realize who he was.

“I’m First Class investigator Misaki Akemi,” she announced, smiling. “And you?”

“Kaneki Ken.” She continued looking at him expectantly. “Rank Three investigator,” he added.

“Oh! You’re one of the new recruits. I’ve heard that the other recruit, Nagachika—is that right?” He nodded. “I heard he was taken by this Kanou guy. Are you two close?”

Kaneki’s expression turned wistful. “We’ve been best friends since childhood. He’s…he’s all I have left. He’s what keeps me going. When my mom died, he was the only one who was there for me. He always has been.” Heat rushed to his face after he realized he’d pretty much told a random stranger his feelings for Hide. But Misaki didn’t seem to mind.

“Well, for yours and his sake, I hope he’s okay,” she said.

Kaneki thanked her for her words before closing his eyes and bowing his head, almost like he was praying. But by this point, Kaneki knew better than to assume there was anyone out there who could help him or anyone close to him. They were all damned—no god of any nature would even spare them a second glance.

The only people they could rely on were themselves.

* * *

 

“This is everyone, I presume?”

Touka nodded in response to Tsukiyama’s question. Tsukiyama smiled and straightened his flashy red suit, causing Kanae to do the same. She rolled her eyes. Banjou stepped forward and handed out cloaks to everyone. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. “I’ll get it,” Touka said, shedding the cloak and tossing it on the sofa. Opening the door, she smirked. “So, you decided to show up after all, huh?”

Nishiki rolled his eyes and stepped into her apartment. “Yeah, only because I beat that shithead senseless that one time. I figured I owed it to him to rescue his sorry ass.”

“Who’s here?” Hinami asked, poking her head around the corner.

Touka jabbed her thumb into Nishiki’s chest, and he scoffed. “Nishiki finally decided to rise from the grave,” she answered. Hinami beamed.

“I’m glad you’re okay!” she chirped happily, taking hold of one of Nishiki’s hands with both her own.

“Thank you, Hinami,” Nishiki replied, patting her head gingerly. He couldn’t help but crack a small smile at the younger girl’s excitement. He was led to where the others were—was that Tsukiyama?—and given a cloak. “I thought you dropped off the face of the planet,” Nishiki said to Tsukiyama, who simply smiled in return. “And who’s this look-alike? That’s creepy as hell.”

Kanae was about to mouth off to him in German when Tsukiyama held his hand up for him to stand down. “He’s a man of many words, and most are not pleasant,” he said quietly in Kanae’s ear. Kanae nodded, his annoyance still evident. All of these people had the superfluous gift of pissing him off, it seemed. Why did his master associate himself with the likes of them?

Once they were all dressed in their cloaks, Touka briefed them of the plan once more. They were to arrive in the back of the facility. Once they were there, they would break in and begin the search for Hide. When— _if_ —they found him, they would lead him outside the lab, where he would meet up with the other CCG forces. During that time, they would disappear, and Hide would say he managed to escape on his own.

“Everyone got it?” she asked when she was finished. All of them nodded. “Then let’s do this.”

* * *

 

Kaneki crouched down behind a bush, waiting for the static voice to come over his headset and tell their squad to move in. Finally, the command came through to move out. In actuality, it took only around ten minutes for them to be deployed after arrival, but to him, it felt like an eternity.

They charged through the large facility door. The Associate Special Class investigator in their group was in the front, Kaneki and Minami were flanking the sides, and the researchers were in the middle, protected on three of four sides by the investigators. Bodies of what could only be called creatures killed by the first squad littered the entrance room’s floor, blood splattered on the ground. They didn’t look human at all; probably the abhorrent results of failed experiments.

They continued on. Kaneki recalled running through these same halls with the same goal in mind once before—to find Hide. It seemed history did indeed repeat itself. Instructions on where to go came through the headset. As they went, they passed numerous more bodies, but none belonged to the CCG. While that should have been something to rejoice, that no men had been lost yet, Kaneki was unsettled. They had been expecting more resistance. Why weren’t they fighting back?

And then they heard the scream.

The investigator in front halted immediately and signaled everyone to do the same. Stepping closer to the front, Kaneki gripped his quinque and readied it into battle position in case something flew at them from around the corner. The scream was raw and piercing, like it came from the throat of a wild animal. The researchers’ heads snapped from left to right, all of them beginning to panic. Kaneki caught sight of Shizuka worming his way into the very middle of the group, as if being clustered together with lots of other people would stop whatever it was that lurked further in the depths of the facility from killing him.

“ _Owl spotted. Proceed cautiously_ ,” the voice on the headset buzzed. “ _Owl suppression squad now being deployed._ ”

The investigator in front gestured for them to begin walking again, but at a much slower pace. Every corner they came to, he stopped them and peeked around it before proceeding. At one point, The Owl Suppression squad rushed past them. They were both heading in the same direction, which meant they might come face to face with the most infamous ghoul in Japan if that squad didn’t manage to eradicate it.

Which, unfortunately, was very likely. But they kept moving, hoping for the best but expecting the worst.

Suddenly, they came upon the room in which the main battle was happening. It was impossible to ignore the roars of Owl and the shouting of investigators as they were told what to do through the headset. “ _Go around the battle and make it to the corridor on the other side. Do not become involved, I repeat, do not become involved._ ”

They split into three groups that could convene on the other side of the large room once they bypassed the battle, one investigator assigned to each. The Associate Special Class investigator’s group was to circle around the right. Kaneki’s and Minami’s groups were to go left. Hopefully, if the Owl decided to attack them, it wouldn’t wipe out their whole squad. At least, that was the idea.

“Go, go, go!” the Associate Special Class shouted, and they took off around the corner. The large room opened up before them—the same one Kaneki had seen Kanou in during the first raid on this lab.

And, as luck would have it, Kanou was standing in the very same spot once again.

Kaneki nearly stopped just to confirm it was him, but there was no time. Who the investigators were fighting was indeed the Owl, and it was _massive_. Large crystallized kagune shards protruded from its back and shoulders menacingly. Its single big black and red eye was perfectly placed in the middle of its jagged, angular face. It bared its teeth in a wicked grin with each attack it performed. Despite its frightening appearance and power, the investigators were faring as well as they could.

Kaneki and the two researchers with him ran as fast as they could, Minami’s group right behind them. Thankfully, the Owl didn’t seem to notice them. And then, from out of nowhere, he and both of the others were pulled into a much smaller corridor than the one they were supposed to be heading towards.

“Come with us, or we’ll kill you all,” a familiar voice hissed. It was Touka, and she had brought the others as well. He caught sight of a red suit beneath a cloak, and even though his face was covered, Kaneki knew it was Tsukiyama. So he was alright; that was good to hear. He wondered if the person beside him, whom he didn’t recognize, was one of Tsukiyama’s acquaintances.

Much to his surprise, Nishiki was also there, a scowl firmly in place on his face. Hinami and Banjou stood off to the side. They’d come. They had really come. Kaneki had never been more relieved in his life. But he couldn’t let that relief show; he had to put on a show for the researchers.

Minami and the three researchers she was with dove into the corridor in which they were. “What the hell’s going on?” she asked, an underlying tone of panic in her voice.

Tsukiyama could hardly contain his excitement. It was Kaneki. He couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t believe his Kaneki-kun was standing right before his very eyes, yet he couldn’t say anything. No, he couldn’t reveal in front of these pathetic CCG workers who he truly was to Kaneki. _Patience,_ he told himself. _Just have patience, everything will pay off in the end._

“Please, just let us go,” Kaneki begged, looking at Touka and hoping that Misaki and the others fell for his little ploy. “What do you want from us?

“It doesn’t matter what we want from you. I _said_ , come with us.”

A wave of whispers went through the group of researchers. “Do you think they he can take them on?”

“No, there’s too many, and those are all probably high rated ghouls.”

“We should just give ourselves up.”

To prove she meant business, Touka took out her kagune and proceeded to stab one of the researchers in the shoulder with its sharp, crystallized end. Misaki gasped and clutched her quinque tightly, anger seizing her. She was about to lunge forward and attack when Kaneki caught her and pulled her back, shaking his head. She stared at him, wide-eyed. “We can’t risk them getting hurt,” he reminded her. “Our orders are to avoid battle at all costs.”

 The researcher—who, much to Kaneki’s guilty liking, was Shizuka—howled in pain when Touka removed her kagune and fell to the ground, clutching his bleeding shoulder. “Don’t hurt any of them, please,” Kaneki said, mustering up his best pleading look.

“Then come with us and no one else will be hurt. Got it? And you two”—Touka pointed at both him and Misaki—“need to give me your weapons.”

“What?” Misaki crowed, flabbergasted. “No. We’re less than fifty yards away from Owl. There’s no way in hell I’m givi—“

The one Kaneki didn’t recognize suddenly appeared in front of her and, with one powerful kick, sent her flying against the wall. Misaki hit it with a resounding _thud_ and fell to the ground. Her hammer-like koukaku quinque rolled out of her hands and to the stranger, who picked it up and smirked. Kaneki noted that he looked an awfully lot like Tsukiyama.

Clutching her abdomen, Misaki slowly rose, grimacing. The Tsukiyama-look-alike tossed Touka the quinque. Kaneki did the same without hesitation.

“Shall we go then, companions?” the look-alike questioned once that was taken care of.

“Yes,” Touka said, handing Misaki’s quinque off to Nishiki and holding onto Kaneki’s herself. “We shall.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love little Hide and Kaneki so much, I wish I got a chance to write them more often bc honestly little Hide is just a bundle of joy and happiness that cares waaay too much for his bff
> 
> (Kaneki cares about him just as much ofc, so he has no objections when Hide randomly hugs him or puts flowers he finds in his hair)
> 
> thanks for reading!


	25. Imbroglio

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaneki comes face-to-face with the Owl herself, Hide makes a plan to escape, and two dorks are reunited.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi guys! just wanted to let you know that chapter 26 will unfortunately be a little late, I'm going out of town tomorrow and I'm gone through Monday (I think, it might be Tuesday), so as soon as I get back I'll post it!
> 
> ugh I feel like this chapter lost its detail, so I hope it's okay OTL
> 
> I hope everyone has enjoyed the story so far as we near its conclusion!

“Eto.”

Eto, still in her Owl form, looked up to where Kanou stood. There were only two investigators left, and they were beaten down to almost nothing. But still, they kept fighting. As formidable and valiant as their efforts were, they would soon all be for naught.

“You know what to do.”

Eto smiled a horrible, cruel smile, her single black and red eye bulging as she bared her teeth and snarled in response. In one swift motion, she charged at the remaining investigators, who were struggling to stay on their feet, and slammed them against the back wall. She scooped their lifeless corpses up into her mouth and swallowed them whole as more squads began to arrive. Killing them wasn’t her job, though. That was for their own reinforcements to do.

More cloaked ghouls than the CCG squad members could count appeared out of one large corridor and poured into the room as Eto emerged from her kakuja armor, bandages still around her. Kanou tossed her pink cloak over the railing and walked off. Grinning, she slipped it on as she ran away towards a hallway that branched out of the room.

The squad members readied their weapons. “ _Men, are you ready to give your lives for this operation to succeed_?” the voice buzzed on the headset.

“Yes!” everyone shouted in unison.

“ _Then fight with all the courage and strength you can muster, and you will win without fail._ _Engage_!”

* * *

 

Kaneki’s hope for success was slowly dwindling. After the announcement on the headset, he knew something had gone wrong. The Owl Suppression squad had failed, most likely, and now they were in a mess. He wondered what had become of the Associate Special Class investigator and the three researchers with him. No doubt, if they were still alive, they were continuing the mission without them—which was completely fine with him.

The humans had a tough time keeping up with the ghouls. Even Misaki, a trained and fit investigator, began to lag behind at one point, but she quickly began pushing herself harder when she realized it. The researchers, though, only received a burst of energy when threatened.

“I can’t…go…any further…” Shizuka wheezed. He doubled over, gasping for air. “The pain…it’s too much.” Clutching his shoulder, he sunk to the ground.

Touka was about to step forward and tell him off when Tsukiyama held out a hand in front of her and stepped forward himself. “Now, now, little human,” he chided.   
“I understand that humans are inferior and weak compared to us ghouls, but I must insist you push on. Does that sound like something you could do, hmm?” His kagune burst forth from his shoulder, the sharp end of it coming extremely close to Shizuka’s horrified face. “Or will I just have to dismember you and leave you here to die?”

“N-no, please! I have a wife and kids, spare me!”

“Then I suggest you get moving, _monsieur,_ ” Tsukiyama hissed in his ear, and Shizuka swallowed nervously and nodded before beginning to stand.

Kaneki couldn’t help but get the feeling someone—or something—was coming. It was that feeling of suspense and anxiety you felt as something built up to its climax, and, frankly, he didn’t want to witness what the climax of this whole ordeal was going to be. “Let’s go,” he said, realizing it probably looked suspicious he was ordering the group of ghouls who had kidnapped them to move. “I mean, this place is dangerous. We can’t let them get hurt.” He motioned to the group of frightened researchers.

Misaki gave him a suspicious look, and he looked away. They began moving again, but at a slower pace so they didn’t run out of steam. She caught up to Kaneki and began jogging beside him.

“You wouldn’t happen to know these ghouls, would you?” she questioned. Her voice was no longer friendly, but nervous and wary. She was definitely on to him. He needed to throw her off his trail.

“No, I’ve never seen or heard of them before. Their cloaks resemble Aogiri’s, so they’re probably a part of that organization. Aogiri kidnapped me once in the past. That could be what they’re trying to do again. I just don’t want any harm come to you and the others if they only want me,” he answered, choosing his words carefully. Making it seem like his only focus was the mission and guarding them would hopefully convince her otherwise that he didn’t know or care about this band of ghouls.

Thankfully, Misaki nodded and dropped the subject. They continued on in silence. The eerie feeling of foreboding lingered in Kaneki’s mind, and he wondered if the others could feel it as well.

Suddenly, Hinami slowed to a stop. The others stopped around her, asking what was wrong. Clutching her cloak tightly, she whispered, “There’s something following us.”

Touka and Kaneki exchanged a quick look. The silence that settled over the group was heavy and unsettling. “Footsteps,” Hinami murmured.

“Keep moving,” Touka said, her voice low and quiet. They reached a long hallway with many doors on both sides. To their surprise, most were open, though some were locked. They soon realized they were most likely the labs where the experiments were conducted and moved on. It was doubtful Hide was in any of those.

Out of the blue, Hinami gasped and whipped her head around, causing everyone else to do the same. Behind a corner watching them stood a small hooded figure cloaked in pink.

“What good ears you have!” Eto chimed, coming out from behind the corner. It wasn’t much of a hiding spot, Kaneki noted, and he wondered if she meant to be discovered. “You could be useful one day.”

Touka and Banjou moved to stand in front of Hinami as Eto approached them. Eto giggled. “It’s not her I want, sillies. I want Kaneki.”

Kaneki stiffened. Touka narrowed her eyes. “Well, you’re not getting him,” she hissed.

“Oh, but I am.” She abruptly vanished, her figure becoming a blur as she practically teleported and reappeared less than a foot away from Touka. “And you’re going to give him to me.”

Touka had no time to move before a kagune appeared out of Eto’s back and plunged into her abdomen. She yelled in pain as it dug deeper into her, Eto laughing in glee all the while. Kaneki immediately felt an overwhelming rush of anger and adrenaline, and he launched himself at whoever the hell this was. Bringing out his kagune, all four tentacles reached for Eto, but they were deflected as a coating of armor appeared out of thin air. The kagune in Touka’s stomach retracted. Falling to the ground, she released her grip on Kaneki’s quinque and clutched her wound tightly, gritting her teeth. Kaneki swooped in and grabbed her just before another kagune—this one bigger—would have speared her head.

“T-thanks,” she managed as he set her down against the wall. Hinami and Banjou instantly rushed to her side as Kaneki faced the newly-transformed Eto.

Of course—it was just their luck that this person was the Owl.

The researchers instantly went into a flurry of panic and ran, not caring if they got lost in the facility’s twisting halls. To them, anything was better than being caught in the middle of a firefight between the Owl, six ghouls, and two investigators—one of which was also a ghoul. Nobody paid them any heed, and all five of them were soon out of sight.

Tsukiyama grinned and wiped away the beading sweat on his brow. His smirk wasn’t that of his usual confidence, but nervousness. “Well, this should be quite interesting,” he mumbled as his kagune formed around his arm.

Kanae summoned his own kagune forth from his body as well. If he had known they would be facing this…this _thing_ , he would have never let his master agree to it—not even to see Kaneki again.

Nishiki was quickly regretting his decision to come. Was it too late to tuck tail and run like he always did? Probably. But the idea of being mutilated by the most powerful ghoul in Japan was not an appealing option. Even so, he felt some sort of obligation to stick around. It was definitely a feeling he’d never felt before. Was he actually putting the lives of others in front of his own for once?

Yes, he was. And it fucking sucked.

Eto bared her teeth in an atrocious grin. Tsukiyama, Kanae, and Nishio—who had abandoned Misaki’s quinque to use his kagune—prepared to charge. Misaki quickly scrambled for her weapon and got into a fighting stance, her mouth a thin line. “No,” Kaneki ordered. “Stay back.”

Misaki threw him an astonished look. “You can’t be serious, can you? You expect to fight that thing yourself? I mean, I know you’re supposedly powerful and all, bu—“

“ _I said, stay back_.”

“Kaneki-kun, if you think I will let you do this on your own…” Tsukiyama grimaced as unpleasant memories of the time he tried to stop Kaneki from joining the attack on Anteiku on the roof resurfaced.

To everyone’s amazement—and confusion—Kaneki’s kagune retracted into his back. Eto regarded him curiously as he took a step closer to her. Touka’s eyes widened.

“We won’t fight you,” he stated, looking right into Eto’s singular red and black eye. “Just tell me what you need me for. I’ll do whatever you need, just spare them.”

“Kaneki, you idiot!” Touka shouted angrily at him, but he ignored her. Tears welled in her eyes from the sheer amount of frustration she felt. Standing shakily, she used Banjou and Hinami to steady herself as she prepared to deliver her diatribe towards Kaneki. “You’re always doing things on your own—even when others are willing to lay down their lives for you! Can’t you just see that you don’t always have to fight your own battles? After all this time, I thought you would have realized that by now. But you’re even more stupid than I thought.”

Eto watched her with amusement and allowed Kaneki a rebuttal, intrigued.

“Touka, I’m different from how I was back then. In the past, I only thought of myself. I wanted to protect everyone so that I wouldn’t be left alone again. You and Hide helped me realize my mistake. I think it’s fair to say that some of us would die in a battle against an opponent of this caliber.” He gave her a small, weary smile. “Even I can’t compete against this.”

“That doesn’t mean—“

“Yes, it does. It means that all of you would die in vain, and I can’t let that happen. I’m not protecting you anymore because I can’t bear the thought of being alone. Because I have Hide, I’ll never be alone again. As long as he’s alright…I’ll be alright too. But I won’t let you sacrifice your lives to try to stop the inevitable, okay?”

Touka was about to say something else when Hinami looked at her and shook her head no. How was she fine with this? How was everyone but her fine with this happening? She looked down at Hinami. While she was trying her best not to cry, in her eyes was a fire Touka hadn’t seen there before, but she immediately recognized it. It was a resolution to become stronger so she could protect her big brother.

It was almost laughable. A child was more accepting of the situation than she was.

Touka held her head low, face scrunched up in anger as she stared pointedly at the ground. “Go,” she hissed.

“Tou—“

She banged her fist against the wall. “Just fucking _go_ already!”

Kaneki looked at her with remorse. “I’ll fix this, I promise.” What he was going to fix, he had no clue. Their friendship? His logic? “Everything will be fine, but you need to leave before anyone else gets hurt.”

He turned to Eto, who fixated her eye on him. Suddenly, she emerged from her Owl form and put back on her cloak, which was in her hands. “We’re going to have so much fun, Ka-ne-ki!” She drew out each syllable in his name creepily, and Kaneki abruptly regretted not putting up a fight. Too late now, though, because she was already leading him away from his friends and taking him to who-knows-where.

He sincerely hoped who-knows-where wouldn’t be as horrible as he was picturing in his mind.

Touka slammed her fist against the wall again. “Fuck,” she whispered to herself. If they found Hide, they were going to have some explaining to do. He wold understand, though, because he was obviously the most perfect person in existence that everybody should risk their lives to save, right? Yes, she knew she was just being bitter and that she was sore over what happened but she couldn’t help it. It was times like these that her emotions messed with her head and caused her not to think properly. It wasn’t Hide’s fault they ended up in this mess. Well, indirectly it was, but that wasn’t the issue.  

They still had to find him, even if Touka wasn’t feeling particularly good-natured towards him. After all, that was what they were here for.

“Come on,” she grumbled as she began walking in the direction they were heading before Eto appeared out of nowhere. The others looked questionably at each other before beginning to follow reluctantly.

“Uh, am I still, I don’t know, your captive?” Misaki asked.

“Go fuck off to the rest of your stupid unit,” Touka snapped back.

Misaki, whose feelings were a mix of nervousness and fright—from coming face to face with an extremely powerful ghoul—and frustration and irritation—from being kidnapped (that didn’t exactly feel like the right word to describe the situation to her, but it worked) by a band of ghouls who Kaneki obviously knew, was not in the mood to make a retort to this Touka person. Instead, she simply began walking back the other direction, hoping she would be able to meet up with the other CCG squads. There had to be some left, right?

The fact that Kaneki tried to hide the fact that he knew those ghouls served to piss her off more. He was definitely in for a tongue-lashing the next time she saw him.

 _If_ she saw him.

Then it occurred to her that she could seriously get him in trouble by telling anyone about those ghouls. She knew that the chairman and the higher-ups had questioned the two half-ghouls extensively, but they seemed to have missed some crucial information regarding the identities of other ghouls. If she reported they—or at least Kaneki—had withheld information…

Nothing good would come out of it for either of those two.

Misaki smiled to herself wearily. _Now we’re even, Kaneki. You managed to spare my life, so I’ll spare theirs and yours back. You’re lucky I’m so damn soft, or else your ass would be dead once we got out of this. If you aren’t already dead, that is. So try to stay alive so I can repay the favor, because I hate owing people something and I can’t pay you back if you’ve escaped this hell before me._

She sincerely hoped he would be alright.

* * *

 

Hide was tired of waiting. There was something happening; he could feel it. This was his singular chance to escape. The attendants had forgotten to come in and give him more Rc suppressants in all the commotion, and he could now feel the numbness slowly thawing and melting away inside his body. Just a little while longer before he could use his kagunes. Just a little while longer until he escaped.

Finally, the numbness was gone entirely. He didn’t know if that meant the suppressants were completely out of his systems or what, but he wasn’t going to wait around and find out. Bringing out his kagunes, he launched himself at the door and began to hit it rapidly, trying desperately to break out. But it was no use; it was made of some sort of special material to keep ghouls from breaking out.

Hide slunk to the ground, his hopes sinking. Great. What now?

Well, someone was bound to come get him eventually, right? All he had to do was wait for the moment that door opened and then spring a surprise attack on whoever walked in. He could most likely take on anyone in this facility except one person. Unfortunately, this singular person was the one who visited him most often.

A head-on confrontation with her would only get him injured or killed—that he knew for a fact. He had to surprise her.

Retracting his wings to save energy, Hide jumped and hooked onto the ceiling with his tail. It appeared it wasn’t made of the same material the door was. He dug it in deeper and pulled himself up to where he was dangling in the air. Being right above the entrance to the room ensured someone wouldn’t see him unless they looked up upon entry. He could drop down on them then and escape in their moment of shock.

All he had to do was wait.

* * *

 

Kaneki was led down a series of hallways before they stopped at a particular door. Thoughts of what was possibly awaiting him beyond it raced through his mind. Were they going to hold him captive? Torture him again? Shuddering as memories of Jason and pliers and centipedes resurfaced, he quickly pushed them away and focused on what was happening.

“Can you guess what’s behind this door, Kaneki?” Eto asked far too cheerily for his liking. He shook his head. “I’ll give you a hint, then! It’s a person that you’ve missed _oh so much_. And now, I’m going to let you watch me do one of my favorite things in the world!”

Kaneki’s eyes widened. Now he understood. This was all some sort of sick game to them, and he was _very_ tired of playing it. But what else could he do other than stand there and watch as she laughed at his astonished expression? Nothing. Absolutely fucking nothing because they were the ones in control, not him.

It was never him.

“Let’s get started, shall we?”

Eto opened the door and grandly revealed…an empty room. Hide—or at least Kaneki assumed that was who she had taken him to—was nowhere to be seen. Narrowing her eyes, Eto stepped in. Kaneki only had time to blink in surprise before something descended from the ceiling and knocked her over, and she screamed in pain.

“ _My head my head my head! I’ll kill you, I’ll kill you!_ ”

Her kagunes burst forth from her back and she began to go what could only be described as insane. A blur of color darted out of the room, snatching Kaneki as it flew past. They hit the wall ungracefully, and before Kaneki knew what was happening, he was being picked up and was flying through the air again. He looked up and could have fainted from happiness and relief right then and there.

It was Hide.

“Hide, you…I…God, I’m so glad you’re okay,” Kaneki said, gripping his torn, ragged shirt tightly and burying his head in the crook of his neck. He smelled of blood, vomit, and a number of other disgusting things, but he didn’t care. Hide was okay.

_Hide was okay._

Hide looked down at him and smiled, tears filling his mismatched eyes. Suddenly, his speed rapidly began to decrease, and he had to land them. “Ah, shit,” he cursed. “Those stupid Rc suppressants haven’t fully worn off yet. I’m out of gas already. It’s only a matter of time before—“

An unearthly scream that originated from where they came from cut him off, and he cursed again. “It looks like that wasn’t enough to hold her off.”

Hide set Kaneki down and they began running as fast as they could, praying to God Eto wasn’t on their trail. “What did you do to her?” Kaneki asked. All he saw was Hide fall from the ceiling on top of her and then she went crazy.

“Dude, I drilled a hole in her head with my tail! I knew there was no way I was getting out of there without engaging her somehow, and I would never win facing her head-on, so I decided a quick surprise attack would be the most effective way of escaping. I hadn’t expected her to come with you, though,” he answered. “For once, I’m glad for her sadistic nature. She was probably going to torture me again with you watching or something.”

Hide wanted to take back the words as soon as they left his mouth.

“They tortured you?” Kaneki asked, voice tight. Of course they had. This shouldn’t be a surprise, but he clenched his fists in anger anyways. He had anticipated as much, but hearing it and anticipating it were completely different things. It was one thing to imagine it was happening—it was another to actually know it had.

“I’m alright, though, Kaneki. Don’t worry about that right now, okay? We can talk about it later. Let’s just focus on getting out of here,” Hide said. All of a sudden, a sense of familiarity struck him, and he stopped running. “Wait, I recognize this place. This was where…”

He walked past a few doors and stopped in front of one. He found it was unlocked and opened it. “We need to keep moving, Hide,” Kaneki reminded him.

“Yeah, yeah, I know. One second.” Hide stepped in and felt around for the lights. He found the metal control box and flipped a switch. The dim lights that illuminated the large glass containers flickered on, as well as the one above the table he’d been tortured with water on. Shivering at the memory, he crossed the room (not looking at the table) and stopped in front of the container Amon Koutarou still floated seemingly lifelessly in. But he wasn’t lifeless, or he wouldn’t be here.

“Kaneki, can you come here?” Kaneki looked into the room at the call of his name and furrowed his brows at what he saw. Stepping in, he tentatively closed the door behind him and went to where Hide was standing. His eyes slowly widened when he saw who it was floating within the glass container.

“That’s…he’s…” He was so shocked he couldn’t form a cohesive sentence.

“Yeah,” Hide said. “He’s alive. And all of these others are probably missing investigators too.” His eyes were drawn to a different container on the other side of the room, where another familiar face rested. Takizawa Seidou. He turned to Kaneki. “Your headset—does it work here?”

It was then Kaneki noticed he hadn’t been hearing any commands go through. He tapped it to try to make it work. Some static came through. “Only static. We’re too far away—“

Suddenly, Hide clasped his hands over Kaneki’s mouth. Kaneki furrowed his brows in confusion and slight annoyance. Hide pointed to the door as an explanation. Outside in the hallway was the sound of snarling and a mangled, distorted voice repeating “ _Where are you? Where are you?”_ over and over again. No doubt it was Eto. They both let out a sigh of relief when the voice and the noises grew further away.

Once he was sure she was gone, Hide said quietly, “We have to somehow let the CCG know of this place. There could be other rooms just like this too, all containing the investigators from the Anteiku raid thought to be dead.”

Kaneki shook his head. “There’s no way to let them know. Even if we could, they would only end up running into Owl. If there’s anyone left, that is.”

“…Then it looks like we’ll have to rescue them ourselves, then.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a headcanon (it may be true, idk) that half-ghouls like Eto and Kaneki and the twins don’t have enhanced smell or really good hearing or anything since they’re part human. I think they’d have maybe hearing a step up from normal humans, but no better smell. so that’s why Eto didn’t find them if anyone wondered that
> 
> so yeah expect the next chapter probably on Tuesday instead of Sunday, as I'm betting I'll be too tired to edit it if I get back Monday night OTL
> 
> thanks for reading!


	26. Greetings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaneki and Hide begin their rescue mission and later come face-to-face with trouble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> back from my trip! hope you guys are ready for the final plot-oriented chapter on Thursday! ^^ chapter 28 is basically a long epilogue that tells what happens afterwards and stuff
> 
> anyways, I'm beginning a new fic! it's hidekane (ofc) and is an au in which they've never met and ghouls are integrating into human society. not sure how long it will be but I have high hopes for it! it would mean a lot if you would check it out, I'll have the first chapter up tomorrow if not later today. I'm trying out kind of a new style (it's not really different tbh, just how I'm writing the dialogue is), so if you do decide to give it a look, let me know what you think!

Each time Kaneki struck the glass container with his kagune, Hide cringed. It was far too loud for his liking, and he prayed Eto didn’t have incredibly refined hearing lest she stray near them again. The containers, they learned, weren’t made of normal glass. They were much thicker than they appeared and were hard for a kagune—even Kaneki’s—to break.

Finally, the front of the container shattered and the liquid within it poured out, leaving the man inside it hanging limply by the various tubes attached to his body. Kaneki sliced them. Hide caught the man before he hit the floor of the container and carefully lifted him out before placing him on the ground in front of it. Three down, too many more to go.

Seidou came next. Kaneki broke the container after three tries and cut him loose. “Good to see you again, Seidou,” Hide said quietly, a small smile on his face as he got him out of his once-liquid prison before setting him on the ground. “Once this is all over, I’ll buy you all the office cafeteria food you can eat.”

“Did you know him?” Kaneki questioned.

Hide nodded. “We were acquaintances. I always picked up his and everyone else’s lunches if they were too busy. We ate lunch together when we had the chance, though. He was a good guy.” His smile turned into a sad one. “He didn’t deserve this.”

Kaneki looked at Seidou’s unconscious body for another moment before turning his attention to the next container. Hide did the same. There was no use in dwelling on the past. He had to focus his attention on rescuing the investigators before he could do any reminiscing.

As Kaneki broke the last container, Hide felt a tap on his shoulder and had to force down a yelp of surprise. Turning, he saw one of the first people they’d rescued had awoken, a confused look spread across his face. “Where the hell is this? What am I doing here?” he asked.

Hide quickly shushed him. “Keep your voice down; the Owl is patrolling the hallways.” That served to confuse him even more, so Hide delved into a brief explanation of their situation.

“So everyone here”—he pointed to the bodies strewn in front of the containers they’d been pulled out of—“was kidnapped, just like me?”

Hide nodded.

“Well, shit,” he sighed.

“Hide.” Hide turned and saw that all the liquid had drained from the last container and that Kaneki was waiting for him to position himself to catch the body. Just like the other twenty or so before, Kaneki cut the tubing and Hide set her outside the container. And that was the last of them. Except now, they had an entirely new problem.

They were waking up.

One by one, each was roused from his or her unconscious state. There were many questions asked, the most common being: “Why am I naked?”

Hide wanted to ask that too. He had seen more junk in the past half hour than in his entire life, and he wasn’t sure how he was feeling about that. He definitely wasn’t looking forward to parading more than twenty naked people through the halls of the facility.

Kaneki watched as Amon Koutarou’s eyelids fluttered open. A look of disbelief and surprise crossed Amon’s face before acceptance replaced it, and he smiled wearily. “I can never seem to escape you, Eyepatch.”

Seeing Amon alive was like finally releasing a breath that had been long since due to exhale, one Kaneki didn’t even know he’d been holding. “Kaneki Ken,” he stated. “My name is Kaneki Ken.”

“Kaneki,” Amon confirmed. “It’s good to see you still alive.”

“And the same to you.” Kaneki helped Amon up, noticing how the arm he had chopped off during their final fight was somehow back. That wasn’t a good sign.

Amon surveyed the room with raised eyebrows but said nothing. Everyone spoke to one another in hushed whispers. Hide was doing his best to calm down Seidou, who had awoken a couple minutes ago and immediately went into a panic attack.

Amon stretched his arms, which had lost muscle over the months of floating in a container. “When we get out of this,” he said to Kaneki, “I hope you’ll enlighten me to your point of view. Even if we’re still sworn enemies, I would like to have a civilized conversation with you. But, for now, I have only one question. Why did you help us?”

“We’re on the same side now.” The words felt strange on Kaneki’s tongue; he had never expected to be on the same side as Amon, who, he supposed, was his nemesis. Would it be possible for them to forge a friendship from their hardships? He sincerely hoped it would. He had always wanted to hear Amon’s view of the world.

Amon nodded without question. Now wasn’t the time to wonder about the strange circumstances, he told himself. He could be filled in as soon as they were safely out of…wherever the hell they were. “Kaneki, where are we and how do we get out?”

“We’re going to tell all of you at once,” Kaneki replied.

Hide hushed the scared, mumbling crowd of investigators. A still quietness settled over them as Hide cleared his throat to speak. “You’re all, I presume, the investigators that went missing after the attack on Anteiku. All of you participated in that, right?”

There were nods all around.

“Yeah, that’s what we thought. Okay, uh…” He scratched his neck, trying to decide what to say next. “I don’t know what’s happened to you. Maybe nothing. But the likelihood of that is pretty close to zero. They wouldn’t keep you here for months without reason.”

“What the hell are you suggesting?” someone asked angrily.

“I’m saying that you’ve all probably been victims of experiments.”

“Experiments…” Seidou murmured, eyes widening in fright at the idea that he’d been tampered with. Oh, god. What had they done to all of them? Were they altered permanently? Did Hide even know what he was talking about? For his and everyone else’s sakes, he hoped he didn’t. The last he checked, Hide was just an intern at the CCG. How could he know all this?

Wait—how was Hide even here? He had been missing for months before the attack on Anteiku, and now, he had just shown up out of the blue and rescued them from wherever they were. There was something definitely up with him.

 “Hide, how—“

“I know you have questions, and I promise I’ll do my best to answer them all after we’re out of this,” Hide interrupted. “But right now, we have bigger problems to deal with. The Owl is in this place, and it wants to find us—Kaneki and me specifically. We’re currently in Kanou’s lab, which is where a previous CCG raid took place. Our main goal right now is to just get the hell out of here without dying. Everybody good with that?”

“Well, what’s the plan, then?” a woman questioned.

Hide grinned wryly. “Why, I’m so glad you asked. There is no plan.”

* * *

 

As much as they would have liked to check the other rooms for more people, Hide had a feeling they were running out of time. And luck. Moving a large group of people could only go well for so long. So far, they hadn’t run into anything, but that could change at any moment.

Hide led the group through the hallways of the facility to the best of his ability, trying to get them back to the center room. If he found that, he was hopeful he could get them out. He still remembered his way back from the first time he found himself in Kanou’s lab.

Kaneki followed them in the rear, making sure nothing snuck up on them. As much as he wished Kaneki were by his side through this whole ordeal—especially after just being reunited with him—he knew safety and practicality came before his personal feelings. He wasn’t going to risk the lives of these people just to be able to glance at Kaneki out of the corner of his eye as they walked.

Finally, after a few wrong turns and stopping multiple times to listen for anything coming, they found themselves in the center room of the facility. Bodies littered the ground, both CCG and Aogiri alike. Some were neither human nor ghoul—they were mutants, the results of ungodly experimentation. But there were no signs of any living creature, meaning the CCG had pulled out after losing too many men without yielding results and that the battle was over.

Kaneki made his way to the front of the group. “I think I should lead from here, unless you’re one hundred percent confident in where you’re going,” he told Hide. “I did just come through here with the squads, after all.”

Hide smiled. “If you think that’s best, go ahead. I’ll take the back.”

Kaneki nodded and smiled in return. Hide took his position in the back of the group and they began moving forward again. After exiting the room, they soon ran into a band of cloaked Aogiri ghouls who were feasting on a pile of dead CCG worker bodies. To say they were shocked to see a group of twenty naked people led by a ghoul was an understatement. Kaneki quickly disposed of them and they continued on.

They passed more dead bodies. “Why do they smell so good?” Kaneki heard one of the investigators mumble. He turned and saw that nearly all of them were looking at the bodies with longing. Some of them blinked in confusion and rubbed their heads before looking away. Others continued staring, biting their lips. Suddenly, there was a shout.

“He’s—he’s eating it!”

Kaneki halted the group as Hide ran up to pry one of the investigators off a dead CCG member’s body. Hide yanked him away with more force than he meant to, and the man landed flat on his back. When he opened his eyes, they told the horrible, ugly truth to just what experimentation had been done on the group of investigators.

One eye was white with a dark brown iris, while the other was black and red.

He was a half-ghoul.

They were all half-ghouls.

Panic immediately erupted within the group. Amon watched as those around him sunk into madness. The only thing that he felt, though, was numbness, as if he couldn’t believe it was true. It couldn’t be. He couldn’t be the very thing he despised the most in the world—it defied his whole being. It tossed out the window all he had ever known about himself, all he had ever believed in.

It couldn’t be true.

But it was. The truth was staring him right in the face.

“Everybody, stop!”

Panic-stricken faces turned to Hide, whose commanding voice had gotten their attention. “I know this is a shock,” he began. “I was in the same situation a few months ago. I was kidnapped and turned into a half-ghoul, just like all of you. I had been hoping this wasn’t the case, but it is, and now we have to deal with it. So everyone just stay calm and don’t do anything stupid, alright? Just continue on until we get out of here like normal, and just don’t look at the bodies.”

Within fifteen more minutes, they reached the entrance room. Hide honestly couldn’t believe their luck. Had Eto really not found them in all this time? It seemed too good to be true.

Kaneki pushed open the doors and revealed the outside world. He stepped out of the facility with caution and looked around. Hide told the group to stay put before joining him. He breathed in a breath of fresh air before taking in his surroundings, which were starkly different from the inside of the lab. The sky was overcast with gray clouds, meaning it was most likely going to rain sooner or later. The surrounding trees swayed with the wind.

Suddenly, Hide felt something fall on his shoulder. It was wet and sticky to the touch. Confused, he looked up.

Yeah, it had definitely been too good to be true.

“Kaneki, move!”

Kaneki whipped his head around just in time to see Hide barreling into him to prevent them both from being crushed under Eto’s Owl form as she descended from above them, where she had been clinging to the building. They quickly scrambled to their feet and ran as she charged. Abruptly, she halted and allowed them to see what was in her large, talon-like hand. Pinned down against the ground was an unconscious Misaki.

Kaneki clenched his fists in anger. Misaki was one of the few in the CCG who hadn’t written him off as a monster. She didn’t deserve to die at the hands of the Owl. He wanted her to go on and live a good, fulfilling life, to spread happiness to those who needed it most.

“Close the doors!” Hide commanded the group, who were still inside waiting.

Amon, knowing none of them would be any use in this situation, immediately shoved his way to the front and pulled the heavy doors shut before a round of Eto’s crystallized kagune speared them all.

“Everyone, remain calm,” he instructed. “We’re going to let them deal with it.”

The question was: were they actually going to be able to deal with it?

“All of you, get somewhere else!” a voice Amon didn’t recognize shouted. A group of cloaked people he could only assume to be ghouls pushed through the group. The one leading them stopped in front of them, and her eyes widened before she quickly moved past him. Amon narrowed his eyes in confusion. He got the feeling he should know her, but nothing came to him.

“Didn’t you hear me?” the girl hissed without turning around. “I said, _get out of here_!”

Amon took charge. “Follow me, everyone. We’ll wait in one of the halls.” He led the group of his fellow investigators out of the entrance room and into a nearby hallway, where they stood, nobody really knowing what to do. Amon watched from around the corner as the one who had spoken said something to two of the members of her group, who nodded. She then opened the doors, and she and three others walked out before closing it behind them, leaving the two she had spoken with behind. Were they going to help Kaneki and Nagachika?

Eto stared at both Hide and Kaneki with her single eye, which sent shivers up Hide’s spine. How the hell were they supposed to fight her? Well, they were going to have to. Taking a deep breath, he managed a shaky grin. “Looks like we’re all on our own, Kaneki. You ready?”

“You’re not alone.”

Hide and Kaneki looked past Eto to see Touka, fully recovered, standing in front of the facility entrance along with Nishiki, Tsukiyama, and Kanae. “We’re going to help you,” she stated. “We’re going to help you to the end, because that’s what friends are fucking for. And no, Kaneki, we’re not going to run. So you can take whatever you were about to say and shove it up your ass because we’re here to stay. Got it?”

Kaneki, who had indeed been about to argue, slowly closed his mouth and let it form into a small smile. “Yeah, I got it. Thank you, everyone. Really.”

Touka grinned. “You can thank me by buying me a year’s worth of coffee when this is all over. And not the shitty kind either. The good, quality kind that’ll make your wallet cry. It’ll be for the new shop that you _also_ have to donate part of your unfair paycheck to.”

Nishiki snickered. “Man, Kaneki, you’ll be broke by next month. Let’s kick this guy’s ass so I can live to see the day you become a beggar for money to feed your coffee addiction.”

Eto looked from Hide and Kaneki to the newly arrived group of four. “ _Ooh, more brains to scramble! This will be fun!_ ” Grinning, she made eye contact with Touka, who clenched her jaw. How were they supposed to even _begin_ to deal with this thing? The odds of them beating the Owl were so close to zero that it dampened her confident mood completely.

And then she spotted something coming towards them on the road. It was a single vehicle, and it appeared to be a CCG truck. Eto noticed it as well and turned around, the ugly grin widening on her face. “ _It looks like someone else has come to play too_!”

The vehicle stopped. A door opened, and out stepped the one person who could singlehandedly face the monstrous Owl. Indeed, someone else had come to play, and it was a game he played very well. He calmly brought out his suitcases and activated both quinques. Closing the door behind him, he walked up to Hide and Kaneki and nodded at them, then at Touka and the others.

“If you are engaging, prepare yourselves,” Arima Kishou stated.

He lifted Narukami and put it into first offensive mode. An orb of lightning formed between its four satellite panels.

He shot it, and the battle began.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading!


	27. Owl

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The final battle between the One-Eyed Owl and the heroes commences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and here we are at the final chapter! well not really, there’s still the epilogue chapter but this is the final plot-oriented chapter. this took me waaaay longer than necessary to write, I mean like at least a week and a half bc the fighting was unnecessarily hard to write and then I got stuck and developed writer’s block and yeah, bUT I FINALLY DID IT B)))
> 
> it’s also extra long bc I didn’t feel like cutting it in half and making you guys wait extra days to see the resolution, so enjoy a 6k chapter!
> 
> ((also be sure to check out my new story called wax wings aren't made of gold, it's up and ready to be critiqued!))

If there were one thing Hide learned, it was that Arima Kishou was not to be messed with.

In midst of all the dodging and narrowly avoiding what would have been fatal hits from Eto’s massive kagune, he caught brief glimpses of the investigator moving agilely around the battlefield, shooting bolts of lightning from one quinque and shielding with his other. IXA and Narukami were by far two of the strongest quinques he had ever seen. They were worthy of being used by such a powerful investigator.

Suddenly, there was a sharp pain in his side, and he looked down and saw that a crystallized kagune had sliced part of his abdomen. Gritting his teeth, he did his best to ignore the pain and pushed on, slowly gaining ground on Eto.

She was much faster than anyone there besides Arima would have guessed. Even with her massive kakaju body, she was able to maneuver around the battlefield with ease. Her armor effectively defended against almost every attack that wasn’t made by Narukami, which she was skilled at avoiding.

Hide didn’t have the advantage of brutal offensive attacks like some of the others, but he had his speed, which allowed him to keep up with her. Wherever she went, he was right there, flying past her so quickly she didn’t have time to deflect his attacks. Unfortunately, his tail’s precision wasn’t the best at such a high speed and it didn’t have the amount of force necessary to cause any severe damage, so all he could really do was chip away at the large kagunes the best he could, attempting to sever them with little success.

“Tsukiyama, get Misaki, would you?” Kaneki shouted as he skirted around Eto before all four of the tentacles protruding from his back launched at her. Eto deflected them with her own kagune and fired at him. Kaneki dodged them expertly and continued advancing.

Tsukiyama turned his attention away from Eto for one moment before being speared through the stomach by three of her talons. She laughed with glee as she twisted and moved them within his body, causing him to be ripped open even further. Grunting in pain, he swung the arm on which his kagune was wrapped around and severed the long fingers. As fast as he could, he hobbled away from her to heal. “Kanae!” he called as he approached his servant.

Kanae, who leaned against the wall of the facility, looked up upon hearing his master’s voice. His few attempts at attacking had ended in him being deeply sliced by Eto’s kagune, and he was hurt rather badly. But, despite this, he still answered his master’s call. “Yes, Mast—you’re hurt!”

Tsukiyama waved his hand dismissively. He then pointed to Misaki, whose unconscious body laid in a heap on the ground. Eto had tossed her away carelessly after Arima’s first attack, and she thankfully hadn’t been injured in the battle that ensued afterwards. “Retrieve the woman while I heal. Put her somewhere where she won’t sustain further injuries.”

“But, Ma—“

“ _Do as I say!_ These are Kaneki-kun’s wishes!”

Kanae grimaced before slowly and painfully making his way to the investigator’s body. Upon reaching her, he dragged the Misaki towards the woods, where she would (hopefully) be safe from the battle. As he came out of the forest, he stopped and took in everything that was happening at that moment.

Arima was continuing to execute one attack after another. IXA shot out of the ground in numerous places, which Eto deftly averted. Charging at him, she simultaneously shot a round of crystallized kagune and swung her talon-like hand at him, which Arima used Narukami to slice off. While Eto was in a brief state of confusion, Touka quickly flew by and cut the other arm, but it didn’t sever. Eto staggered but managed to dodge Kaneki’s powerful attacks by leaping backwards.

Out of nowhere, a sudden gust of strong wind above him made Kanae look up just in time to see Hide, a blur of color, swing around a tree and whiz past him, hurtling straight for Eto. He shot a round of kagune at her and then, with his tail, sliced her eye as he went flew past. Eto wailed in anger and stumbled backwards.

Something stumbled into Kanae’s line of vision. “Master!” he called, rushing to the still-injured Tsukiyama. “You can’t be thinking of reentering the battle—you’re still hurt! That’s _Wahnsinn_!”

Nishiki hobbled over to where they stood, gasping for air. “Hate to say it, but he’s right. You’ll never last like that.” He bent over, put his hands on his knees, and began to cough. This was the most intense fight he had ever been in. No matter what he tried, he couldn’t even land a single damn hit on the thing! So he had decided to take a breather, because he obviously wasn’t much help to the CCG’s reaper and the others.

It kind of stung, yeah, but he accepted it. He just wasn’t as strong as Kaneki or Hide or Touka. And by stung, he meant it was like squeezing lemon juice on a very deep cut.

It fucking sucked being among the weak.

He would fix that sooner or later.

“I suppose you’re right, _monsieur._ I’ll rest for a while longer,” Tsukiyama said, sighing before sitting back down and watching the rest of the battle unfold.

Kaneki’s irritation was growing by the second. The others were actually doing some damage, even if it were minimal—why couldn’t he? He was strong. He could do this. He could fucking do this. He _would_ fucking do this.

 _Please_ , he thought, _just let me control it._

Kaneki felt the familiar burning sensation in his back as his kagune changed shape, becoming more angular and jagged. It crept up to his shoulders and crawled to his face, where a mask began to form.

_No, I don’t need that anymore._

The mask stopped forming and retracted, leaving his face unobscured. The kakuja of Centipede was now fully formed and ready for use.

Arima watched as Kaneki rushed forward and jumped high into the air before descending upon Eto, who was still blinded and was warding off attacks by flailing around, swinging her massive kagune and newly-regenerated arm everywhere. She was also shooting continuous rounds of crystallized kagune, preventing anyone from getting close to her.

Kaneki dove right into the plumage of kagune on her back, not caring that he was being sliced practically everywhere. Ripping the back of her kakuja armor open with all his might, he began to tear his way inside with his kagune. Eto screamed and began to violently move back and forth, trying her hardest to get him off, but Kaneki wouldn’t budge. It was only when she used her incredible speed to run around—in which another one of her arms was cut off by Arima—that she was able to fling him out of her, and he smacked into the side of the facility _hard._

“Kaneki!” Hide shouted before being sent flying as well by a solid hit to the back by one of Eto’s kagune. He tumbled over himself multiple times, skidding across the ground painfully until finally coming to a stop. Groggily, he pushed himself up, vaguely aware of a ringing in both of his ears. Wooziness overcame him, and he fell back down.

Shit. Something was wrong. Touching the side of his head, he felt the familiar stickiness of blood. And lots of it.

“Hide!” Touka exclaimed, rushing over to his side.

Hide did his best to manage a grin. “I’m alright, really. It doesn’t even hurt.” That was true; after being subjected to Eto’s torture, this was next to nothing. “How’s Kaneki?”

“Kaneki’s fine, you dumbass! He’s taken hits harder than that from me. Shit, this is a lot of blood. You must have hit your head pretty hard,” she said, grimacing. “C’mon, let’s get you somewhere safer.”

“Touka, it’s only a little bit of dizziness, I’m—“

“I don’t care if you think you’re fine! You won’t be any use if you’re dizzy and disoriented while travelling at the speed you do. You’ll just crash into something and end up injuring yourself more. Got it?”

Sighing, Hide nodded and allowed himself to be lifted. Touka draped one of his arms around her shoulders and they began to slowly make their way to where Tsukiyama, Kanae, and Nishiki were. “Here, take him,” she instructed Nishiki once they were there. Nishiki rolled his eyes but still helped Hide sit comfortably against the building. Touka made sure he was alright before going to rejoin the battle.

“Anything else we can do for you, Your Majesty?” Nishiki teased.

Hide rubbed his chin. “Hmm…a cup of coffee would be nice. And a hot shower. I haven’t had one in weeks.”

“No kidding—you look like horseshit.”

“I probably smell like it too.”

Nishiki couldn’t help but crack a grin. “You know, I think I like you better with a concussion, Nagachika.”

Hide chuckled quietly to himself. Sadly, the brief moment of contentedness didn’t last long. As he returned his attention to the battle, his spirits began to sink.

The fight had moved some distance away from the facility and was now closer to the roads. Eto had plenty of room to go what could only be called berserk. It seemed as if she had an infinite supply of crystallized kagune to hurl at the ones still fighting, which were Kaneki—who had quickly recovered from hitting the building—Arima, and Touka. She moved even more speedily than before, and her attacks were much more violent.

It didn’t make matters any better that she had adjusted to each of their fighting styles, able to quickly maneuver away from any hits that would do a fair amount of damage. She was dodging Arima almost flawlessly. And, the worst part was, the three of them were tiring. Having used up all her stamina, Touka was visibly exhausted, chest heaving as she gasped for air during what little time she had between Eto’s attacks. Kaneki’s attacks were beginning to slow. Even Arima looked as if he could use a short break. Hide was slightly surprised by this, but then he remembered that Arima—despite being nicknamed a Death God—was only human, and no matter how good he was at killing ghouls, it wouldn’t save him from exertion.

He had to help.

Shakily getting to his feet, Hide steadied himself and blinked the spots out of his vision. “What the hell are you doing?” Nishiki asked. “It takes longer to heal brain damage, dumbass.”

Hide wiped away the blood from his face. “We have to help them. She’s gaining the upper hand.”

Tsukiyama checked his now-healed wound before nodding. “You’re right, _monsieur._ We should help them. Let us go, Kanae!” he exclaimed, running to reenter the battle. Kanae, who was now also healed, made a sound of disagreement but activated his kagune and chased after his master anyways.

Hide waited another moment for the rest of the dizziness to clear before bringing out his kagune once again. Nishiki scoffed at him. “I think you might actually have permanent brain damage if you really think we can actually win against _that_.” He pointed an accusing finger at Eto, who was now advancing on Touka. She was completely out of gas. Luckily, just before she was killed, Kaneki swooped in, grabbing her and setting her down where she was out of the massive ghoul’s reach.

Hide smiled. “I guess I have permanent brain damage, then. I don’t know about you, but I have things I want to do in life, like finish college and travel the world, and I won’t let something like this stop me. You can leave if you’d like. No one here would blame you. But we’re going to do this. We’re going to take this bastard down so we can live to see another day. Thank you for the help you’ve given so far, Nishio-san.”

Nishiki glared at his back as ran towards the battle. He knew Hide’s thanks was genuine, but it felt hollow as Nishiki repeated it inside his mind. “Tch. Damn brat making me feel guilty. Fine then, I’ll help.” Looking up at the sky, he said, “God, if you really exist, I want something good in return for this.”

Then he went to join the fight.

* * *

 

Half an hour into the battle. Blood soaked the ground, kept fresh by the rain that fell from the sky overhead. Kaneki looked over to the unmoving bodies of Touka and Kanae and desperately hoped they were alright. They had simultaneously taken a particularly nasty hit and were both knocked unconscious—he hoped.

The rest fought hard to catch their breaths, most bleeding profusely from one or more wounds. Only Arima hadn’t sustained any major injuries yet; the worst he’d gotten was a few deep cuts. Even Eto was nearly spent. Using her kakuja for such an extended period of time was obviously taking its toll on her. Still, neither sides were giving up.

“What the hell should we do?” Nishiki huffed, rubbing away a trickle of blood from his mouth. “This thing just won’t go down.”

“Kaneki.”

Kaneki’s head turned to the sound of his name. Arima silently motioned him over. “Its power has grown since my last confrontation with it. We need to immobilize it,” he stated. “We’ve only managed to cut off one limb so far. If we render it unable to move, it will be possible to defeat it. Can you and those still standing do this?”

Kaneki nodded. “Yes. I’ll tell them.”

Eto seemed to have regained some energy, because as soon as Kaneki began heading towards where Hide, Tsukiyama, and Nishiki stood, she charged at them. “Fuck you!” Nishiki yelled as he dodged oncoming shards of kagune. Suddenly, a mass of tentacles shot out of the ground—IXA. The barrage stopped as Eto was forced to move to avoid being skewered by Arima’s quinque. More appeared, backing her closer to the woods.

So this was Arima’s plan. He was going to restrict her movements by getting her into a less open space, and that’s where the four of them would come into play. Kaneki made it to where the three stood, fresh cuts on each of their drained, fatigued bodies. “Arima-san is pushing her towards the forest to restrict her movements. We’re going to immobilize her by cutting off all her limbs at the same time.”

“That sounds like a good plan,” Hide said. “Let’s just hope it works.”

There was the sound of a large _crash_ , followed by many more. Kaneki turned and saw that Arima had succeeded in getting her into the woods. She was now knocking over trees in an attempt to clear the area, but Arima didn’t let her continue. Using Narukami, he shot bolt after bolt of lightning at her, and she desperately tried to avoid them. But with the limited space between the trees, she was unable to use her full speed and ended up being electrocuted.

“Now!” Kaneki shouted, and they took off. He sped towards her front legs with all the speed he could muster. Upon reaching the woods, he bounced back and forth off the trees, trying to disorient Eto. Hide did the same. It worked; Eto’s head snapped back and forth between them, seeking to predict where they would land. She swatted at them when they got close, but they were too fast. In one fell swoop, Kaneki and Hide cut off both her front legs, and her front fell.

Eto shrieked in anger when, suddenly, she found herself even lower on the ground than before. Her head snapped to look behind her, where Tsukiyama stood proudly. One of her back legs had been severed now as well. “ _Ojama_ , beast,” he said, smirking slyly.

Just as she was about to attempt to leap away with her single leg, Nishiki—with the help of Kaneki, who ran back seeing upon he was having trouble—finished sawing off her final limb. She fell to the ground, and a column of tentacles from IXA burst through her center. It splayed out, each singular tentacle arcing from the column and burying itself in the ground. Eto was trapped.

“Looks like the Owl’s finally been caged,” Nishiki mused, coming around to the front of Eto with Kaneki, where Hide stood. Arima and Tsukiyama made their way to them as well. Eto was practically shaking with anger, her eye rapidly moving from one person to the next.

“ _You…_ ” she hissed, her eye fixating on Arima. “ _I’ll kill you!_ ”

“I’m afraid your chance has passed,” Arima replied coolly.   

“Hey!”

Kaneki turned his head to see Touka and Kanae stumbling toward them, supporting each other as they walked. Kanae looked less than happy about it. “I can’t believe you guys actually did it,” Touka breathed when they made it.

“Master!” Kanae cried, letting go of Touka and clamping his hands down on Tsukiyama’s shoulders. “Are you alright? Have you been injured any further?” He abruptly realized his misconduct and released Tsukiyama immediately, but Tsukiyama simply chuckled.

“I’m perfectly fine. It’s good to see you’re alright as well, Kanae.” He patted his servant’s head. Kanae smiled thankfully.

Arima watched their displays of relief that the battle was over. Touka, the female ghoul, pulled Kaneki and Hide in for a tight hug. Nishiki, the orange-haired one, scoffed and made a snide comment at them. But they pulled him into the hug as well, and he smiled softly. The servant ghoul continued questioning his master to ensure he was truly alright, and his master patiently replied yes, he was, each time.

This was…strange. No, he needed a stronger word for it. Bizarre. Astonishing. It was quite odd to see ghouls interacting this way, as if they truly cared for each other. These weren’t the monsters he had spent his whole life fighting. These were—dare he say it?

These were people.

They weren’t humans. In fact, they were far from it. But they were people. They were people who experienced just as much pain and suffering as other people, if not more so. And all because they were unable to eat normal food.

It all suddenly seemed so clear. The cycle of hatred Kaneki spoke of during his interview made sense now.

The world wasn’t black and white; not all ghouls were bad and not all humans were good. It was like a blindfold Arima didn’t even know was there had fallen away from his eyes, and he was able to see all the colors of the world. He could see red, the blood they had spilt to come this far. He could see blue, the clearing sky overhead that signified happier days. He could see the light in all of their eyes because they had won. Even he, known as the stoic, stony-faced reaper of the CCG, couldn’t help but smile a small smile.

And then he felt something was wrong.

Hide’s head whipped to the side to watch as Eto’s kakuja armor disintegrated, and the figure of a small woman wrapped in bandages emerged. Her green hair flowed behind her as she landed gracefully on the ground. She looked up, gazing at Hide with her mismatched eyes. Hide’s mouth was agape. “T-Takatsuki Sen…” he whispered.

Eto’s mouth broke into a grin. And then Arima was there, swinging IXA at her head. Eto barely managed to dodge its long blade before sprinting deep into the woods. Arima narrowed his eyes and then gave chase. Hide immediately began to follow, trying desperately to bring out his wings. It was no use, though—he’d used too much energy. So he, Arima, and Kaneki ran as fast as they could, leaving the others behind to recuperate.

Arima skillfully avoided every obstacle in his way, not planning on letting Eto escape a second time. But she was fast, faster than anyone he had ever seen before. He determined she was using her ukaku kagune to get a boost. It seemed impossible for her to have any stamina left, but this _was_ the Owl they were chasing. Nothing was impossible for her. They pressed on.

Soon enough, they lost sight of her. “Shit,” Kaneki cursed when they paused to catch their breaths.

Hide urged them to move. “C’mon, she’s getting away! We have—“

Arima shook his head. “Chasing her any further when we are clueless as to where she is would be futile. It would only end in us tiring, which would give her an opportunity to attack and catch us off guard.”

Kaneki clenched his fists. They were _this close_ to catching her, the most wanted ghoul in all of Tokyo.

And then realization hit him like a brick wall. When she emerged out of her kakuja, he felt as if she were familiar. Messy green hair, small stature—he’d seen it before. But he didn’t get a good look at her face, so he couldn’t put it together. Abruptly, though, it struck him who she was.

“Is she—“

“Takatsuki Sen? Yeah, she is,” Hide said, frowning. “I can’t believe…it’s just hard to imagine that such a famous person is Owl.”

Kaneki felt… _betrayed_. All this time, his favorite novelist had been an immensely powerful ghoul. She had grown up parent-less in the twenty-fourth ward after being left by Yoshimura when his lover was killed. She had written the story that he felt paralleled his own and had a deep connection to. She had kidnapped and tortured Hide. His emotions were a swirling mix of thoughts and feelings, and he couldn’t sort them out. He didn’t even know where to begin.

Arima began to walk away. Jaw clenched, Hide followed him, looking over his shoulder to where Eto disappeared into the forest. He couldn’t believe they were just going to let her go. After all they had been through, after all _he_ had been through, justice was warranted. She deserved to rot in Cochlea the rest of her miserable life. But he voiced none of this, instead choosing to follow his superior wordlessly.

Kaneki trailed after them, gaze distant. For the first time in his life, he wanted to burn a book.

* * *

 

Misaki’s eyes fluttered open at the sound of footsteps near her. After waking up in a forest with a pounding head and an aching body, she had wandered around for some time in the woods before finding a nice spot to sit down. Had someone come to find her?

Quietly standing and peeking around the edge of the tree she was resting against, Misaki spotted a head a green hair. She narrowed her eyes. There were no guarantees that this person was good. Should she approach whoever it was and surprise them? Or should she try to hide from them? Shit—she didn’t have much time to think about it. They were coming over to where she was.

Misaki fumbled around with her CCG uniform until she was able to slip a shaky hand inside it and grab the quinque steel knife within it. Gripping it tightly, she bit her lip as the footsteps neared her. There was a gasp of surprise and then Misaki was plunging the knife into the chest of the green-haired woman repeatedly. There were no chances out here—it was kill or be killed. Misaki had learned that in the past.

The woman screamed and fell backwards, clutching her wounds. “You bitch!” she shrieked, and Misaki immediately recognized her voice.

“You—you’re that person who took Kaneki! The—“

Her eyes went wide.

This person was the Owl.

Eto’s eyes widened as well. No, this was not good. This was not good at all. She had no more stamina left, she couldn’t run, couldn’t hide. She was going to fucking die at the hands of this investigator with a fucking _knife_. She, the _Owl,_ for God’s sake! She could take on Arima and six other ghouls but she couldn’t do anything against this woman. It was almost laughable.

And so she did laugh, because that was just how stupid the situation was. Misaki looked on with great confusion, mind jumbled. She had absolutely no idea what to do. Did she kill her? Try to capture her and take her captive? This was _not_ what she expected to deal with.

In her indecision, Eto kicked her feet out from under her, sending her falling to the ground. “If you’re going to kill me, then _do it already_!” she screamed, pressing the knife against her throat.

Misaki was split in two. If she killed her, the CCG would lose the most valuable source of intel they had in a long time. But if she didn’t, the Owl would kill her. Or would she? If she could fight back, wouldn’t she be doing so by now? Instead, she was screeching at her to kill her already.

There had to be others around. “Somebody, help!” Misaki yelled in desperation.

“What, you think there’s others? You stupid investigator, you’re—“

“ _Shut up!_ I wouldn’t be talking when there’s a fucking knife to your throat!”

“If you’re not going to kill me,” she hissed, “then I’ll kill you!”

Suddenly, their positions were flipped, and the knife was taken from her Misaki’s hands and was pressed dangerously close to her chest. With all her strength, she kept the Owl’s hands from pushing down any further and driving the weapon into her body. She continued yelling.

Hinami blinked. Someone was yelling outside, but she couldn’t tell who it was. “Banjou, someone needs help!” she exclaimed.

Banjou looked over at her, contemplating what to do. Could it be one of their friends? “…Okay,” he finally said. “We’ll try to help them.”

Banjou opened the large door and they ran out, Hinami leading the way to whoever was in danger. As they got closer, he began to hear it too. After minutes of running, they finally reached the source of it. Hinami gasped.

It was the investigator they had taken along with Kaneki. She was sprawled on the ground with someone else, wrestling back and forth for what appeared to be a knife. “Stop!” she cried. Both heads snapped up and looked at her.

“Help me!” Misaki grunted as they struggled. She recognized Hinami as one of the ghouls who had kidnapped her. “This person is the Owl! This person is the one who took Kaneki!”

Hinami’s eyes widened. “Kaneki-onii-san…” she whispered. Banjou took a step back when he saw four lumps appear under Hinami’s cloak. All of a sudden, her kagunes burst forth from her back, spreading out brilliantly behind her. The two rinkaku tentacles shot out and knocked Eto off Misaki, who quickly scrambled to her feet and grabbed the knife Eto dropped.

“You hurt onii-san!” Hinami exclaimed, spearing Eto with both tentacles. Eto groaned in pain and tried to get up, but to no avail. The kagune kept her firmly pinned to the ground. One tentacle had buried itself in her stomach, the other in her chest. Both dug into the ground below her so that she couldn’t move.

Banjou allowed himself a sigh of relief. He didn’t realize how strong Hinami actually was. “Hinami-chan, I’m going to look for the others.” He hoped he wouldn’t be looking for ghosts. He turned to Misaki. “Will you watch her?”

Chest heaving up and down as she gulped in air, Misaki nodded. Banjou took off in search of the others. Thankfully, it didn’t take long to find them as soon as he was out of the woods. “Hey!” he called to the group in the distance. “Over here!”

Touka was the first one to notice him. “Is that…Banjou?” she questioned. The others turned and looked as well. Sometime during the fight, the vehicle Arima arrived in had left. They were now standing where it had been, wondering how to get somewhere safer.

Banjou caught up to them, breathing heavy. “Hinami…the Owl…woods…”

Kaneki’s eyes widened. “Hinami—she’s fighting the Owl?”

Banjou nodded, and Kaneki immediately took off. “Kaneki, wait!” Banjou called. “You don’t even know where to go!”

Kaneki didn’t care. He let his feet guide him as he sprinted towards the facility and then into the surrounding forest. The others followed him, Arima leading. Kaneki could hear them now, could hear crying and the sound of something being bashed into something hard repeatedly.

He burst into a clearing and saw what was going on. Hinami’s kagune had speared Eto in two places, and she was currently hitting her against the ground again and again and again. “Hinami!” he called, rushing forward. Hinami turned, her red and black eyes widening when she saw him.

“Onii-san!”

Eto was forgotten. Hinami’s kagune retracted back into her back and she fell to the ground from where she was suspended in the air with a loud _thud._ Hinami immediately ran to hug Kaneki, who hugged her back tightly. “I’m so glad onii-san is okay,” she said, tears filling her eyes.

“I’m okay, Hinami, I’m okay,” Kaneki replied. Then he saw who was standing a few feet away. “Misaki?”

Misaki smiled tiredly and put a hand up in greeting.

The rest of the group arrived a few seconds later. All but Arima encircled Hinami. Arima walked up to the bleeding, wounded body of Eto. Eto stared up at him, a small grin somehow finding its way on her lips. “Hello, Arima Kishou.”

Arima readied IXA. “Hello, One-Eyed Owl.”

And then he stabbed it through her head.

* * *

 

The aftermath of what happened was surprisingly simple. Hide assumed there would be a lot of pleading on his and Kaneki’s side to keep all of their ghoul friends alive and out of Cochlea, but there was no need to resort to begging.

“Should we exterminate the remaining ghouls, sir?” a recently-arrived investigator, who came in one of three CCG vans, asked Arima. Touka immediately stiffened and moved in front of Hinami, who looked up at the investigator with frightened eyes.

“No.”

“Sir?”

Arima locked eyes with Touka. “These ghouls assisted me in the elimination of Owl. There’s no need to punish them for that. In fact, I am going to claim ownership rights over all of them.”

“Can he do that?” whispered an investigator to another, who shrugged.

“It’s Arima—I’m pretty sure he can do whatever the hell he wants.”

“Arima-san, since they helped us, would you consider, uh, letting them go?” Hide questioned, smiling sheepishly. Arima looked him over and did something Hide was not expecting at all—he patted his shoulder. Then he began walking towards the vans. As much as he wanted to know what that meant, Hide decided it best not to ask him to elaborate.

“Hey.”

Hide turned and faced Kaneki, whose lips were pulled into a small smile. “I’m glad it’s finally over,” his friend said.

“Yeah, me too. Did you see me though? I was too fast for her, man! She didn’t even know where to look for me!”

Kaneki chuckled and pulled Hide into a hug, not caring that others were watching. Resting his head on Hide’s shoulder, he mumbled, “I’m so happy you’re okay.”

Hide hugged him back. “You too.”

The roar of more engines brought them back to reality, and they were told to move out of the way for more vehicles. They complied, moving closer to the already parked vans. “Why is another squad here?” Hide questioned Arima through the open window of his vehicle.

“They have been called to do a final sweep of the facility. With the main threat eliminated, they will be able to proceed deeper into the lab,” he answered. “They’re also looking for Kanou.”

Hide had almost forgotten about Kanou. Had he escaped in all the chaos? He surely hoped he hadn’t. That deranged doctor needed to accept his punishment for all he’d done.

The squad of vans parked and all of the doors opened simultaneously. The first person to step out was none other than Akira, who quickly made her way over to where Hide and Kaneki stood. “Are you two alright?” she asked, looking them over rather frantically. “I heard you were part of the group who took down the Owl.”

Hide smiled. “We’re alright, Akira-san.”

“…I wish I had been there.” Her expression turned wistful, and a melancholy smile tugged at her lips. “It was always my dream to take it down. But I suppose this will have to do. I thank both of you and anyone else who participated. My mother and father…they can finally rest in peace now knowing they’ve been avenged.”

She gave both Hide and Kaneki brief pats on the head before regrouping with the rest of the investigators that had been sent. Hide suddenly remembered that they weren’t going to be alone in there. “Akira-san!” he called to her. Akira turned her head, and he grinned. “I think you’re going to like who you find in there.”

Akira furrowed her brows in confusion and turned back around, wondering what the hell that was supposed to mean.

The group of investigators marched into the facility, quinques ready and everyone on alert. It looked as it did when the CCG squads who hadn’t been wiped out finally finished off all of the ghouls and made haste to leave the horrible place. The commanders knew Owl still lurked within the facility, so they withdrew all units and high-tailed it out of there. Arima was then sent to take care of it, but unbeknownst to him, he would receive some help from Kaneki, a random band of ghouls, and the person they were searching for himself.

They rounded a few corners and then halted. Akira, who was behind a rather large and tall investigator, looked around him to see why they had stopped. The answer was blatantly clear.

Before them was a large group of naked people.

Akira’s first thought was _it’s not the first time_ before she pushed to the front of the investigator huddle and surveyed the group they had stumbled upon. They were all sitting, most with their heads down or looking at the wall blankly, spaced out. Some of them turned their heads to the group of investigators and their mouths slowly opened in surprise. “Guys, look!” one exclaimed.

All eyes were now on Akira and the others. Akira examined the crowd, taking in each of their excited, _very_ relieved faces.

And then she saw them.

“Oh my, god,” she whispered, dropping her quinque and walking towards them almost in a dreamlike state. Amon and Seidou looked at her, smiles in place on both their faces. Akira’s chest felt like it was about to burst, like her body wasn’t enough to contain these feelings that were aching to explode out of her. She was going to explode, she was going to explode from relief and happiness and exhilaration because she thought she would never see them again and here they were, right in front of her and alive and breathing and _alive._ They were _alive._ The word repeated itself over and over again in her head as she fell down before them and pulled them both into a the tightest embrace she had ever given anyone, her body wracking with sobs, because crying was the only was the only way to express how she felt right now and—

“I’m so happy you’re both alive,” she breathed. Two pairs of arms encircled her, pulling her closer.

“It’s good to see you again, Akira,” Amon murmured.

Seidou began to sniff as tears leaked from his eyes as well. “I-I’m not crying,” he stated quickly. “There’s just something in my eye and it’s r-really bugging me.”

Akira laughed through her tears, smiling wider than she had in a long, long time.

Hide was wrong. She didn’t like who she found in there.

She loved them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wahnsinn- madness  
> Ojama- basically means “I’m going to get in your way”
> 
> hope you guys are looking forward to Sunday, the final update :(
> 
> thanks for reading!


	28. Hiraeth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaneki and Hide have found their homes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and here we are at the end of the story! it's been a long ride, but it's finally over :( this has been so fun to write, and even more fun to see everyone's reactions to it. thank you so much for 600 kudos, you guys have no idea how happy it makes me to see that people enjoy my writing. I love that simple words can brighten somebody's day (or in some cases, make them cry lmao ok I should really be serious here). ugh I'm so reluctant to end this. it feels like sending a kid off to college or something. well that's enough of my rambling, so without further ado, please enjoy the final chapter of Hiraeth!
> 
> ((ps: if you guys have any requests, I might be willing to write a couple drabbles and upload them as little mini-chapters on here or something, that would be something I'd totally be down for doing. ok that's all enjoy the chap))

Hiraeth

The aftermath of the aftermath is as follows:

An approximate total of thirty-six missing investigators were rescued from Kanou’s lab, twenty-two of which were liberated by Nagachika Hideyoshi and Kaneki Ken, fourteen more by the group of reinforcement investigators. All were given promotions for their bravery. All had been made into half-ghouls by Kanou, whose body was found lying in a pool of blood next to a gun in the control room of the facility. His time of suicide is unknown.

For their great help in taking down the One-Eyed Owl, Nagachika Hideyoshi and Kaneki Ken were both promoted to Rank One investigators and were assigned the task of teaching the newly-rescued half-ghoul investigators on how to effectively control their powers.

Upon Arima Kishou’s request, the ghouls Kirishima Touka, Fueguchi Hinami, Banjou Kazuichi, Nishiki Nishio, Kanae von Rosewald, and Tsukiyama Shuu were all pardoned of any crimes they may have committed for their assistance in taking down Owl.

The Owl—aka Takatsuki Sen—whose name was now known to be Eto, was imprisoned in the most secured cell in all of Cochlea with constant watch on her at all times. She was barely clinging to life and was saved because of the valuable information she held. After being extensively questioned for days and saying nothing, she was tortured until she spoke. A commendable amount of information on the infamous ghoul organization known as Aogiri Tree was obtained.

All in all, despite the number of casualties, the mission was considered a success, as the CCG—with the help of others—was finally able to eradicate the ghoul that plagued the city of Tokyo for years on end.

* * *

 

“I think it should go here.”

“And I think you’re blind.”

“Hey! It looks great there! No, don’t move it! Kaaaneekiiii!”

“There. Doesn’t it look better now?”

“…Yes.”

Kaneki smiled and gave Hide a quick peck on the lips. They had just recently moved into a new, larger apartment that wasn’t CCG-issued. This was thanks to the very sizable pay raise they’d both received upon becoming Rank One investigators—along with an even larger bonus for taking down Owl. Kaneki could safely bet they would never run out of money for coffee again.

Speaking of coffee, he really needed some. Unfortunately, Hide was a night shopper, meaning he dragged Kaneki to any open furniture store at ten o’clock at night—even when they had to go to work the next day. He had done it the previous night, too. Well, they had the day off today, but still.

Currently, they were deciding on where to put the couch in the living room. It didn’t match the other décor of the room at all, and if anyone said anything, Kaneki would immediately claim it wasn’t his doing. Hide’s sense of interior design and style was rather…questionable. To say the least, the contrasting colors _did_ make everything pop. But he wasn’t sure it popped in a good way.

Oh, well. If it made Hide happy having mismatched chairs and sofas and a lava lamp next to the TV, he was fine with it.

“You up for going to the shop?” Hide asked him, stretching.

Kaneki smiled. “Yeah, that would be good.”

* * *

 

:re was a rather large yet still quaint and cozy coffee shop on the corner of a small intersection near Kaneki and Hide’s apartment, which they had purposefully chosen because of its convenient location. It took them less than twenty minutes to walk on good days, thirty to thirty-five on others (like when Hide forgot his coat, ran back into the apartment, decided he wanted to change shirts, forgot the coat, ran back out, remembered, and then ran back in).

The bell on the door rang as Hide and Kaneki walked in and were greeted with the delicious scent of coffee. “Welcome to—oh, it’s you two.”

Hide grinned. “Hey, Touka!” he said cheerily. “Two blacks, please.”

Touka sighed and rolled her eyes, albeit smiling. “I know, I know.”

They took a seat at a nearby table close to the windows. The shop hummed with the soft susurrus of light conversation. There was a good crowd today. Saturday mornings were always good for business.

Touka sauntered over to them, coffees in hand. Her small heels clacked on the hardwood floor as she walked. Carefully placing the cups down in front of them, she pulled up a chair to their table and sat down. “It seems like the place is really doing well,” Kaneki commented. “I hope it was worth a quarter of my paycheck for three months.”

“Every dime was well spent,” she replied, smiling slyly. The bell rung, signaling the arrival of a new customer. Touka stood gracefully and turned to face them. “Wel—ugh.”

“Ah, please do not be like that, Kirishima-san. I thought we were friends now, no?”

“You’re still a scheming bastard,” she muttered, sitting back down as Tsukiyama, accompanied by Kanae, strode over to their table. “If you’re not buying, you’re not staying. Especially _him_.” She pointed an accusing finger at Kanae.

Kanae laughed. “As if my master and I would buy something from the likes of this peasant-like shack.”

“You wanna go, servant boy?”

“Not anywhere with you, no.”

“Keep it up and I’ll kick your ass, I swear.”

“Oi, shitty Touka, we’re out of milk,” Nishiki called from behind the counter.

Touka glared at Kanae. “I’ll kick your ass as soon as I get more milk,” she grumbled, standing and replacing the chair where it belonged. Hide snickered to himself when she was gone.

“May we sit?” Tsukiyama asked. Kaneki looked up skeptically before looking at Hide and shrugging, as if to say _well, might as well._ Kanae pulled up two chairs to the table and sat with his hands folded in his lap. Hide took a long sip from his coffee. It tasted spectacular, as always.

“How is Hinami-chan doing?” Tsukiyama questioned.

“She’s still living with Touka,” Kaneki answered after a drink from his cup. “I think she’s thinking about school.”

Tsukiyama nodded. “I see. I believe school would suit her.”

“Touka has been giving her lessons recently to help her catch up. She’s catching on pretty fast, from what I hear.”

“Ah, I always knew she was bright.”

Hide smiled into his cup. It really seemed as if everything were alright. For the first time since being turned into a ghoul, he felt completely at ease. He didn’t realize how good of a feeling it was until he didn’t experience it for months.

He would be lying if he said he hadn’t changed, though.

The changes weren’t big. You’d have to spend a good amount of time with him on a daily basis to actually notice, but they were there. He was much more cautious in everything he did—almost a little hesitant. He didn’t know why that was the most prominent outcome of the torture, but it was, and he didn’t like it. It wasn’t him. It wasn’t him at all.

Another thing was water. The sound of a dripping faucet or even the rain was sometimes enough to trigger a wave of anxiety that pooled in his stomach and stayed there for hours on end. He couldn’t stand it. To him, it was like nails on a chalkboard.

He tried to act as though the nightmares didn’t affect him as well. Unfortunately, they did. While they were only occasional, they were like hurricanes, blowing away all the comfort he had built up in one fell swoop and flooding his mind with thoughts of panic and pain and fear. Sometimes he dreamt of being strapped to a table while a small cloaked figure tortured him. Other times he was drowning or even suffocating on air simply while trying to breathe. When they happened, he woke up in a cold sweat, gasping for air as if he were actually dying.

Because of these things, he couldn’t deny that he was slightly more fragile than before. He wasn’t glass, which shattered if it so much as even touched the ground it seemed, but he wasn’t plastic either. He couldn’t bend the way he used to without breaking a bit. He lingered somewhere in between the two, and it bothered him more than he was willing to admit.

Luckily, he had Kaneki.

Kaneki, who had been through the exact same things, immediately noticed when something was troubling him. He would then do everything in his power to make sure Hide felt better, to make him as comfortable and relaxed as possible, and Hide was eternally grateful for that. How he ended up with such an amazing best friend and boyfriend, he had no idea. It only took a few of Kaneki’s kind words and gentle touches to bring him back to reality. If he didn’t have Kaneki, Hide knew he would be much, much worse.

God, he was so thankful for him.

He was so fucking thankful.

“Hide! Are you even listening?”

Hide blinked and attuned back to his surroundings. “Sorry, just got lost in thought,” he said, smiling. Touka, who had come back to the table after restocking the milk, raised her eyebrows at him but said nothing. Kaneki looked at him with a hint of concern on his face.

“I asked if you and Kaneki wanted to stop by my apartment sometime to help teach Hinami literature. I kind of suck at it.”

His smile grew. “Of course! But it’s really Kaneki you should be asking. After all, he _did_ major in Japanese lit in college.” He chuckled. “What were you planning to do with that degree anyways? There’s not really much you can do with a lit degree.”

Kaneki shrugged while taking a sip of his coffee. “I don’t know, really. I just liked it.”

Suddenly, Hide had an epiphany. In his excitement, he slammed his fists on the table, startling the other four who were crowded around it. Kaneki nearly spilled his coffee. “We should install shelving in the apartment—like, a whole lot of it! And then you can buy all your favorite books and fill it up. It could be a goal or something, you know? To fill it all. Wouldn’t that be cool?”

“I have some books you might find of interest, _mon ami_ ,” Tsukiyama said to Kaneki.

Kaneki smiled. “That actually sounds really nice. That might actually be the one good decorating idea you’ve had, Hide.”

“Pssh. My decorating ideas are fantastic, thank you very much.”

“If it helps you sleep at night.”

“Actually, you help me sleep at night.”

“H-Hide!”

“What? It’s true! Not like they don’t know that.”

“Still…”

Touka snorted at their display. Suddenly, she noticed something she hadn’t before. She reached her hand out and took a lock of Kaneki’s hair near the crown of his head between her fingers. He looked at her questioningly. “Your hair…it’s starting to grow black again,” she said quietly.

Tsukiyama raised his eyebrows and leaned closer to get a better look. “It appears she’s correct.” Pulling out a mirror he kept inside his suit jacket, he handed it to Kaneki, who accepted it. Sure enough, when he held it up to his head, Kaneki spotted a few tufts of black hair where his hair grew.

Hide felt nothing short of elation at the fact that Kaneki’s black hair was growing back. His white hair served as a remainder of all the pain and suffering that was engrained into his very being. Even if his black hair grew back, that pain would still be there, but at least he wouldn’t have to be reminded of it every time he looked in the mirror. “That’s great, Kaneki!” he exclaimed.

Kaneki smiled. “I suppose it is.”

* * *

 

Saiko had a lot of ships. She had so many that it if someone asked her to name them all, it would literally be impossible. But, out of all the ships and the hours she’d spent crying and slaving over, there was one that was at the very top.

And that was Hidekane.

From the moment she saw her two superiors, she knew they were destined to be together. And thus, Hidekane was born.

And that was before she caught them kissing in Kaneki’s room in the chateau they all shared.

“The ship has sailed,” she whispered to herself before slowly and quietly closing the door to her Maman’s room.

Two years had passed. Kaneki and Hide were now both First Class investigators and were in charge of mentoring the CCG’s latest experimental group—the Quinx. While they were a handful, Hide loved all four of the kids to death. He even loved Urie, who made it blatant that he detested both he and Kaneki. But that was okay. He was just in his rebellious stage; he would learn to love and appreciate his parents later.

They were all good kids who had the misfortune to be roped into yet another one of the CCG’s attempts to increase its firepower. Why, you may ask, did the CCG need even more weapons even after obtaining what could only be called an army of half-ghoul investigators? Hide had no clue. All he knew was that he and Kaneki were deemed the most appropriate candidates to train these basically half-ghoul recruits.

And so, that was how their family came to be. He and Kaneki were the parents, of course, and _man_ did those kids know how to work their way around them. Or at least him. Hide was no doubt a pushover when it came to the Quinx, although Kaneki was certainly guilty of spoiling them rotten as well. Especially Saiko. They gave Saiko practically anything she wanted, and she got even more when she called Hide “Papa.”

In their little home, Saiko was the shut-in child; no family was complete without one. Mutsuki was deemed the calm and caring one that would always help out with the dishes without even being asked. Shirazu was the delinquent who didn’t actually get into much trouble. And that left Urie, who could only be called the problem child that they loved anyways.

There was also Akira and Arima. Kaneki and Hide both agreed Akira was their mom, no matter how many times she denied it. Arima was more of a dad to Kaneki than Hide, but that was okay. He was just happy Kaneki found someone who loved books as much as he did.

Life was surprisingly good. They had just recently installed shelving in Kaneki’s room in the chateau for all his books—which was a lot. Hide was sure he had spent at least three paychecks on books. After all the shelving they had in their apartment before moving (they had gone through with Hide’s suggestion two years ago), Kaneki couldn’t bear to _not_ bring all of his books.

They were doing very well in their jobs. The training of the half-ghoul investigators had been a little tough at first, and even when they finished their abilities were still a little rough around the edges, but they improved with time. Eventually, their coworkers became accustom to the idea that the people they used to know were now half-ghouls, and they accepted it.

Things had definitely changed.

Upon the suggestion of Hide, who was backed by Arima himself, the research department of the CCG began to try to produce a synthetic meat that ghouls would be able to eat and digest. It’s not like they would have said no, though—feeding a total of thirty-eight half-ghouls with humanely-obtained meat was no easy task. So they began looking into artificial meat, and sure enough, they were making progress. It was expected that the way to make it would be found within the next few months, which was great news. If they could then mass produce the meat and supply it to all of the ghouls in Japan—no, the _world_ —ghouls wouldn’t even be an issue anymore.

Now, that would surely be something.

Hide couldn’t believe they hadn’t thought of the idea before. They were too busy trying to exterminate the ghouls that they didn’t even realize the solution to the human race’s dilemma was before their very eyes. Too stuck in their ways—that was what they all were. What people didn’t realize was that there was always more than one way fix a problem. It was just like math; three plus six equaled nine, but so did four plus five or eight plus one. It was so simple yet so arduous and convoluted for those who chose to make it so.

Well, at least they were making progress.

Hide rubbed the tiredness away from his eyes. He’d been staring at these papers for hours by now, when suddenly, a pair of arms wrapped gently around his shoulders before a head came to rest upon them, and Kaneki began trailing kisses up from Hide’s neck to his jaw before pressing one to his cheek. Hide tilted his head and captured Kaneki’s lips. He couldn’t help but smile into the kiss as Kaneki sighed contently against his mouth. Their lips brushed against each other’s softly. Hide’s heart fluttered even though they had done this so, so many times before.

With each passing day, he fell for Kaneki over and over again. While the newness of their relationship had worn off, he still felt the same he did when he first knew he was in love with his best friend. He still experienced the familiar rush of excitement or happiness when Kaneki himself was excited about something. It made him so incredibly joyful to see the light back in Kaneki’s eyes, to see him express himself more freely. He was still reserved towards those he didn’t know, but to Hide, he was an open book, and that was a fact Hide greatly reveled.

“How was lunch?” Hide asked when they broke apart.

Kaneki moved to pull up a chair next to Hide’s own at his desk. “It was nice. Amon and I discussed the information we’ve gathered about the Nutcracker so far. He accidentally ordered spicy curry instead of mild and ended up drinking two and a half glasses of water.”

Hide chuckled. “Nuts is really giving us a run for our money. She’s pretty elusive, that’s for sure. I’m not complaining, though—I like my nuts intact.”

Kaneki gave a small laugh. “Akira-san asked us to come in and report on the squad tomorrow at noon. You have the papers, right?”

“Yep!” Hide shuffled through the pile of paperwork on his desk before grandly handing Kaneki the monthly report on the four Quinx. Kaneki scanned it quickly before folding it and tucking it in his pocket. “It’s kind of funny,” Hide said, making him turn his head. “We started out as the ones being reported on. Now, we’re the ones doing the reporting.”

“We’ve come a pretty long way. This isn’t what I envisioned myself doing when I was young, but…” Kaneki trailed off and smiled wistfully. “It’s grown on me. I don’t mind it so much anymore. Even the paperwork’s not as bad as when we first started.”

Hide gave him an _are you being serious right now_ look. “They must have brainwashed you or something, Kaneki, because the paperwork is definitely _not_ better than it was when we started. There’s so much of it sometimes I feel like I could cry. But I have to be strong for the kids—they can’t see their big strong dad break down over a pile of dead trees.”

Kaneki gave him his own _really?_ look. “Saiko cries over fictional characters, Hide, and I’ve seen Shirazu shed a few tears when he dropped the last piece of cake in the fridge. I’m sure they wouldn’t judge you in the slightest.”

“Hmm, maybe. You _do_ have a random banana poster in your room and they still respect you, so I suppose that could prove your point,” Hide replied with a sly grin.

“It helps me think of puns,” he mumbled, and Hide laughed.

“Whatever you say, buddy, whatever you say.”

* * *

 

Hide enjoyed most of his day, but his favorite part (when he wasn’t doing… _things_ with Kaneki) was dinner.

With Kaneki’s help, he had become quite proficient at cooking. Kaneki was unsurprisingly skilled at it; after all, he spent nearly eight years cooking for himself, as his aunt blatantly refused to feed him when she was in a sour mood. Hide knew at least this much about Kaneki’s time living with his aunt, though to what extent her cruelty reached, he was uncertain. He would never ask Kaneki to elaborate on it.

That day’s dinner was Yasai Itame, or stir-fry vegetables. It was great because they could literally throw any vegetables they had in the fridge into a pan, add some pork, stir it for a bit, drizzle some soy sauce on it and _bam!_ Delicious meal. Well, to everyone but Hide and Kaneki, that is.

“Thank you for the meal,” Mutsuki, as he always did, said quietly before eating. He was the only one who bothered anymore—the others were too used to digging into whatever their two mentors had whipped up to remember.

Hide watched with a fond look on his face as his squad members ate. Man, he could really have gone for a burger then. He idly wondered if Big Girl were still open. It had to be; it was a pretty popular place. Maybe he would take them there sometime and see what they thought of it.

“Hide and I going to a meeting with Akira at noon tomorrow, so don’t goof off in the office while we’re gone,” Kaneki stated. “Urie, make sure they’re all on task.”

Urie, who, for once, had removed his headphones, grunted in response. “Yeah, fine.”

Kaneki nodded and smiled at him. “Thank you. Saiko, you have to come in tomorrow. If you’re not there when one of our superiors drops by agai—“

“Mamaaaannn,” Saiko groaned. “Please can I stay home, pleeaasssee? I’m so close to beating this game I’m playing and I really want to win already!”

“I gotcha, Kane-san,” Shirazu said, grinning. “I’ll get her up.”

Kaneki sighed, his smile becoming a tad weary. “I’ll leave it to you, then.”

The conversations were diverted from work after that. Hide began chatting with Shirazu about random things. They roped Mutsuki into a conversation about musical instruments and if they had ever played any, to which he commented that he played the clarinet when he was younger. For some reason, that seemed to fit him.

“You know what I always wanted to play? The cello. That thing is fucking amazing,” Shirazu said as he stuffed his mouth with pork. “I’ve only ever played electric guitar.”

Hide tried to imagine Shirazu dressed in a tuxedo playing the cello in an orchestral concert and snickered, his grin so wide it threatened to split his face. The idea of it was so preposterous it was downright hilarious.

“What?” Shirazu questioned.

He waved his hand dismissively. “Nothing, nothing,” he replied, trying to stifle his laughter. Mutsuki chuckled quietly.

It was the smaller things in life that made Hide happy. He enjoyed doing random acts of kindness for people and hoping they did the same. He liked watching a good movie or reading an interesting book. He appreciated a nice cup of coffee. He savored the moments he got with those close to him, no matter how they were spent. Dinner with his squad was one of these things little things that made him thankful for life and all that was in it.

Man, life was a wonderful thing.

“All done?” Kaneki inquired, seeing that all the plates were clean. Everyone nodded. Kaneki, Hide, and Mutsuki began to clear the table and take the dishes to the sink, where they washed and dried them. Once they were finished, Mutsuki wished them goodnight and retired to his room, claiming he was going to finish up some paperwork he hadn’t that day.

Kaneki and Hide made their way to Hide’s room, where they sat in comfortable silence on his bed as Kaneki read a book and Hide played a game on his phone to pass the time. “Hey, Hide,” Kaneki suddenly spoke. Hide looked up. Seeing that Kaneki had set his book down, he locked his phone and put it on the bedside table. “Are you happy?”

“Am I happy?” Hide echoed, somewhat taken aback.

“I don’t know, it was a stupid question. Sor—“

“Kaneki.”

Kaneki looked at him nervously, a look Hide wasn’t accustomed to anymore. It was almost shockingly like his old self. He took a deep breath and began.

“I’ve never been happier in my life. I love every single second I spend with you and the kids and everyone at Re and anyone else I know. When I wake up, I can’t wait to start the day. I can’t wait to make breakfast for the squad and go to work and tease Akira-san, even if she is our superior. I can’t wait to see you smile because it’s one of my favorite things in the entire world. I love going to Re and talking to Touka and Hinami and even Nishio because that makes me happy, too.”

He continued, “You know, someone once told me that you can’t make homes out of people, but I beg to differ. They say at home is where you’re happiest. If that’s true, then you should know that you’re my home, Kaneki. You embody all of my memories. You’re the place I want to return to. I get this feeling like homesickness when I’m not with you.” Hide chuckled quietly. “If that doesn’t make you my home, I don’t know what would. So yes, Kaneki, I am very, very, happy, and don’t ever trick yourself into thinking I’m not.”

Kaneki’s mouth hung slightly open, moving up and down to try to form the words that were stuck to his tongue. “Hide…” he finally managed. Hide smiled softly at him and pulled him into an embrace. Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes as Kaneki hugged back, burying his face in the crook of Hide’s neck. “Thank you,” he whispered. “You’ve given me so much, Hide, and I just…I’m so thankful for you.”

Hide nudged Kaneki’s head. Kaneki looked up, a few tears rolling down his cheeks. Hide gently brushed them away with the back of his hand before bringing their lips together in a slow, long, deep kiss. Out of everything in his life that made him happy, it was moments like these that made him the happiest. It was moments like these that made him feel as if he were about to burst with joy and love and every other positive emotion he’d ever felt.

It was moments like these he wished could last forever.

They broke apart and stared thoughtfully into each other’s eyes before Hide scooted over and made room for Kaneki next to him at the top of the bed. Another silence filled the room for a moment before Kaneki spoke.

“Have you ever heard of the word ‘hiraeth’?” he asked, staring up at the ceiling. Hide shook his head no next to him. “I read it once in a book. It means a homesickness for a home you can’t return to.”

“That’s a pretty sucky word.”

Kaneki chuckled. “Yeah, I guess so. When all of this started, that was what I felt. I knew my life would never go back to normal. It was almost painful how badly I wanted to eat a hamburger with you. All the things in life I had taken for granted, all the normalcy—I immediately regretted not treasuring it. And then everything else happened and I didn’t even have myself anymore. All I knew was pain, and I didn’t do anything unless it helped me achieve my goal. I forgot about that feeling of longing to return back to normal.

“And then you came back into my life, and that feeling came back in full force. I felt like I began to realize what it was I had become. It was…extremely difficult to accept that you might end up like me. Alone. Distorted. I thought I didn’t want that for you, but really, I didn’t want it for myself. The selfish part of me refused to let go of your old human-self, because that was the one thing that kept me grounded to the human world. I didn’t want that tie to be severed. I didn’t want to be isolated in the cruel world of ghouls for the rest of my life.

“…But you didn’t change, Hide. You didn’t end up like me, and I’m so very thankful for that. And it’s not selfishness talking, either. I ended that after you and Touka talked some sense into me. Even if you went through some of the same things as me, I’m glad that you came out alright in the end. I don’t want anything like that to ever happen to you again. You shouldn’t have to endure that.”

“Neither of us should have,” Hide sighed.

“Yeah,” Kaneki agreed. “We were just stupid college students who ate way too many burgers and played way too many video games.”

A grin spread across Hide’s face. “Got that right.”

Kaneki smiled, exhaling softly before speaking once more. “I don’t feel it anymore, Hide. Hiraeth, I mean.”

Hide’s grin softened into a small smile as he gently ran his fingers through Kaneki’s almost fully-black hair. “Me neither, Kaneki. Me neither.”

_fin_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone has enjoyed this fic! here's how you can get in touch with me for whatever reason:  
> ff.net: Aeliia  
> tumblr: memesbeforedark/sunshineboyhide
> 
> once again, I'm so happy about the positive responses this fic got. a big thanks to everyone who reviewed, especially my regulars! you guys kept me excited and motivated to get the next chapter out. thank you to everyone who left kudos, and thank you to anyone who just read this fic. in short...
> 
> thanks for reading :)


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